Editors Note: The Economist Vs. Idiot ran late, and it runs short, this week-my most sincere apologies for both. The blame rests equally on the shoulders of the writer and Tom Ford. Read into that what you must. The only section missing is Finance and Economics, which is available on the site. Links below.
-Hey, this mention of an Egyptian-brokered truce with Hamas is probably already outdated by the time you read this. But for a brief moment in the desert sun, killing each other was put on hold.
-Finally, the UN Security Council convinced Russia and China to stop with the vetoes, and they issued a "presidential statement" directed at those who commit the atrocities in Darfur. No, it's not something to be too excited about, but it hopefully, and this is about as nihilistic and unrealistic as hope can get, means that the next time there's an explosion of genocide in Africa, the UN won't have to struggle at the negotiation table for as long as they did this time.
-They've charged three people in Russia for the murder of leading Kremlin critic Anna Politkovskaya, one of the many Russian journalists to be murdered under strange circumstances over the past few years. I'll be looking forward to next week's Economist for expansion on this story--there's a limited amount of information beyond the original AP and Reuters feeds.
-Good news for transsexuals--although they continue to be looked out by a large amount of jackasses as demons, Turkey is so frightened of them that they put one on trial for, get this, turning the public against military service. Sure, the trial isn't the good news, the good news is that the people of Turkey listened to a transsexual, without judgment, on such a widespread basis that it frightened the government. You gotta cheer the little victories.
-Mr. Sulu got married.
-Corn prices are going up because of the Midwest flooding, which sent wheat prices up as it's the next in line to feed cows when you don't have corn--which means beef will go up next, then hamburgers, but not the paycheck of the guy who sells hamburgers, which means he'll get fired and break into your house and EAT YOUR CHILDREN WHY DONT YOU OWN A GUN YET
Leaders
-It's all about energy this week--the cover story is only a taste of the fifteen pages of The World That's Coming. Most of the articles are less about new information, they instead serve as updates on where alternate energy providers are at the present moment: solar is still iffy, wind has potential and fusion is still a Jetsons kind of fantasy. The most interesting stuff that might come as a shock to Inconvenient Truthers is probably that even the most optimistic of conservation efforts fail to surpass the rate at which emerging economies join the ranks of Car and Driver. It's upsetting, possibly, but the reality that it's going to take something beyond leaving your lights off and carpooling to make an impact on pollution is more important than hurt feelings. Dude, stop crying.
-As can be expected, the Economist article demanding that the Southern African Development Community do something to stop the violence surrounding the upcoming poll in Zimbabwe is out of date--Tsvangirai has dropped out of the race, realistically acknowledging that why it might be acceptable to him to martyr himself, he's not going to place the lives of his supporters on the line. (The simple, bludgeoning truth that his supporters make up the majority of Zimbabwe isn't something that should be ignored.) Although this result isn't the one anybody was hoping for, it does avoid the more horrifying one--it's completely inarguable that Robert Mugabe would have taken any bloodthirsty and psychotic method to ensure that he won the vote. While I'm certain that the Economist will put it to a more clinical analysis in the next issue, the guy writing this has no such obligation: Fuck Robert Mugabe, and may he burn in Hell.
-There's a briefing on the plight of Gypsies, also called "Roma," and after plowing through the depressive horrors of Zimbabwe, it's tempting to just say "Hey, you know who else has it tough? Gypsies, man, they got a Raw Deal!" It's tempting, and then you read the article, and it turns out that you had a snap judgment that was proven totally, awfully, correct. Gypsies don't have it easy.
Letters
-Julian Macassey is one of those people who compalins that when he worked in the suburbs, the suburbs had nothing but chain restaurants and no quality places to dance. Those are the sorts of complaints that go unremarked upon by somebody like me when they're brought up on car rides, but when they're in the form of a letter in a successful global newspaper? They make me want to head out to Santa Barbara, and oh god of course you live in Santa Barbara Julian, and punch the offender in the kidneys. You'll piss blood tonight Julian, oh I swear to Christ, you'll be painting the walls.
