24: "1:00AM - 2:00AM"
Well, we haven't had one of these in a while, now have we?
Part of the drama this season has stemmed from watching Tony, He of the Risen Flesh, as he tore ass around and did Jack Baeur type things without having a Kiefer Sutherland type commitment to the show: like Bill Buchanan, Edgar, that shit-for-brains Eric Balfour and the one true Father, David Palmer, Tony can die. Hell, Tony did die, silly Robocop magic notwithstanding. Watching him stride around like a grumbly Jack with neither the contract nor name recognition to protect him ended up bringing the show the same curious tenacity of chance that the early seasons had--you'll never really have to worry about Jack, because he's Jack, and without Jack 24 is just a show about a bunch of people who don't give a shit about America and aren't willing to torture to protect it. But Tony? Who fucking knows. While the last minute reveal, where a confused Larry Moss lay back and searched Tony's blank, bored expression for a hope that what he was experiencing wasn't really happening, wasn't a fully out of leftfield shocker in the way that the early season's Nina reveal was, it was still one of the nicest surprises of the season. The only problem now?
Now we have to watch Tony die all over again. This time, he'll hopefully take Kim "I still call him daddy" Bauer with him. That girl is a cancer.
*Other cancers include: a president whose only plan is to "talk Jon Voight out of his being crazy" and putting Glenn Morshower in the credits without him appearing in the episode.
Well, shit. Just as I'm starting to actually like this show (rather than just tolerate it with occasional enjoyment), the news comes down that Fox isn't going to show the thirteenth and final episode of the season. As the kids that I'm not old enough to complain about might say, WTF? "People" are saying that the twelfth episode works as a season finale, so we won't miss too much, and if you want to buy the DVD set, you can still watch the missing episode. And the show isn't necessarily cancelled either. Man, the behind-the-scenes stuff seems to be just as much of a clusterfuck as the plots of the show.
Anyway, this episode continues to cement my growing affection, using some clever structure and a "spy in our midst" plot, with less in the way of annoyance. It's one of those episodes where you see events from several different characters' perspectives, which is usually pretty neat. That means that Sierra gets to go on a badass spy mission, Victor whores himself out for somebody unexpected, November gets programmed to reveal herself to Agent Ballard, and Echo turns herself into an investigative super-detective to ferret out whoever has been screwing with the Dollhouse's technology. None of these would really work on their own, but with the episode broken down into these four mini-plots, they manage to do some interesting things in a brief amount of time, without lasting long enough to make plot holes obvious. I did get annoyed that Sierra didn't take her high heels off when running from guys with automatic weapons though.
And actually, there were some good developments here, including something that distracts from the ridiculousness of the continuing "fuck with Ballard's head" plot. Sure, it's still pretty dumb, but November reveals herself to him as a doll, meaning that he's going to be kind of going against his morals if he keeps fucking her. But she's still got her "Mellie" personality, and he knows that she can also be turned into an assassin, so he's kind of going to have to walk on eggshells. It should make his scenes actually interesting, rather than just eye-rolling. Also, we find that Victor's regular client "Miss Lonelyhearts" is actually Olivia Williams, who was apparently hankering for somebody else with an English accent to talk to. They get another good scene, in which she can't help herself but open up to him, even though she knows he's not real.
It's stuff like this that adds layers to the storytelling, and makes things pretty interesting, distracting from the regular idiocy of the show and its setup, rather than highlighting it. I was hoping Whedon would be able to do something worthwhile with the concept, and he's finally paying off the expectations. I'm as surprised about that as anybody. Now let's hope that it wasn't a waste of time to get involved in the first place.
This week’s episode of Lost turned Ben and Lock into torch-wielding tomb raiders as they braved the depths below the ancient Temple. As Ben awakens to a hungry-looking Locke, he is surprised at the miracle which has brought John back to life. While Locke looks quietly, patiently furious, he decides that the best revenge is to give Ben exactly what he wants and deliver him to be judged by the island.
