The Return of The Virgin Read

A note from The Powers That Be:

Nina is a bit irritated that a kibosh was thrown down on any new title for her columns that featured the word "rape" in them, even after it was explained how creepy your google results get when you start tossing that one repeatedly into the can. The title "Virgin Read" may have lost a bit of its accuracy--as has been pointed out before by, you know, those people--but it's still got a bit of accuracy that should be obvious, and so it has made a return.

And with that, here's this, and her.

Okay, so I think my husband picked this as my comic this week because he thought I’d find it sweet.  

Sure. I guess it’s sweet.

But for the most part?

I found it stressful.

Now, look - I am not going to be talking shit about this comic. That is not what is about to happen. I’ve got nothing bad to say about it. I am just going to tell you what my honest response was to it. My reaction. It isn't a reaction to the art, and it isn't to the method of storytelling used. My reaction is about one thing, and one thing only: reading about the planning of wedding.

See, I’m a girl. A married girl. I lived through this already. And I lived through it in New York City, which is where I believe this comic takes place.

Everything in Scenes is so close to what actually happens that I couldn’t find it funny or nostalgic at all. (Hey, we’re just coming up on our 3 year anniversary, and this still wasn't some kind of happy skip down memory lane. It just reminded me of that entire year of stress that went into planning the wedding - from the guest list to the music to a million other things I don't feel like revisiting.  

There were a few specific things that were just too similar to our experience that it became impossible for me to get any distance. Like:

1. The whole guest list thing. Especially the part where my parent’s list was 3 times as long as me and my (then) fiancee’s list put together. That happened to us, it happened to this couple and it was a totally real thing that drove me crazy. (And sometimes still makes me mad!) 
2. The invitation. Unlike the book, we didn’t have the whole thing about designing our own invitations happen, but we did have a whole thing go on with finding save-the-dates and then creating our own.  And then most of them never being sent. (See....I’m still kind of angry. It’s not good for me to be revisiting any of this! It’s done! That shit is OVER! We are blissfully MARRIED!)
3. D.J. - We had a band, not a DJ. But these two kept getting DJs that would include “Love Shack” on their samples. Our most-annoyingly-overused-song-on-wedding-band-sample-CD was “Dancing in September.” (I know! Right?!)
4. OH - that one part where he says, “Did you see what those idiots did to my suit?!” Dude - ask my friend Tucker Stone about his suit on his wedding day. Ask him. It was so bad that he kept it from me until the Honeymoon. And I still cried, even though he and his friends fixed it!
5. And craziest of crazy coincidences - we too were starving when we got back to our suite. We too tried to order room service and couldn’t get any. WE, TOO, ORDERED BURGERS AND FRIES FROM A 24 HOUR DINER AND SAT ON THE FLOOR EATING THEM IN OUR WEDDING ATTIRE. (See, now I’m actually just angry because I’m a bit of a brat and I’m all like, “that’s OUR memory! Not YOURS! I can be such a 4 year old sometimes.)

So, that’s my deal with this. It sort of tired me out because it brought it all back to me. If you’re not married yet, this is a totally cute thing to read and see the comedy in being part of a couple who is planning a wedding. If you are married, and you’ve been married for a while, it might be fun for the two of you to read this together and laugh nostalgically at over how cute the two of you were back in those pre-wedding days.

But perhaps you’re in the situation that I’m in, where you're still close enough to that big day and all that planning. In that case, you might want to buy a copy of this comic and give it to your loved on on, say, your 5th anniversary. Or 10th. Yeah 10th...that’d be good.

-Nina Stone, 2011

Comments

[NoahB]

I think it is lame that Tucker is not letting you say rape because of some SEO bullshit. More rape! Less bullshit!

[Tim O'Neil]

That's why I eloped. Of course, that marriage didn't last, but if I do it again I still plan to elope. Life is too short!

[Kris]

That cover makes me want to punch Adrian Tomine in the face.

[Amy Lopp]

As a guest at your wedding, I would say "thank you" for putting up with all the backstage bullshit. I've never had a better wedding meal OR more fun on a dance floor!

[Lugh]

This is why I had a civil union.