-Some Human Rights organization made up of doctors went ahead and called for Zimbabwe's current cholera epidemic (that's right, it's not just horrible fascist government problems anymore!) to be investigated by the International Criminal Court.
-Death toll in Gaza passes 1,000, includes hundreds of children, Aretha Franklin wore a funny hat this past week, that probably got more attention.
-Amnesty International, who had a busy week (when they weren't crying and questioning whether it was time to just give up completely) accused Thailand's army of "systematic torture." Of course, since it's torturing Muslims, you can probably find a relatively disgusting number of Americans who think that's totally fine.
-Oh, and a ferry in Indonesia sank. Had 250 people on it, most are assumed to be dead.
-Although Pakistan's prime minister said that the Indian dossier they received blaming the country for involvement in the Mumbai attacks was total bullshit, they turned around a little later and admitted they'd arrested 120 people for alleged involvement. So the dossier was bullshit, right? I mean, usually when I say I'm not involved in something, and nobody in my home is...except for you know, me and my wife, we're totally involved, yeah, totally, nobody is except for everybody is, red isn't red, it's totally not, except it's totally red, right now, it's red, how, exactly, do I keep my brain and mouth from exploding? Pakistan! Sweet jesus you're pants are on fire your nose has grown much, much longer than a telephone wire
-Oh yeah, earthquake in Costa Rica! 20 people dead! Shut the fuck up and look at Aretha Franklin's hat.
-Damn it, look at the hat again! There's riots in Bulgaria and Latvia!
-Nortel Networks filed for bankruptcy, which isn't as bloody and death-count-y as the other stories but it probably means more people losing their job, fitting in with the doom-core sound of the week.
-Last year Satyam Computer Services was banned by the World Bank from outsourcing programs due to "improper benefits to bank staff." Just recently, Satyam turned out to be involved in a massive culture of endemic accounting fraud. The World Bank just banned Wirpo Technologies and Megasoft Consultants for the exact same reasons. So, India: if you work for these guys, here it is. Your official warning. You only get one.
-So many American people lost their job in December of 2008 that the year stands as the worst year for unemployment since the second world war. Some estimate that 2008 was the worst holiday shopping season in forty years. I was hoping to get a scanner, which I did, but it isn't the kind I asked for. The one I received is powered by steam and made of balsa wood. I named it "Sammy."
Leaders
-The true story of the week, the one that was (understandably) overshadowed this past week by the inauguration of America's new president? Has to be the death of Lasantha Wickrematunge, a Sri Lankan newspaper editor. Shot down by gunmen on motorcycles, murdered by unknown assailants on January 8th, his newspaper turned around and published a posthumous column he'd written in the previous days. In Lasantha's column he predicted his own death and said "When I am finally killed, it will be the government who kills me." He mentions his three children and wife, pondering whether his job, and the death it would soon bring him, is worth it. I would like nothing more to quote this editorial in it's entirety, specifically calling attention to the final paragraph of his column, if only to ensure that anybody reading this has to see it. I'm not going to. Instead, here's a link to his column, hosted at the English language website of The Sunday Leader, the paper this man worked for. There's a write-up in the Economist, but it is completely unnecessary. You know how they make those movies about people who died for the truth? How conversations about heroism like to point at fictional characters? This was what the real ones looked like, and this is what the world does to them.
-The cover and main article is another breakdown of the used-to-be most popular article up until earlier this week: Obama's presidency Faces A Tough Road Sweet Jesus Can He Cope? Nicely enough, some of the Economist's concerns have already been answered, and the ones they didn't mention were as well by Obama's recent executive declarations. By the way, although the current White House website is going through a bit of a transition, and the man-you-should've-checked-these-out audio or video podcasts of every single press conference are currently absent, the official blog is pretty well put together. All of those executive declarations--the headline grabbing "Obama shuts down Gitmo" are there, but the no less valuable curtailing of the extravagant executive privilege is on there as well. Check 'em out.
