Comics Of The Weak: Particle Overdrive

Detective Comics # 855
Written by Greg Rucka
Art by J.H. Williams III, Dave Stewart, Cully Hamner & Laura Martin
Published by DC Comics

There's a lot of magic to be found in the art of J.H. Williams III, and Greg Rucka going purple is a neat trick too--but one has to wonder why, yet again, a hero needs to have their origin dealt out in flashback while they struggle with a hallucinogen. Sure, it gives Williams a chance to show off yet another style of art for the comic, bringing the total to three (or four, if you count the solo-Alice stuff as new), but it's also a bit irksome for something as unusual as this--and make no mistake, this is the most unusual regular artist the big two Batman titles have had since Kelley Jones--to be used in the service of a story twist so prosaic. Part of what made the last issue of Detective Comics such a dynamic read was that it subverted the normal Bat-twists while ignoring so many of the others. (Yes, she will make you talk, but trust us, you'll want to.) This--a sacrifice of henchmen, a poisoned hero recalling their past, the arrival of the at-home help--reeks of normalcy. Maybe that's all this extended run of gorgeous art will end up being, when all is said and done. But hopefully, the final panel--a goofy horror movie poster--will maintain its promise of a return to confusion.

Blackest Night: Tales of the Corps # 3
Written by Geoff Johns & Peter Tomasi
Art by Chris Samnee, John Kalisz, Pat Brosseau, Mike Mayhew, Andy Troy & Others
Published by DC Comics

There are only two actual stories here, the first being Kilowog recalling his first meeting with Sinestro, also known as the day that his drill sergeant--who is, of course, called Ermey, because there is no bit of pop culture not worth mining, even if it's been mined a billion times before--ended up dying in his arms after teaching him the importance of Doing Your Best and Teaching By Yelling. After that, it's a hideous short story about some female Green Lantern who made the cross-over from the Jem cartoon, and while she is not truly outrageous, her father's facial hair is. Then it's time for the "Director's Commentary" to Blackest Night, which includes a veritable treasure trove of notable quotables, only one of which is this nugget of genius: "Hal loves to fly headstrong into battle with no care to who knows he's coming while Batman needs the shadows to operate. Again this showcases the difference between darkness and light and how they can't be effective together." There's a tendency to get all uppity and defensive when super-hero comic books don't get taken seriously as an artform, and it's great to see that a big company like DC is doing something like a Director's Commentary, because they really don't need to defend against those insults--Blackest Night will sell a lot of comics anyway--but here they are, presenting the type of intricate world-building and specific forethought they put into one of their major stories. "It's ironic that the Fastest Man Alive needs to catch up." Think about that for a second. It is ironic! "Geoff [Johns], you're great at making characters regular people with minor lines here and there. Makes us believe that Barry and Hal really exist and are friends." So true!

It's incredible stuff, this level of honesty and depth--worth remembering the next time somebody criticizes super-hero comics. There's a lot of heavy thought that goes on before "pencil hits the page".

Citizen Rex # 1
By Gilbert & Mario Hernandez
Published by Dark Horse Comics

As with any comics by the Hernandez crew, Citizen Rex is fun to look at. Anything they do always is, even when it's obtuse, even when it's confusing, even when it's most vocal fanbase is made up of elitist pricks who should just read super-hero comics. At the same time, Citizen Rex is published by Dark Horse, and there's some kind of implicit "meh" when the Dark Horse stuff shows up, as if the publisher of a story somehow bears freight on the stories quality--if it ain't Fantagraphics, it ain't canon, that sort of tomfoolery and chuck-ulligans. And yet, Citizen Rex: pretty to look at, engrossing to read, and there's a guy vomiting down the side of an overpass. That guy, that vomiting guy: that's the sort of background imagery that so few cartoonists seem willing to throw into the game. That guy, his vomit: it speaks multitudes.

Justice Society of America # 29
Written by Bill Willingham & Matthew Sturges
Art by Jesus Merino & Allen Passalaqua
Published by DC Comics

This is a single issue comic book about a team of super-heroes fighting a team of super-villains. There are 16 super-heroes in the fight, and it looks like 21 super-villians on the other side. There is also another super-hero, whose name is Mr. Terrific, and he is playing with a computer at the team's headquarters because one of the members of the team has turned into an egg. And out of all the characters on the team, who does the known conservative writer stab in the back in his first issue?

