Television Of The Weak: I'd Rather Watch Television Than Eat Feces, But Danke For The Recs

This week, it's all about Venture Brothers, Mad Men, Dexter & Sons of Anarchy.

The Venture Brothers - "Perchance to Dean" by Matthew J. Brady 

While it's always good fun to see the limitless crazy possibilities in the vast world of The Venture Brothers, some incredibly funny episodes (like last season's "What Goes Down, Must Come Up") have resulted when just sticking around the Venture compound and seeing the main characters bounce off each other, demonstrating the fucked-up nature of their familial relationships and the sordid past that led there. And that's what we get here, with a simple, down-home bit of father-son(s) bonding, as Dr. Venture schools Dean in his inspirations for super-science (progressive rock!) and gets increasingly testy with Hank's "sass" ("You should have thought of that before you called your father the president of the United States of Boogers!"), while a deformed, rejected Dean clone hides in the attic and dreams of being accepted by his father. It's one of those morbid plots that's pretty awful if you stop to consider it (he's building a suit from the skin of other Dean clones to make himself look less hideous, and he's constantly tormented by visions of Dr. Venture ridiculing and belittling him, which aren't that far from the way he treats his "real" sons), but the pacing of the show never stops to allow you to consider it, somehow making the nastiness hilarious.

And, as these things often go, a series of smaller events start to snowball: Hank, spurred on by Brock's bastard son Dermott, rebels by cruising around in the family car instead of washing it, and ends up running over one of the salvaged Dean clones, making him think he killed his brother; meanwhile, a delivery man becomes convinced that the compound is housing a cult, and has the local cops prepare for a Waco-style raid; Dean, inspired by Pink Floyd, attempts some experiments with his growing body hair, and thinks that he's created a monster when the clone comes after him. It all leads to a madcap, chase-filled finale that's punctuated by great character moments like Dermott's obviously falsified bragging (he can't fly the Ventures' jet because his pilot's license is only rated for a single-engine craft) or Sgt. Hatred getting upset that somebody tracked mud all over the clean floor. And the lines! "Hank, leave the man alone. Just because he's black doesn't mean he has the 'Shining'." "I've been buried alive five, maybe six times in my life; this was worse!" "Oh my god, it's side two of Dark Side of the Moon! He's in a Floyd hole!" God, this show is so fucking funny. But it's all rooted in character; these weirdos aren't just joke-delivery mechanisms, they feel like real people, and the humor stems from they way they react to their situations exactly as we would expect them to, since we feel like we know them. That's what gets me about this, and makes me want to rewatch episodes so I can catch the little details, funny facial expressions, and hilarious dialogue. As long as the creators want to keep telling the tales of the most fucked-up family in animation (suck it, American Dad!), I'll be watching.

Mad Men - "The Grown Ups" by Sean Witzke

"I say we hang Lee Oswalt and then we take care of Texas. Hell the whole south!"

Opening shot, with Pete Campbell sleeping in the fetal position and being woken up in his freezing office. The heat is out in the office, and Jared Harris tells Campbell that Ken Cosgrove is getting his job over him, even though he's getting a title-only promotion. Cosgrove, who's barely been on the show this season, is a golden boy who works magic on clients. Campbell is a hateful prick with zero social skills who works on a lizard brain capitalist pig level. Campbell's wife is now on that show Community, where she plays a teen who dropped out of school because she got hooked on diet pills. She's a perfectionist and even more awful and worthless on that show than she is here. And here she's capitalist wife/stick figure.

Roger Sterling's daughter is getting married or something and wah wah. Her mom's smart though, saying "just because she went to india doesn't mean she's not an idiot" about Rogers new young wife. Sterling is an asshole at home, I guess we should learn something from that. I guess the daughter is going to India? Sterling's ex-wife and him are great together still, even on the phone. The new hot wife is heading over to piss off his daughter by seeing her, hates that Sterling bosses her around. Even though she married her boss? Kind of easy to see that one coming, trixie.