United States
-Here's one for the scrapbook--a brilliant and engaging piece of journalism about what the Economist calls "clustering." It's their shorthand description for that thing that's continuously becoming the cancer the US avoids dealing with--the phenomenon of like-minded people, be they right- or left-wing segregating themselves willingly from those who don't share their mindsets, creating the sort of "red" and "blue" states that divide the country and embitter thousands against their fellows. Beyond that, clustering exaggerates the differences between the groups, as is pointedley exemplified throughout the article--right wingers obsessively operating under the mentality that all Democrats are fervent Chomsky-readers who want to take away their guns and daughters, while left-wingers adopt all their hilariously adorable phraseology and poetry to describe the mildest Methodist as a knuckle-dragging foe of abortion, bent on back room censorship and gleefully trading buckets of blood for barrels of crude. It's an article that couldn't be more timely or well-written, and it's a subtle call-to-arms to any intellectual who prides themselves on treating those they disagree with as valuable human beings, not ignorant fools to be "re-educated."
-Here's the thing about the temporary visa H-1B--if you class foreign IT professionals and foreign super-models in the same visa category, you're just going to create the weirdest, yet most awesome, rise in green card marraiges of all time.
-Lexington, oh, sometimes you just shouldn't go for that kind of joke. You've got this wonderfully informative column going about Jim Webb, one of the potential running mates for Barack Obama, and it's chock full of stuff people would probably like to know, and then you mention that the guy looks like "an angry potato." That's funny, and a real out-of-left-field kind of point, but it ends up making you look like a dick. The weird thing is, it totally works--after looking up Mr. Webb, I totally couldn't have him as my VP. For shame.
The Americas
-The previous mentions of Mexico's refusal of financial aid from the US after the US forced the aid to carry a stipulation that Mexico allow civilian trials to determine the fate of Mexican soldiers for criminal offenses. (That's a glaring difference from the way America handles it's military, and a just one--regardless of what anybody says to the contrary, I can't fathom a single decent reason why a soldier, accused of a crime, shouldn't have a military trial. The regular civilian legal system is woefully unqualified, not to mention that whole "jury of peers" thing.) What that previous mention didn't make clear, that this article does, is the aid had already been approved back in 2007, and it was after a surprising request from Mexico for help in combating the druglords who murder and riot with impunity. Considering that US drug demand monopolizes the crops that come out of Mexico, it's sort of ridiculous that Americans shouldn't have to help out somehow. This blurb is already too long, and the article is full of the back-and-forths that something of it's size and information requries, but it's an excellent one.
-More on Julie Couillard, the "one-woman wrecking crew" who slept around with biker gangs, murderers and Canadian foreign ministers, ended up passing around some classified documents, and was part of the reason a couple of different politicians left their positions. The article leans a little too hard on Julie, but at the same time, she's clearly not just a victim of bad dating habits--she actively pursued criminals, mobsters, and then moved on to politicians. There's a certain point in that type of relationship history where you kind of wonder if maybe she should've gotten another hobby.
Asia
-Boy, the Economist must really be kicking themselve's for spending so much after last week's articles talking about how things were looking up in Afghanistan and Iraq. Due to the coordinated assault of Sarposa prison, where suicide-bombers and straight up Taliban fighters teamed up to forcibly release 1000 inmates, things aren't looking so "successful" right now. While the death count for the last week has been pretty bad, the year still averages out to a quiet one--but don't expect that to stay that way, especially if any of those 1000 inmates happened to be guilty. Of course, this is the Middle East, so it's vaguely possible that 800 of them stole a chicken or forgot to pray.
-One of those random moments that doesn't come up often in the Economist, and always seems like an Easter Egg on a DVD menu screen when it does: a sentence that starts with "In your correspondent's own neighborhood...." Hey, it's like he's talking directly to me! Awesome? Oh, the article--yeah, China is making it clear that two more groups will not be appearing on televised Olympic events besides political protestors--and that would be prostitutes and pets. Prostitutes, I get that one--it's not like any Olympic telecasts ever give them that much airtime anyway, but pets seems a little...I don't know. Communist?
