The last time Noah Berlatsky's Hooded Utilitarian teamed up with the Factual Opinion, it was for five hundred pages of Batman's Brave & The Bold. This time, it's all Man-Thing, all the time. Part one is here. Part two begins...now:
Written by Steve Gerber
Art by Rich Buckler & Jim Mooney
Published by Marvel Comics, 1972
Because comics are what they are, it's time to introduce some recurring characters into the Man-Thing mix--Gerber either didn't want or wasn't allowed to just fire off one-shot tales into the ether. Get ready: these two kids are pretty fucking dull! Jennifer and Andy are a brother/sister duo looked after by their cult-leading Dr. Strange wanna-be granddad. They live near the swamp. Jennifer is headstrong, with a take charge kind of personality to match her voracious curiosity. She's also attractive, shapely, and has a peace symbol belt buckle. Good thing too! The local kids think she is weird. Andy on the other hand, now he's a bit of a worrier. Younger than Jenny, he wonders if her curiosity might get the two into various pickles. He's quick to whip out a threat, but you don't really get the sense that he's got the street smarts or physical prowess to back them up.
In other words, these two are Scooby Doo characters looking for a mascot to keep them safe from harm. Enter? Man-Thing!
The two kids have stolen away granddad's version of the Necronomicon, and like any good plot-drivers, they've headed into the Man-Thing's domain for a bit of the old demonic summoning. Since the two of them have the patience of hummingbirds, they fail to notice that the spell works immediately, and a demon arrives to wreak some havoc at the movie theater. By the time Man-Thing decides to get involved, having decided to look after our stalwart youngsters out of some kind of protective feeling (as well as demand-of-plot), the fucker has already ruined the late night screening of Monsters From Beyond, Gremlins 2 style. After some back and forth fighting between the demon and Man-Thing where its revealed via the narrator that Man-Thing's power is derived from the swamp, the kids burn the Book Of Souls and the demon disappears.
This isn't a particularly exciting comic. Surprised? Yeah, it doesn't really sound like one, does it? The art is pleasant, and Andy has the potential to go from irritating bonehead to lovable depending on how much dialog he's given, but it's still just a couple of kids playing with a book version of a ouija board and getting their asses saved by the local Frankenstein monster. That's not to say that there aren't some excellent moments--the final panels of the comic feature Man-Thing questioning whether or not he must kill the children he's just struggled to save, and the only reason they survive is because the two of them don't show any fear at his presence.
It's a nice idea, that Man-Thing is such a risky livewire, that anybody could be his victim--innocent or no, if you get scared by the massive swamp monster, the massive swamp monster is going to burn you down. We'll see. Jennifer and Andy come back, along with thier yet-to-be-introduced grandfather. But first, we've got to deal with a parable on racism, Man-Thing style.
Adventures Into Fear # 12
Written by Steve Gerber
Art by Jim Starlin & Rich Buckler
Published by Marvel Comics, 1972
Well, there we go, it's Solomon's Gambit, Man-Thing style. What starts off predictably enough--a black man fleeing a racist sheriff bent on slaughter--takes a definite turn when it turns out that the black man isn't some innocent babe in the woods, but a twisted murderer as well. Man-Thing ends up stuck between two people, neither of whom really 'deserve' the kind of help he has to offer, because Man-Thing's help comes in one flavor: A HORRIBLE DEATH. You could figure this story pretty easily if it was a Batman one--both guys, white and black, would end up in some court, paying the price of justice in jail time, but in the swamp? The only law is Man-Thing law, and Man-Thing law is a hell of a lot more final. Either way, things play out rather nicely, extensive prosaic narration notwithstanding.
I couldn't tell you how Noah feels about it, but the loss of the 2nd person narration stings a little. It's not that I'm craving a Bright Lights, Man-Thing, Big City comic, but the omniscient voice that teases Man-Thing along, "...the hazy eyes of a shadowy, once-human CREATURE peer out, dully watching, barely comprehending..." is just too Tales From The Crypt-y for me, after some of the stuff that came before. "His words--like nearly all words--mean little to you, Man-Thing." I don't know. It's a little thing, but I miss it already. Haven't read that far ahead, maybe it comes back.
Adventures Into Fear # 13-14
Written by Steve Gerber
Art by Val Mayerik, Frank Bolle & Chic Stone
Published by Marvel Comics, 1973
And then we get to this, and I'm wondering what the hell is going on. First things first: Andy and Jennifer are back, and they're still walking wide-eyed into danger. Apparently burning Granddad's Satanic Bible didn't go over very well with the cult that Granddad runs out of his fucking garage. Although Gerber changes things up a bit--the cult, at this stage at least, are actually looking to protect the world from the evil that lurks in the hearts of men...wait, sorry, the evil that lurks in the swamp, that's it. They believe they can rely on Man-Thing to help them out, and while I'm hoping they turn out to be miserably wrong, things aren't looking good. What they're looking like--deep breath, pants hitched--is this comic turning into some kind of Man-Thing as protector story, and that's just not as interesting as watching him settle disagreements by the Fear/Burn You To Death test.
Where there be cults and Crime Bibles, there be demons, that makes sense. But flying cars?
And just like that, we're off into alternate dimensions, or demonic dimensions...look, it doesn't really matter. Where we are is Not The Swamp, and who we are surrounded by is not People Who Are Scared, which means that Man-Thing isn't doing the whole burning thing. No, what he's doing is going through the whole Steve Gerber version of Stan Lee turning The Thing into Ben Grimm. Now, I'm not really sure I have a complaint about that--it would be kind of silly to look at some Marvel Comic from 1973 and give it shit for giving us that particular moment--but it's just a random hallucination played out much too quickly. Ted Sallis figures out that all he has to do to keep his human form (and his femme fatale ex-girlfriend) is kill Andy, Jennifer & Grandad the Cult Leader. Like a good put-upon Marvel victim, he embraces his responsibility to the world as its roving dispenser of Fear Melting, and boom, we're back at square one. (Although he gets to punish his ex-girlfriend again.) Still--Ted Sallis? Was he really that heroic? Why did that have to be part of his core make-up?
The next issue starts off well--the world is going insane, with little kids beating each other mercilessly, secretaries high-kicking their bosses, and best of all, this guy right here.
We all know that feeling. But what makes it really special is the pipe. Road rage without a pipe? That's amateur hour. And while this little gem gets followed up by Man-Thing killing his way through the birds and gators of the swamp, it ends up right back in the hands of Granddad & Jennifer, with Andy relegated to bystander status, thus depriving me of more of his "holy ___" witticisms, which I was beginning to enjoy. Gerber goes for broke, and throws Man-Thing into another barbaric realm, there's a gladiator fight with some demons, and...really, I don't care. I don't fucking care. I'd have been plenty happy if the whole story had been about Man-Thing settling his problems back in the swamp, killing animals with his bare hands. Let the world hang. Why does he care? Now, the story tells us why he cares--Gerber's given him some kind of protective--possibly love, ugh--feelings towards Jennifer, which means Man-Thing goes where she goes, even if that's Planet Skaar. But I can't help but look at the first page of the next issue--fighter jets! Man-Thing versus a fighter jet? Why can't I be reading that?
Goddamn you, Noah Berlatsky. Are you scared? Is that fear?
Better not be. Fucking burn you face off.
-Tucker Stone, 2009
Is that Bruce Lee running from the flying car? No, he never had a mullet like that.
Posted by: Matthew J. Brady | 2009.05.28 at 12:48
I wish the face-burnings were on-panel. I think Mayerik's artwork is the weakest of the volume thus far.
Posted by: Rippke | 2009.05.28 at 21:38