Betty wakes up to the baby crying, as she has many times over the latter half of the season, and she finds Don Draper sitting with the kid. She says she thought he already went into work. The implication being that if Don's not out fucking Hippy Teacher at four in the morning, he's more available as a father. Peggy gets a phone call from Duck Phillips who thinks that a Monte Christo sandwich is a turn-on. Ick. Fat guy in glasses and Campbell talk shop, simply so they can have a tv on in the background.

Don and Jared Harris argue over him having to fire Salvatore Romano, and that he's now got a huge problem because there's no one to run the art department. It's hot in their office. Huh, I wonder if that means anything. Oh, they shot Kennedy. Finally. Foreshadow much, you fucks? Then Duck Phillips pulls the cable out of the wall so he can screw a scientologist in a smoky hotel room. They are actually really smart about showing it, using newsreaders talking about unconfirmed interviews with the priests who ministered last rites to Kennedy, not showing footage, Cronkite pulling his glasses off to look at the camera. Don walking into the office and not being able to get an answer as to what's going on, then heading home. The kids watching eyewitness reports. Tell don't show, that's smart.

Don tells Betty "take a pill and lie down, I'll handle the kids". Don tells his kids that everything's gonna be okay. And that everyone's gonna be sad for a little bit. The pragmatism of Don Draper is amazing, that's what's worth loving about Draper. (Also, "hot".) Then he goes and steals one of Betty's sleeping pills. (Also, "drugs".) The idea that Don is a mess underneath is visible here, but instead of the inner darkness, it's held-back tension, it's a Don Draper scared about something other than being exposed and it's weird. It's wrong, it's uncomfortable. Damn, Mad Men. Way to use national tragedy to make Don Draper uneasy. Seriously, the first mass-media snow day is an interesting tool here - this is the first time it happened so people really don't know how to act. It's not the same thing as 9/11 or the Challenger. (Also, "relevant".)

Campbell's idiot wife actually says the obvious that "it's the president for God's sake", on people reacting that Kennedy had a lot of enemies. The heartless social robot couple are offended at people's callousness. Are you fucking kidding me? Next week Campbell will quit, they're gonna position this as his pivot moment. The wedding still happens, even though it's a day later and no one shows up. (Except Draper and half the office, who go out of obligation.) Burt Cooper and Sterling's new wife are in the kitchen watching the news, Burt Cooper and his weird objectivist outlook still has time to watch the new, and to hit on his partner's wife. Don and Betty dance, Don tells Betty everythings gonna be fine. Neither of them seem too sure about it. The mayor's aide dude is there. Betty blows him off, as Don and Betty are now firmly entrenched in their relationship. Turns out infidelity and lies upon lies really cement a relationship after it all comes out. Oh wait it hasn't yet. But still, they seem to be completely in love with each other in light of last weeks soul-bearing.

Sterling carries his drunk wife home like an old carpet, she says "he was so handsome". Sterling calls Joan Holloway, all they say about Kennedy is "incredible isn't it". Sterling says "nobody else is saying the right thing about this" and then proceeds to not say anything. The two of them with this weird semi-platonic relationship, I'm really starting to like that.

They do show Jack Ruby shooting Oswalt. That's smart. That's really really smart. Betty Draper kind of freaks out, Don Draper doesn't believe it's happening. He's kind of terrified at this whole thing, you can see it in his face. They show it again in slo-mo too. The Campbells find it appalling, dressed in their goddamn sweaters. Pete's wife is actually thinking about him skipping the agency with his clients.

