The Virgin Read: She's The Best She Is At What She Does, Which Is Not Being Impressed

Wolverine # 62
Written by Jason Aaron
Art by Ron Garney
Published by Marvel Comics

Coke Zero in hand, seated cross-legged on the hardwood floor of the Factual’s foyer, and perusing covers of this week’s comics I start to realize that….I am not a Virgin anymore.  Soon there will be no “firsts” left.  And this is my conundrum.  Each issue that beckons me turns out to be one I’ve already “done it” with.  I just watched Samantha go through this on Episode 3 of Sex And The City. 

So, that’s how and why I chose my old pal Wolverine.  Well, not entirely why I chose him.  There were a couple (or more?) X-men related covers to choose from.  As well as some other super-hero-y comics that I’ve yet to read.  So, why Wolverine?

I love comic book movies.  I do.  I mean, for better or worse – and some are truly BAD – I love ‘em.  I feel like the movie industry got it right when they decided to put comic books on the big screen.  They encapsulate everything I go to the movies for.  An entertaining break from the real world – a complete escape into a completely fictitious time and place but with universal themes.  And although the clothes and props are not always similar to ours, everything else is boiled down to the simplicity of good vs. evil.  The bad guys are so bad that we love hating them.  The good guys are so good and strong and just that we root for them.  And the way the films are shot – it almost looks like every aspect of every frame has been outlined and inked, like its coming to life right off the page.  And although I’d seen plenty of comic book movies before it, X-men is the movie that made me realize how much I loved comic book movies.

Too bad then, that the comic book Wolverine, does not make me love comic books.  What happened?!  C’mon!  I mean, look, I’ve got nothing to compare it to….like, I didn’t read it last year or when someone else was drawing it….so my complaints are not of that nature.  Let me take you through it as it struck me:

Recap at the beginning.  Love that.  Gets me caught up in one short, easy-to-read paragraph.  Thank you for that.  Then, the back story of the day that Wolverine and Mystique met.  Okay.  Cool.  I’m following this.  Wolverine looks like himself.  I recognize Mystique.  Its all groovy.

Next thing I know, there’s a dude in the Safed Koh Mountains of Afghanistan in some yellow and blue get-up.  I would not have guessed it to be Wolverine except for the claws.  He totally threatens these kids and then an entire village trying to get Mystique.

Now, okay, I understand he’s a man on a mission…but he’s not stupid.  He’s talking to them in English, and they don’t understand.  So, he yells at them?  Like, my and my friends in 3rd grade used to talk in an accent to the new German girl because we thought that would help her understand English?  I mean, he’s a grown man, er, mutant, who’s been around for a long time.  He can’t think that this is effective.

Likewise, Mystique is a shapeshifter.  We all know this.  He knows this.  He knows she’s sneaky.  So, the best thing to do would to try and be really inconspicuous and keep things on the DL, right? Apparently not.  He goes to the Afghani mountains dressed like he’s from another planet, screams WHERE'S MYSTIQUE at the tops of his lungs, kills innocent people and generally makes a spectacle out of himself.  That’ll get her.  Way to go.

And so, of course, she knows where he is, but he doesn’t figure out who she is, and she gets away and blows up a whole mosque of innocent people in the process.  Yeeeeaaaaaahhhhh……

Why didn’t he just stick to the jeans and leather jacket?  That’s all I want to know?

-Nina Miller, 2008

Comments

[ron]

Hi, that wasn't Wolverine screaming at the kid nor did he kill the woman. Reread it.
Best,
Ron

[Nina Miller]

Hi Ron, thanks for writing. So, I reread it, and only because you've pointed it out, I am guessing that maybe that was Mystique as Wolverine, setting him up....??? But, I am a first time reader -- so that was quite unclear to me. But that is our whole deal with the "Virgin Read": how do comics come across to a person who generally does not keep up with comics or knows much about the comic world.

As a "civilian" though, I'm happy to be schooled. Thanks for writing.

[ron]

Hi Nina--yeah that was mystique. you can see mystique(as wolverine) hiding behind the wall in the foregrond as the real wolverine makes his way into the village in the background after coming across the woman 'mystique' killed. We know this because theres also a shot of her 'claws' with the womans blood still on them. Also the real Wolverines costume is torn up from the mosque esplosion, while Mystiques is untorn. So Im guessing you didnt know that Mystique was a shapeshifter. Anyway, glas to be of help and hope it helped your enjoyment of the issue.
Best,
Ron Garney

[ron]

sheesh, excuse the spelling errors please. Must be overtired...:)