-There's a certain level of hubris in this editorial calling for China and Germany to ramp up their spending plans. Besides the fact that the two countries operate on completely opposite sides of the spectrum, with China's economy still struggling forward while Germany's blindly ambles downward toward catastrophe, it ignores the fact that neither country has ever made a proactive economic movement in the last twenty years. Germany and China always wait for someone to lead the way--that's exactly what they're doing now. No matter how much it might--and there's another key word for dealing with China and Germany, the word "might"--behoove them both to enact more expansive stimulus plans, they'll show up late in the second round with the littlest possible. As of right now, neither have hit the point where their immediate survival looks in jeopardy. Whether they realize in time that it is--both are export-dependent with nowhere near the internal consumer base to meet their output--that doesn't change the outlook of their near futures.
-The computer industry may have finally come upon the moment they probably most feared, if you buy into this article. For years, the motivation at constant upgrades has been the benefit of more memory, faster computing--all the stuff that made your Kaypro a fucking joke two weeks after you bought it. Now, the most successful computers are netbooks, cheap laptops designed for minor tasks, like e-mail, websurfing and typing up work shit. The attraction of the upgrade, of the additional memory may have finally reached it's mortal enemy--a consumer base that is satisfied with the product at hand.
Letters
-Let's do ourselves a favor and put the citizens on Bethesda, Maryland on notice: ladies and gents, keep an eye on Ann Gallagher. She thinks she's funny, and she thinks she's clever, but what she really is a fruitcake heading straight for the aluminum foil hat club. Keep an eye on her, preferably before she explains how nervous those new-fangled computers are going to kill us all after Skynet takes over missile defense. I'm being serious here: if you live in Bethesda, and Ann shows up and cooks and eats your cat because it was sending teletype messages to The Iron Giant, I will be calling to say that "told you so."
United States
-Here's another no-holds-barred take on the George W. Bush presidency and what state it leaves America in. There's a lot of decent anaylsis in here, although it's coupled with a level of contempt that is unusual for the magazine to display so openly. They haven't had the best time with Bush--as they point out, they pulled for him over Gore eight years ago, eventually reverting to pull for the Democrat candidates in the last two elections. In the meantime, they've put out some solid articles that argued pretty extensively with predominantly Republican issues--a cover demanding that Donald Rumsfeld resign, an extensive, and excellent, article detailing why gays should be permitted the same marriage rights as anyone else, and over the past year, and some strong attacks on the methods in which the Iraq conflict was carried out. This briefing, which is quite long, neatly encapsulates a lot of that stuff. It does, however, start off with a couple of poorly structured sentences.
-Do you want to read an article about Washington DC's preparations for the inauguration, with stuff like estimated attendance numbers and updates on what bus companies canceled unsold tours? I didn't want to read this before the inauguration, I can't imagine it's interesting to anybody now. But hey, here's the link anyway.
-Here's a short piece guessing that the relationship between Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton will be a good one. Hilary had put some conditions on her acceptance of the position, all of which were accepted, but they're actually somewhat mild: she wants to bring in her own staff and have two deputies instead of one, most of all, she demanded direct access to the president "whenever she pleased." The Economist mentions that Obama wants a "stronger State Department", but doesn't go into why they know that--I assume that the failing is on me for missing a prior article or speech. Interesting enough, I suppose.
-Good news/bad news time for reading: first up, there's been an increase in the number of adults who are reading for the first time since 1982. (That's when the survey started.) On top of that, adults means "young men," which is where the hero's share of the increase can be found. But don't worry ladies--they have a long way to go to catch up. On the other hand, the illiteracy rate of adult Americans remains at twenty-one percent. I just wanted to point that out so you'd remember that every time you make the dumb-shit-ass-I-hate-you-and-your-parents statement about other people's opinions being valuable, 2 out of 10 American's can't fucking read. That's 20% of opinions that can be completely disregarded out of hand. First thing we do? Kill all the lawyers.
-Just to be mean to America, the Economist throws in an article about the continuing survival of debutante balls in the country. There's nothing of benefit to get out of this article other than realizing that no matter how many executive declarations Obama sends out, there's really no way to get around the fact that there are still rich white girls going to silly parties that can cost them 10 to 14 thousand dollars a person.
