Music Of The Weak: Sometimes It’s Important To Dive Into The iTunes Top 10 And Say, “Look, I’m Down Here With The Rest Of You!”

T.I. feat. Rihanna – “Live Your Life”

A great deal of T.I.’s appeal lies in his ability to walk the line between man-of-the-people and batshit eccentric, and “Live Your Life” cobbles both of his strengths into a genuinely genius pop song.  The genius lies in the formula:  the batshit is the opening, where something close to a yodel quickly transforms into Rihanna’s vocodered dulcet tones; the man-of-the-people tip comes with the “hey”s and “ho”s, the familiar trunk-rattling bounce that defines most of T.I.’s best work, and in his everyman rhyme delivery; then they build it into a pop anthem by giving it an uplifting theme and driving it toward stadium-filling catchiness.  The same formula prevents it from being a truly great pop song, but, hey, you have to admire his business acumen—there’s little question as to why “Live Your Life” is living at number one on the iTunes charts right now.

Britney Spears – “Womanizer” 

Also no stranger to the canny stride toward chart domination, Britney Spears pulls a calculated jack move of Christina Aguilara’s “Keeps Getting Better” single—speeding up the rhythm and sounding a bit like Kylie Minogue on the vocals.  The cumulative effect isn’t so bad, but “Womanizer” is such a strange and clunky word to base a song around, it seems like there should be a deep-rooted metaphor for global warming or something buried in there. 

P!nk – “So What”

The theme here is that it takes a special kind of genius to lock down the iTunes sales charts.  In P!nk’s case, that genius takes the form of writing a song in the style of a bratty reality-TV confessional, not-so-subtly winking at the fact that she knows the song is no good, and then boldly shilling it anyway. 

Kevin Rudolf feat. Lil’ Wayne – “Let It Rock”

Okay, but, Kevin, you know this song doesn’t actually rock, right?  It seems a little silly to be handing out advice that you can’t follow yourself.  Lil’ Wayne’s guest rhyme is so bad, he comes back to do another one.  “I’m back like I forgot something,” he says.  You did, dude.  You forgot to rock.  Pay attention. 

T.I. – “Whatever You Like”

T.I.’s version of LL Cool J’s “I Need Love”—except not so, you know, desperate.  Somehow, T.I. has a knack for writing well-constructed but bland songs and still being someone you can totally root for.  You can’t bottle that shit. 

On a side note, why do all of T.I.’s songs have almost the same name?  “Whatever You Like,” “Live Your Life,” “No Matter What,” “You Know Who,” “What You Know.” 

Katy Perry – “Hot N Cold”

This song begins “You change your mind like a girl changes coats.”  Katy Perry seems intent on single-handedly pushing gender relations back 80 years.  In that respect, “Hot N Cold” is a better song than “I Kissed A Girl,” but not as good as “Ur So Gay.” 

Christina Aguilara – “Keeps Getting’ Better”

Christina Aguilara keeps promoting her new album as “The Sound of The Future.”  Apparently, the future sounds like a lost Pussycat Dolls track. 

Nickelback – “Gotta Be Somebody”

Now that Foo Fighters are retired, Nickelback are the biggest band in the world. 

That is not a joke, it’s a fact. 

Taylor Swift – “Love Story”

There are thousands of people who think that this is country music because of the banjo. 

Rihanna – “Disturbia”

These days, when you register as a pop star, they hand you a copy of Goldfrapp’s “Strict Machine” and your very own “Bum de bah dum”s.  What you do with them is up to you.

-Martin Brown, 2008

Comments

[Squidhelmet]

That TI opening is from the excellent viral video Numa Numa! (By referencing a hugely famous youtube video he is once again proving himself a man of the people)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60og9gwKh1o

[Marty]

Of course! Boy did I fail that game of spot the pop-culture reference.

[Kenny]

Every time I get fed up with commercial rap, T.I. drops an album and makes me a hypocrite. I think you're right about his appeal, but I also think T.I. is the absolute best rapper in the world at picking out beats that suit his flow and changing his flow to fit those beats just enough so it fits but still sounds like a T.I. song.

Really, the only comment I can make is how is the supremely awesome "Swagger Like Us" not a top 10 download on iTunes. People are stupid....