The first scene of the episode is worth mentioning, as it treats us to the first meeting of young Benjamin Linus and Charles Whidmore. Whidmore is furious at Richard Alpert for bringing the boy among ‘the hostiles’ and we get to see that there is a certain power-play around the idea of doing ‘what Jacob wants’. A similar phrase seems to be bandied about when Linus and Locke argued over who has a better sense of ‘what the Island wants.’ These two vague phrases have been batted around a lot lately, and seem to always be used as a political trump card when someone is trying to justify a leadership choice.
The choice which is brought under scrutiny during this episode is Ben’s decision to spare Rousseau and kidnap Alex. His instructions from Whidmore are to murder the French woman and her child, but Linus publicly refuses and uses Jacob’s will as a wedge for his decision. Although Ben potentially has altruistic motives, telling Rousseau that he is taking the baby away so that they both might live, his decision to make the child his daughter is what leads to his judgment by the island.
In a flashback that finally explains why Ben is so beat up, we see that Ben’s last objective before returning to the island with the Oceanic Six was to try and kill Penny. Despite his complicity in the death of Alex at the hands of Martin Keamy, Ben seeks revenge and calls Whidmore to gloats when he is outside of Desmond and Penny’s boat. After shooting Desmond, young Charlie appears calling out for his mother Penny, and Ben has an attack of conscience – which might just be what allowed him to be spared. This split second of indecision allows Desmond time to tackle Ben and beat the living hell out of him.
After twisting the murky plunger (perhaps created by the same architects as the icy crank?) located in Ben’s Dharma house, Locke suggests they travel to the Temple to provoke the judgmental smoke. In the dusty hieroglyphic depths below the ancient site, Ben faces the down the smoke and faces all the images related to his key decisions about Alex. The smoke ultimately spares him, but in the eerie aftermath, it takes the form of Alex herself and demands that Ben do exactly what Locke says.
This week’s episode was a small and tight story delivered by our two powerhouse actors who are usually the most capable at delivering massive amounts of exposition while still maintaining tension and excitement. Some of the main mysteries were addressed, including the Black Smoke, Ben and Charles’ relationship, the Sickness, and Linus’ previously unexplained ass-kicking. On the whole this was a fun episode which succeeded at delivering some pivotal information.
What I’m wondering now: What is Locke’s plan for getting Sun back to Jin? Why is the Black Smoke so predictable that it doesn’t judge everybody in the vicinity? What’s this I hear about a Lost website with a copyright date in the future?!
The Mighty Boosh: "The Power of the Crimp" by Sean Witzke
Hey, that Gary Numan cameo was funny, right? No? Well it was funny after two seasons of Vince obsessively talking about Gary Numan. And the bit where he starts singing was the payoff of an animated sequence - about tv on the planet that Naboo was from - that's been excised completely. This episode is about Howard and Vince dealing with guys copying their entire personalities, the Flighty Zoots. Which, yeah, generic sitcom setup. The "crimp" is a completely synchronus off-the-cuff rap delivered by the Boosh, kind of like the bridge in "Bohemian Rhapsody". One of the funniest gags the Boosh ever pulled off is the "Jesus and John the Baptist" bit. Blasphemy, as always, is fucking funny and anyone who says different is probably not watching British comedy at 1 in the morning. And finally, the big payoff was four guys going "Fuck You" at the same time - that's gone too!
With all that out the way, America meet Rich Fulcher. Meet Rich Fulcher's signature character, Bob Fossil. He is America. He is what the rest of the world imagines we all act like, because he is a shallow, violent, unrepentant idiot. He's a stock Will Ferrel character taken to the logical conclusion. Only he doesn't learn anything, or acheive anything. He's just a fucking asshole. And you should be proud. His name is Fossil, and his anger is colossal. He's gonna fossil you up. Fulcher is an American comedian working for the BBC, who famously has lied to his parents that he was a lawyer for years. Even through he's a famous comedian (he's also done a show with Matt Berry called Snuff Box, in which he plays himself, only he kills hookers and travels back through time). Bob Fossil, also similar to Fulcher in real life has told his Mom that he's been a POW in Vietnam for the past 30 years, even though he's run a zoo that didn't have any animals in it. And a nightclub. And a tv show. First thing we see him do is a complicated dance to Hall and Oates' "I Can't Go For That", his gut hanging out of his sky-blue leisure suit. "And that's why I can't go for that". He curses so much, nearly all of his dialog has been cut. America, you're not ready for Bob's speech about the knife fighting academy, or the holy shitsauce.