-So, Nepal has to follow up on their agreeement with the now-disarmed Maoist guerillas and give them spots in the military--but while all these hardcore guys are sitting around being "re-educated" they're also suffering the (admittedely mild) indignity of handling wooden guns. I don't know much about "re-educating" former badasses, but something tells me that making them carry toys around for an extended period of time isn't exactly a recipe for success and harmony.
Middle East and Africa
-Saudi Arabia is worried about the price of crude oil, but not for the same reason your patchouli wearing ex-girlfriend is--they're worried that the major oil-guzzlers might actually start using electric cars and windmills, and then rich princes won't have enough income to be able to play baseball on the sun with the reanimated corpse of Princess Diana.
-You know how, when you work at an office, there's always that one jackass who takes vacations to the slums of Haiti, or a funeral pyre in a South American village full of cannibals? And you just listen to him and think, "man, i've really got to update my resume or I'm going to spend the rest of my life listening to this shitbird talk about how he always carries his own supply of antibiotics to fend off gout." Hurry up, because Iraqi Kurdistan is the next tourist spot on the list of "what are you, fucking psychotic?"
Europe
-That's called not letting your emotions get the best of you. Not but one week ago, the Economist was pointing out that it was really sleazy of Irish labor unions to place their own selfish desires on top of the completely unrelated Lisbon Treaty referendum in exchange for their votes, yet here we are, one week later and Ireland, the only country oout of 27 to put Lisbon to the vote, has said no: and the Economist supports the outcome totally. While, yes, it probabably should've gone through--not because it was mecha-super-fantastique--but because it's probably going to be about two weeks after your children die before the EU gets this close again. Charlemagne chimes in on his story as well, to point out that this Irish vote is based in a whole lot of ignorant, ridiculous nonsense, but that the results are still what have to be stood by--the only other soultion would be to violate some basic democratic principles. Which will probably end up happening.
-Silvio Berlusconi never seems to allow anybody to take a picture of him where he isn't whipping out the creepiest smile he can physically produce. At least this time, the grin matches the tale of the tape, wherein Berlusconi figures the best way to get out of the corruption lawsuits directed at sending him packing was for him to stop every trial for crimes committed before June 2002, for one year. So yeah, if you molested a kid, or lit a puppy on fire, or just stole that landmower your brother keeps saying is his, but you bought, you've got a year to thank Silvio. How does a government even have that kind of power on the books? All trials? All trials. Okay, Italy. Whatever.
Britain
-Bagehot was the only thing that really jacked my chili this week, and that's because the column is the most adorable paen to a guy named Eric Pickles, currently the shadow local-government secretary. You know how some people get their rocks off on baby kittens? Well, I get my rocks off when a totally badass writer writes stuff like this "There is no crime in being plump, and no shame in losing your hair...why is Bagehot picking on Mr. Pickles?" or this, which is even more awesome, like you-should've-hugged-your-mom-more-when-she-still-liked-you awesome, "He talks in plain English, and makes decent jokes, over and above his gag-friendly name and the funniness sometimes automatically imputed to chubby people." I'm sold Bagehot, elect Mr. Pickles president of the galaxy and give him a machine gun, I'll follow you anywhere.
International (Blood And Thunder, You Earn A Spot)
-Who handles googling to make sure that Abdul Qadeer Khan's bomb-making insturctions don't end up on Bittorent alongside the works of Mia Zottoli? (Post, not pre.) That's somebodies job, right? Because, as this article points out, Khan's instructions, along with the stuff he sold, were accurate and frighteningly useful. Let's look at that again, because I hate fear-mongering. Khan sold sophisticated instructions and designs for small, workable nuclear weapons. Not: maybe he did. Not: we have some evidence. Not: yellow-cake uranium, powerpoint presentation, Colin Powell hates lying. Khan was/is the real deal. And can you interview/interrogate/punch him in the taint? Nope. He's chilling on house arrest, in the house that high-scale weapons dealing will buy you, you know, when you're a completely amoral sociopath who doesn't care what you do with the nukes he can teach you to make. So...yeah. There's that.
