Economist Vs. Idiot: Julia Allison Would Do This Sleazier, Therefore Better

The World Last Week

-The Ukraine converted to Orthodox Christianity. I'm sure that's good news to some, although I doubt they are learning about it here. My response is pretty obvious: it's 2008 and entire countries still pick a religion and announce it? Hey, The Ukraine. Grow up.

-In the month of June, Obama raised $54 million, while McCain only pulled in $22 million. While the Republican National Committee's fund raising figures aren't including in that total, one would imagine that somebody is doing something righter than somebody is else.

-The Association of South-East Asian Nations, otherwise known as the big-dick badasses who did what the UN, the US, and the European Union failed to by getting aid to the people in Myanmar (who are totally still starving to death) also turned around and pointed out that it was time for the Burmese junta to release the leader of the political opposition. Who is a lady! Nice. Unlike the G8's weak-willed rebukes to Zimbabwe, the ASEAN has actual consequences behind their threats.

-Condoleezza Rice attended the North Korean six-party talks, which she hasn't done for four years. Good things, happening all the time! (She also ran over Carly Smithson on the way.)

-One million people marched in Columbia to protest kidnapping, which leads me to wonder why I had to find this out days after it happened, as I was actually in full news-junkie, paper reading, internet mode last week. I feel like a failure. A million people?

-Hugo Chavez said he wanted to hug the king of Spain, and he wanted to team up with Russia against America. While they haven't publicly responded yet, one assumes they probably wonder if he's figured out not to put glaringly criminal documents on laptops that are then left in guerrilla camps in other countries he doesn't control. Then again, I'm not a big hugger anyway, so maybe Spainards have different priorities.

-Wachovia and Washington Mutual both lost billions of dollars, while Bank of America made about 3.4 billion in profit. This in no way affects your credit card debt, and due to the FDIC's protections, probably doesn't impact on your pathetic savings account. Still: I say let's go crazy, IndyMac style! Blood in the streets!

-Amazon had a 41% increase on last years sales quarter, meaning all the people complaining about high gas prices haven't stopped buying Battlestar Galactica DVD sets.

-Oddly, Toyota is still only the second biggest carmaker to GM's number one, but after this year...c'mon. We saw this coming in 1996, right?

Leaders

-America! Quitcher bitching! Okay, it's deeper than that, but yes, this article would be referenced by the New York Post along the lines of "British Media Tells US To Man The Fuck Up." Sure, go ahead and read it, it's nice enough, but don't try to tell me that I missed anything. This is The Economist telling Joe Six Pack to shut up about the price at the pump. Life goes on. Get a helmet.

-Not liking George W. Bush isn't something that I ever expect will be a minority in the US--not now, for sure, and it seems unlikely in the future as well. That aside, The Economist makes an excellent point--the complete reversal of the United States stance on the Iranian negotiations is great, undeniably wonderful news. Considering how likely it seemed prior to that munitions report that the White House was setting gunsights on Iran, participating in frank discussion alongside China, Britain, France, Germany & Russia with Iranian officials is better than anybody could have imagined. In the end, it's not that Bush deserves a pat on the back--working out an agreement with Iran to not blow the fuck out of Israel is part of his fucking job--but it's a grudging, labored, and late step in the right direction.

-It's nice to know that growing a beard and becoming an "alternative medical practitioner" won't protect you from the Hague war-crimes tribunal. There's absolutely nothing nice that can be said about Radovan Karadzic, beyond acknowledging that it's pleasant that he's alive enough to put on trial. I'm glad they found him. Also glad that, when they found him, he looked like a goon.

-The talks in Zimbabwe aren't going spectacularly as of today--obviously the Economist couldn't know that. Of course, their viewpoint isn't really impacted by the talks themselves--what they want, which I'm wholeheartedly in agreement with, is for Robert Mugabe to take a long walk off a short pier. Thankfully, there's no pretense in the article of that really happening, which is part of the reason I still read the Economist after giving up on the Nation years ago. (I used to read both publications on a weekly basis, long before the existence of this current writing space. I don't remember why I thought that was a good idea, but I worked nights euthanizing terminally ill animals at the time. It's a weird head state.) This article, while already dated, is respectfully intelligent in its handling of the situation: Mugabe clearly isn't going anywhere anytime soon, but unlike a Nation article, who would continue to hammer the fantastic home as if saying it makes it so (like their constant clamoring that Donald Rumsfeld should be placed before a war crimes tribunal, as if screeching magic will somehow make it happen) and they ignore the temptation that I'm free to succumb to, which is to just write "This guy is a fucking maniac who should be strung up by his thumbs" in so many different ways. That was long.