The black guy. Sixteen people to choose from, and he picks the black guy.

God's weeping, ya'll.

New Avengers # 55
Written by Brian Michael Bendis
Art by Stuart Immonen, Wade von Grawbadger & Dave McCaig
Published by Marvel Comics

Things you learn from New Avengers # 55:

1. Nothing disappoints Captain America more than when a motherfucker can't keep a clean house. Stuart Immonen had a lot of practice drawing pure hatred when he was over at Nextwave, and it's pleasant to see that skill being used here. Yes, Bucky: Wolverine is not someone you'd want as a roommate.

2. Bendis misses writing about the "drainers" from his Powers comic so much he's brought them over to Marvel continuity. Also, the term "powers" has been brought over. The word "cunt" can't be far behind!

3. Spider-Man has no problem at all, like zero problems, like, the actual physical opposite of problems, with the Avengers killing their way through the Skrull empire. But killing Norman Osborn? That dude is a human being. He's a Human Being. Don't you know what a hero is? Don't you know? You, in the back. The one who laughed at the "Luke Cage has a man-crush on Spider-Man" line. Don't you know?

You know who shouldn't get to chide people about the sanctity of life? People who make deals with Satan shouldn't get to.

Thunderbolts # 134
Written by Andy Diggle
Art by Miguel Sepulveda & Frank Martin
Published by Marvel Comics

The "next issue" blurb excites the reader with the prospect of "Black Widow versus the Thunderbolts", which succeeds in being exciting only as long as you ignore that the current issue, i.e., the one that you had to read to get to that "next issue" blurb, was titled "Songbird versus the Thunderbolts", and Songbird didn't actually fight the Thunderbolts at all. (Unless you're counting the scant two panels where she got hit by debris and crashed into the ground as a "versus" moment.) No, this issue just consisted of Songbird kissing some guy alongside the still-going reintroduction of a guy who combines the tattoo's of Spider Jerusalem and the scars of Zsaz with the backstory of Lady Shiva/Batman/Prometheus, all of which prove the old saw, once again: you can go back to the well again. You just have to make multiple trips.

Wonder Woman # 34
Written by Gail Simone
Art by Aaron Lopresti, Matt Ryan & Brad Anderson
Published by DC Comics

There are things that you cannot believe, that you cannot fathom, and they are the fact that a Wonder Woman comic in 2009 opens with Wonder Woman in the arctic tundra, embracing a polar bear as if they were to dance. Watching from the sidelines, the polar bear's cub--for yes, Diana's dance partner is a mother--and this cub teaches a Life Lesson about finding one's own tooth and claw. From there, the story skyrockets into the next dimension of comic books as Black Canary tells Wonder Woman that she bears the second best bosom in the DC universe.

You say a lie has been told.

No lie has been told!

No lies need be told!

After that, saucy fighting, and Black Canary mentions that her panties ride up her crack. One wonders how far that "no questions asked" idea goes. "If you just go ahead and mix the cocaine with heroin, it gives you strength to make it through the night, that was something else I learned early on."

Parasyte 8

By Hitoshi Iwaaki

Published by Del Rey Manga

The art on Parasyte has a tendency to be a bit sloppy. And bad. The dialog in Parasyte has a tendency to be a bit sloppy as well, with chokers like "We were all born here on Earth...and we all live here together." Also? Bad. But usually, that stuff was broken up by extended fight scenes, and while Iwaaki's character design was pretty limited to Adult Male, Lead Character, Adult Female, Teenage Female, the fight scenes had a lot of elastic monsters doing the sorts of horrible things that one might expect if Mr. Fantastic and the T-1000 shared a body with the brain of a speedfreak scorpion. Unfortunately, this volume--the last one of the series--decided to abandon the cool thirty page fight scenes in exchange for three hundred word monologues on overpopulation and man's disinterest in non-man related beings, making it one of those rare comics that would actually have been improved if the dialog had been plagiarized from some breathless college freshman's attempt at an Environmental Manifesto. Probably best to have just jumped ship on this ride at volume 7. You'll find no quarter here.

Wednesday Comics

By Azzarello, Risso, Gibbons, Sook, Bermejo, Arcudi, Bullock, Heuck, Gaiman, Allred, Busiek, Quinones, Baker, Berganza, Galloway, Pope, Palmiotti, Conner, Didio, Lopez, Nowlan, Caldwell, Kubert x 2, Kerschl, Fletcher, Simonson & Stelfreeze

Published by DC Comics

Batzarello: Really, all Batman comics should start with a mention of premature ejaculation.