Oh wait, Betty goes to see Mayor's Aide and tells him that "I don't care he's been lying to me for years I had to get out of that house". Betty can't stand Don, she was putting on a show for the wedding crowd. Betty and this guy might end up together, and we learn that Betty's favorite movie is Singing in the Rain. Yeah, then she's totally a sociopath. That's a sociopath movie, lest we forget. Yeah, maybe we'll finally get Betty killing Don Draper and the kids in S4, smash cut to house on fire, credits. Betty finally talks to Don, she's mad at him, she's even more mad at him for trying to fix their life. Don wants everything to work, Betty doesn't care about him anymore. At all. It's a reversal, showing Betty for the pragmatist and Don as emotional wreck, weeping alone in his dark bedroom. The next morning Betty refuses to speak to him, and he goes to work in a dark office where only Peggy sits typing. Because L Ron Hubbard didn't cry over Kennedy thats for goddamn sure. Don's there because the bars are closed. Work is his home once again. Didn't see that coming.

Well at least they can't rely on the Kennedy crutch in the finale.

Dexter - "If I Had A Hammer" by Nina Stone

Dexter. I love Dexter. We always talk about the fact that Michael C. Hall carries the show. And it's true, so many other parts of it not only make me cringe, but make me want to turn the TV off. So, this is a testament to how great Hall is, because my desire to see him in all his Dexter-by-dayness or in his true-self-by-night keeps me seated in front of the television, when I would much rather be in the bed, fucking.

The main things I hate about the show? Angel & LaGuerta's affair. I DON'T CARE. I don't believe there is a person on Earth who cares. I can't believe they're doing that and that we've got her saying things like "take care of your personal life" to Dexter. Wasn't it she, in the first season, who completely set up and fucked over the woman she proceeded by getting wrapped up in her personal life? Wasn't she all about the job? So, no, I don't buy that she's in love and a changed woman. As a matter of fact, my reaction to seeing the two of them act remotely sexual together is uncannily similar to my reaction when as an 8-year-old, post-sex-talk I incredulously asked my mother, "you did that THREE times?!"

I also cannot stand Rita. Oh my God. By herself, the character is loathsome, but I'm beginning to think the actress is as well. I don't even want to waste any time typing about her breathy, weak performance. Let's just move on. (I doubt I will ever watch "Rambo", but according to someone who I know in the Biblical sense, she also delivers a terrible performance in that.)

I love John Lithgow, although I've found every one of his "Trinity" murders so upsetting and hard to watch that I did the whole close-eyes and lean-into-couch-arm thing when they happened. I had to do it for a long time, because the guy I live with with kept rewinding the hammer murder and saying "do you see how easy that is to do? do you? do you see how easy that is, killing somebody with a hammer? i have a hammer in the closet. do you see? this is mrs. leeds in human form. do you see? this is mrs. leeds changing. do you see?" 

Oh, and I loved the part when Dexter stood in Lithgow's house, waiting for him with the opened urn. I understood why Dextor did that, but why did he do it like that? It makes no sense for anyone to remove the top of an urn and then just pick it up and hold onto it, presenting it like that. Right? Ah, who cares, it's always fun to watch Dexter push the envelope. And push it he did! (It also seems problematic that Dexter has shown himself and spoken to Lithgow's son so freely. When he eventually kills Trinity--which he of course will, since Trinity shot Dexter's sister--won't the son's memory of the odd loner who just met his dad come up?)

What else? (There's other stuff, obviously I'm not just using Michael C. Hall as a visual aphrodisiac so that I can "get it up" for the sake of my spindly husband's marital advances. That would never happen.) I love the writing when it comes to Dexter and his inner monologue clashing with his outer circumstances. Like when he's investigating Trinity's latest kill -- the way he's actually doing personal research, but somehow manages to cover it up with work. Fascinating. And Deb! I used to hate Deb. But man, that girl can act. When she cries, she CRIES. And it's not just tears. She sobs, and the sobs fit the circumstance. She doesn't cry the same way every time. She, the actress, just has that ability to tap into that raw, vulnerable place inside herself on command. Truly amazing to watch, even when the lines aren't that great. She goes for it, every time.

I could go on and on about this show. I love most of it. But I have to get in bed.