-Hey, guess who gets treated like shit in a decent portion of the world, and in some places killed? People who change religions. I don't think that's really news.

Letters

-Candy ass British expatriate complains about football hooligans in his former country, world points out that he should let shit that didn't even happen to him on a 1976 train trip go. Guess what you are? A baby.

United States

-More here to go about American concerns, interestingly contrasted with some random polls. Here's some stuff you already know: Americans are dissatisfied with the direction the country is taking, and don't like their president. Here's some stuff you maybe don't know: 80% are satisfied with their own circumstances. Numbers are higher for job satisfaction. And while only 14% like Congress as a whole, almost everybody is all smiles for their actual representatives. There's plenty more here to chew on, but that's the stuff I found most interesting. Dichotomy!

-We're still in the early phases of figuring out what Obama and McCain are offering as possible tax platforms, so it's all about preaching to the choir: "I'm a Democrat, and I favor higher tax for the rich!" or "I'm a Republican, I'd prefer loosening the reins on competition and maintaining Bush's tax cuts!" Since it's probably going to be a Democratic Congress that gives the yes or no vote, McCain's probably will end up stillborn, but it's not like what they're saying now is going to be anything like what they'll do when they get elected. (Besides Obama's constant change in tone, McCain fought the Bush tax cuts not very long ago. I'd be surprised if things don't change multiple times. Neither are big on sticking to the tape.) But if you want a "state of the race" focused on taxation and trade, this is it for July 08.

-Lexington follows up recent reports that the non-US world is practically breaking their kneecaps to fawn over Obama by pointing out that his world tour has achieved the holy goal of looking a lot like those black and white videos of when the Beatles gave pre-teen girls heart murmurs. If you want to read more about the story everybody read about 20 times in the last two weeks, here you go: I'm calling this one "not much new information."

The Americas

-A long article that might necessitate some background knowledge on Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner, the current president of Argentina, and the recent stabwound she metaphorically received in the center of her back at the hands of her vice-president, Julio Cobos. Mr. Cobos decided that, in the ongoing struggle between Argentinian farmers and a government that placed a 50% export tax on soybeans, he'd side with the people against his boss. I've never much liked President Fernandez, or her corrupt husband Nestor Kirchner (the former president), but I've never been able to intelligently explain why. She's not a monster, she's just horrifically incompetent and immune to the suffering of the Argentinian people. Still, they had a free election and picked her, sort of. Their country.

-Okay, I'm not going to ruin this one. It's about Canada, their military, and opens with this quote. "We are not the public service of Canada. We are the Canadian Forces and our job is to be able to kill people." Seriously, don't you want to check that out?

-Peacocks, domestic cats, buffalo and rheas. Those are some of the animals that went from the zoo and onto the dinner table in Cuba during the period of time when Russia wasn't helping, and Venezuela hadn't showed up. Gross? Better than Leningrad. Anyway, somebody is giving them another chance to not eat the zoo animals, and this time it's a puma and some macaws. We'll see how that goes.

Asia

-There's some big article here about the possibilities of an upcoming war between Cambodia and Thailand, a bit about India's nuclear deal with America (which better be worth what it's cost India, because it wasn't exactly a crowd-pleaser), but it's the little quotes that get me. Here's the security chief of the Chinese Communist party, regarding the upcoming Olympics:

"We must give full play to the superiority of the socialist system and organize and mobilize the masses to wage a people's war for the protection of Olympic games security."

Now, I realize we might have lost something in the translation, and it's fairly common for Chinese to predominately feature "we" over "I", but does the security chief really need to be so reminiscent of a bad guy from 24 when he makes a public statement? At least when it's about a sporting event?

Middle East and Africa

-Blog doesn't always mean nonsense ramblings from the privileged--not if you're doing it in Syria, where you can get imprisoned for three years (after waiting a year in jail to go to trial.) Syria will allow you to purchase things from Amazon though, as long as you are willing to pay in pound sterling and stick to the British site. The American Amazon is just too political these days.

