This week, we've got 24, Dollhouse, Lost, From G's To Gents, American Idol, The Amazing Race, and Battlestar Galactica.
Oh, and fuck the Oxygen network. Next week, they're back on the cool list, but there's no good reason on earth to pre-empt new Bad Girls Club just to marathon previous episodes of the Bad Girls Club. It's not like editing that show can't be done by a monkey and an iMac.
24 - "4:00PM-5:00PM"
24 seems to have always had the problem of poor follow ups to ballbusting episodes full of carfights, infant torture, and Kiefer growls. For some reason, they seem to think that people care to watch the show for another reason beyond those things, i.e., emotional heavy subplot shit that requires decent acting. Now, this sort of stuff worked back in the days of Dennis Haysbert, who was pretty much single-handedly able to keep the emotional subplot sequences of the show watchable, if not occasionally entertaining. When that burden rests on the shoulders of Cherry Jones, Janeane Garofalo and the increasingly ridiculous guy from Entourage--well, that's how you make some pretty interminable television. Juxtaposing all that with the third official "convince an untrained terrified female to pretend to go back to her former lover, who is actually a bad guy" certainly doesn't help, nor does wasting a guest appearance by Glenn Morshower--the only actor besides Kiefer to have appeared in every season of the show--in a cheeseball scene where the viewer is expected to believe that Cherry Jones has enough depth of interest that she deserves the added screen time of an estranged daughter. Not the best hour of the season, and considering we've now officially passed the point where the writers have had over a year to prepare what we're now watching, it doesn't bode well for the future. (All that aside, there's something rather ridiculous and charming about the idea that the new cabal of evil is so far completely made up of petulant, scowling late 20's white guys. Like the Bluetooth gang of seasons past, it's nice to know that 24 is still willing to cast their entire team of bad guys from one very specific cattle audition.)
Dollhouse - "Ghost" by Matthew Brady
Looks like Joss Whedon wants to be taken seriously. His new show is serious, man, all about spy stuff and crime and emotions and identity and people being taken advantage of and shit. Sure, there's a joke here and there, but none of the cuteness he brought to pretty much everything else he has done. Not that it isn't entertaining, but Whedon is definitely trying to move in a new direction. It might not necessarily play to his strengths, but he's trying, right?
If only he had a better lead actress, he might have something neat here; Eliza Dushku might be pretty, but so is every other girl on TV, and basing a show around a character who takes on at least one new identity every week is a tough sell when the only thing the actress can play convincingly is the blank, personality-free version of herself. See, she's in this program where her evil masters program her with an identity relevant to whatever mission she needs to be sent out on. We first see her playing a flirty, sexy party girl who was apparently supposed to get in some guy's pants for unspecified reasons, but the real silly bit comes when she gets converted to a no-nonsense, hardass negotiator who is trying to help a rich guy get his kidnapped daughter back. She has glasses, and wears a suit, and puts her hair in a bun! That means you should take her seriously! But while she tries to talk tough, there's just nothing there. If you're going to sell that concept, you've got to have an actress that makes the transformation believable, and Dushku isn't that actress. And then, when hidden aspects of her fake personality rear their head after she recognizes one of the kidnappers as her childhood rapist (that sort of makes sense if you watched it, but just trust me if you didn't), she has to try to play a tough lady with a soft underside, and that's completely out of the question. It's like casting Jessica Alba in a Meryl Streep role. I don't think Whedon intended for the entertaining part of the show to be seeing how badly Dushku bungles her roles each week.
There is a nice bit in which the rich guy, who knows all about the Dollhouse program, starts interrogating her, badgering her about how she's just a programmed blank, and she doesn't get it, but it really messes with her head. That was pretty nicely-done, and a good use of the premise to see how fucked-up this girl is. I wouldn't mind seeing more of that. And there's a subplot in which Helo from Battlestar Galactica plays an FBI agent trying to uncover the Dollhouse program. And next week, Matt Keeslar, the Middleman himself, is guest starring! That'll be worth tuning in for, I hope. Let's see how many episodes will come out before Fox cancels Whedon this time.
