The Virgin Read: The First Time She's Been Asked "Look, Are You Sure?"

Final Crisis # 3
Written by Grant Morrison
Art by J.G. Jones
Published by DC Comics

Hello friends.  It's a new day here with the Virgin Read.  Why is that?  Well, we've got something happening here for the first time that has never happened before--and it's not about Sadie Hawkins this time.

This week, I delved into Final Crisis.  I figured--why not?  I found the Black Panther/Secret Invasion crossover enjoyable last week, and I wondered if Final Crisis might just be the same sort of romp through the DC side of things.  And, you know, Grant Morrison has his name on it.  People love this Grant.

Here's the thing folks:  I just got to page fifteen--that's fifteen out of thirty pages--and I've had to read seven storylines, and I was about to turn to page eight.

You know what?

I don't care to go on. 

That's right, I'm not finishing this comic book.  Halfway in, seven storylines already in motion from previous issues, more that I'm supposed to keep track on--there isn't even an attempt to speak to a new comic book reader.  Oh no!  This Final Crisis is elitist!  And...I'm offended!

I realize that this sort of staging of large crisis thing gets the entire DC Universe involved, and it's designed to increase sales.  It's supposed to have all sorts of spin-off stories and storylines.  I "get" it.  Hey, I hated Secret Invasion the first time I read it, but I gave it another chance with one of it's spin-off stories and totally enjoyed myself.  I'd only read the first issue of Secret Invasion--so sure, that was a little weird for me.  But this is well into Final Crisis now, isn't it?  Why is it necessary to have so many storylines IN ONE BOOK?  I thought the whole POINT was to have several other comic books for people to buy.

Oh, and if this is supposed to increase and widen their audience, then give us a chance for Pete's sake.  Half dead German speaking superheroes?  Three Shazams?  (Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know he's NOT Shazam.  He's the Flash.  But he looks just like Shazam (okay, whatever, "Captain Marvel) from the CBS Saturday morning show on back in the 70's:

Remember?  "ShaZAM!!!"  Oh, or "ooooh Mighty Isis-Isis-Isis-Isis-Isis..."

Loved that head piece.  Still do.  Can I sport it, ya think?

Seriously.  THIS is who I am.  This 1970's superhero television show is my frame of reference.  You don't want to clue me onto your story any better?  You don't even want to give me a recap at the beginning of your comic?  Well, then I'm not going to hang on and finish reading your G.D. comic book, just to be fair.  Because you not what?  It's not fair.

With so much to try and keep up with and figure out (as cool as the art seemed on the first page, with panels that are making up one whole picture, I was still totally confused as to who was where and what was happening), when I storyline came along that I just might understand, that I maybe could get invested in--Clark Kent at Lois Lane's bedside, unable to leave and be Superman--I just didn't care anymore.  Instead, I felt quite resentful.  Maybe even angry.  Here I am, trying to follow this, trying to get into your world, and you aren't even trying to come into mine--the world of the new comic book reader.

So, although I don't usually do this--in fact, I've never done this--I have an official ruling for this issue of Final Crisis--if not all of Final Crisis.  And that ruling?  It loses.  It's "guilty."  Guilty of being a book for a select group of people who know a lot about comic books and all their little devices (alternate universes, multiple versions of the same hero, so on, etc.) that a new reader doesn't know, or can't understand at first.  It not only isn't appealing to a new reader, but even succeeded in repelling one.

-Nina Stone, 2008

Comments

[Boffo]

I agree that DC should put recap pages in their books. They can always get rid of that stupid DC Nation column that nobody reads if they have to.

[Kenny]

Nina, you're not alone. I grew up on the Big Two comics, so at least I knew who most of the characters are, and I was lost as Hell, too. I'm a guy of decent enough intelligence and I couldn't comprehend a page in this damn thing. This book was easily the worst comic I've ever tried to read.

[Chris Eckert]

Final Crisis #3's most elitist element: its expectation that someone might read the first two issues.

I mean maybe you addressed this, but I only read the middle of your review about ISISISISISISIS and gave up on it for being ill-informed.

[Matthew J. Brady]

Ouch. But didn't anybody tell you that this comic isn't for you? Not only are you not a long-time comics reader, you're a girl. You're not allowed in the clubhouse. Sorry, that's just the way superhero comics work these days.

Or is DC actually pitching this as something anybody can pick up and enjoy? Because, if so, those are some balls they've got.

[Hobowatcher]

They expect you to read the previous two issues?! That's lunacy and reason enough to write to my senator!

[Matthew J. Brady]

You know who my senator is? Barack fucking Obama. I should totally write him about this.

[Kiel Phegley]

I should note at the start of this that I am a longtime reader of both DC books and Grant's work, and that so far I've enjoyed Final Crisis quite a bit.

But I really think that there should be no expectation for this book to be even the slightest bit reader friendly. What Final Crisis is is both A) a story that's following up upon and paying off on the past four years of so of specific DC history and the past 30 years of general DC history and B) a story that's massively invested in almost everything Grant's written in his entire career at DC. Reading Final Crisis #3 shouldn't feel like reading an early issue of a series meant to be open and simple for the uninitiated. What it is is like reading chapter 70 of a 75-chapter novel titled "Grant Morrison's life and death of DC superheroes."

Now, I love the fact that you're blogging on behalf of new readers and taking the companies to task for not making enough reader friendly comics in so many ways. I think that both DC and Marvel are failing al over the place in this regard. But that doesn't mean I think that a writer who has a proven track record of delivering great material should feel the need to rehash all the basics of characters he's been working with for easily 15 years when writing what, for him, is his swan song to the fictional universe. Hell yes DC needs more comics for new readers, but I don't think Final Crisis should have to be one of them, and I don't think they've sold it as such.

If you're still at all interested in reading something by Grant that is way more reader friendly, might I suggest trying any issue of All Star Superman or the first collection of his JLA work titled New World Order? I think with those you'll have an easier time wading into his work, and you'll see what all the fuss is about.

Thanks!