America? You suck so hard right now.
From G's To Gents: "Pimps, Ho's and Family Time" by Sarah Engelman
It’s a family thing. At the very top of this episode we see Teddy making his bed. Done. He wins. Give him the money, he’s a Gentleman. I can’t even get my boyfriend to make the bed, not even once, not even ever. Oh, wait, Teddy’s still a pimp? Shucks. Let’s move on.
This week Mr. Bentley brings his mother, Harriett Watkins, around to the mansion to talk to the G’s about making a commitment to change. I love her. I love Harriett Watkins. I want to bottle her up and sprinkle a few drops of her on anyone who needs a little help. She’s the ultimate strong, warm, understanding matriarch who makes you want to open up and be a better person. After meeting her, each of the G’s says he understands his situation better. Things are clearer. They know what they need to do. We’re down to the final four people and things are getting sappy and deep and I am lapping it up! Slurp!
Then it's time for a little “I showed you mine now you show me yours.” Each of the G’s has someone close to them brought to the mansion so they can state their commitment and ask for their loved one’s support. Blue gets his girl and grandma, Mito gets his girl and their son, Barron gets his pregnant baby mama and their son, and Teddy gets his girl/prostitute. Here’s a little breakdown on how all that went…
Blue, Blue, Blue is so cute I want to shake him and squeeze him and gnaw on him! When his girl and grandma walked in he said, “I was smiling so hard that my teeth got dry.” Mr. Bentley asked the ladies to help Blue draft a letter to his mom, telling her that he needs to help himself before he can help anyone else. There are cute scenes of them working together and being supportive and then Blue reads the letter to his mom on the phone and he cries and his girl wipes away his tears and his mom loves him and his grandma is all old and adorable and I really, really feel like everything is going to be ok. Big bear hugs for all of them!! Grrrrr!!!!
Mito is also rock’n this challenge. (Challenge?) He tells his girl that even though he was trying to change before the show, he now has the tools to get the job done. He’s all dressed up in his camel colored suit, wrestling with his son, and his girl says, “Let’s hope.” What? Uh, not to be a bitch or anything, but please stop being so negative. I have an idea of Mito that the show has created for me and I don’t need your little pessimistic backhanded remarks screwing that up. He’s a stand up guy. Mito really wants to change and he needs you to support him. So, uh, let’s have it. Geez.
Next is Barron with his baby mama and Barron Jr. First of all, I say baby mama because Tashika and Barron are not together anymore. Yes, she’s got Barron’s twins floating around in her uterus, but that don’t mean shit. And when Barron tells her that he’s going to stop selling drugs her response is, “Throw that all away?” Barron says he’s going to get a real job and provide for his shorties. He goes on to say, “My baby mama in Tampa, she gets nothing. What you crying? I ain’t seen you cry in a while.” Tashika says, “You make me cry all the time.” I feel sad. Can I get Harriett back in this situation? Come on, Harriett, make Barron believe he has a chance. Please?
And then we have Pimp Teddy and his master-mind ho/girlfriend, Tia. Tia is cute, and maybe a little dumb, which is how I feel about Teddy so they’re great together. After Teddy gets over feeling like he can’t ask Tia to stop selling her vi-jay-jay because his rent has totally doubled up there in Seattle, he becomes somewhat of a righteous dick. My favorite moment, of many great moments, is when Teddy says, “You know its embarrassing to be with a ho. You know pimpn’, that’s just negative. You know all your friends that are whores, all the guys you know, and all this and that, it gotta be a wrap.” And Tia’s response? “You’re always so quick to walk away.” Huh? I don’t understand these two at all. They’re really, very foreign to me and not at all my idea of what a pimp and ho should be. Sure, I may have limited experience with the pimps and the hos, but really, people, you just seam so fake. In the end they declare their love for each other and their commitment to change their lives, but you know what? I don’t buy it. If they were ever really slinging punanny, they’ll do it again.
