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2008.05.27
2008.05.26
The Virgin Read: She Said Goodbye For Us, As We Were Too Heartsick Ourselves
Loveless # 24
Written by Brian Azzarello
Art by Danjiel Zezelj
Published by DC Comics
It's been a long, relaxing holiday weekend. For me, this weekend included reading the final issue of Loveless. I saw it as a challenge, of sorts. Not so much for me, as a challenge to comic books. Can I, novice comic book reader that I am, pick up the final issue of something and find it enjoyable, amusing, entertaining and/or interesting in the slightest.
Well, the answer is yes….in the slightest, anyhow.
I mean, it came across a little strange at first. I noticed that the dialog seemed, to me, to be like the old dialect of the south. Particularly, the way I've seen/read slaves of the time speak. Yet, at some point in the story the characters refer to "back in the eighties," so I assumed we were actually in present day, just in some backasswards area of the US. The final page of the comic states that its 1906. So, I was like, "wait…are we flashing back and getting a to-be-continued? No. It's the last issue. So….oh, they must have been talking about the 1880s, not the 1980s."
So, there was that confusion for me.
Also, seriously, I thought the main character was black. I seriously did. The coloring was so dark, in general, and then the accent. It wasn't until he was explaining to the whore about coming over on the boat…and then I went back and re-read some things like "fook meself" and "soljah" and realized that I'd had the accent all wrong in my head, all along.
So, again, that was disorienting.
As a story….interesting. I mean, this main character is a scary dude. Look, I felt intimidated just by the way he was drawn. And then his whole essence is just scary. He's been locked up for over half of his life, and as soon as he gets out all he can think about is revenge?! I mean, I understand it, sure. The whole reason he's in jail is because of some guy he supposedly killed, who's not dead. Sure. I'd be pissed. But the idea of having had that anger just eat you alive for so many years, to such and extent that you walk out of jail ready to kill – oy. Oy, I say!
It was definitely intriguing. It makes me wonder how this ties into the rest of the series. And it does make me want to know what exactly happened in the past. Who is the guy who's supposed to be dead, and why is he supposed to be dead? I mean, you almost feel for our main character's innocence, except for the fact that although he may have been unjustly accused, he seems completely capable of murderous rage….so, like, did he attempt to kill some guy and it didn't go according to plan? What's the deal here?
And I sort of wonder from the last page when it points out that we're in 1906…is where the series actually started? Or is this way in the future? How does this story fit in with the overall arc of the series?
But you know what? I'll never know. Because, honestly, I'm not going to spend my economic stimulus package on the back issues of Loveless. I'm going to buy clothes and shoes. Its finally summer, dammit, I feel the need to look cute and feel summery more than I feel the need for closure on this story. Sorry Azzarello and Zezelj. I'll catch up with you on some other series. Toodles.
-Nina Stone, 2008
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2008.05.25
Comics Of The Weak: Entertainment That Will Demand You Throw Away Your Sobriety
Written by Bruce Jones
Art by Manuel Garcia, Travis Lanham & Santiago Arcas
Published by DC Comics
Bruce Jones hasn't exactly had the best track record in for comics that have grabbed positive attention--his run on Incredible Hulk started off with some love, then eventually deteriorated into nonsense and confusion, with a requisite drop in sales and attention-although his run did consist of the best cover designs on any super-hero comic since Jack Kirby's 4th World. Then he took over Nightwing and did some bizarre stories about Jason Todd turning into a bleach belching worm creature that everyone seems to now ignore. He followed that up with a couple of mini-series that absolutely no one read, including the penciler and printer, and now he's been given the reins relinquished by Greg Rucka and Steven Trautman for the perennial low-selling Checkmate. This being his first issue on the run, it's a pretty obvious change in status--whereas the last twenty-five issues of Checkmate have been halfway decent, this is just a horrible rip-off of a variation on the plot of Robocop, without Peter Weller and Paul Verhoeven. Say what you will though, Bruce Jones certainly is consistent: regardless of subject or publisher, he's always reliably terrible.
Written by Dwayne McDuffie
Art by Carlos Pacheco, Pete Pantazis & Jesus Merino
Published by DC Comics
If there was some way to do a blind taste test on the entire DC super-hero line, would any survey result in Justice League being picked as the top selling book? These sorts of things--team up books consisting of the big gun characters--they should be the standard bearer of excitement and fun, right? Isn't that what everybody always argues these spandex books are? That they're fun. That they're about heroes, or justice, or morality plays, or whatever bullshit excuse there is for the continued purchase of repetitive homo-erotic exercises of power fantasy. But there's nothing "fun" here, there's nothing "exciting." Instead, it's hammy attempts to have quirky conversations between people like Batman and Wonder Woman, characters that will never be swallowable as "realistic." Hell, the set-up works--it's a magic-hyper-time-quantum theory lounge for super-heroes to hang out and talk in, safe from the prying eyes and ears of....I don't know, Jean Grey or something. Then it's just them, talking, about nothing. Talking about nothing is fucking genius, when it's in the hands of a John Cassavettes, when it's coming out of actors like Paul Newman, when it's some guys on a boat trying to track down a big shark. But when it's a bunch of action figures with no personality, bullshitting about other action figures? Who cares? Who gives a shit about any of it?
Written by Chuck Dixon
Art by Chris Batista, Cam Smith, Rick Ketcham & Guy Major
Published by DC Comics
Spoiler is back, who cares. Why are the no-name bad guys from North Korea? It would actually be a good thing if North Korea was producing drug dealing gangs with ties to the US. That would mean there was some kind of opportunity besides starving to death for non-Party North Koreans. Of course, there's not, so writer Chuck Dixon is just exploiting the fear and anger of American's towards North Korea for the sake of making his comic story seem...better? more important? timely? Either way, it doesn't, and it's bad.
Written by Keith Giffen
Art by Lee Garbett, Trevor Scott, Randy Mayor & Gabe Eltreb
Published by Wildstorm/DC Comics
It's amazing to have nice words to say about something like this--but the truth is, Dreamwar is something probably a lot more people would find themselves enjoying. That is, if you'd always kind of wished that the Authority hadn't been a cast of DC "homages" and that there actually had been a comic where Superman and Batman were married and killed people on a regular basis. Here, what you get is something that's not satirical, that isn't in continuity, and it's far more thrilling than anything else DC has done with the Justice League. There's Green Arrow--and now he's dead, from a broken neck. There's the Justice Society--incinerating that retirement home from Gail Simone's Tranquility. It's just malicious, violent stuff, and it wouldn't be that far removed from a crappy fan-created mash-up, except that it's professionally put together. It looks like the kind of comic that an angry fan would create--but it's not. It's the real deal, and, while each issue will only bring us that much closer to the day when it Superman refuses to kill somebody, for now, it's the only chance anyone will get to see a bunch of DC heroes beating the holy fuck out of people in a vicious, unforgiving fashion. Hell, it's idiotic--but it's idiotic with no winking at the camera. For everybody who ever laughed their ass off when listening to some lunatic complaining that super-heroes don't behave "heroically" enough, or for those who can't tolerate grown ass adults with moist eyes talking about how reading Green Lantern in the 70's taught them to "be myself," here's the comic for you. (And don't worry--there's no plot!)
Written by Steve Niles
Art by Bernie Wrightson & Grant Goleash
Published by IDW
A mild diversion into poorly imagined pandering--basically the comic length equivalent of a personality-drained faux Philip Marlowe as a zombie idea, nothing more. Bernie Wrightson is on art details, which adds a certain level of professionalism to this dullness, but he's never given anything more to do than draw some archetypal characters wandering through the dingy fleatraps of the plot. The bar for terrible has been set pretty low this year, so it's not like She Said is setting a new standard of awful, but the overall feeling that this is a comic no one cares to be involved with producing is so tangible that, if possible, this is even more obnoxious than it's own failings provide for. A completely unnecessary section of pap, destined to be forgotten.
Written by Mark Millar
Art by Bryan Hitch & Paul Mounts
Published by Marvel Comics
What a majestic disappointment that this Millar/Hitch team-up on Fantastic Four hasn’t resulted in something that’s either really great or really terrible. Instead, it’s just one notch or so underneath “mediocre”—a thoughtlessly scripted and routine story about the Four and there dealings with the robot cosmic. Throw in a naked chick on a bed full of cash, and you’ve got something that clearly had about as much initial planning as the decision to put Geena Davis on television as the President. Unlike that miserable adventure, there’s no likelihood that Marvel will fire the team before the contract is up. Get ready for a whole ‘nother year of this unpasteurized lard.