The Amazing Race – “Don’t Let a Cheese Hit Me”
Though it appeared among the first wave of reality TV shows, along with Survivor, Big Brother, and American Idol, The Amazing Race has always stood a little outside the genre. Though dependent on the same person-eliminated-at-the-end-of-each-episode formula as most reality TV, the structure of the race allows for less producer interference than most shows. Even Survivor, which is also completely at the mercy of its structure to determine who advances and wins, has begun to stage interactions between contestants in order to cover plot points. The Amazing Race can’t afford that kind of time, and is therefore completely dependent on its casting and its challenges. This makes the quality of the show vary wildly from season to season, and even from episode to episode.
Coming off of one of the worst seasons in the show’s history, the opening Episode of Season 14 promised a complete turn-around. New variations on The Amazing Race’s standard casting include: the verbally abusive couple, this time in hillbilly!; how about, instead of a little person and her cousin proving she can run the race as well as anyone else, a deaf guy and his mom?; and, if you’re looking for indistinguishable almost-beautiful female teams, we’ve got not only stewardesses, but also NFL cheerleaders. (By the way, in their introduction, one of the stewardesses says, “Blonde women in foreign countries really can get away with murder. We’re going to take advantage of that.” In terms of great moments in reality television, a stewardess on a massive, cross-country killing spree would be hard to top.)
More importantly, the second challenge (after a massive bungee jump) saw the teams having to carry 200 pounds of cheese down a steep, wet, and muddy hill, using “traditional antique cheese racks” that appeared rigged to break (apparently, the producers have to find some way to interfere, after all.) The ensuing mayhem involved tons of wood collapsing over people’s heads, an old guy sliding down the hill on his ass with a 50 pound barrel of cheese between his legs, cheese rolling down the hill into the surrounding forest, a crowd laughing uproariously at the competitors hurting themselves, and a culminating foot race for last place. So, all-in-all, it was a pretty good start.
Lost - "316" by Zeb L. West
Lost continues its swan dive towards a conclusion this week with Ben finally wrangling everyone onto a plane back to the island. It’s a relief to see this plotline resolved, as it often feels like watching a schoolteacher trying to coax a pack of school children back onto the bus after a fieldtrip. As soon as one islander is convinced to get on the plane, another storms off in a rage. Once the angry islander has been cajoled, two more are refusing to cooperate. It’s like Ben’s trying to knit a scarf out of wet spaghetti.
Conveniently, the islanders who refused to go back were magnetically drawn to the plane, with Sayid, Hurley and Frank Lapidus all coincidentally being onboard. Glad to know that Ben’s struggle for the last five episodes was both frustrating AND unnecessary.
The episode begins and ends with a brief action sequence. Jack heroically dives off a cliff to save Hurley, who is drowning despite the fact that he has a flotation device handy. While scenes like this get the audience’s pulse pumping, in the context of the episode the sequence serves no function. Action is clearly a tool in the writing team’s arsenal, so one wonders why they can’t use it instead of dialogue to resolve plot points.
The Lost writing team continues to untangle the ball of Christmas tree lights that is their plot the only way they know how – by cheating. Their device of choice seems to be protracted monologues from mysterious side characters. While it’s great to get information about the island only being accessible in certain ‘time windows,’ listening to Daniel Faraday’s mother explain it is a bit of a cop out. She assumes the tone of a kindergarten teacher, and proceeds to patronize the islanders (and the audience) with a vague explanation while pointing at a chalkboard full of (*gasp*) math equations! Although she seems to have a great idea for how the islanders can get back, we’re left to wonder ‘who the heck is this lady and if she knew so much, where has she been?’ Why do I have the feeling that transparent plot-movers like this are going to become increasingly regular in the episodes ahead?
