Abe Sapian: The Drowning # 4
Written by Mike Mignola
Art by Jason Shawn Alexander & Dave Stewart
Published by Dark Horse Comics
Remember when Ray was trying to convince his nephew not to dress all goth, so he asked Nice Pete to show up and tuck his junk between his thighs all Buffalo Bill style while cutting himself? And he was singing "I am the death sound?" Abe Sapian: The Drowning reads like it was written by those side characters who were hanging out with the nephew. It's as if Hellboy had the volume turned down and was strained through cheesecloth. Jason Shawn Alexander's scratchy artwork and Dave Stewart's limited color palate are the only reason to keep up with this comic.
Action Comics Annual # 11
Written by Geoff Johns & Richard Donner
Art by Adam Kubert & Edgar Delgado
Published by DC Comics
When was this story supposed to actually end? Was it last year? It seems like it was, but maybe it was even further back. Nowadays, complaints about late books are so routine that no one should really care anymore, after all, it isn't like remembering what happened in a Superman comic really makes another Superman comic any better. This is fine, although it probably should be a lot better considering the multitude of people involved in it. Adam Kubert's continuing to loosen up his style, and he's got some relatively inventive work here, but it's all in service to another reset-the-status-quo story regarding a bunch of non-entities. It's not unusual to read a Superman comic where the villains have more flair and presence, but it is somewhat unusual when even the biggest action sequences can't overshadow that Parasite character killing Kryptonians for a couple of panels in the interest department. Ah, whatever. We haven't had high expectations for a Superman comic ever, so it's not like we're going to complain that shit taste bad when it's what we selected off the menu.
Detective Comics # 844
Written by Paul Dini
Art by Dustin Nguyen, Derek Fridolfs & John Kalisz
Published by DC Comics
Dustin Nguyen likes drawing this one character over and over again--some white dude with a little bit of chin fuzz that kisses the neck, straight lined 'chops and what would probably be a greasy slicked back mess of hair, if you could touch it, but you can't. Just a drawing. This dude shows up all the time. Sometimes he's an important character, like Grifter in Wildcats; in this issue of Detective he's the sleazebag ex-husband of the women who has taken over Ventriloquist duties after somebody had the sense to execute that accountant-twerp who used to handle the finger work details. Other than that, this is the end of the two-parter wherein not much happened other than Nguyen fucking around and drawing some fight scenes and Paul Dini revealed that he still really wants Zatanna and Batman to hook up. It's never made a lot of sense for Batman writers to try the whole "Bruce gets in a relationship" thing, mostly because he's never been on a date where he didn't have to change into his spandex mid-meal. Also, because it's fucking boring. 2 + 2!
Legion of Super-Heroes # 41
Written by Jim Shooter
Art by Aaron Lopresti, Matt Ryan & Jo Smith
Published by DC Comics
There is no way in hell that this comic is going to make it much further. It's just too fucking boring to describe, none of the characters have any stable persona (maybe Brainiac 5, but that's just because "he's an asshole"), nothing exciting ever happens, there's no implication that anything exciting is ever going to happen, the relationships don't have any level of drama to them, nobody gets naked, nobody gets religion, nobody has any sort of political viewpoint, nobody believes in anything, nobody doesn't believe in anything nobody has any angst, nobody dies, nobody wears interesting clothing, none of the background drawings imply that the characters exist in an interesting world, there's too many fucking people/aliens/chairs/LCD screens for anyone to care about--it's just awful, awful shit, and there's no hope of it getting any better. This is a comic book that, read enough times, would make even the most die hard super-hero fan hate comic books. It's like reading about a 13 year olds poetry about death. Wasted time.
The Boys # 18
Written by Garth Ennis
Art by Darick Robertson & Tony Avina
Published by Dynamite
Just when you think you know what Garth Ennis is going to do, he throws a curve ball at you. Instead of having the entire comic devoted to the main characters rip into Hughie for last issues little menstrual mistake, there's only one mention of it, and it's a good natured little dig that isn't in poor taste. The rest of the issue is filled with the sort of stuff that may not please a Boys reader who is hoping to see more sex and violence jokes--it's wall to wall character development. In a comic book that also prominently features people in costumes. Hell, at this point, it's been so long since a comic book with spandex people had character development that we're not even sure if it's good character development. It's like having some hot coffee after being given nothing but stale donut holes for three years. So yeah, in a world where more comic books are clever and well-written, then somebody can critically analyze the Boys. But in this world, where almost all of them are shit, this is so fresh! and so clean, clean! that it comes across like an Bose versus a broken Walkman.