Written by Jason Aaron
Art by Roland Boschi & Dan Brown
Published by Marvel Comics
Some comics, especially ones like Ghost Rider, don't need to have any kind of background or continuity. Shit like the X-Men does, because it grabs all it's drama from behaving like a secret club with an extensive mythology--but why do that to Johnny Blaze? No one cares where or why he has the goofy ass powers he has. Nobody ever grabbed an issue of Ghost Rider hoping that they'd get to read about anything other than a flaming skeleton just straight up destroying shit--hell, a good portion of this gets it right. There's a four way car crash with a cannibalistic serial killer from Incest Town, a bunch of psychotic nurses, a Greyhound bus and Mr. Blaze, who's hungry for killing. That's what you want out of Ghost Rider. Why ditch that for a trip into nonsensical backstory regarding that other Ghost Rider character from a failed series revamp that went out of circulation in the 90's?
Written by Greg Pak & Fred Van Lente
Art by Rafa Sandoval, Roger Bonet & Martegod Gracia
Published by Marvel Comics
The concept behind this is a hell of a lot more clever than the comic itself—mostly because the comic itself still has to nod in the direction of the Marvel universe, of which it is a part. But the concept? That Hercules would lead a team of gods onto a ship of thought & dreams to kill the Skrull gods? That’s…well, it’s dumb, yeah, but it’s dumb in a pretty great way. It needs some more histrionic dialog, some “Oh that ye shalt smite” kind of talk, but, for a spin-off/cross-over thing involving a bunch of low rent cartoon versions of mythological deities? This is sort of the best thing that could’ve been done with these characters, like, ever. Far better to read about them pulling a Little Nemo adventure than catching bank robbers.
Written by Brian Michael Bendis
Art by Khoi Pham, Danny Miki & Dean White
Published by Marvel Comics
Having served it's time as a place for Alex Maleev to ply his considerable wares, the Mighty Avengers returns to it's regular channel, that being the place where it showcases the Sentry and a bunch of other characters no one has ever cared about, ever, and never should. Although there's a hint that the flashback sequences are going to reveal a little Agatha Christie-style parlor room banter between the no-longer-undercover Skrulls, it then just spirals into the backstory of stuff that wasn't really that compelling or surprising when it was presented as "mysterious" in the Secret Invasion mini-series. This comic is the equivalent of an illustrated link on a Wikipedia entry on the cross-over event that Marvel is betting it's summer raises on. It's spandex comic writing as Mad Libs, with blanks being filled in by shit that doesn't improve the story, or help make anybody care.
Written by Daniel Way
Art by Steve Dillon & Matt Milla
Published by Marvel Comics
this comes with a comic by rob liefeld that guy sux ballz
Written by Garth Ennis
Art by Howard Chaykin & Brian Reber
Published by Marvel Comics
There’s really not a lot going on here besides some nice drawings of airplanes and the occasional hoary old witticisms. If Mr. Ennis is that interested in old school air combat, that’s great, but he might have benefited from coming up with more of a plot before throwing this thing together—that thing with the propeller was pretty fucked up in the first issue, but otherwise, there’s nothing “Hellish” about this war. Chaykin’s work here is a lot more fun and interesting to deal with than it is in Punisher War Journal. Also, the emotion shown on the cover is far more feeling than any the character has shown in the series thus far. Lies!
Written by Andy Diggle
Art by Giuseppe Camuncoli, Stefano Landini & Lee Loughridge
Published by Vertigo/DC Comics
Andy Diggle, like John Constantine, is quietly developing a mastery with misdirection over at the low-selling Hellblazer title. Once again, the implication that the main character was going to go to the wall for others has been subverted—John was just playing games all along. While most Hellblazer stories end up reading more cohesively in the trade format that seems to be the motivating factor behind keeping the Vertigo imprint alive, under Diggle, this title has become pretty rewarding on the installment plan—if only to let the cynical moments of knife-twisting gestate for a month at a time.
-Tucker Stone, 2008
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2008.05.22
Economist Versus Idiot: John Denver, Still Changing The Landscape Of American Politics
-That vote in Myanmar, the one that they didn't put off despite the horrible natural disaster thing? Yeah, 92% of voters approved the new constitution. The new constitution that the military junta came up with. And the vote that the military junta set up and controlled. Really, there's nothing else to say about that.
-The article doesn't tell you if the Chilean computer hacker who published the confidential records of six million Chileans was caught, so I'm going to assume he wasn't.
-I'm starting to wonder, after Gordon Brown's latest tax cut, if he's so sensitive to public opinion that a well-timed phone call could earn me a couple of extra dollars.-I realize Bush isn't a big foreign policy whiz, but he does realize that telling the Israel prime minister that he's "an honest guy" doesn't really achieve anything, right?
-This week in bear news: we're running out of the polar kind.
-If General Electric sells it's appliance division, doesn't that mean it just makes television shows and weapons?
-Last week, Cablevision bough the Sundance channel, and now they've bought Newsday. Which must mean Cablevision is trying to corner the market on the parts of the media that people respect even less than Fox News and that Us Weekly.
Leaders
-The best thing that someone as dumb as this reader can say about the philosophy of finance laid out in this opening piece is: are people as intelligent as this pieces writer going to determine whatever financial restructuring follows the mortgage crisis? Or is it going to be controlled by reactionaries who bow to the financially illiterate mob?
-Georgia versus Russia, for whatever it is that makes Kodori Gorge so totally awesome that people should die to possess it. Coming soon?
-There's probably more than one skeleton in Morgan Tsvangirai's closet--like any politician, they've all got a few pretty reprehensible moments--but regardless, it's lovely that the Economist has so completely thrown their support behind him in his decision to get back into the ring with Robert Mugabe and his gang of thugs. Although there are a lot of similarities between what happened with the Kenyan election debacle, Zimbabwe's situation is getting a lot more advance press than that one. Hopefully, Thabo Mbeki (South Africa) will get off his ass if, after the coming second voting round, Mugabe continues to refuse to bow to the wishes of Zimbabwe's voters.
-Lebanon hasn't had a president since November. That screams stability. The Economist recommends that they also get a new constitution and electoral law. In other words holy shit everything will continue to stay terrifying except for when it gets worse than that. In some odd form of counter-intuitive editing, there's also a briefing on the state of Lebanon a few pages after this leader article. Bafflingly enough, the briefing article has some helpful charts listing the roughly 16 Lebanese factions involved in politics, a color coded map of the religious breakdown of the various areas in Lebanon, both of which would have helped to make what's clearly a complex situation less so. Instead, two articles, no obvious reason they're separated.
Letters
-Hey, Milan Shah--the solution to world hunger will never come from the widespread embrace of vegetarianism. Also, John Lennon? There's only two or three people that embraced pacifism after listening to "Imagine" and both of them were pretty easy to beat up in the first place.
United States
-If there’s another reference for this article’s title “It Won’t Be A Walk In The Woods” besides that Bill Bryson book, then it escapes this reader. Thankfully, The Economist includes a picture of a stern looking John McCain taking a, wait for it, walk in some woods. Which brings this issue closer to the NY Post then ever before. Anyway, this is one of those articles that everybody has already read—McCain is screwing around, trying to placate more conservative members of the party while trying to spice himself up to the undecided, and some Democrats have started calling him “McStay.” McStay? That’s the kind of name that people who love puns and riddles call somebody. It’s the opposite of funny and clever. That makes Democrats sound like people with names like Felix who write it in lowercase cursive.
-“Nobody showed me any money yet.” That’s Steven Ybarra, one of those superdelegates they keep mentioning. While the money is a requested $20 million to register Hispanic voters, which is totally a worthy cause, it’s still repugnant behavior. Where’s the money supposed to come from? Should it come from one of those depleted funds that American soldiers are supposed to get bulletproof vests from? Should it come from a fund to register African-American voters? Should it come from relief money for starving Africans? Or Burmese disaster survivors? Or Chinese earthquake victims? Or maybe, Steven Ybarra, you, my tender friend, maybe you should go fuck yourself. Maybe with a hammer?
-How did Hilary Clinton win in West Virginia? Well, apparently some people in West Virginia, hopefully not the majority, latched on to a t-shirt campaign adorned with the slogan “We Need A Mama, Not Obama.” Also, she quoted John Denver song lyrics to raucous applause. That sound you just heard? God, turning the light off. (Don’t construe this as support for any other candidate. Construe it as abject loathing for slogans and John Denver.)
