Spank Rock
YoYoYoYoYo
It's about an "ass shaking competition champ." What's your problem? For those under the age of 25, you probably don't remember what it was like to head to your local music store and take a gander at the various tapes by Luke, memorizing the images into an already fevered brain while on the way to a locked closet somewhere in your parents house. In The Nude, Freak For Life--these were albums that were not, by any estimation, very good--but they sure as hell were honest. Luke liked sex, he liked it in quantity, and he liked it with any version of female he could find. Rapping was always secondary. So were beats. So was a quality hairstyles or some cosmetic dentistry. In years past, hot sex hip-hop has been in short supply: sure, B.I.G. has that ridiculous track on Ready To Die, and Too Short seems incapable of dying, but as 2006 indicated, hip-hop's still more focused on dealing coke, shooting folks and making money. Except for Kool Keith, everybody who raps about sex does it quickly: entire story arcs constructed around the things one can do with one's hard dick are, unfortunately, in short supply.
So ye ask, so ye shall receive. To anyone who received a delay of game penalty because they didn't lay a hand on the controller while Spank Rock revealed the truth of "Backyard Betty" during a Madden 07 tournament, we salute you. To those in Chinatown (yes.) who played "Coke & Wet" until their ears bled, we salute you. To any Cuban-Americans who refuse to moderate the volume on "Rick Rubin" for the sake of a conversation regarding faith, we salute you as well. And to Spank Rock, the second best thing to come out of Baltimore, after The Wire?
Well, although we don't biologically have what you want, we're certainly stand idly by a dark alley while you have your way with some high school girls. That's the best we have to offer--and after Yoyoyoyoyo, it's clearly not going to be enough.
-Tucker Stone, 2006
There wasn't anything like Spank Rock out this year, but you should still support fellow Baltimore heavyweights Wilderness and their sophomore release, Vessel States. While you're at it, skip right past 2006's The Return of Dr. Octagon and pick up Kool Keith's 1997 banger Sex Style if you haven't already--Spankrock clearly kept his copy close by.
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