-Here's a great article, short and to the point--all about how Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Ayatollah Ali Khameni. While it has to stay pretty speculative, because Khameni is nowhere near as vocal (or as obnoxious) as Ahmadinejad, it's still full of interesting stuff about why, and how far, Khameni is willing to let Ahmadinejad wander the globe running his fucking mouth.

-African Anglican churches may be the destructive force that breaks up the Anglican church--despite the growing acceptance among Anglicans towards homosexuality, African Christians are more than willing to leave the fold on the issue, no matter the cost. If giving a shit what Anglican bishops think is your thing, then hey, you live a boring life, and here's your thing. Take it personally.

Europe

-Nicholas Sarkozy could teach Bush and Brown how to be an effective, even attractive, leader in the face of low public opinion. He's currently dealing head-on with many of the economic problems facing France--notably their work week and almost socialist job protection policies--despite the fact that no one really likes him. It's definitely a case of someone who is putting the job in front of the popularity, and while it may not last (as French labor reform seldom does), it's certainly a worthy case study.

-Germany has instituted the sort of smoking ban commonplace in many cities in the US, only to find out that, unlike a New York City Ruby Tuesday's, German restaurateurs and bartenders openly ignore the law. Whether they'll tough it out or go the Williamsburg route ("Hey, it's 1AM. Smoke away!"), it's clear they should have come up with some kind of secret cigarette police before the law came into effect.

-Okay, this is the best cartoon of the week. Column is fine too.

Britain

-Britons better get ready--their gas prices are getting ready to skyrocket, 40% of the electricity is provided by gas, 85% of their homes are heated by it, and they'll pretty much be out of their own North Sea supply in the next few years. The number of people who are "fuel-poor," which is the name for people who spend 10% of their household income heating their home has doubled in the last four years. This article has more on the whole thing--none of it is good.

-Here's a pretty interesting article on people getting divorced, despite opening with a quote from Robin Williams. During recessions, rich people split in hopes of the lower-income spouse catching a windfall based off current income. It's funny how the heart works.

-Apparently Gordon Brown showed up in Israel and made a lot of people cry and stuff, I don't know how. I think he talked about a dying cat or something.

-Bagehot reveals how little he thinks of pop psychology, which I'll always be in support of. Whether it's the Secret, Tipping Points or whatever, pop psychology books make me want to cut off my genitals and feed them to dogs.

International (Lazy Ass Shit This Week, No, You Don't Deserve To Be Here)

-There are assholes on the internet, and they aren't talking about your run-of-the-mill "I call people I disagree with things like Fag," no, this is all about fascists, racists and xenophobic sociopaths. Let's all pretend we needed the Economist to tell us that.

-Bill Gates and Michael Bloomberg are putting money into fighting smoking, also press releases, which is exactly what this article reads like.

-King Abdullah is preferable to King Fahd, Saudi Arabia is still a shitty place to be a woman, and regardless of oil I think I've reached my yearly tolerance level for applauding minuscule progress in that country.

Business

-The next industry that's following the steps of every industry? Generic drug manufacturers, merging, taking each other over, so on, etc. You've seen it once, you've seen it a million times: an industry gets big enough that it supports a lot of mid-sized companies, one or two join up and become a major force and from there it's a bunch of blobs grabbing hold.

-Well, this is just a fantastic sort of tale: two brothers, who inherited a split fortune and now spend all their time fighting each other in the business world. On this side: the fifth richest man. On the other? Number six. They are the Ambani brothers, and they are consumed with beating the shit out of each other in the one thing they both excel at, which is making more money than you or I can imagine how to spend. (And I dream in color.)

-I wonder how many hard core environmentalists pay attention to the carbon footprint involved with wine packaging. (Actually, I know a couple of multi-millionaire green-freaks who have a shit load of wine bottles and don't give a damn what a pointless drag on the planet the heavy glass bottles come in. I'm just not going to name them, because then I might have to explain myself at the job that pays me to read the Economist and drop thinly veiled references to my betters.)

Finance and Economics

-Hey, here's a fucker. "Banks' balance-sheets may be difficult to understand but insurers can be mind-bogglingly complex too." That's from the first paragraph of this two page article about investing in European insurance companies. Later on they mention that ING, from the Netherlands, popped out a 96 page long quarterly report with a 190-page statistical supplement. Let's pull back the curtain on your writer: It takes me a good couple of hours to make it through the prospectus for my personal IRA, and my work 401K? I just trusted the judgment of a guy who's favorite band is R.E.M. Runner-up to Michael Stipe? U2.