-Good God, Mr. Brady, Mr. Berlatsky: Chicago had 36 shootings in one weekend, and that resulted in nine deaths? Seriously, did The Wire taught us nothing? Urban America—always in competition with Beirut to be somewhere no one wants to go.
-Crawford, Texas always sounds like the nexus of every weird backwoods style horror movie ever made.
-Lexington has it both ways, with a column on whether or not Obama and Hilary should hook up and ride this Democratic thing all the way to a knockdown drag out with John McCain. Although it certainly still looks like Hilary is out for blood, against all numerical reason, glad-handed apologies and bullshit friendships are what US Presidential tickets are made of. Well, that and drugs.
The Americas
-The only good thing that seems to have come out of America’s current status in the world regarding the way it treats prisoners is this: Columbia might be able to put some serious fear into those who want to use the country as a shooting gallery, now that President Alvaro Uribe has unveiled his latest big stick—dumping right-wing warlords into American jails.
-Chile may be going through some current struggles with corrupt officials right now, but it’s still a pretty fantastically governed country, and it’s pretty great that they’re being so open about the problems they’re facing. So, good on you, problem facers!
-India’s recent terrorist attacks are certainly beginning to pile up, but it’s heartening to read that those on the street seem not to be letting it get them down. It’ll be interesting to see how the government responds to the various strains of (mostly jihadist-based) terrorism they are now facing. Maybe “interesting” isn’t the right word. Informative?
-When disaster strikes, when does it become morally acceptable to begin criticizing the government for allowing practices that increase civilian deaths? If the critics in China are right, and the low quality of construction of public facilities (including a four story elementary school) is one of the main reasons the earthquakes death toll is so high, then it might behoove the less beholden to the Party aspects of China to begin pursuing change—not at the dismissal of mourning, but at least while the government is actively listening. With the world preparing to focus on China for the behemoth the Olympics have become, criticizing those in power isn’t going to be this easy again.
-It’s easy not to support murder when you aren’t reading about what the Myanmar junta is doing to actively prevent emergency aid and relief workers from entering the country. If there doesn’t come a day, soon, when the region’s leaders aren’t brought to horrific consequence for their current actions, then this is a world with no hint of justice whatsoever.
-It’s possible that the death toll in Darfur for the last four years is at 300,000. Obviously, it’s a fucking cruel joke to pretend that the majority of the world gives a shit—four years with little more than some useless concerts and celebrity-based catch-phrases, while the UN negotiated the definition of genocide. Now, the violence is spreading from the western outskirts of the Sudan into the capital city of Khartoum, and it’s more than likely that the government of Chad is in full support. Thankfully, the rest of the world still spends most of it’s time thinking about other things, like whether or not they’ve bought enough Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups to last through the 2-hour American Idol finale. Then again, being disappointed in white people for not caring about African problems, no matter how horrific, isn’t really trendsetting either.
-This art show sounds pretty amazing, but also heroically sad. Of course, it’s set in Kenya, and it focuses on the recent crisis brought about by the riots and voting debacles—so it’s not supposed to be the Joy Luck Club. (I’ve always assumed the Joy Luck Club is a happy story about smiling immigrants and melting pots.)
-Forecast for the euro-based economy, now as dismal as forecast for…oh, hell, every other countries economy.
-Supermarkets aren’t allowed to sell non-prescription drugs in France. That’s just the tip of the iceberg, in what seems to be the millionth article this reader has seen where the French people come across as wanting to enjoy the fruits of a diverse global economy when it comes to the availability of consumer products, but they don’t wish for it to make any change whatsoever in their quasi-socialist labor practices.
-Vladimir Putin fully acknowledges that the Russian government is rife with “corruption, lawlessness and inefficiency,” and while his verbal response is along the lines of “I’ll fix it, don’t you worry,” his actions are of a guy who’s totally content to enjoy the monolithic power such corruption provides. While it’s not like anyone was going to write letters about the wonderful human beings that ran Yukos, grabbing the sociopath who eviscerated the company through extraordinarily illegal means and putting that gentleman, Igor Sechin, in charge of Russian industry—well, that’s just about the complete opposite of “fixing” anything. Of course, he did let Dmitry Medvedev hire two former KGB agents. Good times, this coming future.
-Yeah, I’m really sure that the integrity of Soviet war graves will stand in the way of oil drilling. Puh-fucking-leeze.
-I’m sure Serbia is a fantastic place to visit, and it’s full of delightful human beings, but all I gather from reading about it on a semi-regular basis is that there are two things to do there: vote (be it for independence or political leaders) and indict people for war crimes. Somebody needs to write a story about the local music scene, a cookie bake-off, anything.
Britain
-Only two articles in this section, not counting Bagehot’s column on Frank Field. Why? Because the Economist devoted the majority of it’s British coverage to the unraveling mystery of Michael Ashcroft’s connection to Hugo Chavez and an mysterious $10 million dollars. If you read between the lines, especially at the end, you can so tell how excited the writers are to really put the screws to Ashcroft, the Tories current deputy-chairman. He must’ve killed their dog, something like that.
International (This Week I Don’t Mind This Section’s Existence)
-Chinese diplomats in the United Nations compared the disaster in Myanmar to the French heatwave of 2003. That’s part of their argument not to force UN assistance upon the Burmese junta. It doesn’t get much more cynical then that.
-I never fully comprehend the methodology behind articles that focus on the economic costs of peacekeepers, conflict prevention, and anything that refers to the “worth” value of renewed violence, but they are always interesting to take in.
-There are too financial articles that point to the power still found in the hands of people (usually men) who are in their 80's. Regardless of what Hank Greenberg has to say about the state of the US's biggest insurer, American International Group, the problems there need to be fixed and under the sway of individuals further away from death. It's not age-ism, and it's not a rejection of their skills--it's that large financial institutions aren't small family businesses that can make overnight transitions when their long time brain trusts finally kick the bucket. Then again, AIG is already under the control of Martin Sullivan--which makes it that much more irritating that we're still jerking off to the stockholders opinion.
-"The deposit business is largely built on the laziness of customers who keep their money in accounts no matter what the rate." Never thought about it that way before, but there really looks to be money in chasing higher savings rates. Not that banks want anyone to do that.
-CompartamosBanco supposedly charges 100% a year in interest on small loans to the Mexican poor, yet it's still under debate whether they are an exploitative demon out of hell, no different from a finger breaking loan shark. That seems odd.
Science and Technology
-This reader has his own personal interest in the behavior of apex predators--we weren't, at the time of this publication able to confirm whether pilot whales are included in that category, but it seems possible that they certainly might be. Now that their methods of hunting and killing prey (mostly squids) are being more researched, this is one story we hope to find out more about--especially if it turns out that they are holding the speed records for cetaceans.
-Apparently nothing much is happening in the world of science this week, because the Economist published a story about Dusseldorf (a city the newspaper feels the need to snidely point out is "not well-endowed with nostalgic charm) and the change-over in street lamps currently occurring. This is the sort of article that trade magazines were invented to publish.
-Then again, maybe the street light story made it through because the Economist committed their reporters to focus on the growing development in mobile phone microscopes. That's the sort of technological advancement that could definitely have extensive positive medical ramifications, especially for the developing world.
-They had to publish a story about the growing oxygen depletion in multiple coastal regions, of course, that shit is totally important, but this is one of those scientific articles that would have benefited from a couple more days of editing or research. It's so desperate to be informative AND give opinion on the subject that it changes it's mind about multiple aspects of the subject with every paragraph. "What's worrying" and "Sounds like good news but" and etc, etc, etc. Infuriatingly complicated article, but that's probably a reflection of me being stupid and the subject being complex.
Books and Arts
-"As people write books on global warming, so they generate interest in the subject, which increases demand, which leads to the writing of even more books. Both these cycles result in a lot of hot air." Then the Economist goes on to review four books on global warming, recommending one and pooping on the others. Of course, that's right up this readers alley. Hell, we wish it was a bigger alley. A main thoroughfare, even.
-Abu Gharib book comes out, and the Economist, like so many others, is still pretty angry that no one higher in the line of command was ever punished for what went on there. It's these moments in the magazine that are always hiding in plain sight--99% percent of the magazine is sober analysis, which can, yes, make it a bit boring, but then you'll catch these little moments where you can tell that these writers are just as angry about injustice as the loudest protester. Screaming all the time makes everyone else tone-deaf to your claims, no matter how justified. But a quiet, blistering condemnation, resting at the tail end of a mature, somber article? It's a classic sucker-punch.
