The Virgin Read: She Was In A Bad Mood Both When Reading And Writing This, If That Is Not Clear

Thunderbolts # 126
Written by Andy Diggle
Art by Roberto De La Torre & Frank Martin
Published by Marvel Comics

Thunderbolts, Thunderbolts, oh Thunder-Thunderbolts; THUNDERBOLTS! (Pop!) Ba-da-da-da

(That was sung to the tune of “Lollipop” in case you couldn’t tell.)

Well, what a surprisingly compelling read.  Not that I had any preconceived notions about Thunderbolts (the comic), Thunderbolts (the characters) or, honestly, the word "thunderbolt."  I don't have an expansive knowledge base tied into that word.  I just went with the cover, which has shattered glass, hints of blood and super-hero-y people.   None of that stuff fills me with a desire to read it, but it did make me notice it.  Anyway, it was a lame week, again; and this was the only title in the bunch that I had never, ever read, so...here we go, Thunderbolts.  Make some sense, please.

As always, I’d like to thank the writer, somebody named Andy Diggle, for the synopsis at the beginning.  It didn’t actually help me to keep up, so that's a perfunctory "thanks", but it did help to set the mood for what I was about to read.

I jumped in to read those first few pages with Swordsman and Songbird.  And all I could think was, “hello resentment!”  Something about the whole dialog between them made me want to side with Norman Osborn, thinking to myself that the poor guy’s been completely misunderstood and nearly betrayed by his team.  I’m assuming that he’s gone off to Washington for the good of them all, and that these two disgruntled Thunderbolts have just gone bad.

But, jeez, it turns out that Norman Osborn IS a dick.  A completely arrogant F*@#.  Who does he think he is?  So now, I don’t know who to trust in this story.  I mean, you won’t believe this guy!

He's unbelievable!  I'm paying attention!

Next thing I've got, is what to my eye seems to be some poor, beat down, psychologically shot man who is going through more hell at the hands of a…doctor?  But not really?  Or really…and she’s just totally corrupt?  (I never once considered that maybe she is just a really bad doctor.)  I can’t figure out at this point who’s who, and who’s winning and who’s losing.  It's confusing, and it seems to just be people lying, crying, maybe sort of dying.  But I’m still intrigued at least, so.  You win, comic book.  Turn the page!  Yeessh!  Venom.  (I didn’t automatically know who he was.  And I didn't know later, either.  I asked.  Venom, I guess.)  I though a Thunderbolt had turned into a Skrull – and they were back, and it was still last month, or two months ago, or last year, or whenever it was I experienced that life-changing moment when I found out that there's a bunch of comic books about ugly looking things called Skrulls, and the plots that they have hanging off them.

Nah, just Venom.  Ick.

 Was he this gross in the movie?  I don't remember that movie, except that my husband thought it was really dumb and the people we saw it with thought it was "awesome." 

Anyway, Venom isn't around for long.  Here comes Radioactive Man!  And then...I’m just not sure what happens here.  I mean, at first it seems sweet and touching.  And then Melissa turns all psycho-cold on him.  I started to wonder if it’s because maybe her controlling boyfriend has suddenly appeared and is lurking in the shadows or something.  But no…not her controlling boyfriend.  Just a man who then proceeds to kill her – or tries to kill her – is there.  To torture her.   Do superhero’s have to go through medical school or something?  Because this guy says, “The tip of my punch dagger, you see, is pressed up against the nerve cluster at the base of your spine.  All it needs is a quarter of an inch and, believe me, you’ll be begging me to slip the rest in just to end the pain.”  How does he know that?!

Anyhow, that part was really creepy and scary.  But honestly, if you can't already tell, I have no idea what I read about in that entire comic.  I don’t know who’s in the right and who’s in the wrong.  I have no idea who is good and who is evil or anything in between.  But like I said, it was compelling.  I just kept turning the page to see what was gonna happen next.  That’s a compliment to both the writing and the art.  I don’t know that I’ve ever seen “brooding” drawn so well.   Or smugness.  Or arrogance.  I couldn't do it.  Good for you, people that can do it.

You did it.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

-Nina Stone, 2008

Comments

[Mory Buckman]

Here's the deal. The Thunderbolts are a government-sponsored team of villains. Norman Osborn is (though the public doesn't realize it) the Green Goblin, who you might remember a version of from the first Spider-Man movie. He can't be trusted. Neither can Moonstone (the psychiatrist), who leads the team in the field, though never well. Venom and Bullseye just like killing people - Bullseye's M.O. is throwing a common object at the precise point in someone's body where it'll do the most damage (hence the medical knowledge), and Venom just eats them. Penance (Robbie) isn't a bad guy at all, but thinks he's a villain because he feels guilty for the deaths of 600 people at Stamford. He's a bit nuts. Swordsman only lived for the hope of bringing his dead sister back, and paid for a clone to be made, but the timing was lousy- it was around Secret Invasion, so everyone assumed she was a Skrull and they killed her. Radioactive Man isn't bad, but he's only really loyal to China. Songbird (Melissa)'s the one to root for, the only real hero on the team. She's been trying to take power away from Moonstone and Norman Osborn, not because she's manipulative but because she knows how terrible they are. Obviously she's been outmaneuvered here.

So, basically: Songbird's good. Everyone else is either evil, crazy, or untrustworthy. And the media supports them, so the public loves them. It's the reverse of the usual "protecting a world that hates them" Marvel story.

[Nina]

Thank you, Mory! That's awesome. That's exactly the explanation of things that I needed.
I think YOU should write the synopses that occur at the beginning of the issues. ;)

[Kenny]

Nina, I only read the book back when Warren Ellis was writing it, but I think the premise holds true - the Thunderbolts book is for people who always wondered "What if the bad guys teamed up and won a few?" It's a very plausible premise, I just think some knowledge of who the villains are and how they operate is needed to really get the most out of the book.

The most fun element for me was seeing just how much of a dick Norman Osborn was to everyone. I also liked the Penance redemption story, but apparently I was the only one because it's been ignored.

Anyway, excellent job as always, Nina!

[Jason Michelitch]

"people lying, crying, maybe sort of dying. "

You should start setting these things to music.