The Best of 2006: #22

Justin Timberlake
FutureSex/LoveSounds

What's going on with the pop class of 2006?  Who would've thought, back when Britney showed up, that finally looking at her vagina would not only be as horrifying as Michael Haneke's work, but that it would occur after she'd squirted out two children?  And since when did it require a headline to tell anyone that Lance Bass was gay?  I saw On The Line, I'm not blind.  At what point did Cristina Aguilera attain the stripes required to throw her pelican shaped beak into the works of Robert Johnson?  For once, the Factual Opinion is seated right in the stands with Middle America, booing and hissing, waiting for ole Scratch to show up and run these heathens back past Sarah Michelle into that Hellmouth in Sunnydale.  But what's this?  JT got T.I. on his album?  Not one, but two 7 and a half minute tracks, back to back?  Hell, is that Snoop Dogg?

How Justin Timberlake got free of people's ugly memories of N'Sync, a group of young men who did more to instill nausea in America since Taco Bell's E Coli crisis, and became neolithic God of non-ironic cool is the sort of story we used to be able to count on Norman Mailer to tell: sadly, we'll probably end up with Stephen Ambrose.  While we still need him to dump Cameron Diaz like the acne-scarred no-talent whore that she is, JT has taken over a chair in the realm of badass white boys that inspire homo-erotic thoughts in the staunchest of Republican hearts, along with George Clooney and Kiefer Sutherland.  This motherfucker has style, ladies and gents, and he's got soul. On top of that, he's got it like it still means something, and FutureSex will make a believer out of any listener.   While "My Love" isn't exactly the follow up to "Rock Your Body" that the world needed, Justified wasn't much of an album--FutureSex fixes that.   It's still not art, but that's not what we wanted out of JT in the first place.
-Tucker Stone, 2006

If you're looking for more quality pop music that came out this year, than you're probably not reading this.  Maybe you should try Hot Chip's album?  They probably have a copy at the Morrison's Cafeteria you're meeting your grandchildren at this Saturday.  Stay away from the Jello pie, it's full of trans-fat.

Comments

[Bad Andy]

I never even consider JT. I just got to Missouri, I'm here visiting my family for Christmas and I love to drive around the little old town listening music I've yet to listen to. I have a few choices this year, but now I'm think I may need to go out and get this and add it to my list in the car. Maybe I'll debut it when I pick my Grandmother up on Wednesday. Now there's an idea.

[Nina]

Its been a while since a fun-with-links post. And this one is FUN. And hilarious.
(And now its time to put JT on my Nano. )

[Squidhelmet]

I gazed into the lifegiving crevasse between a pop diva's legs today - and all I saw there were the reflections of my misspent youth.

[Allyson]

Futuresexy, yo.

Throbbing beats infused with Prince-inspiredvocals make me feel funny inside. In a good way.

Thanks for including my future baby daddy.