-Joseph Nye is probably a really great dude, and it sounds like his books on leadership are really intelligent, but still, this reader can't escape wondering how incredibly boring it must be to have spent such a healthy portion of one's adult life writing and researching books on "leadership." A bunch of historical perspectives might be fascinating, as you'd get to spend time in the worlds of Napoleon, US Presidents, Genghis Khan, etc, but lurking in the field of analytical research on it? As an idea, a concept, a practice? That sounds awful.
-An autobiography of Barbara Walters could be written on the side of a lambs flesh with a curling iron and I still wouldn't even remotely be able to make myself give a shit.
-Jewelery museums either, god, I can't imagine being paid to go to a place like that. To each their own, I suppose.
Obituary: Mildred Loving
-That's three in a row that we didn't know, although in Mildred's case, that may be that she is probably in the first wave of things to be dropped from the history book--she wasn't a civil rights activist, and her case (a black woman and a white man, who's marriage went all the way to the American Supreme Court) didn't interest her and her husband enough for them to attend the arguments or hearings. (According to the obit, they didn't even read the decision, which reached a unanimous ruling in 1967.) The best thing about someone like Mildred Loving and her husband is, for this reader, that they once again put to lie the idea that great social change can only be brought about by those in great power. While it was lawyers and courts that changed the law, it was a quiet, funny black woman and her gangly white husband who decided that they were going to get married whether there was a law in the way or not. They didn't do much--but then again, what they did made the country a better place for those who came after them. That, in it's own little way, is more than enough.
-Next week in the Economist--more depressing stuff! More money talk! War, famine and pestilence, on the way!
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2008.05.20
Music of the Weak: Year of the Machine Gun
Zilla Rocca – “Machine Gun Remix”
The Factual Opinion considered putting a moratorium on Lil’ Wayne guest spots, but decided it would quickly go out of business. We’re still not sure if Weezy is as popular as the media would like us to believe, but seriously, “If you didn’t help me make it/ Don’t tell me how to spend it/ And yes I know the rules/ Don’t marry Robin Givens”? It hurts me in the warm places. “Damn I’m Cold” is as syrupy and confident as you’d expect a Lil’ Wayne/Bun B collaboration to be, with the highlight coming at the end when LW role-plays his own call-and-response between a machine gun (“Brrrdrrrdrrrdrrr”) and The Beast (“Grrrrrrrrrrr.”)
Speaking of which, “Machine Gun,” the highest regarded track off of Portishead’s Third, continues its march toward Single of the Year status. The conceit—dueling brutal drum machines—is so simple and effective it’s unbelievable that it hasn’t been done before, and the metallic abrasiveness gives Portishead’s typical moodiness a nice hard tweak. Zilla Rocca, a Philadelphia MC hopping quick on a good idea, doesn’t touch the track at all (except to cut it by about a minute). He simply waits until the instrumental breakdown and lays his vocal on top of it. Somehow, this has been circulating around the internet. For his part, Zilla Rocca delivers a tired, amateurish rap. At one point, he imitates the drum machine with weak and ugly “Na na na na”s, prompting me to imagine a Zilla Rocca/Lil’ Wayne gun imitation shootout and proving why Lil’ Wayne is The Best Rapper Alive™ and Zilla Rocca is… wait, what were we talking about?
“Rabbit” is one of those rare songs that, every time you think you’ve got it pegged, takes an abrupt left turn. It starts with some squilchy electronic jimjam, but quickly adds a bit of furious drumming—which creates a bit of a post-trip-hoppy vibe. Chick singing sounds like PJ Harvey. Then come the Metallica guitars. If “Rabbit” holds up to massive repeated listening, it just might be a candidate for Single of the Year.
Alphabeat – “Fascination”
A little like a Kids Incorporated version of an indie song.
Fleet Foxes – “White Water Hymnal”
Does anyone hear Fleet Foxes’ Sun Giant EP and not think they sound exactly like My Morning Jacket? And, with an EP as stunning as Sun Giant is, does it really matter? The one new trick in Fleet Foxes bag is the a cappella song: “Sun Giant” gorgeously kicked off their EP. Now, “White Water Hymnal” from their upcoming debut trumps even that. Here are two true confessions: 1) “White Water Hymnal” begins a cappella, adds instrumentation, and ends a cappella. After the first handful of times, I would have sworn that the entire song lacked instrumentation. That’s just how I remembered it. 2) I also thought it was a frickin’ round (you know, like they do with “Row Row Row Your Boat”), which made me feel like it might have been the single most innovative song of the last few years. The lesson here, of course, has less to do with me paying closer attention, and more to do with the need for more rounds (or any rounds, really) in rock music. Frère Jacques, bitches.
Chopping up “Apache” may seem like a hip-hop cliché, but it’s a little more like studying the classics. There’s always a relevant angle to be found. Even if you don’t find it, it’ll sound good anyway. Pink Skull, however, is not taking any chances. Most of the fun of the track comes from the way the beat continuously morphs over the course of the track, and how the bongos get elevated into a Spank Rock-friendly electro-pulse. On a side note, does anyone else think Amanda Blank sounds exactly like Princess Superstar?
Tom Waits’ “Glitter and Doom Tour” Press Conference
We’re just going to save everyone the trouble and call this Album of the Year now.
-Martin Brown, 2008
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2008.05.19
The Virgin Read: All In Together Now. Things Are Looking Good, Looking Better Now.
Young Liars # 3
By David Lapham
Published by Vertigo/DC Comics
Well, once again, I judged a book by its cover. Okay, I didn’t judge it. I PICKED it because of its cover. I picked it because (blush) the guy on the cover, his profile, looked kind of like my husband. And I thought it’d be really fun to read a comic book, um, about my husband.
But it really doesn’t look like him. And so, there went that.
The cover, I don’t know, did not lead me to believe that this comic was going to be as dark as it was. And every time I read a comic that includes violence, drug addiction, sex, etc., I’m always shocked. I don’t know why. Its like after a long day teaching preschool I forget that there are other picture books other than “Llama Llama, Red Pajama.”
Look, I don’t know anything, anything, anything about this comic. I discussed it with no one. I did no sort of googling or wikepedia-ing. I just read it. And so I immediately concluded that it was not a superhero comic. And then something would get said or something would happen and my brain would lurch and think, “Oh, wait. Do we have to go into super power mode? Is it time to suspend disbelief?”
The first time I had that thought was right in the beginning when we find out that the main character once set himself on fire, yet lived. And he says “It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. It was the day I knew I was strong enough to do anything.” See…..it almost alludes to some super-human strength and/or fortitude. I mean, he set himself on fire, lived and looks to exhibit no scarring. Kinda amazing, right?
But then there’s no kind of super-heroy things going on...Until some thugs come to fight. And then out of nowhere come the “Pinkertons.” And, our little gang of characters kick the hell out of the thugs, and slaughter the Pinkertons. I mean SLAUGHTER. They bludgeon these guys. They BEHEAD one of them. Like, easily. Breezily. So, again, the brain lurch. Super-stuff?
Nope. So once again, I settle for a “reality” comic, and then Sadie says something about her father trying to impregnate her with spider eggs, etc., etc. Which would normally make a person realize that she’s cuckoo. But this is comic-book-land, folks, and anything is possible. So, it took me a couple of pages to realize that this is not about super-people. Just fucked up people. Its definitely a comic that takes a second read. Upon second read, all the pieces fall into place a little better. (At least they did for me.)
I don’t know where this comic is coming from or where it plans to go. I’m still not sure why the Pinkertons are after that girl. But I did feel really, really sa Yound for that guy at the end. I mean, we start with him sobbing and lighting himself on fire over some girl. And at the end we realize that he’s involved in and having sex with a girl that, before HE SHOT HER, she treated him like shit. And now that she’s somewhat mentally incapacitated….its all working out for him? Oy.
All in all this comic left me with the bleakest feeling. I mean, that might make me wanna say it’s a bad comic--but then I realized...when has a comic been able to make me empathize with and almost experience that empty, bottomless feeling of sadness and depression that seems to be in all of the characters in this comic? I don’t wanna live in that place, but I have to say they do a great job of constructing that reality. I remember times from my late teens/early 20s…..when the people I hung with and the things we did – well they weren’t as dark as Young Liars, but things were somewhat dark. A lot of us were “walking wounded” trying to get love, find love, feel good and just making ourselves and everyone else feel worse in the process. That’s sex, drugs and rock n’ roll for ya. Not that glamorous. More like an endless pit of despair.