Nightwing # 144
Written by Peter Tomasi
Art by Don Kramer, Rags Morales, Christian Alamy, Michael Bair, Sandu Florea & Nathan Eyring
Published by DC Comics
It's so obnoxious to read Nightwing on a regular basis, and we have no idea why it keeps getting sent over here. But you can't really fire people that you don't pay. While the joke "hey, we could just repeat the same review as last time" has showed up too often for our taste lately, there really isn't anything else new to be said about Nightwing. He jumps out of a plane again. His new girlfriend still has no actual interesting or unique traits, except for blond cornrows. There's so many little things that could be done to make this comic less like lukewarm bath water, but almost all of those things involve killing every single character, including Nightwing, and just having Rags Morales draw pictures of decaying bodies, or clouds. If only Nightwing could be that thing, that avant-garde super-hero comic from a major publisher that had no characters in it, and nothing happened, and it just kept showing up every month. Fire the writers, the editors, keep the six people art staff and just have them produce drawings of trees and maggots.
Daredevil: Blood of the Tarantula # 1
Written by Ed Brubaker & Ande Parks
Art by Chris Samnee & Matt Hollingsworth
Published by Marvel Comics
Second one of these--Brubaker and Parks must have some desire to write some kind of a epic about this half-ass Wrestlemania type guy, but considering this is only the second time he's showed up in at least a year, they must not have time to do it up proper. Usually a comic that features a character who gets up and keeps fighting after having his flesh singed off his body is more refreshing, but they just did the same thing in that Jason Aaron Wolverine book last month, so this just seems gratuitous and forced. Scheduling fiasco, that. It might have also helped if this Tarantula person wasn't so reminiscent of Bane. Hopefully Brubaker isn't setting him up to be a bigger force in the Daredevil book--the whole character screams of an early 80's schtick. But if he is setting him up for that, than here's hoping he breaks Daredevil's spine, because this reader would love to keep up with a super-hero who is both blind AND a paraplegic. Arty!
The Immortal Iron Fist # 14
Written by Matt Fraction & Ed Brubaker
Art by Tonci Zonjic, Clay Mann, Kano, Stefano Gaudiano & Matt Hollingsworth
Published by Marvel Comics
The thing that we'll miss most when Fraction and Brubaker leave this Iron Fist book will probably be all those panels where the over-the-top kung-fu warriors have their over-the-top kung-fu attacks written in bold letters. While a lesser writer may try to pull it off, it's one of those things that only Matt Fraction or the RZA can pull off. Still the biggest bang for the buck on the spandex stands, and it's sad that the creative team is jumping ship so early. (Conversely, it's still fucking crazy that it's 2008 and there have been not one, but two, great comic stories written about Iron Fist.)
The Invincible Iron Man # 1
Written by Matt Fraction
Art by Salvador Larroca, Frank D'Armata & Stephane Peru
Published by Marvel Comics
All Iron Man comics are the same, it seems. Some eerily dumb model type woman that has so little self-esteem or value waits like a concubine for Iron Schlong to have a free minute to dispassionately screw, some transparently idiotic thought bubbles about Tony's sobriety, and about 800 mentions of how smart Tony is. More than half of this comic is the storytelling equivalent of watching somebody walk around with a copy of the Oxford English Dictionary and their penis hanging out. (But not in a funny Hembeck way, more of a straight to DVD sequel of Police Academy fashion.) On top of that, Fraction has adopted the policy of writing. sentences. with. full. stops. Multiple. Times. We love tricks around here, tricks are what keeps the monkeys away, keeps the baby fed, that sort of thing, dropping "you knows" but, hey, you're only supposed to re-use tricks all the time when the tricks work, not when they make Iron Man sound like James fucking Lipton. Oh, and Salvador Larroca would make a really great artist for the cover of romance novels.
The Mighty Avengers # 13
Written by Brian Michael Bendis
Art by Alex Maleev & Matt Hollingsworth
Published by Marvel Comics
Alex Maleev is one of the best super-hero artists working today. Why isn't this guy in charge of a bigger selling book on a consistent basis? Anyways, this is another issue of Mighty Avengers that, thankfully, doesn't include any of the Avengers. Just more Nick Fury and that woman he picked up to kill people for him in the Secret War mini-series. It's a round-up the team comic, so there's nothing in it that's very surprising or innovative, but, as showcase for Alex Maleev drawing characters other than Daredevil, it's a great comic. Hopefully Marvel will find some place for Maleev to screw around besides this sort of stuff. (And although none of these new characters look that cool, they are, eventually, going to be called the "Howling Commandos." That's something to look forward to.)
The New Avengers # 40
Written by Brian Michael Bendis
Art by Jim Cheung, John Dell & Justin Ponsor
Published by Marvel Comics
Another Secret Invasion cross-over, this one is one of those episodes where they focus on the Cylon basestar in the months and years leading up to the attack on the 12 colonies. Hey, wait, that's not right. All things being equal, Bendis has done a relatively decent job with what he's had to work with--he's constructed a lengthy backstory for this summer alien epic, and he's done so while somewhat toeing the line of Marvel's history. The guys over at DC work on this stuff all the time, but there versions of continuity stories are so tangled up in some tremendously irritating minutia that, whether they make sense it or not, they're impossible to enjoy. A big part of it is, of course, that Marvel doesn't have as many years of weirdness to deal with, but that doesn't mean that guys like Geoff Johns and Mark Waid couldn't learn something from the way this little Secret Invasion thing. (It's still as dumb as fucking possible, but at least it's the same kind of dumb that makes shit like Law & Order or ER so successful. It's a comprehensible kind of dumb.) Of course, then again...