From G’s to Gents – “Down ‘N Dirty” & “Get Your Swag On”
Oh, From G’s to Gents, why have you turned me into a hypocrite? All last season I made fun of you without ever watching a single episode and was generally a snot about your whole premise, and now you’ve made me realize that I am just an inexperienced reality TV whore who makes negative blind judgments to make myself feel superior. Harumph.
So, ok, the blinders are off and I can honestly say that not only do I enjoy this show, I’m kinda all mushy and giddy and silly for this show. The formula follows so many other reality competitions: take a bunch of people and have them perform various tasks, eliminating the weaker ones until ultimately the survivor wins a bunch of money or something. It’s a great formula and it doesn’t look like FG2G will deviate too much. In fact, this show isn’t much different from any slew of others; it just has a bunch of G’s in it, which is good enough for me.
Episode 1 brings 16 G’s to the mansion called “The Gentleman’s Club” with the idea that they’re there to change, I assume, everything about themselves and “leave their thug lives behind” in order to become gentlemen and win $100,000. Many of the G’s claim that this is their last chance and if they don’t make it they’re headed for jail or death. Whoa. In order to get the most out of this show I’m going to just buy that hook, line and sinker and see what happens.
We start to hear about their stories, blah, blah, blah, while they have an all out booze fest BEFORE they have to make their case to Mr. Bentley about why they should be there. Fantastic! Of course mad drama ensues as Dirty from Miami gets drrrunk, splashes people with Jacuzzi water, tries to drown Fahim from Brooklyn in the pool, burns his ass by sitting on a hot grill, falls, yells, pisses, etc and then passes out upstairs before explaining how he really wants to better himself. All of this is fun and as an audience member I assume he’s going to get the boot first and I’m totally ok with that. That is until Mr. Bentley makes me feel like a heartless bitch. He explains that clearly Dirty has some serious problems and he shouldn’t be kicked off the show until he’s had a chance to explain himself. Ok, I can see that. But as soon as he says whatever he has to say he’s gone, right?
I was left hanging about Dirty until Episode 2 when the amazing happens; I end up wanting him to stay. I may actually want him to win! During a heart-to-heart with Mr. Bentley, Dirty explains that he was found in a dumpster when he was 2, that he feels like he’s been thrown away his whole life and that he currently has a problem with drinking. Oh, man. That sucks. So Mr. Bentley says instead of throwing Dirty away he’s going to help him stay off the hooch and Dirty must apologize to the other G’s. While choking out this mandatory apology he breaks down crying, renounces the name Dirty for his real name, Barron, and asks for another chance. Apology accepted. Bonds are strengthened. My icy heart melts. It’s that simple . Onto the next a-hole I want voted off; Riff Raff.
There’s nothing I like about Riff Raff. He’s loud, obnoxious and maybe addicted to crack. None of the other G’s can stand him either and he earns the more black balls than anyone else. So of course his membership gets denied (sweet) and THAT’S when Riff Raff breaks me! Surprising no one, he flips out. But the way he flips; It’s so sad and pathetic and clearly this cartoon man is filled with real pain. I want to grab a hold of him and tell him there’s still hope, but Mr. Bentley’s there to say what I cannot. He explains that while this isn’t the forum to help Riff Raff, he is going to talk to him outside of the show and get him some real help. Really? Can that really be true? If anyone happens to know that this was bullshiz please don’t ever, ever tell me. I prefer to believe that this show is actually about helping people change, and I’m nowhere near getting my period so that doesn’t help explain the way I feel.
So now I’m emotionally invested after only 2 episodes. Will Blue continue to be one of my favorites, or will he turn out to be a dick? Do they keep their grills, or do they need to lose them to become a gent? What happens when you have a face tattoo? Will learning about Chianti helps these guys provide for their kids? I don’t know, but I do care.