KamanSook: In a world where animals walk alongside (and in many cases lord over) men, no one is more pathetic than the horse, who remains the biped's slave.

Superman: Truth, Justice and The American Way? You can keep it, sailor! Superman is here, and he's a huge, sniveling pussy. In this installment, Superman asks his mommy and daddy if he should move back home. Next time, he's going to learn that bullies often come from broken homes.

Deadman: Last week was the introduction of Kirby's lava, this week it's Parademons. This is just going to turn out like the Wizard of Oz, isn't it? It better go black and white, if that's the case.

The Busiek Lantern: It's funny how people get the chance to draw Green Lantern at this size, and they're still like--shit, I don't want to draw Hal Jordan at all. Isn't there an alien one we can have instead? How about the racist with the bowl cut? Or the black guy, he's always shooting things. 

Metagaiman: Oh, Gaiman's schedule must have cleared up, he actually wrote something this time. What did he write?

Yeah, that's Post-Sandman Gaiman alright. Better go find the thesaurus, got to be some way to pretend this is entertaining. Humm, is "transient" a compliment?

Teen Titans, Always Fightans: "See there's this guy Trident, right? Totally hates the Titans."

"Okay, what happens next?"

"...Sorry, maybe you didn't hear me. There's this guy. Trident. Right? Totally hates the Titans."

Strange Papal Adventures: God, and he can spin records as well? It's like he was cut out of a mold of diamonds to save the weary sinner.

Supergirl: Look, some people put cats to sleep for scratching the coffee table too much. Knocking a plane out of the sky--who is going to pay for that, Supergirl? You? The cat? It's time to let it go.

Metal Men: Remember last week when Lopez and Nowlan had to draw that dude with a hat, and they tried to do it inconspicuously? Turns out the dude with a hat had a plot twist in his overcoat.

Really, this thing could be written by wolves at this point.

Wonder Woman: The funny thing is that there are some people who will still claim that this particular comic is easier to read than Dragon Ball Z. And they'll mean it, too.

Sgt. Rock, Buried In Cock: The more time they spend hurting Sgt. Rock, the more awful Sgt. Rock is going to be when he busts out. That's the sort of math you'd think Nazis would want to learn.

FlashFlash: See how they put little dots all over it when they color it? They don't do that in the other comics because the other comics don't care about you.

Catdemon: Oh look he rhymed something.

Hawkman: Hawkman isn't just good, it's embarrassingly good, because they did an entire series on Hawkman, and except for the time that Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips snuck in a Maltese Falcon homage, there wasn't a story in the bunch that could hold a candle to Kyle Baker doing mercenary work for four goddamn pages. This issue has maybe the best panel yet, when Hawkman looks out at the reader, catches the reader's eye, and dares you to laugh at him before he goes and catches a plane. With his hands.

Sinister Spider-Man # 2

Written by Brian Reed

Art by Chris Bachalo, Rob Disalvo, Tim Townsend, Sibal, Mossa & Fabela

Published by Marvel Comics

Ever been to a mususem where they hand out those little headsets so that you can be told what to think of the modern art section? Like, one of those tapes that says things like "a lesser work by the great man, one that fails to conceal its stunted beginnings", and you're thinking Shit, this is way better than those fucking sculptures you said were so important, Mr. Tape Man, why don't you eat a dick. That's the equivalent of the words in this comic, which are all useless, because this comic achieves all its goals off the work of the artist, who never really liked drawing people that much anyway. (In this case, that has to be extended to "artist(s)" since Marvel was so hot to trot to get this bitch out they brought on another penciller). It's about a big monster who eats squirrels and fights black people, and his mortal enemy, J. Jonah Jameson, a man whose mustache tries to jump off his face when he screams. That doesn't need words. It just needs you, bitches.

Ultimatum # 5

Written by Jeph Loeb

Art by David Finch

Published by Marvel Comics

The importance of Ultimatum: can it be overstated. can it be topped. can it be imagined. No! No! No!