-Lexington goes and tracks down one of those weird American stories that does the trick of being infuriating, sure, but will eventually have you wondering if it's common enough to be worth extrapolating major national problems out of. See, Lexington's whole column this week is about whether or not Barack Obama--a former lawyer "from a party dominated by lawyers"--will "protect Americans" from the obsessive civil suits of American law. It's a popular enough issue, sure--I can't imagine anyone in America didn't read about that judge who sued a dry cleaner for $54 million due to them allegedly losing his pants and thought "hm, I should withhold judgment on the ethics of this until the facts are in." Lexington's other story, about a five-year-old girl whose tantrum at a Florida school led to the police taking her away in handcuffs because the teachers and principal were terrified they would be sued that they just refused to stop her themselves, is another item that makes one wonder. The law in America is a wily beast, and there is a certain level of just criticism for it. At the same time, using specific cases that any sane person could tell you are completely individual to a bizarre set of personality and circumstance as the key motivation for a revamp of the law--or as an argument for executive power to steamroll change--seems more than a little problematic.
The Americas
-Remember how you'd read about Plato's philosopher kings while in a class full of people, including yourself, who couldn't fight their way out a wet paper bag? And you sat there getting your pants all wet thinking--"gee, wouldn't it be great if they put all us book-reading smart guy pantywaists crybabies in charge of the country? We'd fix everything lickety-split with our belief in fairness and our willingness to embrace debate." Well, Brazil said fuck it, let's do it anyway, and they convinced a Harvard law professor to remake their armed forces. (On the side, he's working with his former pupil Barack Obama to remake the world's economy.) So hey, I guess it's true: you can be a total badass while still being a cast-in-bronze geek. Who knew? I mean, besides Werner Herzog?
Asia
-Oh, it's list time! Here's an upcoming Chinese anniversary breakdown!
December 10th, 2008: 60th anniversary of the UN's Universal Declaration for Human Rights, which resulted in a pretty solid protest and a nasty--obviously this one isn't upcoming, but the group of 300 activists who initially celebrated it in China showed back up on January 12th to call a boycott on the countries state-owned television networks.
March 10th, 2009: 50th anniversary of the Dalai Lama's escape into Indian exile following the Tibetan uprising.
June 4th, 2009: 20th anniversary of when the Tienanmen Square protests were shut down. By the way, there's interesting videos of these on youtube. Just try to avoid the one where some jackass cues the whole thing to the goddamn Requiem for a Dream soundtrack.
July 22nd, 2009: 10th anniversary of when the Falun Gong religious group was banned from the country. Hey, New Yorkers: these are the Union Square people. No, not the ones with the skateboards.
-I'd say that just about once a month, I find at least one article in the Economist that points to a portion of the world and clues me in on something I totally missed out on. In this case, it's this one, about the despicable Myanmar military junta (remember these guys last year? the ones who wouldn't let the United Nations or any other country in to give their people water and medical aid following the floods?). There's been a war going on at the border between the junta and a local militia group for 60 years. The militia--known as the KNU--doesn't particularly sound like a bunch of Girl Scouts, but there isn't really enough in the article to form much of an opinion about them. Still, 60 years? That's some crazy shit.
-Okay, this story is amazing: some unemployed guy in South Korea had been anonymously blogging under the name "Minerva." He'd predicted quite a few financial moves by the South Korean government, criticized them and high up financiers--and ended up getting arrested by riot police. They're claiming that this guy's blogging caused so much "financial turmoil" that the government had to spend the equivalent of $2 billion dollars to maintain the currency. A whole bunch of civic organizations are going to help the guy out, and that's great...but seriously, wouldn't it be awesome if that was totally accurate? Some anonymous, unemployed guy writes a bunch of clever blogs and he's so correct, so on-the-money that it costs the government $2 billion dollars? Jesus, what a bad ass.
Middle East and Africa
-Spoiler warning: This next article is full of awful, hideous shit and offers extra editorializing due to it's grossness.
