-Considering the weight that the American Israel Public Affairs Committee has, were the recent speeches given to them by both McCain and Obama televised at all? Obama made it clear that he'll do "everything" to stop Iran from getting nukes. Maybe that's more important than Hilary crying? Sort of?
-California will be putting it's same-sex marriages to a voter's initiative on the November ballot. As always, I will wait to Halloween to care. Life, too short, California, not where I vote.
-Mexico took a look at the US offer of aid and saw the fine print where they were going to have to investigate abuses by their Army and respectfully said "We'll handle our own Army, but thanks anyway."
-Australia is bailing all 550 of their troops out of Iraq, because Kevin Rudd is not a liar.
-When the Lebanese give Israel five dead Israeli's for one live Lebanese man, you'd think they'd acknowledge that was a deal. That is why you are not the government of Israel, who say it was not.
-Dmitry Medvedev went to Germany, but no one cared because Vladimir Putin went to Paris. Yes, but who went to Venice? Ah, Venice.
-Since all Ben Bernanke has to do to rally the dollar is talk about the dollar, why doesn't he just stay on air talking the way out of America's don't-call-this-thing-a-recession?
-Smuckers buys Folgers, which means now shitty coffee may start tasting like Strawberry Jam.
Leaders
-The Economist seems to be firmly in the camp of "We are happy about the nominations," and I think it is safe to say that they never cared much for Hilary in the first place, mostly because of her diving into the whole populist "Just like you, only far richer" manner of speech. Here, they're beating the same drum the majority of the country seems to not care about--that so far McCain and Obama are just dicking around in personality as candidacy, and old Econo would like to hear some serious, intellectual conversations about actual policy positions. Ahh, the Brits--they'll never stop dreaming. On with the music videos and late-night talk show appearances! Boxers or briefs? Can you play a saxa-maphone? It's election season!
-Here's some news you can abuse: the Federal Reserve Bank, otherwise known as "the world's most important financial institution" is short two of it's seven board of governors, and will be down to four in August. Ben Bernake's term as chairman is up in 2010. So in 2010, if new governors aren't elected, one president will have the capability to restructure the scope of worldwide finance. That hasn't happened since the Fed came into existence, and that's because the system was designed so something, exactly like this, would never ever happen, because it would be really bad. The article doesn't say why.
-The Kyoto protocol expires in 2011, but it's not like America ever got excited about it anyway. Now they're trying to come up with a new one, which America and China are probably going to ignore as well. Oh the world, she keeps on getting hotter.
-Every time there's another one of those articles that decries the invasion of privacy regarding advertising and the internet, I always think I should care more, then remember that, as long as I'm open and honest with my wife about looking at dirty pictures, I don't really care so much who knows what I'm doing. I actually kind of feel sorry for them.
Letters
-Some hippies wrote in to whine about pollution, and the world breathed a sigh of relief that climate change is now, thanks to Powerpoint, something that can be discussed outside of the realms of those who won't give up on Birkenstock's and "Dick's Picks." We'll see you in Hell, Ben & Jerry.
United States
-The articles about Obama and McCain have now officially begun, and as such--well, this is pretty much what you'd expect from any of these, regardless of publication. The Economist does a fine enough job of holding back on who they throw their support behind--it would be interesting to see a survey of how many US Presidents they've predicted correctly, but I imagine that will have to be something to figure out myself. The only thing that jumped from this article, which is sort of a continuation/retread of the leader piece is that the Economist seem to be showing an overly paranoiac reaction to internet rumormongers, who are still trotting out the "Obama is a secret Muslim, and sympathizes with terrorists" stuff. I fully realize it's out there, but the writers seem to think there is an actual voting bloc who's buying this garbage. Depressing if I'm wrong, a bit "relax guys" if I'm not. But either way, it is unappetizing.
-My sympathy for the odd status and poverty of Puerto Rico is undoubtedly lessened by my distaste for their horribly run airport, which speaks more to my own vanity and immaturity than I should probably feel comfortable admitting, but it's almost Kafka-esque that the commonwealth can vote in primaries, where their votes count, but not in primaries, where they are can not. Or that they can fight in the Armed Forces, but not vote in Congress. In for a penny, apparently, meaning--well, just in for a penny.
-Considering the length of the article about Hilary's failure to capture the nomination, it would be interesting to find out how long this bad boy had been in the can. (Or if it happens to be an article they started months ago, and have just been adding paragraphs to as the primaries dragged on.) It's a beast of a read, but pretty interesting stuff. Out of it, the only thing remaining before it gets archived to history is what Al Gore, who never spoke up for Hilary, has planned. Due to the upcoming opera of his computer show turned movie, he's still got some kind of muscle, even if it wasn't enough charisma to get Spike Jonze to finish that documentary.