Sons of Anarchy - "Fa Guan" By Tucker Stone

I was pretty hard on the show last week, but hey, that's because it wasn't very fucking good. This week--well. That's not exactly the case. Point of fact, this was the best episode of the second season thus far, and while there's been scant evidence so far as to whether the first season is worth tracking down, a couple more like this...actually, no. That probably won't happen unless the first season had a bunch of Gundam Wings. They didn't, right?

The biggest problems this show has are Jax the character, the actor who plays Jax, and the dumb shit that said actor who plays Jax has to say to keep the plot moving. (Example: "I'm going nomad." How Batman Begins Detective was able to keep from giggling when he spat that out--god knows.) But in this episode, Jax not only didn't screw much up, he actually--jesus, I can't believe I'm typing this--did okay. He wasn't great, nobody's clearing a mantle and spreading thighs over here at Chez Don't Like Guy for this turkey next Tuesday, but yep, watching him cock and hand over his gun to Ron Perlman for a bit of the old "splatter me brains" challenge--pretty satisfying shit. (Obviously, Ron didn't shoot him, Sons is still mistakingly hanging their hopes on the shoulders of the guy least qualified for the job, but oh my. Nice scene!) From there on, the show was pretty much one thing, and that thing--no surprises, I'm clearly rocking a high-test crush--was Opie. From the brief, heartbreaking scene where he and his new jackshack squeeze shared a kiss to the unsettling sight of him shoving a handgun into the mouth of a screaming college student, the guy managed, once again, to redeem every aspect of this particular show. (Not the easiest feat, when you consider they're layering the "Biker Hamlet" aspect so heavily that the episode opened with Ron Perlman referring to Jax as "little Prince". We got it, guys. He's his uncle/stepfather. Son wants his kingdom. Thanks.) Opie's lines aren't that much stronger than anybody else's, his main scene partners are Jax or the girl who was forced to suck the barrel of a loaded gun by Vic Mackie, but Opie's performance of those lines--the heavy weariness with which he enacts the pointless juvenility of a "first kiss" with a hardened cokehead porn star, the contempt that spins out into grief and humiliation during the torture sequence--this is grade A stuff for B-grade product. (Hell, the guy shows nothing more than his eyes while shooting and beating the college kid, and yet it's never in question exactly what he's feeling, what he's thinking.)

But enough about the guy. He makes the show for me, but it's also nice to see the rest of the show hold together around him for a week. And while it's odd to watch the man responsible for all this "go kill or rape some more of our female characters" deliver the emotional climax to last week's beat-porno-star-with-bat murder, it's a nice change-up for Sons creator Kurt Sutter to not be obsessing about human feet the way he did whenever he cameo'd on The Shield. And while Skinner/Shocker/Darby probably deserved a better death than the offscreen beating and burning he received, it's also sort of pleasant that the show left a bit up to the imagination--god knows it would be nice if Jax's girlfriend showed up as often as Maris Crane--and honestly, Breaking Bad notwithstanding, meth cooking isn't a job anybody has for the long term, especially when they hit first name basis with the local Nazi party. Wait, I think I just complimented this show for doing something realistically? That wasn't what I intended at all.

-Matthew J. Brady, Sean Witzke, Nina & Tucker Stone, 2009

Comments

[seth hurley]

So I guess we are all ruminating on Nina & Spindly Stone's praying mantis-like marital life then?

[Chris Jones]

You know, it's weird. I've never been more involved in the actual story of Venture Bros., but at the same time I don't think it's nearly as funny as it used to be.

[Lee]

The idea that Don is a mess underneath is visible here, but instead of the inner darkness, it's held-back tension, it's a Don Draper scared about something other than being exposed and it's weird. It's wrong, it's uncomfortable. Damn, Mad Men. Way to use national tragedy to make Don Draper uneasy.

Please don't tell me that you're one of those who worship Don Draper as some god to masculinity? The guy is garbage. Period.

[Sean Witzke]

Oh yeah thats totally what I do. I beat off to pictures of him instead of all that gay porn I used to watch until this show came on.