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Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

I thought that the first page, with Krypto having the antlers and Supergirl bringing presents to people, was kind of adorable.

I didn't read the rest of it, though. What do I look like, somebody who buys holiday specials?

John would use magic!

In the holiday specials defense, it is kind of worth six dollars to have the one comic in history that will feature Aquaman save the Virgin Mary from pirates on a speedboat by using mind control over a giant squid and then get to see him tear up when he realizes he's the only one of the Three Kings to have not brought the Son of God a birthday/x-mas present. Like--there's no way they are ever going to do something like this again. It's a complete one-time thing.

That being said i couldn't read anything after reading the Aquaman thing. I doubt I ever will.


Well, I can't exactly NOT read the fucking thing now.

What? That's seriously what happens in the DCU holiday book? You had me at "Aquaman saves the Virgin Mary from pirates...!" Then, as the sentence continued, it just got better and better. There's not one part of that sentence that didn't have me near orgasmic. Dude, seriously, if you can't praise a comic with Aquaman saving The Savior (from pirates! on a speedboat! with the help of a giant squid!), then I feel bad for you.

Now, if only Kanye West would make a song about it.... Aquaman Walks?

"the rally cap version of Two-Face"

Wow, this week's review is like Eric B & Rakim's "Paid in Full" album. There's nothing you said that isn't a classic for the ages.

I ask you, where is this in the Economist v the Idiot? Why has Econ v Idiot been nothing but blank pages for the past few weeks? Or, are the blank pages your statement on the Economist's take on India (2 of the last 4 issues, bitch!). The China v India issue was like the current event babyman's version of Batman v Superman. (Seriously, I *really* miss Economist v the Idiot!)

To be completely fair, there was a Joe Kelly joint later on in the issue that was actually pretty great, "Day Without Sirens." I'd recommend at least giving it a shot, since it's actually a moderately intelligently thought-out and written narrative as the thin-ass sausage inside the massive hot dog bun of fecal, excretory shit (redundancy on purpose) that was every other story.

And yeah, that Didio/Churchill joint was a once in a lifetime storm of "no, are you serious, what in the fuck was anybody thinking?" No wonder he can't edit a comic book, the dude's prose reads like --- what the fuck is this???

"I have heard of this pirate as he has heard of me. He is cold hearted and not prone to lie. I stand motionless and turn inside myself as my mind reaches out to the sea. I sense HIM close by. He has been following me for miles. Following the color and sparkles of my shirt like a glistening lure."

It's like Robert Jordan threw up all over Dragonlance novels and the result got interpreted by a fourteen year old kid trying to emulate the prose from his duct-taped-together Dungeon Master's Guide.

Uzumeri: I think that last little description of yours wins you a permanent spot as someone who can take over these write-ups anytime you want. Robert Jordan? Dungeon Master's Guide? That's pretty funny.

Kenny: The music countdown was like a bowling ball through the plate glass schedule 'round here, and something had to be left on the floor. Econ v. Idiot was the loser. It's coming back though, don't worry. I miss it too!

I've been thinking about this as I've been killing the day at work (wow, working during a holiday week is a waste....). I think that DCU holiday book might be the best comic of the year. I was going to give my nod to Or Else #5, but nothing Huizenga did is on the level of Aquaman saving Jesus's mom from pirates. I wish every comic published could be that crazy. It's like looking into the sun without even squinting.

Daaamn I hear laxatives may help?

Either that, or stop reading pathetic superhero comics? A sub genre does not an industry make.

Yeah, man, fuck those pathetic superhero comics! FUCK those guys! Always reading their Superman, looking down their noses at my Ganges and Love and Rockets, jerking off furiously over Michael Turner pinups. That's all ALL of them do, EVER, because they're pumped out by the Mindless Superhero Fan Factory and set loose on society to do low-level IT work at universities, slavishly buy comics they hate and repel women. That's how it works.

And, I mean, Tucker reviews superhero comics, so clearly those are the only things he reads, right? It's not like there's a link to his comiXology column in this very same fucking article that makes the otherwise clear.

Seriously, what the fuck is up with this neverending drive-by commenting mentality?

David, when one seems angry, frustrated indeed constipated by the superhero comics he reads, as evidenced by these rather nonsensical statements called "reviews" it's a sign that maybe he should only bother with original material. Not things that trade on originality that was around in the 1960's.

hey david, wake me up when the "if you don't like it don't read it" guy is finished.

Tucker, these people NEVER finish. That's what makes them so insufferable.

When Tucker writes this entertainingly about comics he doesn't like, I hope he never stops reading them. His suffering is my gain.

Also, am I reading you right that Robin got the back of his scalp melted off or something? That's pretty fucking crazy. I would love to see Burt Ward act that one out. In this instance, a statement like "Holy head wound, Batman!" would actually be appropriate.

I was hoping to get some sort of commentary on China Mieville's involvement on that Hellblazer from you Tucker.


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