See, here's the thing: what people say/what people buy. Not the same thing, never the same thing. "Blue Beetle/Young Liars/Captain Britain/Agents of Atlas, these are the comics of Multitudes, they speak volumes, people want these kinds of comics!" No, no, no, they don't. Should they? Maybe so, maybe they should want to all get along too, right before they want equal pay for equal work, and bednets for everybody. Event comics are just sneering: "We beat you to the curb! We curb you on the curb." Asterios Polyp: can't keep it on the shelf! Flying off the shelf! Y: The Last Man in collections: Flying off the shelf! Captain Britain, crickets. Phonogram, crickets. Batman: Streets of Gotham: CRICKETS. Fucking Crickets itself: CRICKETS. And yet, Ultimatum: who liked it? Who liked it? Who liked it? 

Nobody seemed to like it!

But fuck it, this shit sells, it sells like a whore on Fleet Week, you can keep your cameraphone threats. What are you gonna threaten with? "Caught you reading!" Like, Wolverine gets his body ripped apart by his own pals. Like, Magneto gets shot full of the Truth, and the Truth just makes him cry, so Cyclops peels his cap back. And not in the "hey, did it happen over there? did it happen in the shadows?" Naw dawg: live in color. Live on screen. You can see the bits and pieces, cap was officially pulled back. Like, then Cyclops gets a bullet shoved into his brain at hyperspeed by a dude who used to bang his sister, and then Ben Grimm crushes Dr. Doom's head between his orange rock fingers, and you get. to. see. the. brain. You get to see the brain, motherfucker, you get to see it squirt through his fingers.

This isn't made in a vacuum, playboy. This is comics.

Battlefields: The Tankies # 3

Written by Garth Ennis

Art by Carlos Ezquerra

Published by Dynamite Entertainment

Things Tankies didn't really have: a lot of color, an ending, or a plot. And yet, Tankies is probably closer to actual war than most war comics--like real life, or Generation Kill, actual war isn't really a plot-driven occupation. It's a reactionary activity for the men on the ground--go here, do this for a while, some of you die, some go home, go here, now go here, it's over when we say it's over, and sometimes you're a part of that (Iraq has been liberated!) and sometimes you're not (Iraq has not been liberated!). But is that what a war comic is supposed to be, an accurate representation of something that's all but been turned into a three-act play by movies and literature? Technically speaking, it's probably not Supposed To Be anything, comics are rarely Supposed To Be, they're usually What Was Finished In Time, and occasionally that's great (Kirby, you're a 17 page a day god!) and occasionally that's a smudged reflection of coulda-been-great (Tony Daniel, Wha- happen?), and occasionally, or most of the time, it's "good enough for me!" And Tankies, while never really doing anything, while, best of all, not really even seeming to try, that's what it was, square peg, square hole: good enough, maybe so. It wasn't a hammy "war, a miserable, horrible thing, oh woe be those who put our engines at work, powered by the blood of the children, God himself, Heads Hung In Shame", and it wasn't a "Up by your bootstraps, use the flag of your father to stem the tide of blood, oh hosanna", it was just a ramshackle crew of funny accents bumping into the anecdote they'll regurgitate when Ken Burns comes a-calling. "He was a big fellow, a massive fellow. I gave him a light. He gave me a memory."

Wolverine Noir # 4

Written by Stuart Moore

Art by C.P. Smith & Rain Beredo

Published by Marvel Comics

Wolverine Noir will probably end up, like most Wolverine: Doing Something Not In Continuity stories, hugging a spot in the beater bins. There, it might actually find the audience that seems to have ignored it, and they'll be surprised when they do--a sober take on noir with some excellent pieces of art. The interesting thing about what C.P. Smith did here was that he just ignored flash, choosing instead to shoot for the best possible depictions of emotion he could--Creed's arrogant sneer, Dog's terrified confusion, Mariko's disgust, and Rose's crazy rage. At the end of the whole thing, Logan must have been the hardest of all--beyond the difficulty in finding the face under the mountains of blood and waste (this Wolverine can not heal himself), Logan was the ringer for the story all along--a confused thug of a protagonist, a character that had never really figured out what he was supposed to be doing. Without the necessary obligations of a Dog's care, without an excuse for revenge when those who owed him their own justice stand in front of him, Smith chose, again and again, to draw a face with the expression blanked into shock. Never an easy choice, especially when those who care to look upon art have all but abandoned the New Release shelves along with the abandonment of Wolverine stories. Understandably so, it would seem--after all, how would they know what lurked amongst the terrible onslaught of horrible Noir stories shoveled out by Marvel? The cash-grab aspect of it was obvious to everyone--why publish Criminal, why lose sales to 100 Bullets, if all that was needed to bring the dollars home were throwaway reworks of the Big Sleep with spandex re-works installed? And yet, Wolverine Noir: an actual comic book, an actual story, a terse script, an avoidance of "best I am at what I choose to be" dialog. Someday, it finds an audience. Hopefully, that audience comes bearing less of this past we've so thoroughly created. Hopefully: just comics.

