X-Men Origins: Sabretooth
Written by Keiron Gillen
Art by Dan Panosian & Ian Hannin
Published by Marvel Comics
After I read this comic book and was about to watch 24, I saw a movie trailer on Fox. The trailer for Wolverine Origins, or X-Wolverine The Original, or Desperately Seeking Wolverine, whatever, that movie with the musical theater guy and the guy who was in the rip-off Animal House movie. And I went, “What? Huh? Brother? What is – wait --- I just….read….this.” So yeah, I’m glad I saw that because it crystallized my description of this comic book. X-Men Origins: Sabretooth is – a movie trailer. An advertisement.
That shit makes me mad. The comic itself, I mean. It’s told like somebody needed a synopsis of back story. But it’s too long to even be that. It, basically, goes nowhere. (See? It can't even just "go nowhere." It "basically" goes "nowhere.") Nothing happens. I mean, kudos to the people behind it for whisking us through the time line with lines like, “months later, “ “ten years later,” and “10 minutes and a whole lotta violence later.” But this isn’t a story. There’s a beginning, after that, a kind of middle….but no end. It’s just all middle. And sure, you’ve got a protagonist and an antagonist. But what’s the conflict? That Sabretooth wants to “play” and Wolverine doesn’t? No. It’s more like Sabretooth is a complete psychopath and Wolverine isn’t. Which, yeah, I get it, That's A Problem. For society. But not for this issue. It’s one giant advertisement, and isn't a good one. There’s no hook. I don't want to buy whatever it's selling.
I had one moment of, “Aw, they drew the emotion on his face so well,” in the frame where Wolverine is carrying his dead beloved in his arms. They did a great job of illustrating Sabretooth’s crazy look in his eyes, all the time. That's impressive, I guess.
I don’t like that we never got to see Wolverine kick any ass. I mean, never? Never? C’mon! I know this is Sabretooth’s comic, but still. It’s Wolverine for God’s sake! Metal claws! Complete healing power! At least one time in their history he must have kicked Sabretooth’s crazy ass. How was that something that never made it in?
So, guess what? I read it. I read your dumb movie trailer of a comic book, and you know what? I am now less inclined to see that movie than if I hadn’t read that comic book. Nice work marketing department. I assume you're the ones responsible.
-Nina Stone, 2009
Comments