Oh, how did this become about me? Er…ahem. In conclusion, I find myself a little more intrigued by this comic the more I think about it and the more I go back to it. So, who knows, maybe I’ll check in for issue 4 to see what happens. Hopefully it’ll go somewhere unusual, otherwise it will just be a trip of nostalgia through the worst times of your life. And that’s just weird.
-Nina Stone, 2008
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2008.05.18
Comics Of The Weak: Nice, But Not As Nice As Berlin Alexandertitz
B.P.R.D. # 5
Written by Mike Mignola & Joshua Dysart
Art by Paul Azaceta & Nick Filardi
Published by Dark Horse Comics
The climax of the best the mainstream pamphlet market has to offer (besides All-Star Superman) and it is, no surprise, the throw down to teach throw downs about being fucking down. In this corner, some tired, scared, yet courageous and hard as nails soldiers, and in the opposite corner, two giant fucking gorillas with massive lightbulbs in their heads that allow them to be remote controlled by a Nazi brain in a robot spider body. And in case you're all like "man I don't like gorillas", there's a smaller monkey, probably some kind of Curious George type of monkey, and he's handling the controls on a missile launcher containing a bunch of Nazi vampire zombie--and that sweet little bundle of crazy is aimed right at America. Luckily, the military men have a little girl who looks like a Hummel figurine on their side. Jesus, that's a good comic.
Batman # 676
Written by Grant Morrison
Art by Tony Daniel, Sandu Florea & Guy Major
Published by DC Comics
Well, for a first issue of a major cross-over, this isn't altogether as horrible as some of the other parts will probably be--this RIP storyline is going to cross-over through the always terrifying pages of Robin and Nightwing, and god knows what will occur there. Art wise, Tony Daniel still hasn't figured out how to draw a character doing anything beyond physical movement--there's zero indication what any of these characters are feeling or thinking from a purely-visual standpoint. Textually, there's some clues--Alfred seems oddly jealous of Batman's new girlfriend, Robin is behaving with a maturity and sense of humor this reader wasn't aware he even possessed, the Joker is a creepy creep from creeptown and he has a gift certificate for gross. Most of all, or worst of all, there stands a Batman at the center, one who isn't just vacant, he's almost non-existent. Nothing to kill, this guy is already dead on his feet. Excepting the moment near the middle of the book, when he mentions to Robin that he should give a homeless woman the "couple hundreds in the dash," this is a Batman that has had all personality and pathos hollowed right out of him. Overall, it's still unusual enough in it's own Grant Morrison has-a-plan fashion to make it better than previous issues, but then again, Batman has never been that great of a series anyway. As always, comparing it down the history of the 675 before it is a mugs game. Of course it's better than the worst of them--but that doesn't really make it good, y'know?
Batman Confidential # 17
Written by Fabian Nicieza
Art by Kevin Maguire & I.L.L.
Published by DC Comics
It's Kevin Maguire, yes, which means it's one of the few super-hero comics that does enough with that constantly ignored and universally missed thing called "facial expressions" that, at times while reading, the fucking thing is almost revelatory--who knew that swinging through rooftops was difficult yet exhilarating? Not anybody who's stuck with the other 99% of artists working on spandex books. Sure, it's just a story about Batgirl chasing Catwoman for the entire book, and since it's the first of five issues that means absolutely nothing else happens but the beginning of the chase--yet still, Kevin Maguire. Reminding you that something can be done with jaws and lips besides bleeding. (Ending at a nudist club is a bit of a letdown, but only in the sense that, for 20 pages one is going "Hey, a fucking kid could read this." Oh well. It's not like a kid was going to anyway.)
Gotham Underground # 8
Written by Frank Tieri
Art by J. Calafiore, Jack Purcell & Brian Reber
Published by DC Comics
As awful as this is, here's more of the same, this time with much less talking. Instead, it's a punch-a-bunch festival and the Vigilante has a VIP pass for Batman to break his motorcycle helmet mask with old school right hooks and a nearby brick wall. In brighter news, all of those characters they've been introducing for the last seven issues decided to quit being characters. Hopefully, that will be the last time anybody has to read about a female Bane--not because there's anything wrong with a female Bane, but just because those massive cordons of veins bulging off out of her breasts makes no biological sense and it was just rank to look at. Can J. Calafiore draw, like, at all? Is he going to start soon?
Green Arrow & Black Canary # 8
Written by Judd Winick
Art by Mike Norton, Rodney Ramos & David Baron
Published by DC Comics
It only took seven issues for Cliff Chiang to realize that a monthly comic wasn't to his liking, and it's respectable enough that he's left GA & BC to find a new artist in hopes of it maintaining a consistent shipping schedule. As a replacement, the team of Norton and Ramos lack a bit of the attractiveness that Chiang was dropping in such a (seemingly) effortless fashion, but they certainly aren't as bad as some of DC's worst offenders--actually, it would be dishonest to even call them average. They really aren't that bad. That kind of hurts to say. It sounds almost complimentary. Well, the story still sucks.
Titans # 2
Written by Judd Winick
Art by Joe Benitez, Victor Llamas & Edgar Delgado
Published by DC Comics
The argument of high versus low culture is one that we don't have much interest in-not because we don't have an opinion on it, we do, we just don't have any patience, tolerance, or interest in any that differ from our own. That's the thing needed most when you decide to have one of those debates about whether or not Harry Potter has a much cultural value as the Goldberg Variations. You need to care, or at least have some modicum of respect for the person who's disagreeing with you. (Or you need to just like arguing with people who you think are dumber than you are.) That's the bag, the game, the mise en scene, understand? Anyway, just to get around to the point, which is what there is to say about Titans, it's this: this reads like something you can get off a comic book message board. Even more specifically, it reads like a story that comes off a Teen Titans fan message board, on a "Unauthorized" Teen Titans website that's run by one or two people who also print their own 'zine, about the Teen Titans. Now, some people are going to say, hey, that's fan fiction, isn't it? Isn't that fan fiction? Isn't fan fiction sometimes really good, like even better than the real stuff? To them we say...well, we kind of already covered that, didn't we?
Casanova # 14
Written by Matt Fraction
Art by Fabio Moon
Published by Image Comics
Casanova's been around long enough now that the series second story, of which this is the conclusion, that it's going to be compared to the first story, and in that case this one has been a bit more up and down then the first, but that's in part due to the fact that the first one was just so out-of-the-ether clever and unusual in comparison to other comics, because it was the first one, and you didn't know what it was going to be like, so with the second one, now you have a barometer, something to cast it against, so it's easy to forget that this comic, this series, that's it still cheap, and it's still well put together, and it's still the best thing Matt Fraction writes, or wrote, or has written, depending on how you want to word it, and it's quippy, or funny, and really fucking imaginative and creative, even though it's not for everybody, but it's pretty goddamn much for anybody, so this was pretty good, and long, longer than usual, but still cheap, and it looked really great.
Captain Britain & MI13
Written by Paul Cornell
Art by Leonard Kirk, Jesse Delperdang & Brian Reber
Published by Marvel Comics
Having no relationship with any of these characters and either of these creators, this comic actually turns out to be fairly entertaining, mostly due to the sheer unwieldiness of the entire thing. There's Gordon Brown, being himself, meaning someone who we're hard-pressed to believe the majority of the audience will recognize, here's some female super-hero with some type of Flash like powers ripping the throat out of a bad guy with her fucking teeth, then there's this, some of that, and the title character gets killed on the last page...what is this thing? It's a comic about a British super-hero team, controlled directly by the government, and the launch of it will be tied in with the whole Secret Invasion mini-series. So it's trial by fire kind of stories, with the entire issue being a "build a squad" thing while also lots of killing. It's a weird book--the "everybody please buy this" nature of Secret Invasion means that characters like Spider-Man and Hawkeye aren't going to be depicted out-and-out slaughtering the alien invaders, but in something like this Capitan Britain thing, it just doesn't matter, we guess. Not that it's offensive--like all super-hero violence, this shit is just too cartoony to be gross. In a way, the idea that British super-heroes are totally content to exterminate the alien religious zealots trying to take over Earth is sort of clever. It doesn't make any real political statement, in fact, it's at odds with American behavior in times of conflict, but it's still relatively "oh, huh". Since nothing of any real importance in the Marvel universe happens outside of the US, Paul Cornell has the opportunity to write whatever he wants. And what he wants is, for now, a comic where women that look like a K-Mart version of Hawkgirl rip people's throats out with their teeth.