-Hedge fund beat the shit out of Wall Street by 12 percentage points in the first half of 2008. It was their worst return on record. Welcome to the best Buttonwood column since I started this project, and my favorite in the last year before that. Don't get too excited though, that's called "faint praise."

-It's fascinating, but a little bit unsettling that American Express is suffering so much financially while MasterCard is doing so well. Not because I care about Amex, but Amex is always a more reliable source of information on how fiscally responsible people are spending money as compared to MasterCard, which would give a credit card to fish if they could figure out a way. Amex is more selective, and therefore it has a customer base more indictative of the consumption habits of people who make smarter purchases--this article doesn't deal with it in too much depth, but a future one probably will.

-Oh, this thing is pretty famous--some people are actually going to buy this issue alone for it. It's the Big Mac Index! That's where the Economist takes a look at the price of a McDonald's Big Mac around the world. Check it out if you've never seen it. Spoiler: Don't buy a hamburger in Norway. Malaysia is the way to go.

Science and Technology

-NASA turns 50, and have those across the pond come to praise it, or see it dead? Not an easy answer--there's the indefensible waste that is the expensive space station coupled with the extravagant love affair with manned space-flight, both of which have failed to produce much in the way of scientific value. On the other side though, as the Economist points out, there's the value of unmanned science--examining the Earth's climate, weather, and geology, exploration of the unknown galaxy, all of which adds up to less than 1/3 of NASA's budget. It's not an easy thing to analyze--there's an almost natural belief in the US that exploring space must be done, despite the lack of usable information produced and extraordinary cost. It would break hearts to stop. That being said--it's the unattractive and boring robots that are accomplishing stuff. Putting men and women on an expensive and flawed station? That's baseball cards.

-Ragworms sure are gross ass creatures, but their gross ass teeth might be usable, if we can recreate them in the lab, to make safer, cheaper and stronger planes. That's something I doubt anybody saw coming. Maybe the Mole Man?

-There's a really shitty article about sugar, if you care, and then the Science section closes it doors early. Three articles? Three pages? Somebody fell asleep in the UK.

Books and Arts

-Okay, I'm not going to lie--if the Economist is going to fawn all over that shitty Indiana Jones flick, they should really drop a few words about Dark Knight, even if it's just a "Huh, super-hero movie makes money." It's not that I'm uninterested in a couple of bitching non-fiction reads about the state of America's Middle East strategy, it's just that Generation Kill is on, I've got my Iraq fill from that, and I'm really curious what their terrible movie review team is going to say about a film that I found an enjoyable way to spend a few hours.

-You can tell that the Economist has the same question every other Haruki Murakami fan has regarding his new non-fiction book about his running obsession: Why are you publishing this boring ass shit? You, Murakami, are boring me to tears. Don't publish this.

-I don't mention them every time, but you should know that a new non-fiction book about some random person connected to the monarchies of Britain and France gets reviewed about every week in this publication. I don't mention it because they all sound perfectly dreadful, as does this one, about the "Secret Wife of Louis XIV." Hey Veronica Buckley, why don't you keep that shit a secret?

-Just a reminder that Paul Auster is not dead, no matter how dead my brain keeps telling me is. His new book is, according to these guys, not that wonderful. I don't even think he's very old. Can't explain why I think he's dead. It's like Warren Beatty, you feel sure that he's dead, but he's not dead, not even that old. But I swear to God he's died like four times.

Obituary: Bronislaw Geremek

-The Polish struggle against totalitarian control over the last 40 years is one that I'm woefully uneducated upon, so while I was obviously impressed by Geremek's achievements (who wouldn't be?), I admit that I don't have much of a frame of reference fror the man The Economist claims was "the emodiment of Poland's hoped-for future." These sorts of guys--the intellectual fighters, the one's who designed the mechanics for changes in governments--they're always going to be the unsung heroes when compared against the charismatic celebrity types like Lech Walesa. (I do know pretty well who Walesa is, as I imagine most do.) That isn't to dismiss the talkers and the action-takers, but if it wasn't for guys like Mr. Geremek, little in this world would change. Then again--it isn't like he isn't a hero to his countrymen, and maybe being a "name" in the rest of the world isn't that important. He did great things. He'll be missed by many.