"On January 2nd an eight-year-old albino boy living in Burundi was hacked to death in front of his mother. The killers took his arms and legs. That attack followed another on a six-year-old albino girl in the same country. The killers tied up the parents, shot the girl in the head, and made off with her head and limbs." This isn't a global problem, it's one pretty much confined to Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda and Burundi, in areas where witch doctors are willing and capable of paying for the body parts of albinos, mostly children because they are easier to catch and kill, as well as being in areas where people believe that the the dried skin of children and their ground up bones will brink wealth to the purchaser. I try to keep the sarcastic vitriol to a minimum when you're dealing with something this horrifying. With that being said, I have absolutely no comprehension of how to deal with this problem in a mature fashion. What are you supposed to do, beyond exterminating every single person who participates in it, from the killers all the way through to those who pay for these kids body parts? I don't care that it's because they're impoverished and uneducated, and that's why they believe in this shit. I don't care if they're are people I'm friends with who consider whatever religion this is to be their own. I am completely absent of anything here but contempt for whoever these people are, and if I were a more religious person, I would pray that they suffer for however long eternity is in the worst level of hell possible. While I understand, from a logical standpoint, that the only definitive way to eradicate this would be through some kind of multi-pronged approach involving better policing and judicial system, a stronger government, education in science and some type of economic renaissance, I've also read enough news in my lifetime to know that when something like this affects a small number of poor people that it isn't going to create the type of global response necessary to stop it. So yeah, I have to lean more towards whatever method is available for it to end, right now--except I can't imagine what that would be. Pay mercenaries to kill them? Kill every single one of these people? Look, I'm not trying to be glib. But the type of help Burundi and Tanzania need to prevent this stuff...Burundi and Tanzania doesn't have it. They aren't going to be getting it, either. And these kids--this was less than three weeks ago! I'm sorry. Nobody wants to read about this, do they?
-Look, there's five articles on Gaza and Israel this week. I'm not going trying to imply anything by not summarizing them or giving them anything beyond a cursory mention, but honestly, things are moving over there on an hourly basis. They're good background, but up to the minute is available somewhere else.
Europe
-Well, now that I know it was Churchill who came up with that whole "jaw-jaw" is better than "war-war", I guess I can't be sarcastic and complain about articles that use that for a title, but this is a particularly bitchy installment anyway. So nevermind, shut the fuck up with that, really. It's so lame. Article that uses it is about continuing gas conflict between Russia and Ukraine--in case you didn't already know, Russia agreed to start supplying Russia with gas again, only for Ukrainian officials to claim they couldn't handle the transit. Nasty shit, and nobody really can figure out what either side is gaining from this, unless there's some magical award for "you are a bigger dick than I thought."
-The Economist has made it clear that they aren't impressed with Germany as of late, and these two articles should probably be read with that as foreknowledge. That aside, the prediction of Germany's coming election year and a specific look at their stimulus plan is worth the time. Not your time, no. Unless you're German. In that case, totally worth your time. Wait, what?
Britain
-Well, the discussion and debate is over with: the government in Britain approved the third runway and sixth terminal at Heathrow. The Economist holds out hope that there's still a chance for it not to happen--they are, in case you didn't read any previous issue of the magazine, not fans--but the fact that part of their belief is dependent on Greenpeace kind of ruins that argument. I was able to log an entire forest in Brazil in my spare time, and Greenpeace couldn't do shit to stop me then. Them versus the current British government? Get real.
-Hey, no Bagehot this week? Huh. I bet he wrote another "I Hate Gordon Brown" article and they told him to take a week off.
International
-Here's a long article examining what the current economic slump is doing to migrants, both legal and illegal. While some of this could probably be written by your imagination--bad news for migrants--it does go into one of the more interesting side stories, which is that migrants provide about $283 billion in remittances to poor countries. (The classic "work your ass off and send the lion's share home to your starving family" story.) Remittances make up a huge amount of Gross Domestic Product in some poor countries--in Tajikistan it's 46%, Moldova counts on 38% and Lebanon's is 24%. I knew it was a big deal for Mexico particularly, but that's pretty insane. (Oh, and you can also count on good old Russian skinheads to make it even more disgusting--some gang of teenagers were convicted for killing 20 migrants last December.)
Business
-Although 2008 taught us that getting a Face Value column could occasionally be awesome--like the one they did about a cartoon character--most of the time it meant you were going to lose your job. Hopefully this one, an exploration of Carol Bartz, the new boss of Yahoo!, will be in the win column. Whether you're interested in a company that's probably not going to survive the current economic crisis or not, I think we can all agree that it's pretty pimp that she used to spend her hours long daily commute reading and working in the back of a chauffeur car. (Why is that pimp? Because she would regularly have the driver stop the car so she could throw up on the side of the road. That's some crazy ass dedication.)
