Romancing The Stone: The Sword Is Mightier Than My Pen.

It has been a while since that fateful plane ride. (Little over a month, actually.) I've been feeling a little gun shy.

The Sword # 7-9
By The Luna Brothers
Published by Image Comics

I grabbed the second volume of The Sword, "Water", and headed out the door. I figured it would be the perfect train read, to work and back. As I prepared to dive back in with Dara and her crew, I realized how excited I was. Is this what it's like to be a comic book fan? I kept glancing around the subway car thinking to myself that there was no way anyone on there who was going to enjoy their ride as much as me. I felt giddy. I grabbed my seat, put The Sword on my lap and began.

It felt a little awkward. Was this...expectation? It was. I had some serious expectations. I tried to keep them in check. I've seen what happens to people when they expect too much out of comics.

And you know something? The second volume started out a little slow. Well--slow? Lots of talking, that's a better way to put it. (I did like that there was no manga/harry potter-style recap spat out of the mouths of the character. Jeez, remember me, right? I'm usually Mrs. Recap Page!) The story went on, I remembered that we were now post-myth/backstory. Dara has now heard all the stories her father has told his class, she's realized who she's going after, and now her and her friends are deciding on "where to go" and "what to do".

And yep, that means talking, and lots of it. No crazy blood, no shocking guts. So Dara flashed back to her sister getting killed, maybe because she was bored with talking too. I looked at the picture thinking, "Did they show her intestines sliced in half and shooting out of her body when she died? Or is this an elaboration?" And if it's an elaboration, is it Dara's, or is it the creators?

It's pretty awesome either way.

The musketeers decide to head down to the Bahamas to find Zakros--he's the one who killed Dara's sister. Musketeer Justin had remembered that Zakros always liked to hang out in the Bahamas, so everybody grabs a bus and motor boat ride down to Nassau. Dara disguises the sword by carrying it around in a guitar case--which means, of course, that there's a scene where her new friends want to hear all about their band, they want them to play a song, they ask too many questions, you know how those scenes go. And then they get recognized from all the news stories! But wait, gets better. Just as it seems like bad shit may happen - badder shit happens. There's another motor boat! It's full of pirates! They pull up and try to boat jack! What happens?

No. It isn't as crazy-creepy-cool as the slash-kills in the first volume. But it was still pretty cool. I like to pretend the guy on the far left is being sucked into a whirlpool!

OH! Wanna know what was crazy-creepy-co....okay just crazy-creepy? It seems that Zakros and his evil sister were once luuuuuuuuuuvers. Lovers under the covers! Yeah! And he totally wants her back. And she's all like, uh-uh! No more panty candy for siblings! And so we watch him attempt to make the moves on some ladies, end up with a prostitute and then slice her head off with some red wine. (He has power over water/liquids, etc. Wait, not etc. Liquids. That covers it.)

I hate this guy, but I kind of love how hilarious and pathetic he is. What a baby. You'd think somebody as old as him wouldn't be such a big whiner, but he acts like a seven-year-old who got clothes for Christmas.

So, okay, I'm into this again. I don't know what's gonna happen next, I want to know, and suddenly Dara and her friends are in a cafe, and she gets up to go to the bathroom and is spotted by Zakros. Holy shit! That would never happen if it wasn't a story, but I'm kind of glad it did. I'll sacrifice believability if it means not having to read a detective story about the musketeers wandering around Nassau. Zakros makes a frantic call to his sister and brother, and then he throws all caution to the wind and goes in the bathroom after Dara. There's some chick who is all, "ExCUSE me! This is the LADies room!"

Sister, you should have let this one go.

After Zakros finishes off little miss standards, he moves on to messing with Dara. (She doesn't have the sword on her, because she was just going to the bathroom.) So he starts torturing her with her own tears, and then he rips open her stomach with a gigantic icicle. It's crazy!

Her friends recognized whats-his-face as he went into the bathroom (from a sketch Dara made of him), and they try to go help her. But when they touch the door, it's ice cold...

Oh! My train stop. Damn! I had to close the book there. I wanted to peek, but I didn't want to try and walk and read. I'd either miss something important or fall down a sidewalk grate. No big deal. I can be patient. I teach small children, I know all about patience. I put it away knowing full well I'd get to read the rest on the way home.

And then....you know what happened? I was on the train when I realized I LEFT THE SWORD IN THE CLOSET IN MY CLASSROOM.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!

Well, yes, actually. The long "no" is intended to help you understand how upset this made me.

So that's it for tonight. That's all I can say right now. I was tempted to tell my husband to go buy me another copy. But, you know, that's just crazy. The Sword makes me feel like a crazy fan-girl. But I can be a grown-up, right? Patience. I can be patient.

Let's see...why don't we just draw a parallel here to being on a date with a doctor who was on call. Even if the date is great, if he gets called away, he gets called away. I guess it's always good to "leave 'em wanting more." 

People, I want more. No messing around. I want a lot more.

-Nina Stone, 2010

Comments

[Dan]

I picked these up after reading your first review, and totally dug them. I can't say it's the kind of thing I'd want to read multiple times, like lots of stuff I have, but - at any given moment, I just freaking HAD to know what happens next. I couldn't wait. Unfortunately, I don't think vol. 4 (presumably the final volume) will be published for months. So, I guess I'm waiting...

[Jordan]

BUT volume 21 out of 24 just came out, so if you want to go with the single issues, we're almost done! And it's getting CRAZY.

[Kenny Cather]

Single issues...*shudder*.... ^_^

Nina, I'm sorry I was too busy to comment last week. The book looked stupid to me anyway, so I wasn't surprised you didn't enjoy it. I'm also very glad to see you're enjoying the Sword! It's fun to find a guilty pleasure! Totally not comics, but I'm feeling the same way right now with Dennis Lehane's Kenzie/Gennaro series. Each book is just soooo much fun and I can't wait to fly through each one!