American Idol – "Top 36, Week "
Michael Sarver, Alexis Grace and Creepy Danny Gokey are all heading into the Top 12, thanks to America (and the good fortune of having a ton of pre-Top-36 airtime), but let’s take a look at the twelve contestants who performed this week to see if there’s a chance of any of them snagging one of the three wild card slots determined by the judges after the first three prelims.
Jackie Tohn: When the cameras are on them, rather than simply being themselves, most people tend to do impersonations of how they hope other people see them. On American Idol, Jackie Tohn tries so hard to be like-able, funny and quirky that she ends up completely self conscious and awkward. According to her, Jackie wanted to prove herself an entertainer rather than a singer. Choosing a song like “A Little Less Conversation,” best known for its novelty remix and commercial spots, and bobbing around on stage like a muppet having an epileptic fit is only going to make you the kind of entertainer that works in restaurants with giant animatronic animals singing birthday songs.
Ricky Braddy: Poor guy got zero air time during Hollywood Week, and nobody remembers him from the original auditions at this point. Plus, he got the damning second-of-the-night slot, and didn’t help himself out by singing a ballad. He does make Paula peepee when she sees him, though, so he could pull a wild card.
Alexis Grace: Rocked out a pretty great version of “I Never Loved a Man the Way That I Love You,” making her the most deserving contestant to advance. So far, she’s a textbook American Idol contestant—which is good for her at this point, but won’t help her out down the line.
Brent Keith: Dude is really, really gunning for the country music vote. That shit is so 2004.
Stevie Wright: First of a handful of fairly mesmerizing train wrecks, Stevie Wright picked a Taylor Swift song to make her appear younger, but then sang it like she was Kathleen Turner. 2006-era Kathleen Turner.
Anoop Desai: Though perhaps he became a little less charming after somehow convincing Ryan Seacrest to announce him as “Anoop Dogg,” Anoop Desai still rocked out a damn solid version of a mediocre song—Monica’s “Angel of Mine”—before getting mercilessly slammed by the judges. He does have the best chance of getting a wild card from the judges, though, having only missed the top 3 by about 20,000 votes.
Casey Carlson: Singing The Police’s “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” is usually a bad idea, as the song relies on Sting’s personality and vocal inflection for its awesomeness, rather than an interesting melody. Casey apparently understood this, attempting to make up for her horrendous voice with a series of Sarah Palin-style winks, but completely misunderstood that the top merit of her personality, from the point-of-view of the AI producers, is looking good in a bikini.
Michael Sarver: Butchered an already iffy Gavin DeGraw song, but, because he received so much airtime in the auditions and Hollywood Week, he made it pretty easily into the Top 12.
Anne Marie Boskovitch: This was who now?
Steven Fowler: Dude, you don’t sing “Rock With You” unless you come with a string section and a children’s choir. Or at least some motherfucking dancing.
Tatiana Del Toro: Sang a much better version of “Saving All My Love For You” than she was given credit by the judges, who were all, “Yeah, your singing was aiight, but do that crazy laugh you do. Do it. Doooooooo iiiiiittt. No, seriously, do it.”
Danny Gokey: Fuck this guy. Dude is easily the creepiest contestant American Idol has had in its 8 year history—and that includes Justin Guarini and the dude who said he slept with Paula Abdul. Here’s what we know about Danny Gokey: 1. His young wife died unexpectedly less than a year ago. 2. He auditioned for American Idol less than one month later. 3. Every clip of him on American Idol has alluded to his dead wife. 4. Danny wants to teach us all that we can rise above unfortunate circumstances. 5. That’s why he chose to sing “Hero” by Mariah Carey. 6. One of Danny’s friends or family was sitting in the audience during the awards show, waving a photo of Danny and his deceased wife. 7. This guy is a complete and utter sociopath, incapable of actual feeling. 8. America and American Idol fucking love him.