-So it turned out that Steve Jobs did have to step down. The Economist clearly isn't quite sure yet what that means, but they throw out a "huh, did you hear about that?" article anyway. Thankfully for those of us who love really cheap, bad jokes, the article is titled "Lost Jobs." Get it? That's so clever. Just a second, I have to go try and get cancer.
-The last few Detroit auto shows have included minivans being shot by cannon into the air, and one time they dropped a pick-up off the roof. If this article is to be believed, the only thing that fell in Detroit was...tears! Because everyone is sad! Because the industry is collapsing in on itself! Here's a three page article on the industry that can be summed up in the phrase "you are all completely fucked!"
Finance and Economics
-Here's your quick breakdown of that American government organization that's spent the past few years doing a terrible, terrible job at "doing their job and justifying their existence." Since it's in the Finance and Economics section, you can probably guess which one in advance. But hey, just for the hell of it: try and name it before clicking on the link. Kind of easy to come up with a few names, right? Hahahahahhahahh we're all gonna be broke before we die
-If you're looking for some good news out of the economic downturn, I have it for you right here: an industry that doesn't need to worry itself gray about the recession. Wait, you didn't click it yet right? Because it's the insurance industry. Yeah, I know. I was kind of hoping for an industry that I liked too. But yeah, car and home insurance. They'll be fine. NOT FAIR
-While yes, the Bush article started off badly, this article, a pretty detailed look at Citigroup and universal banking as a whole, starts off with my favorite quote of the week. "Too big to fail, too shit to buy." That's how Citigroup employees described their own company. This isn't a breezy one, but if you've got the time, it's a pretty valuable examination at a company that had it's fingers in a whole lot of pies, not the least of which was--until January 13th--Smith Barney. They'll be selling out part of it, despite it being the only one of it's divisions to post a profit last quarter. There's a ton more stuff like that in here.
Science and Technology
-Hey, it's been a while since we've had some weird science experiments, right? Here's one, about the correlation between in-womb testosterone exposure and a man's ability to make money in the short game. Beyond the "take a look at your fingers" moment any dude will have after reading this article, this article is also the sort I think I'll keep on hand in case I ever fuck up and have a kid. Apparently I can figure out what kind of job I should force him into having based off the size of his digits. (Read into that statement.)
-So, yeah, here's another weird science experiment. Hyraxes--ugly, ugly animals--sing a whole lot. It turns out tat when they hyrax is singing, he's giving out his details, like people do on internet dating websites. Here's a list of the things hyraxes tell you: how much they weigh, how big they are, what their health is like, their "social status" and their current hormone levels. I'm not sure what you can do with that information, but guess what? Now you have it. And you're welcome. It was free.
Books and Arts
-There will be at least twelve books on Abraham Lincoln released over the next few months, and there's obviously plenty already. Obama is believed to prefer one from 2005 called Team of Rivals, which is about Lincoln's Suicide Squad days fighting moon rebels in a quest for pure trillium. The Economist seems to think that might change, as they've got nothing but praise for Ronald White's A. Lincoln, a 816 page beast that covers Lincoln's moral and intellectual evolution. Either way, the 200th anniverary of Lincoln's birth is coming up in February. I think we all have to have finished reading at least four Lincoln books by then.
-Have to say, Gustavo Dudamel is the real deal. If you had the opportunity to see him in New York this past month as he conducted Gustav Mahler's Symphony No. 5, you already know. He's a true artist, and I'd certainly be surprised to hear arguments decrying him. This brief article, detailing a bit of his history as he prepares to begin a stint as the music director of the Los Angeles Philharmonic, is a fine introduction to a man I hope you already have heard about--or even better, seen.
-Don't know when I'll find the time, but American Buffalo, (a new book, not the Mamet play) certainly sounds like something worth spending time with. The story of Steven Rinella's 2005 hunting trip in Alaska--24 hunters won lottery permits to track and attempt to kill a wild buffalo, Rinella was one of only four that succeeded--as well as "anecdotal history" of the buffalo's American story, it sounds like a distinct little tale. It also deals with something of a success story--buffalo were nearly extinct by the 1890's, buta fter the work put in by Theodore Roosevelt, Frederick Remington and Andrew Carnegie, a team-up that formed the American Bison Society, North America is now home to half a million.