So who goes home? Barron and Teddy get called down to the red carpet, and I have to say I’m torn. I can make equal arguments for both to stay or go. Teddy is saying all of the right things and looks like he has the best chance to make a change, but I just don’t like him very much and he’s a bit of a phoney-balogne. Barron looks like he’s headed in the right direction and I like him way more than Teddy, but there’s so much shit he has to deal with to get his life back on track and we only have one episode left. Plus, I didn’t see Barron making his bed and ironing his suit. So in the end Barron’s membership is denied and now there’s a little hole in my heart. Good luck lil’ Dirrty. Please take Mr. Bentley up on his offer to help you stay sober. Life can suck big time, but it sucks worse if you’re a drunk.
“305, check it now.” –Barron
The Celebrity Apprentice – “One Celebrity Gets Sick”
As if you needed proof that two hours a week was too much of The Celebrity Apprentice, this week was full of it. Essentially, this week packed two episodes into one—dispensing with one task, boardroom and the firing of Brian McKnight (who left for a couple of days and came back not wanting to deal with any of this reality television bullshit) in the first hour and fifteen, and left the rest of the time to let Joan and Melissa Rivers talk smack about Annie Duke. Their reasons seemed to hinge on a bunch of hateful things Annie had said off-camera about playboy playmate Brandy Roderick. When Annie was, like, nice to Brandy to her face, Joan and Melissa felt “stabbed in the back,” so they bitched about it at length. Joan and Melissa Rivers seem like they were born for reality TV—they have the mentality of two fifteen year old girls, coupled with a ridiculously weird mother-daughter relationship. But in a two hour format, it wears thin. Pack an hour episode full of Joan Rivers talking about Annie or Natalie Gulbis—“I picked Natalie to go and choose the jewelry, because I wanted Natalie to feel like she’s part of it, and that she’s not just an athlete, that she’s still very feminine, which she is. She’s straight, which for a golfer is very unusual.”—and you’re good to go. But over a two hour period, the pettiness and contrived-ness take center stage. That’s why formulas exist in the first place.
Southland: "Pilot"
As much as it's totally unfair to gauge the first episode of Southland against the entire run of The Shield, the comparison is still apt since Southland cribs so much: one of the main cops a steel-eyed asshole who is also gay? Got it. Child abduction in the first episode? Check. Set in south Los Angeles? Of course. Treacly monologue from black female about difficulties living in South Los Angeles? You know it. Troubles on the homefront for detective and spouse? That's here as well. Shot on hand-held cameras with as much diegetic light and sound work as is possible? Hey, we're just making a television show here, why you gotta be so rough?
Of course, is all of that really surprising? Strangely, yes, yes it is. The Shield's success as entertainment and difficult to stomach soap opera was wholly generated around it's refusal to engage with the sort of pandering theatrics of an ER or CSI, the way in which the show slowly developed it's characters by inches. The final conclusions of characters--few of which have any sort of parallel to any other television show--was earned through pacing, earned through a manipulation of the freedom of the long-ranging serial arc. The characters on The Shield had spousal trouble because they created a believable marriage, so it could be destroyed. They built angry, hateful language not onto the characters, but into them, which is why CCH Pounders version of the "it's hard for black people in South Central" monologue was one filled with the sort of furious cynicism that expressed how her character--a strong, independent, and ferocious black woman--refused to speak the language of empty hectoring and false hope, knowing that the happier and law-abiding citizens were never going to be the ones in her path. Her struggle to come to terms with her own cynicism, her own disgust at compromise led her to a point where she realized, and then made, the horrible personal sacrifices it would take to maintain the same level of "you need to try harder" that a random bitching mother drops in Southland as if it was some kind of Aesop's Fable. When The Shield had a character eventually expose his homosexuality and face the bigotry of the police force, it ignored the expected plot line of building trite "relationships" built on shared fear and holding hands, choosing instead to go in the frighteningly uncomfortable direction of having the character pursue Christian "values-based" therapy and randomly marry the first widow he could find, while never pretending that his sexuality was in any doubt. Besides all that, The Shield did it with actors who, in some cases, weren't extraordinarily good. The service of the writing, the cold refusal to play by cop show rules, ended up giving the "best performance of their career" tag to people like Anthony Anderson and Michael Chiklis, two men who simply had to mouth the dialog that was written and count on the support of a stronger cast around them.