Who I Would Have Voted For: Alexis, Anoop, and, surprisingly enough, Tatiana
Who the Judges Got Behind: Jackie, Ricky, Alexis, Michael, Danny
Who Stands a Chance at a Wild Card: Ricky, Anoop, and maybe Jackie (if her pre-Top-36 footage is any indication.)
Battlestar Galactica - "No Exit"
I venture to sat that why this show is so great, and well loved is because it’s not merely about one aspect of science, like aliens or simply living in space. This is a show about humanity. Inherent in every episode are the questions about what it means to be human. What is the value in being able to feel – any emotion? More importantly, what is it the value in loving? Up to now the Cylons have generally seemed, at the very least, arrogant. As if they have it all, the benefits of a human body and all that we like about that, but no true feeling. And it was always easy to kill their own, without remorse, because they would simply be reborn again a few minutes later. Without the consequence of true death, and true loss, what would we be like?
These are only a few of the myriad of questions BSG seems to ask, without being overt about it. The humans have often seemed to be the underdog--simple mortal creatures, on the run. We want them to succeed because they almost seem like the lovable losers when faced with the Cylons. And that seems to be the beautiful thing that’s illustrated – passionate love of our fellows or our way of life or our God(s), although often really messy, even when it's our literal saving Grace.
This episode was so extremely cool to me. I feel like we transcended the smaller storyline and rose above to the bigger picture. What follows is lotsa kudos, a brief recap (meaning spoiler, so if you haven’t yet seen the last episode: why not? What are you waiting for?!?!?!), and then Nina’s Guess.
The 5th of the Final 5 has been revealed to be Ellen, and we are transported back to when she died on Earth and was – yes – reborn on the resurrection ship. Remember Ellen? Floozy-ish, drunk, sweet, and a little dumb? Well, get ready for to have your socks knocked off.
Nearly minutes after her resurrection, we learn everything we’ve wanted to know about the Final Five, and the entire history of the last 3000 or so years of the Cylon, because Ellen? She’s the Master. Uh-huh. She’s the one who made them. I know, right?!?! And what follows between her and “John” also known as Cavil, (or Mr. Show Me Your Teeth from Dune), is a dialogue in which we come to learn exactly how things went down. Essentially, John hates being in his skin. Wants to feel gamma rays, see things that he can’t by his limited human eyes. And blames, well, blames his mother. I’m not well versed in biblical literature or mythology, (but I know someone out there is and can set me right), and although this isn’t full on-Oedipal, it’s got to be something like it. (He did sleep with his mom and half-blind his father, after all) The entire history of the war between the Cylons and the Humans is all born out of John’s hate of himself and his humanness and Ellen, his “mother”. She epitomizes all the questions I mentioned above. Her desire to put the Cylons into human form is out of sheer love of, well, love and humanity. Clearly, she feels she triumphed in making robots who were as close to human as possible. And it was all in an effort toward peace and love. John is responsible for wiping the Final five’s minds and putting them in the most horrific of purely human situations. His great manipulation was in hopes of making them realize how terrible it is to be "Human," (and then what? Turn him into a machine? That’s where I’m a little unsure of what he wants. Just to be right?) The entire underlining motive of the Cylon-Human war is John’s entire life. HE hates humans and everything human. If John didn’t exist, neither would have this conflict (and therefore, this show!)
Back on Galactica, Ander’s brain is remembering and revealing all the same information as he’s prepped for surgery. The Final Four are all there, along with Starbuck. Starbuck engaged for the selfish reasons of hoping to find out who or what she is--maybe a little love is left over, but her primary mover is her own fear. She learns nothing, but the truth about Ellen is revealed to them, and slowly we’re all getting onto the same page.
Obviously, much more drama is to come. John wants to rebuild the resurrection ship, and now that Ellen is back he figures he will with her, or with the inside of her brain. Boomer who has witnessed the whole transaction between Ellen and John, and although she's played minion for awhile, she flips it near the climax, as she’s leading Ellen to “surgery” – which would be the end of Ellen – whisking her away in escape.