-Lexington tries as hard as he/she can to keep personal opinion out of this weeks column, but you can tell that the hunger for the end of God-talk in political elections is a fervent one. It's difficult to disagree--even from a non-secular standpoint, the incessant ramblings of homophobic bigots and a tiny, vocal class of ignorant fools has become so wrapped up in the civilized world's perception of American Christianity that it's totally understandable how angry it makes those whose job it is to pay attention to elections. Someday, the 70's version of the American churches "silent majority" --all those people who volunteer, march in protests and reject the various forms of hate sickening the country--will stand up and shout down John Hagee, Ron Parsley and Jeremiah Wright. And although it will be a happy moment, most of the world will ask them what took so long.
The Americas
-As always, Brazil struggles to deal with deforestation while at the same time struggling with the rest of the world's desire to tell Brazil how it should govern itself--it's a telling, and subtle dig when the Economist talks about "the wishes of those who would like the Amazon to be a giant park and Indian reserve."
-As much as one might want to give Hugo Chavez the benefit of the doubt, as his cheap fuel oil has benefited a huge amount of people, not the least of which is Celtic fans keeping warm through past winters, the founding of a Venezuelan secret police makes that pretty difficult to do.
-The puff piece about export growth in Saskatchewan, which I think is where the brilliant film Days of Heaven was filmed, is pretty unnecessary, but it does contain an old Canadian joke about the locals hanging out in the west Canadian province, "You can watch your dog running away from you for hours." Because it's really flat. Jesus, that's a sad joke.
Asia
-America's ships, loaded with aid supplies, workers and minutes from
the border, finally left the ocean near Myanmar, after never making it
ashore. In other news, that girl from Heroes told people she kissed girls. Let's all take bets on which story got more play. I'll put up a pony!
-Whether there's anything wrong with American beef or not, when 81% of South Koreans say they don't want to bother with it, it seems the height of stupidity to rebuff them by bringing American beef back. Then again, maybe Lee Myung-bak likes it when everybody but American beef producers likes him.
-Bangladesh decides to display to America another way they could have dealt with three candidates as an election draws closer: have the military decide to incarcerate two of them on trumped up, but possibly true, charges. That does makes voting easier.
Middle East and Africa
-You've got to have a high tolerance for hell if you're going to be a news junkie, but the alternative is being one of the teeming hordes of lazy trash who grow sluggish on ignorance as they screech their clarion cry, "That stuff is so depressing." That being said, keeping up with Morgan Tsvangirai as he prepares to face off against Robert Mugabe and the Zimbabwean military is a snuff film in slow motion. I would love nothing more than my worst fears regarding the end of this particular situation to be proven totally wrong. Read this though, and it is somewhat impossible to see how. (The day I posted this, one of Tsvangirai's most important supporters was arrested for treason, which is punishable by the same thing Mugabe punishes everybody with.)
-Israel and Palestine better fix their security and state problems fast, or else a lack of water is going to make the "who lives where" question completely moot.
-While it certainly isn't spaced out equally, an average yearly income per person of eighty grand is nothing to sneeze at. The fact that Qatar's biggest export, liquid natural gas, will be doubling in the next five years means that those numbers are only going to get higher. And yes, this is the country that gave $100 million to help Hurricane Katrina victims. So yay, or something.
Europe
-Thankfully, this article doesn't go into the mechanics of the plastic surgery to reconstruct hymens, so that Muslim women can convince their freakishly outdated fiances that there will be a virgin on the wedding night, but even the mention of it taints this entire article with disgust. For whatever reason, some French judge thought it should be written on the law books that, when a woman isn't a virgin upon marriage, that's grounds for annulment. Maybe next year they'll bring back scarlet letters as well.
-Besides the troubles with tax evasion reaching the highest levels, Deutsche Telekom decided to take a page from that semi-decent flick The Lives of Others and spy on its own customers--after deciding that they'd already got the ball rolling on that, they then figured "Why not journalists, all the managers, and that supervisory board that keeps catching us doing illegal shit?" Oh, and they also hired former members of the East German secret police, just so the whole thing could have a nice industrial vibe to it.
-Charlemagne doesn't have to worry about freaking out Americans, since most of the ones who read the Economist already saw this article coming--but boy howdy, this is the stuff that rampaging right-wing talk shows live for! Hey, Joe Six Pack? Guess what's coming down the pipeline, as the credit crisis and a trillion dollar war eats your income? Team-up between Europe and China, for all the power in the world. Get scared! Get xenophobic! Then remember that China makes all your stuff, and shut the hell up.
Britain
-Britain's weird teenage drinking problems are all over the place, and did I mention weird? Not even sure how this actually happened.
-They're making a lot of movies in Belfast, but not all of them are about Belfast.
-That's it, this section was navel-gazing to the extreme. You care about rural British homesteads? Hell, the British don't even care about rural British homesteads.
International (Extraordinarily Pointless Section That Should Find A New Home)
-Want to read a short article called "A good retirement guide for monarchs?" No? No, not really.
-How about indigenous people working the hand-shake squad? It's not totally boring! They want to kill seals, but also teach us about the Great Spirit!
-Well, you can always read about the global stalemate at the World Food Summit, but the sub-header pretty much tells it all--science and agriculture knows how to feed people. The people with money would rather spend it on pennywhistles, gumdrops and broken dreams. Basically, like every food summit ever.