Justice League of America # 35

Written by Len Wein

Art by Tom Derenick, Pow Rodrix, Marlo Alquiza, Rob Hunter, Walden Wong, Dan Green & Pete Pantazis

Published by DC Comics

Q: How many people does it take to draw a thoroughly adequate version of a Justice League of America comic book?

A: According to this issue, at least eight. Unfortunate that this issue had only seven! Being close counts with hand grenades, but not, sadly, in crappy illustration. For future reference, maybe less time should be spent on cross-hatching faces.

Of course, the cover told the tale before the issue hit the floor: if the Royal Flush Gang is a-calling, you've got yourself a fill-in "will be nigh-unreadable" comic. Own fault, and all that stuff. T'was nice of Plastic Man to show up and, in the space of four panels, make one tasteless joke about Batman being dead before insinuating that Dr. Light Number 2 is a transvestite. Now, ain't nobody got a tasteless joke problem round here, it's just preferable that they be funny.

Well, that's not really true. Best issue ever!

-Tucker Stone, 2009

More new releases available here, because why the fuck not.

Comments

[Kenny Cather]

"Blue Beetle/Young Liars/Captain Britain/Agents of Atlas"

I've only read Blue Beetle and Young Liars, but I thought both were tremendously awful. They seemed like they'd look good compared to, say, Mighty Avengers, but they were both awful. On the other hand, I believe David Brothers enjoyed those books and he usually has good taste. So, in conclusion, I'm confused.

[david brothers]

Different strokes for different folks, basically, Kenny.

"This ain't made in a vacuum, playboy"-- truer words, etc.

[caleb]

Watch out for Nic Cage coming to your house all wild-eyed, wrapping on the walls and looking for clues because you sir, are a national treasure.

[Matthew]

"The black guy. Sixteen people to choose from, and he picks the black guy."

Not only that -- the guy who gets turned into an egg is the team's first (and, as far as I know), only queer member!

(Altho, granted, Geoff Johns -- a writer I actually like, but who I find to be not only the most anal retentive/obsessive compulsive out there but also markedly conservatively fucked up/totally inhibited when it comes to gender, sexuality and orientation -- had already basically turned the character into an object. He inducts the first queer into the JSA and then promptly turns him into their headquarters' inhuman "security system"!)

Matthew

[bad wolf]

"Its a typically American idea that white stars on a blue field must belong to one country..." oh come ON

What does this ass stand for, France?

[AERose]

Young Liars was just weird and incomprehensible enough to be fun, but I didn't know anyone was mourning its demise. I mean, shit, maybe Lapham will rethink the logistics of doing Stray Bullets.

[Chippy]

bad wolf: The night sky itself, supposedly. Though really, can you blame anyone for assuming Wonder Woman's costume is based on the American flag when it's that particular shade of blue, that particular shape of star, in that particular pattern, and while she's also wearing red-and-white striped boots and a occasionally a big golden eagle on her chest?

[Jones, one of the Jones boys]

Finally you're acknowledging the genius of Geoff Johns

[Matthew J. Brady]

What's going on on that New Avengers cover? Everybody died, and now somebody's having a corpse bonfire? Fun! Stuart Immonen could draw the fuck out of that, I bet.

Wonder Woman danced with a polar bear? What the fuck? That almost seems like something I gotta see. It's not though.

As unlikely as this seems, you might have sold me on Wolverine Noir. To the bargain bin!

I take it you didn't like Speak of the Devil? Because that was some fucked-up shit. Non-canonical? Possibly. Batshit crazy? Hell yes!

[Tucker Stone]

Nah, I got zero problems with Speak of the Devil. I dug that comic. I think I might end up liking Citizen Rex more though, because it reminds me of Judge Dredd.

Wolverine Noir probably could've been tightened up a bit, but it's another one of those surprise chance comics that makes it worth picking at random.

[Kenny Cather]

I just wanted to say I was not trying to insult David. I genuinely do think he knows his stuff and has good taste.

[Irwin Schwab]

God bless someone for pointing out the saccharine asininity of Gail Simone's writing.