Modest Mouse
We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank
We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank
or
Isaac Brock’s Mortality Obsession Goes Boating
a radio play
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
ISAAC BROCK, 32… Screams a lot, Audible breathing
JOHNNY MARR, 44… British
as fuck (Presumably)
(a telephone rings)
JOHNNY: (answering) Hello, squire? Who is this, mate? (sound of ice cubes tinkling in a Scotch glass)
ISAAC: Johnny!
It’s Isaac! Remember? Your old buddy from the mouse!
JOHNNY: Well I'll be damned. I 'aven't 'eard from yer in ages. Wich is weird because I think we're still on tour together.
ISAAC: Listen,
I just wanted to thank you for all the work you did on the last album.
JOHNNY: Did I, mate?
ISAAC: Sure! I know it didn’t end up sounding too different from the guitar parts in all the other Modest Mouse albums. But, really. You imitated me to perfection.
JOHNNY: Well, thank yer. I especially like the song were yer talk about makin' a pillow and usin' it as a crutch.
ISAAC: Thanks, man. That line is really about missing out on life because you stay in your comfort zone…
JOHNNY: Could you imagine? A pillow! As a crutch! Cor blimey!
ISAAC: And that’s really what I try to do with the music. I try not to ever get complacent…
JOHNNY: YOU’D FALL DOWN!!!
ISAAC: That’s
why no two songs ever come from the same angle…
JOHNNY: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ISAAC: Johnny.
JOHNNY: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Stupid pillow crutch boy. Why don’t you try to walk, pillowcrutch? What are you gonna do? You gonna hit me? You gonna hit me with your crutch? IT’S A PILLOW, dumbass!
ISAAC: Johnny. Remember when we used to have our late night talks about serious things? As friends? I miss those talks.
JOHNNY: Vhy dun't yuou heet me-a iff yuou're-a suoch a beeg muon, pilluocruotchbuy? Try und cetch me-a! Burk Burk Burk!
ISAAC: Okay, now you’re just talking like the Swedish Chef.
JOHNNY: Burk Burk Burk!
(phone clicks loudly as ISAAC hangs up. Dial tone. JOHNNY laughs hysterically as sound fades out.)
THE END.
That was incredibly entertaining. Any time one can bring the Swedish Chef into a review of, well, anything, one should.
Posted by: Nina | 2008.02.01 at 09:38
oh, i love it.
Posted by: kara | 2008.02.01 at 10:32