-Just to pad out the most terrifying story of the week, the Economist wants to remind you that people, specifically, weird people, still use shortwave radios. I heard some people still read comic books too, but hey, you don't hear me writing articles about it. Nobody cares what freakish cultural minorities do, except freakish cultural minorities.
Business
-While it makes sense that people would be upset about buying counterfeit high fashion over Ebay, you are, you know, buying off Ebay. Sometimes real life has too much handholding.
-Genomics has done a fine job of joining those silly "stand-up MRI" places in the pantheon of stupid medical shit for hypochondriacs to spend their money on, but if you're really interested in different ways to get your physician to hang up on you, take a look and memorize the names of all the companies that will take a lot of your stupid-person money so you can go and be stupid and scared, and irritating. That was a lot of anger, huh? I should relax.
Science and Technology
-One of those random science articles that have become more frequent over the past decade or so, about male circumsion. Usually the focus of these kind of things is on circumcision (which The Economist starts calling "genital mutiliation" pretty early in the article, which is accurate but...bleaggggh) not being the most useful or sensible of practices. This article prefers to dump the idea of a focus and wander through a dispension of random factoids, all under the basic premise that circumcision might have helped keep younger men from impregnanting older men's wives. But that premise is pretty much ignored when it's time to mention that some Australian aborigines engage in subincision. (You can read the article if you want to know what that is. I did, and wish, oh sweet god, I had not.)
-Hey, did you know that healthy living can help prevent cancer, and in cases where healthy living failed to prevent cancer, healthy living can slow the process of cancer and extend life! Healthy living! Gosh, who knew. Seriously, who knew that. Did you? Why didn't you tell me. I had no idea.
-The main reason the Science section is such a softball league this week is because there's one of those long ass briefings...about robots. Robots, player. Step up to the plate if you want to learn about Roboshaker--he'll mix you drinks, and can clean up afterwards! Don't care? We'll, you get excited about Partner Robot, who will eventuaally be the totally awesome friend in your house, fixing and carrying pianos for you! Partner Robot can play the violin. He can't play it well, but he can totally play it, and you can't. At all. But all these mecha-yakuzas? Fading, in the face of Titan. Titan can pick up a BMW and swing it around. He's the world's strongest robot. (Or she is.) It? And how does Titan use this skill? Well, Titan picks up concrete sturctures, and pallets loaded with glass! Better update your resume, people who move pallets! Titan's coming for you, your job, and your self-respect! There's no Asimov's Law against that.
Books and Arts
-The Economist has a lot of love for Stephen Carter's latest, Palace Council. Carter is one of those law school types who churns out potboilers on the side--his schtick that makes him not a Grisham rip-off is that he sets them among the black American upper classes. It's an interesting sounding setting, probably a lot more involving than Grisham's workaday white knight lawyers or Michael Crichton's' sub-human science freaks, but it's still just potboilers. There's a level at which genre work is so good it jumps out of its class--and Carter hasn't reached it. Not saying he won't. (He won't.)
-I don't feel the need to read Stalin's Children after finding out the so-awesome-because-it's-true ending, which is that after about twenty years of struggling to free his estranged wife from behind the Iron Curtain, Mervyn Matthews pulled it off only to find out the relationship worked best when the two weren't together. Twenty years of work, only to figure out...geez, we don't really like each other that much. Tubular!
Obituary: Jonathan Routh
-Well, you didn't know him either, I'd wager. He was a guy who liked to play pranks, even though he looks like a crazy poet. I don't know if The Economist was a Carlin fan, so we'll see what next week brings, but this guy...sounds like a great dude, no worries there, but yeah. A professional prankster? That's an occupation? Britain is so weird.
-Next week in the....OK, due to the aforementioned delays, I've actually already received my copy of this weeks Economist. Sorry about the delay!
Picture of Elizabeth Shue next to the bit about fusion? Damn, thats cold.
Posted by: Sean Witzke | 2008.06.27 at 17:12
I thought this issue of the Economist was great!
(Naw, ah - I don't read the Economist really, but the digest is fucking awesome. I just thought. It might be amusing. That joke. Your shit = so tight.)
Posted by: Bust'swana Beast | 2008.06.29 at 07:13