Secret Invasion # 2
Written by Brian Michael Bendis
Art by Lenil Francis Yu, Mark Morales & Laura Martin
Published by Marvel Comics
Hawkeye and his ex-girlfriend/wife/shipwreck companion went through a miscarriage? That's a plot point in a comic book forming the basis for the majority of a publishers story line? Sure, you're supposed to just accept it and deal with the rest of what occurs here--which would be a hell of a lot easier if something in it happened besides watching a bunch of characters choke on a ten pound sack of banter before finally getting around to the business of what everybody showed up for: Spider-Man beating the shit out of Spider-Man, alongside a Luke Cage wearing some kind of plastic helmet. (Wait, that's hair? Getthefuckoutttahere.) It's like Authority: Prime, except with "important" characters and a "masterful" plot driving a "fascinating" tale of when "Gods go mad." Eat my dick, Secret Invasion. Eat it with some pineapple sherbet. I'm sure there's somebody in the world who is texting their little cabal in excitement when they read this recycled bit of derivate tripe, and to them I say: Enjoy, cocksuckers. There's plenty of mindless entertainment that's going to rock your world until death's icy grip uses your body like a sock puppet in the culture wars. Comics as art? Art lost.
Foolkiller # 5
Written by Gregg Hurwitz
Art by Lan Medina & Andy Troy
Published by Marvel MAX
The part of this comic where the guy cuts the one dude in half and then kicks the sliding top half into the other guy? That was pretty random, in an entertaining way. At the end of the day, this being the conclusion of this little mini-series, there isn't exactly a whole lot else that can be said about it. It's about a man, his silly tattoos, his dog, and the people they like to kill. The dialog was pretty funny when it was just completely tangential conversations about the silliness of names, and horribly cringe-inducing when it was the main character talking about all the "fools" he had to kill. (If only they'd purchased the rights to use Mr. T's image for this comic--muscles or no, this Foolkiller character never sounded that intimidating in the shit-talking department.) Considering how silly this whole thing has been, it actually would've been vastly improved if they'd dressed the protagonist in a really over-the-top costume. Maintain the gross-out violence, but have it delivered by somebody who looks like Supergirl.
American Splendor # 2
Written by Harvey Pekar
Art by Ty Templeton, Hunt Emerson, Gary Dumm, Greg Budgett, Josh Neufeld, Dean Haspiel, Lora Innes, Jose Marzan, David Lapham & Zachary Baldus
Published by Vertigo/DC Comics
This still isn't working out as well as the first volume of American Splendor at Vertigo--the art is top notch, and there's a lot to enjoy here, but the smell of success and complacency at the heart makes it all a bit underwhelming. It's not that Harvey Pekar's writing is only good when it's about bad times--it's just that a mildly sedate and pleasant Pekar just isn't as interesting as the younger, more active Pekar. He doesn't need to be in a bad mood, but he needs to be out, doing something. Most of these stories so far have referenced, at one point or another, the comic based nature of Pekar's current lifestyle--waiting on checks, talking to editors and artists, dealing with his notoriety--and yet those are nowhere near as well defined or interesting to read as when a nurse describes the struggles following the death of her live-wire boss. Hell, there's a short one about cats in here that blows the artist conversations piece out of the water.
House of Mystery # 1
Written by Matthew Sturges & Bill Willingham
Art by Luca Rossi, Lee Loughridge & Ross Campbell
Published by Vertigo/DC Comics
Well, this certainly isn't going to be the book that rescues Vertigo from low sales. While it isn't near the shit factory level that Vinyl Underground operates at, that's pretty much solely due to the art--especially the Ross Campbell sequence in the middle where an adorable little blond marries a gigantic insect. But the story is just atrocious, another one of those idiotic romps in the world of "let's take what would have been one issue of Neil Gaiman's Sandman and turn it into a dull ass ongoing series." Even worse, this whole idea was an actual issue of Sandman. And Sandman's star isn't one that is still rising, no matter how many overpriced hardcovers get published. The Vertigo label used to be on books like Doom Patrol, Preacher, Transmetropolitan--now it's just on vaguely thought out comics that have no appeal going for them whatsoever. Once again, one of those comics that clearly made it to print solely because no one at DC has the backbone to take a look at a script and say, "This is fucking stupid."
-Tucker Stone, 2008
You're certainly morons,Fuck off you tasteless cunts.
Posted by: Twatslolz | 2008.05.13 at 12:07