The Last Defenders # 3
Written by Joe Casey
Art by Jim Muniz, Cam Smith & Antonio Fabela
Published by Marvel Comics
Kieth Giffen bails out for this issue, maybe for the series. It's not super-noticeable, which leaves the question of what he was doing in the first place open-ended, but hey, it's not like this was a comic in desperate need of two writers anyway, right? Hell, it's just a fucking mini-series about a bunch of no-name C-level heroes fighting some random bad guys in New Jersey. And in comic books, much like life, there aren't shit to say about New Jersey that doesn't sound like an apology for not being New York. So here you go, with the most pathetic twist you can imagine--this no game having super-hero loses his team, is ignored and unappreciated by his didn't-need-saving and not-interested-in-dating pal, and decides to hire people to form a new squad of losers. He pays them, to be his teammates. Does he give benefits? Probably not, and they have to provide their own costumes. If it wasn't for Godland, we'd think that Joe Casey had just completely given up.
Secret Invasion: Fantastic Four # 1
Written by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa
Art by Barry Kitson, Mick Gray, Paul Neary, Scott Kanna & Christ Sotomayor
Published by Marvel Comics
Similar in fashion to the Captain Britain thing, this is another Secret Invasion cross-over that comes straight out of the serial television style of content delivery. There's nothing here that's going to expand the comprehensibility of the Secret Invasion series proper, instead this is the sort of extra-curricular storytelling designed for those who are going to want to know when and how their favorite super-heroes were replaced by Skrulls. Although this is only the first of what, if history proves correct, will be a vast swath of spin-off mini-series, it's probable that they will all follow the format presented here--take the pieces off the table, focus specifically on a select few A-listers and collect income. Anything that's "important" to the larger story won't happen here--instead, this turns into those cheap webisodes that shows like 24 and the Office make to supplement the interest of the more voracious fans. It's not as schlocky as that horrible 24 show for cellphones that had 1-minute episodes, but that's pretty much only because Barry Kitson seems to be pushing his art away from the squat figures that he's been doing for the last ten years. Actually, if it wasn't for getting a chance to see Kitson do something somewhat fresh and new with his style, there'd be nothing else to say about this comic: the dialog is stilted and heavy on exposition, the characters on display are probably easily recognizable to Fantastic Four fans and no one else, and it's lack of consequence aborts the potential for any real drama. In other words, it's a Fantastic Four comic book. Who gives a shit?
Wolverine # 65
Written by Jason Aaron
Art by Ron Garney & Jason Keith
Published by Marvel Comics
Jason Aaron probably can't be blamed for not giving this story the actual climax that would have made it more memorable--in the end, whether he's being groomed to be the next Brubaker or not, it's not going to be up to him to actually kill off perennial X-Men antagonist Mystique. That's an editorial call. While this story was far too repetitive than it had any business being, considering the scant amount of issues involved, it was a relatively stable Wolverine story, and it was probably really appealing to fans of the character. Of course, that means it's a completely disposable super-hero comic book, and a merely average one at that. In other circles, like television and film, when something is average, it might actually be pretty decent but here, that means it's like eating nails while watching a dog fuck your sister. Theoretically.
100 Bullets # 91
Written by Brian Azzarello
Art by Eduardo Risso
Published by Vertigo/DC Comics
An excellent seat-filler of an issue--in a lot of this issue, the plot comes across less like an integral part of the 100 Bullets story and more of a nod to the long-time reader. One of the longest running dynamics of 100 has been the "attache case with untraceable ammunition," and it's been put to bed for such a long while now that this reader couldn't even tell you the last time it was a major part of an story. With only nine issues left in this series, it remains to be seen how much (since it definitely won't be all) of the subplots Azzarello will be able to take to conclusion. To be honest, it's been a while since we'd even thought about the attaches--as important as they were made to seem in the first 40 or so issues of the book, they've faded into the background, and it wasn't until this issue that we remembered how nice it was for a book to utilize such a utilitarian plot device to reach so many different conclusions. Of course, it's also been a while since Risso has been so explicit in his depiction of violence, and he continues to be one of the best artists in the industry for delivering the "shock" panels. Either way, 100 Bullets continues to be the one prime example of why Vertigo still matters--this is one of the most consistently rewarding series they've ever published.
DMZ # 31
Written by Brian Wood
Art by Riccardo Burchielli & Jeromy Cox
Published by Vertigo/DC Comics
Riccardo Burchielli's art usually gets some back-handed attention here at the Factual, an unhappy truth related both to our own basic impatience with reading all these stupid fucking comics and an inability to compliment someone without it tasting like surgical waste. That being said, Burchielli's opening splash pages of the remains of New York City as a helicopter cruises in is some of the strongest and most attractive piece of industrial architecture as art that's been seen anywhere in this series. A lot of DMZ has suffered, in our op, from the drive to keep the series so low to the ground--at the end of the day, refuse covered streets in New York City all look so similar that the work Burchielli puts in becomes a bit uniform. It's not his fault, if anything, it's a statement on how well he does the job of drawing the same shit again and again, and having it still look like the same shit. But when given the opportunity, as he at multiple points in this issue, one gets a chance to see how talented he truly is. The final page, where the flash of a sniper's bullet appears like an infant star exploding on the roof of a building, is one of the most definitive pieces of work in the entire DMZ series thus far. We always knew it would take something really fucking great to knock the "Ghosts" story from the top spot in the DMZ library--maybe "Blood In The Game" is the one.
-Tucker Stone, 2008
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2008.05.15
Economist Versus Idiot: Nobody Brings You Pandas Anymore
The World Last Week (Besides Myanmar)
-It's totally balls out amazing that when Hu Jintao makes the first Chinese state visit to Japan in a decade, he promises Japan a new pair of panda bears. You can't make that kind of shit up.
-How much does diplomatic recognition from Papua New Guinea cost? More than 30 million, Taiwan! Have fun in jail, Mr. Foreign Minister!
-It's either a sign of progress that the Iraqi foreign minister is the voice of reason between Iranian and American talks over security in Iraq, or it's the worst possible news since the Throbbing Gristle reunion. Either way, why the Economist felt the need to head this paragraph "Jaw-jaw is better than war-war" remains a mystery.
-Zimbabwe, still laying out the gasoline, apparently in hopes that it will burn longer than Kenya. In other Mugabe news, his mustache? Still fucking creepy.
-How much is the Sundance Channel worth? 496 million, but it probably would have been more if they'd promise never to show shitty talk shows hosted by Henry Rollins. On a lighter side, that does sound like enough money to buy diplomatic recognition from Papua New Guinea. Look into it, Cablevision.
-Some Goldman Sachs analyst predicted three years ago that oil would breach $100 a barrel, which it has, but that leads this reader to wonder who, exactly, thought it wouldn't?
Leaders
-Joining the choir of saying Hilary should drop out of the race, the Economist piece about Obama's win in North Carolina still continues to avoid the newspaper throwing their support behind him. Non-Economist readers who like to label the publication as stoutly conservative often make the mistake of assuming that being pro-capitalist makes it automatically Republican. At this point, they're still not a big fan of McCain either. (Also, British.) Still, while they're remaining neutral for now (I don't think they actually chose their candidates in the last US election until closer to the conventions) this article doesn't really deserve to be a leader, and it has zero business being the cover story. It's just a retread of the same shit--Obama delivers empty rhetoric with a lot of flair, he handled the Jeremiah Wright blow-up 2.0 well and it's admirable how little interest he has in playing the race card. Got it the first thousand times.
-One of the most excellent parts of the cursory analysis they're able to give Myanmar under what had to be a relatively tight deadline is this: "When so many are in such need, the humanitarian imperative overrides qualms about giving handouts to a repugnant regime." It's beyond sickening how poorly the military junta in Myanmar have failed the Burmese people, but even if they are going to levy import taxes on emergency supplies, it will (at this early stage of the disaster) be worthwhile if even a fraction of aid makes it to any of the people who desperately need it. Hopefully, there will be some way for the exploitative and criminal behavior of the junta to become more common knowledge among the Burmese when this settles down--it's high time for them to be made fully aware of how ugly their government has behaved.