Business
-Russia currently has no problem with fuel costs, so everybody over there is buying cars--which, for the forseeable future will probably all be built by non-Russian companies experimenting with the weird laws that Russia has provided so they could effectively neuter their own auto industry. Whatever Russia. You don't need to make sense. Oil never runs out.
-Remember paper airplane tickets? Then you are old! Put away the skateboard and bust out the Vick's, oldie!
-I can't stand people who talk at length about how much they love the smell and tactile sensations of print, but I'll be damned before I buy into the Kindle being the wave of the future. But then again, I used to have a beeper. What the fuck do I know about technology?
Finance and Economics
-Better call in Vril Dox for some help on this section, it is a doozy. Buttonwood continues to lash out a world that won't give his/her column a full page with a blisteringly explicit opinion, backed up by some supremely depressing facts, that the credit crisis isn't finished being a crisis, and is heartily interested in becoming far worse.
-If you keep up with financial news, and you were remembering how the major credit-rating agencies were coming in for some major criticism when the housing crisis started, then you probably already know they got off with nary a smudge. Of course, if you knew about any of this stuff already, then you are either me or somebody who didn't need me to tell you. Read away, if you've not gotten your fill of headache inducing articles about something that affects your life in a way that I don't really understand.
-Although this article cuts a wider swath then this, first up: India has eleven judges for every 1 million people. That's a thinker. The rest of the article, or really, everything in the article but that sentence, is about how two in every three people on the planet are "excluded from the rule of law," which mostly stems from a lack of birth registration in--well, every country that has a lot of poor people. Screwy, but before you think food and shelter could come first, it turns out that merely legal empowerment of these people helps to crush poverty like Jean-Claude Van Damme's fist in your grandfather's trachea.
Science and Technology
-The ongoing struggles with AIDS gets the first spot in the science section, and it happens to be a brilliant article, unafraid of pulling punches--the recent success in combating the spread has a lot to do with countries in Asia attacking the disease without hiding under the vein of political correctness. Whereas a huge amount of money has, and continues, to be spent on projects that have failed to stem the virus--projects based in propaganda towards teenagers, or the idiotic abstinence only programs, Asian countries have concentrated on the commercial sex trade and various forms of polygamy. While people would prefer to tow the inoffensive line that AIDS is just as prevalent regardless of lifestyle choice, Asia has ignored this and been able to avoid the debacles that have punished Africa. Hell, this is just the tip of the iceberg-as Dirk Deppey might put it, read the whole thing.
-After getting all the serious stuff out of the way, the Economist closes out with an article about a possible cure for baldness.
Apologies for the overt sentimentality of the image, but hell, it's a kid from Rwanda, born HIV positive. Sometimes, yes, I guess I do care.
Books And Arts
-The Economist takes a look at the other tell-all book that came out regarding the dealings with America's Middle East conundrums, but this one is a schizophrenic little beast. Authored by one of those blood and thunder Green Beret types, the book, according to the review, is an "in-your-face" book that "will not win literary prizes or universal assent." The stereotypical assumption might be that it's another book destined to become a notable quotable for war-thumpers is torn asunder though--this is also a book that's full of hardcore criticism for the US government and the Department of Homeland Security. In other words, it sounds like a book about a guy who thinks like Howard Zinn, but has the sort of blood-covered hands you'd imagine on Jack Bauer.
-Once again, the Economist finds a book that you couldn't force me to read under threat of castration--Cherie "wife of Tony" Blair's autobiography. Blah to the blah blah boring.
-Just in case you thought the non-Chinese world was taking the time to learn about one of the fastest developing superpowers on the planet, you should know that, according to the sales results of all of Amazon's global websites, half the top books include "The Infertility Cure," "The Tao of Infertility" and "The Fortune Cookie Chronicles." Every time I see one of those studies praising the most meager rise in book sales, I remember that a fool and his money are often parted so that said fool can read complete and utter shit.
-For those of you keeping score at home, which amounts to none of you, yes, I finally knew who someone was far before they died, and actually knew they died even before the Economist devoted a page to them. Actually, part of the regular paycheck that paid the fees it takes to host the Factual Opinion and pay for an Economist subscription comes from the house of Saint Laurent--an altogether minor portion, but a portion nonetheless. It's of no great surprise that the first obituary that wasn't educational to this reader was also for someone of a more cultural impact than political, or historical--not to dismiss the importance of Mr. Saint Laurent, but to acknowledge that the last few months of obit's have focused on people who's choices often affected life or death. (Although YSL noses out an old man who dropped lots of acid in the "intersects with normal daily life" category.) There's not much to say--he was a guy who made a lot of clothes, most of which a small portion of the population can afford, and he was pretty damn good at it. And if you saw the cover of last weeks Women's Wear Daily (which, you of course, didn't) then you know that a whole lot of people turned out for his memorial service, so he was probably a pretty nice guy.
Next week in the Economist, everything comes down to Iraq and cobblers. So get yourself some three penny nails, cuz we're going be making shoes 'til dawn. Reprezent, playas!
Comments