There's a definitive lack of courage in everything that occurs on Southland--too timid to really engage with the horrifying implication of a statement that "taking a bad guy off the streets, for good" (meaning, to execute someone) is "doing God's work", they then throw in a music montage, as if to say: "hey, don't worry. We may have stolen from our betters, but this show is as safe, and as useless, as Blue's Clues." Is it possible that it can get better? That it can be shown to have a depth not apparent in the pilot? Sure. Anything's possible.
Just not when it's brought to you by "the producers of ER."
-Matthew J. Brady, Zeb L. West, Sean Witzke, Sarah Engelman, Martin Brown & Tucker Stone, 2009
Tony's flip flops are approaching Sloane-on-Alias levels of absurdity, but welcome with Jack sitting (siezuring?) out the last few.
god help me, but I read that 17 years have passed since season one, making Kim the same age this year as Jack was in the first.
Posted by: seth hurley | 2009.04.15 at 22:24
I was really hoping that Kim would just walk into a cougar trap in the hallway, and everybody would start saying "why the hell is a cougar trap inside the FBI building?"
Posted by: Tucker Stone | 2009.04.15 at 22:55
It's how they get stem cells!
Posted by: seth hurley | 2009.04.15 at 23:03
Should we be worrying about the statement that Jack was going to experience "hallucinations"? It's been a wonderfully long time since I've seen whiny ass Teri Bauer, and I'm not looking forward to some tableau of dead family members. (Although I wouldn't mind a Verizon network style shoot of all of Jack's kills.)
Posted by: Tucker Stone | 2009.04.15 at 23:20
One cougar attack in 7 seasons and that's all people still talk about. btw, i'm guessing that's something the writers came up with, not elisha cuthbert herself.
Posted by: bad wolf | 2009.04.16 at 10:52
I've got like 3 issues of Maxim where she is posing with cougar traps. I'm pretty sure it's a thing she has written into her contracts, yes?
There are cougar trap easter eggs all over Old School and The Girl Next Door.
Posted by: seth hurley | 2009.04.16 at 12:29
Cougar trap in her twelve seconds on Tim and Eric too. And that Weezer video. Girl loves the cougar traps.
Posted by: Sean Witzke | 2009.04.16 at 13:12
This summer, from the producers of "The Bad Girls Club", comes "Cougar Traps".
You will gnaw off your own arm to get TO them!
Posted by: seth hurley | 2009.04.16 at 22:31
Correct me if I'm wrong, even though I'm fervently sure that I'm not, but has Kim Bauer done anything interesting in 7 seasons except for the cougar trap? That tight girl scout t-shirt was a long time ago.
I am infatuated with the idea that she wrote the scene herself. That would be incredible.
Posted by: Tucker Stone | 2009.04.16 at 23:47
The Flying Conchords done by giddy drug addicts sold me on a TV show last week, and goddamnit if Bob Fossil killing hookers and traveling through time isn't going to sell me on a TV show this week. Mr. Witzke, America is in your debt.
Posted by: AERose | 2009.04.18 at 05:27
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOl-PAzeHoc
Posted by: Sean Witzke | 2009.04.18 at 12:10
There are apparently no missing eps of Dollhouse, just the unaired original pilot. The order was for 13 eps, and the original pilot counted, so there are only 12 eps in the "real" season. The original pilot's what you'll have to but the DVD for.
Posted by: Todd Murry | 2009.04.20 at 13:51
That's not what the news stories have been saying. Apparently it's a sort of flash-forward, post-apocalypse episode starring Felicia Day. Here's a news story, with links to commentary from producers and such: http://io9.com/5205648/you-wont-get-your-alan-tudykfelicia-day-fix-on-dollhouse
Posted by: Matthew J. Brady | 2009.04.21 at 14:33
Whoops... I mis-assimilated the facts. You are correct. So, this all has to do with the fact that the first pilot counted for the TV deal, but is no good for the already penned DVD deal, so they needed one more for the DVD, but this was outside of the TV deal, and the show's not putting up good numbers, so the network doesn't want to pay more to air one more episode. At least it seems like the ep aired will be a proper season ender, and the extra ep will be an epilogue (calling it epitaph is kind of pessimistic, though).
Posted by: Todd Murry | 2009.04.21 at 19:32