-From there, the leaders sections becomes the remainder bin: Gordon Brown is a tool and no one cares, there's a op/ed about Palestine that could have been written at any point between 1967 and yesterday, the Economist still feels the need to offer some nigh-on socialist solutions that will never, ever happen with the US foreclosure crisis and a mildly interesting write-up about Dmitry Medvedev. (His name means "bear!" Who knew?)
Letters
-Somebody was in middle school in Houston, Texas at some point in the last 30 years, and they had the opportunity to kick Tony Welsh in the face, and they didn't. And now Tony Welsh is all grown up, and he's a big fucking nerd who points out math errors via letter. Also, John Dowlin in Philadelphia? Your charity or whatever it is that you're doing for classic cars with fins in Cuba? It's so completely unnecessary that it's almost physically repugnant. That is all, useless letters section. I hate you.
United States
-Here's the reason Obama made the cover--a sober, free of rhetoric article on African-Americans. While it's more than a little pointless that they use Obama's successful campaign efforts as the art and bookend of this report, that's only because it's completely unnecessary--the piece itself is strong enough not be shoehorned in with more Obama fannishness. Articles on race in the US are usually a lot more palatable when they focus less on anecdotal moralizing and, unsurprisingly, when they aren't written by Americans. Here, the author(s) are able to sink back into the background enough that the complicated (and divisive) issues of imprisonment, voting rights, affirmative action and discrimination aren't contained within some kind of pundit packaging. It's, for the most part, just facts, figures and neutral analysis. The sort of stuff that doesn't make for sound bites, but demands thought. (Which is why it isn't the sort of thing you'd read in newspapers that give Miley Cyrus front page duties.)
-James Carville was pretty great on Soderbergh's K-Street. Still, saying "If she gave him one of her cojones they'd both have two." Why do people hire you? To be gross? That doesn't even make sense. So you're saying that Hilary Clinton has three testicles, and that Obama only has one? Think about it first. That doesn't make anybody want to vote for Hilary, it doesn't even make people want to vote at all. It just makes you want to give it all up to chance and check in with Niko Belloc.
-The six books a week plan is pretty intense, but how does a teacher actually prove that a parent didn't do it? (Harlem Success, a charter school that requires parents read six books a week to their kids.) And do you kick out kids who's parents phone it in? How does that even work?
-In Utah, there's no law for real estate developers to preserve or even reveal the existence of archaeological remains. I want to feel worse about this, yet I find myself wondering when the last time was that I went and looked at actual fossils of anything. Ruins are great, but the best ruins are all in other countries. At the same time, I like the concept of criticizing Utah, as I know nothing about the state. It's a struggle amongst multiple things, all of which I care little about. In the end, I'll go with my gut and take the opportunity to criticize people I don't know.
-Lexington's column is another ball-out-park win. One of the best and most focused analysis of Americana available--this time, she/he focuses on Freedom House, a "liberty watchdog" founded in 1941. I never find myself in total agreement with Lexington's politics, but the talent for exposition and description is undeniably brilliant.
The Americas
-Sorry to the guys and gals who handle this section, but the only thing that jumped for this reader was finding out the one third of the electricity in the Dominican Republic is stolen. That's awesome, and makes it sound so easy that I should be doing it.
Asia
-What makes the difference between the earthquake in China and the cyclone in Myanmar, besides the death toll? Oh, maybe that China will at least attempt to look after their citizens. The Burmese junta doesn't even pretend that it cares.
-Hey, just in case you've got a good mood that natural disasters and uncaring governments haven't destroyed, people in North Korea have added treebark and grass to their diet. In other news, Kim Jong Il still claims to have super-powers.
-Wasn't aware that the Dalai Lama actually did support a "one-China" policy. This article fails to tell us whether he told the Beastie Boys before they did all those terrible music festivals with Blues Traveler.
-One more time, in case you missed it above. China meets Japan, brings the promise of panda bears.
Middle East and Africa
-There's a nice long article here about the Americans and the Iraqi's trying to play "guess what i'm wearing" with Iran, but it would have been far more preferable to just say "What the fuck do you want, Iran?" Then again, I don't write foreign policy.
-Let's put it this way: Yemen has 22 million people. They also have 17 million guns. It's not ready for a tourism industry yet.
-The most irritating surprise about Zimbabwe's currently dismal state of affairs isn't that people are getting killed and beaten in hopes of changing their vote if and when the second round of electioneering begins, no, that's just awful. It's not surprising. What's surprising is how long countries like Botswana, Tanzania, Zambia and others are planning to lay back in the cut and express "impatience." Fuck impatience. This is one of the best opportunities for a lot of stable African countries have had to prove to the ignorant and racist rest-of-the-world that what happens in Africa doesn't need to be fixed by white people and their money. Mugabe has to go, and the hands that pull him off the podium should be African hands.
-While they may not be as hip and trendy as Mossad agents, Spetznaz dog-killers and Deltas, the South African vigilante force turned police special unit "The Scorpions" may be just about the most bad-ass group of motherfuckers on the planet. These guys are the equivalent of dropping an ethical Vic Mackey into a swamp of corruption and organized crime and giving him weapons.
Europe
-Considering that May 7th was the day that Dmitry Medvedev was inaugurated, it's kind of disappointing that this article doesn't have any real new information in it--it's pretty much a retread of last weeks piece. That's not really anybodies fault, per se, but it is part of what makes the Russian change-over a bit nerve-wracking--the feeling that the rest of the world is just reverting back to those days when no one really knew what the hell was going on with that part of the world. It's 2008, and the best the Economist can offer is the same routine prognostication that we don't really know how, or if, a new Russian president is going to change the declining state of affairs. It would be less disconcerting if it wasn't for last years stories about the Kremlin's involvement in the murder of Russian journalist, but even then, not so much.
-The income-tax returns for 2005 of the entire Italian people, on sale on Ebay. That's interesting enough.
-Charlemagne's look at what Ireland might do with the upcoming referendum on the EU's Lisbon treaty is fascinating enough to read in the abstract, but it's mostly a testament to the disgusting behavior of the Irish farmers' union who are are blackmailing the Irish government to maintain high import tariffs if they want the 10,000 strong membership to vote yes. Democracy allows for that sort of behavior, sure, and it's a constant irritation in American politics as well, but the scope of this one is particularly audacious.
-It's not particularly worth cheering when a government goes after journalists, secular or not, but it's always worthwhile to point out that a 78 year old hardcore religious columnist was arrested for raping a 14-year-old girl. Turkey has a ways to go before the progress it's made in recent years gets acknowledged, but they should be applauded for going after a popular Muslim columnist for a crime that undoubtedly gets swept under the table far too often.
Britain
-Another week, another attempt by the Economist to get me to care about the Tories. Look, here's the deal. I'll read it. But don't expect me to...oh god, how would the country be different under David Cameron? I think I might want to know, maybe sometime next never.
-Wendy Alexander may pull off what overwrought Mel Gibson vanity pictures couldn't, and actually bring Scottish independence to the table. Doubtful, but still pretty gutsy.
-Keep it up Gordon Brown, and the legacy of your time in office will be a bunch of empty corporate warehouses where the British people's jobs once existed. Welcome to the flipside of the global economy.
-Bagehot has no stories about monkey suits this week, and I find myself disappointed. Instead, it's one of those columns where he/she points out all the things that Gordon Brown and the New Labor party have done well, what they should look to do now, and she/he does it all without sinking into the morass of self-indulgence that the Nation lives in, where the writers seem to think that their suggestions while be acknowledged and put into practice. A genius piece of writing, as always.
International (Why Does This Section Exist)
-Ethanol based fuels: good. Pushing low-income farmers to use agricultural land for ethanol based fuels for use in the US and Europe? Quick update: starving people can't eat ethanol based fuels. Bike about that, San Francisco.
-New York passed this "Libel Terrorism Protection Act" last month. This article tells you why, but it boils down to this: don't talk smack about rich Ukrainians with a taste for legal theatrics, unless you like telling your fellow journalists that, yes, the newspaper closed because of your article. (And poorly thought out British libel statutes.) Wait, what do British libel law, aggressively named New York actions and a rich Ukrainian have to do with one another? Is this the one about the parrot and the basketball coach?
Business
-Wow, drilling for oil is nothing like that Daniel Day-Lewis movie. Due to all the export taxes and corporate interference, Russia keeps 92% of the profits. Even though the country sits on some of the largest untapped reserves, nobody wants to roll in and start pumping. That won't last, but for now...pretty surprising behavior, considering how tied in the current Russian successes are with the oil profits. Maybe they should stop jailing tycoons and assassinating people with radioactive isotopes.