Obituary: Richard Neuhas
-Richard Neuhas was one of those hardcore pro-lifers who thought gay marriage was a sin and cloning was a crime against God. Normally, the rest of the stuff for these kind of people gets filled in pretty stereotypically, but I was surprised to find out that he was a Lutheran turned Catholic and that his church was in the lower East Side of Manhattan. Back in the 1960's, he ran a black Brooklyn parish that couldn't pay him, he marched with Martin Luther King for civil rights and joined the hippies to protest the Vietnam War. (He even co-founded a clerical pressure group against that ugly conflict.) That's pretty impressive credentials. At the same time, I'm reminded of what the Drive-By Truckers said about George Wallace--that some crimes are just too much. And I have to say, as much as it will probably alienate some random person reading this blog, that when your legacy includes denying the right to marry from a group of people because you think that it's a sin, that I don't give a shit that you marched with Martin Luther King. I'm sorry this guy passed away, and I'm sure he helped a whole lot of people. But for that one thing? Fuck him and his legacy. This week already has too much ugliness in it. I can't be bothered to pretend that to be interested that another old bigot died. Go ahead and think, or say, or believe, that homosexuality is a sin, that they shouldn't be married. That's fine. I think that people who liked that Gus Van Sant movie Even Cowgirls Get The Blues should be chemically sterilized so the future isn't full of children with terrible taste in film. But I'm not going to lead a rally about it or anything. I'm not going to actively fight to have the stupid castrated. Neuhas did though, he did fight against gay marriage, he did preach against homosexuality from his little pulpit, he did sit around with George W. Bush and "educate" him about that kind of none-of-yours-or-my-business nonsense. I didn't wish him dead for that. But I'm not going to give a shit that he is.
All art comes from the Economist unless otherwise noted.
From what I can tell, the image of Lasantha used is some kind of stock photo for him--it's on a ton of the articles I read regarding him, God knows who came up with that Bush eats kitten pic, that cake pic is from a special time in my life, Joseph Hancock is responsible for the dude-in-rain picture, Abe Lincoln: Cage Fighter pic from the Uncyclopedia, which actually turned out to be more interesting and less dumb than I would have imagined a joke wikipedia to be.
A new price on Russian gas for Ukraine is about $230 for thousand cubic meters. Nobody will say more precisely today.
http://ua-ru-news.blogspot.com/2009/01/new-price-on-russian-gas.html
Posted by: VIktoria Tokareva | 2009.01.25 at 13:56
Totally beside the point, but: The single funniest image ever created containing Abraham Lincoln was John Kerschbaum's wraparound cover to the second issue of THE WIGGLY READER. His website has a copy that's ju-u-u-ust too small to be properly appreciated, but it's the largest I could find:
http://www.fontanellepress.com/media/covers/wr2wrap.jpg
It's also the only drawing I've ever seen -- and possibly the only one ever printed -- that features Mary Todd Lincoln threatening John Wilkes Booth with a chainsaw.
Posted by: Dirk Deppey | 2009.01.25 at 21:43
Jesus, that Abe pic is something else. What the hell is a Wiggly Reader? I gotta track that down.
Posted by: Tucker Stone | 2009.01.25 at 22:59
Here ya go:
http://www.fontanellepress.com/pages/catalog.html
It's Kerschbaum's old humor series... he did that Petey & Pussy book with Fantagraphics last year... stuff's great.
Posted by: Jog | 2009.01.26 at 03:12
The article about what's happening to migration during the credit crunch was interesting. Reading about those Ugandan kids getting rid of their mobile phones (because they can't face talking to their relatives who desperately need money they don't have) was one of the saddest images of the current state of globalisation that I've seen for a while...
Posted by: Tam | 2009.01.26 at 08:40
there would have been more "i love yous" ... more "i'm sorrys"... but mostly, given another shots at life, i would seize every minute... look at it and really see it...live it...and never give it back.
Posted by: retro jordan 6 | 2010.11.04 at 01:24