Oh, I just can’t wait! It’s all so good! I love that it’s beyond what I could have imagined, and makes complete sense. This show is smart. And I love it.
So, here’s my guess folks. And I’d love to hear what you think. We’re all still anxious to know what’s up with Kara Thrace/Starbuck, right? Well, here’s my hypothesis. Ellen mentions the triumph of learning, however long ago, that the Cylons could, in fact, reproduce. Yes? How does she know? Who might be a Cylon reproduced child? Kara Thrace perhaps? Might I go even further and say that Kara Thrace is the first cyclon reproduced child of…..Ellen and Col. Tigh? A what what?! Whadda ya think? Whadda ya think? Makes sense? Maybe Cylon children don’t need a resurrection ship – but have the power of spontaneous reincarnation?! And I mean, she’s stronger than your average girl…. Has always beat the odds…. It all adds up. To me at least.
I’m just putting it out there. If you’ve got theories, I want to hear them.
-Martin Brown, Sarah Engelman, Matthew Brady, Zeb L. West, Nina Stone & Tucker Stone, 2009
That had to be the best day for those Swiss farmers, watching weak stupid Americans destroy themselves doing the job they work at every day. If a bunch of Chinese businessmen came to American farms and started wheat-threshing with minimal success I'd imagine the reaction would be largely the same. I think a small amount of xenophobia is a good thing for a populace.
BTW, new reviews are up, if you click on my name. I'm quite fond of my "Adventure Comics" one.
Posted by: Chris Jones | 2009.02.20 at 01:51
Wow, you got the whole crew to pitch in this time! And I actually watched one of these shows this week! My fiance is a *huge* Whedon fan, so I watched Dollhouse. I can't stand Whedon unless NPH is his lead, so I thought my impressions of Dollhouse were biased. But it turns out I felt the same as the esteemed Matthew Brady! Whenever Matthew and I agree, I always feel like I'm smart. Anyway, I'm predicting Dollhouse finishes out the year and is never heard from again. Hopefully Whedon goes back to making musicals with NPH!
Posted by: Kenny | 2009.02.20 at 10:22
Well, I'm going to cut the LOST writers some slack with Eloise, as I think her sudden prominent appearance is due to the island's erratic behavior. If you look at the island as a sentient being, just minding its own business of survival in a world whose laws of physics doesn't match up with the rest of the planet (for whatever reasons), it has to follow a protocol of survival that, unfortunately, involves a relationship with human beings (beginning with Richard, and the necessary 'constants,' that being the revolving door of Others). And some of the human beings (notably Ben and Widmore) keep mucking its survival up for their own personal gain!
Posted by: Jim Kingman | 2009.02.20 at 12:41
The more I read about Lost, the more I like the Bad Girls Club.
Posted by: Tucker Stone | 2009.02.20 at 13:06
My heart skipped when Aaron Pierce showed up on 24, flashing his badge at women in hotel bars.
I think I am going to ask him to the Sadie Hawkins dance.
Posted by: seth hurley | 2009.02.21 at 16:31
I'm not even going to lie: when the credits listed "Glenn Morshower" I screamed like a pixie huffing aqua net. Than I paused the DVR and said "you know who that is right? The only guy who has been on every season besides Kiefer, right?"
And Nina sneered at me with a sneer that could stop a truck and said "It's fucking Aaron. Can we watch the episode now? I've got work tomorrow."
Posted by: Tucker Stone | 2009.02.21 at 16:49
When I told Danielle that Bauer killed Robocop at the end of Season 5, she brushed it off saying "Not even Clarence Boddicker could kill Robocop."
Right before she could catch up on BSG, a website spoiled all the recent character deaths & the final Cylon reveal for her.
What goes around, comes around, Nina.
Posted by: seth hurley | 2009.02.21 at 17:35