-Hey Yahoo? Remember all that time before May 3rd, when your stock kept going up? Yeah, those days are pretty much over. Enjoy feeling some stockholder boot, Jerry Yang.
-Eventually, Africa will probably become a great untapped market for mobile-phones. Don't know if we'd agree with Bharti Airtel that time is now, though.
-The Economist is clever enough to point out that Chinese automaker Great Wall Motor is "easy to poke fun [at]". But then they don't do it! This company makes vehicles with names like Deer, Hover, Wingle, Sailer and Socool! The cars themselves look as if you could trade Frosted Mini-Wheats for them! Poke! Poke away! They have a car named Socool! (To their credit, they do give the article the same name as a Duran Duran song.)
-Australia, after 25 years, still cannot escape Crocodile Dundee. Seriously, that's what this article is about.
-You can patent "business methods" that don't require equipment, technology--hell, they don't even need actual methods. Then you can sue somebody who does the same thing. Like sell something a certain way, or buy something a certain way. You can patent thought. Growth market?
-He's young, rich, smart as hell, successful, and gutsy! Yet 32-year old John Elkann, the new chairman of Turin based investment firm IFIL has one strike against him. (He looks like Josh Groban's sickly younger brother.) Hey, I kid, I kid. He could buy and sell us all.
Briefing: Energy Efficiency
-Next on the list of things you can do to save the planet? Buy a better fridge and turn off your lights. I wish there was an expensive (and sexy) ad campaign about this. But until Jeff Bridges tells me, in his most dulcet tones, I like to come home to an air conditioner constructed in the late 70's that's been running for eight hours. There's an inconvenient truth for you, you capitalist running dogs.
Finance and Economics
-As always, the throw-some-coffee-on-your-brain section, where it may get boring, but it always gets important. First off on the homework pile is a snapshot of Ben Barneke's color coded map of the housing situation in America--red means "holy shit a lot of people are losing their homes." As with any study of statistics, housing-price indicators are difficult to manage a cogent analysis out of--both the Federal Reserve and the National Association of Realtors have their own methods and motives, and those don't always boil down to the most reliable of data. But these guys need something, because they've got to figure out how to climb out of the pit that Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac kicked the US into. That's the best you'll get out of us--there's a lot more in the article, including a depressing conclusion: thing's are going to get worse.
-Buttonwood, still the Economist's favorite columnist to hide in an unattractive and less respectable position in the paper, focuses on Al Gore and the various Eco-friendly investment groups who are all attempting to figure out how to maximize profits in a field that is as full of ups and downs as one would imagine when you're dealing with the companies that used to push solar power down Californian throats. There's a poor comparison made to the dotcom bubbles of the 1990s, one that ignores the basic difference between the founding of a dotcom (a nickel and a prayer) and the pursuance of alternate energy sources (oh, you know...team of scientists, location, supplies, a whole lot of time). Buttonwood distances himself from that poor analogy to skip to one he/she apparently finds more palatable--telecoms. Neither really work, and this week we remember why this column never gets a full page. Still, some interesting stuff here, mostly for rich people wondering if this is a stable enough market to consider taking the investment plunge. (Shouldn't!)
-Ah, sharia-compliant financial institutions are trying to make inroads into Africa, or at least the parts of Africa that aren't currently soaking in the blood and indifference of the world. This article fails to mention that it sounds a lot like those articles about Asian-based banks attempting to make inroads on Asian-American immigrants that the Economist wrote about a couple of years ago. It didn't happen on the scale they imagined then, and will doubtfully happen on the scale they're imagining now. Still, it's always pleasant to remember that, if the Congo, Kenya, Somalia and Zimbabwe can jettison themselves from their current entanglements, there will be a raft of money-hungry zealots prepared to offer them shitty loans and credit cards. Oh shit i just puked blood
-One more time, first verse, same as the first: the entanglement of the sale of American Treasury bonds to China and Gulf oil exporters helped fuel the past housing boom, brought about low bond yields and the next thing you knew, formerly risky investments in mortgage-backed securities. It's great when things like "people shouldn't have taken them dern loans they couldn't pay" help the ignorant sleep well, but it's always a bit more complicated when the truth comes a-knocking. Entangling American fiscal policy works for the best sometimes, but for the current housing crisis, it sometimes goes the other direction. What's even more awesome is that it takes even more than China and OPEC nations buying bonds--thankfully, this article mostly just goes after the next phase of this difficult situation--how quite a few countries are starting to disengage their currencies from the dollar, in hopes of dodging the effect of the slashing in interest rates.
Science and Technology
-To all lazy, stupid people--you have two new words to memorize: Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. What's that? Well, it's the excuse you're going to use when you can't miss a Mets day game. We all know you don't have food poisoning. Nobody gets food poisoning that much--and M.E. is the go-to medical condition that is still unverifiable through testing. It's also known as chronic fatigue syndrome, or, when someone is feeling particularly nasty, "yuppie flu." But you better jump on this train now, because it's finally getting the research it deserves. God forbid people sleep too much and develop joint pain while being anxious and irritable. It's not like there's worse problems in the world.
-Didn't we all already kind of know that beating your kids screwed them up in a fashion that would affect their adult lives? Well, now there's genetic evidence for maybe the most obvious thing on the planet. Medical research is awesome.
-Your twice yearly reminder that, regardless of what television and the miserable behavior of Midwestern prosecutors tell you, lie-detectors are as reliable as horoscopes, the Atlanta Hawks, and Taoism.
-Cuckoos don't just irritate normal people in the morning. They also piss off meadow pipits, dunnocks and reed warblers. And they're constantly adapting their ingenious methods. Just like David Archuleta's dad.
-Hopefully, someday, one of those people who decry video games as the death of culture, society, life-as-we-know-it, etc., will have their life saved by a secluded fat kid who stays up all night designing proteins online.
Books and Arts
-Yes! Another book on Nixon! An 896 pager that the Economist read...so you don't have to! Then again, considering that the book includes such tasty tidbits of fact like Nixon saying "Could we please investigate some of the cocksuckers?" regarding the Democratic Party, maybe we should. But for $37.50? Is there a guarantee that there will be more about how Nixon wore a necktie along while relaxing in his dressing gown? Because if there's not, then we'll rely on Conrad Black's non-stop insanity festival of a biography from 2006.
-Julie Salamon may feel like she got off easy for the Economist not giving her shit about her book having a ridiculous title. But not here--calling your recap of a year in the trenches of an emergency room Hospital: Man, Woman, Birth, Death, Infinity, Plus Red Tape, Bad Behavior, Money, God, and Diversity on Steroids? That smacks of a healthy slice of self-indulgence, and makes this reader wonder if Penguin didn't offer you the services of an editor. Title-wise, you clearly needed one with a firmer grip on what doesn't suck.
-I'll read a book about Meinhard Goerke, the guy who took a bunch of rich white snobs for suckers when he produced bottles of wine that he passed off as remnants of Thomas Jefferson's private supply, when that book takes the point of view that Meinhard Goerke is a pimp extravagant. But not before, Benjamin Wallace.
-The guy the Rhodes scholarships are named for? Well, his name was Rhodes, but he didn't get very good grades. He was rich though, and he "believed that the Anglo-Saxons were the finest of all races." Yikes!
Obituary: Albert Hofmann
-Didn't know this one either, but unlike last weeks Uber-Bishop, Hofmann's specialty wasn't really part of our purview--he is, after all, the Dr. Bob to Tim Leary's Bill Wilson--the guy who did all the scientific research on lysergic acid diethylamide, but also wore a suit and didn't ride on buses. Still, because the Economist carries a Brit humor sometimes veers into the immature, the accompanying image has Hofmann in a "Who me?" picture accompanied by a kaleidoscopic background--you know, because it would look cool when tripping balls. We'd say the man deserves a better legacy, but that thought begins to dissipate when you read his quote at the end of the article: "Go to the meadow, go the gardens, go to the woods. Open your eyes!"
-Next week's Economist has one of those long focus sections, this one will be about banking. I will probably need to use some amphetamines that a little Irish lad brews in a broken toilet to make it through that, which means I may revert to just using expletives. God knows it's going to be full of depressing articles about...well, fill in the blank. And to Sharif and Matthew, yes, this is a weekly feature. It will last as long as ER, which is apparently still on. Thankfully, we will not feature Uncle Jesse in a suicidal dig for ratings.
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