The Virgin Read: Go Show Your Bat Breasts To Someone Who Cares

Batgirl # 1
Written by Bryan Q. Miller
Art by Lee Garbett & Trevor Scott
Published by DC Comics

How could I not pick Batgirl this week?  And how could I not mock the use of bold lettering to accentuate inflection and meaning leaving absolutely no room for personal interpretation and thus making every sentence completely MELODRAMATIC?

Look, I know plenty of comics do this, I realize that this is something ya'll just get used to eventually...but this book seemed to be a little over the top. To give it a fair shake, I stopped and read a whole page out loud in the manner the bolded letters seemed to imply it should be understood and, well. It was ridiculous. (Try it, seriously. It's kind of hilarious.)

Anyhow - there she was, Batgirl. Right on the shelf sticking her bat emblems right at me. A number one issue, no less! Had to pick it up. I think there's a part of me that believes that I'm going to get one of these first issue super-heroine comics and all of a sudden be knocked out by the whole thing, that I'm just going to catch the sickness and be scanning the stands for a new one every week.

Riddle me this - why does this particular girl get to be Batgirl? What makes her qualified? All I can tell is that she's got the costume and some kind of CB radio. Is she strong? No. Does she posses some sort of power? No. Some sort of specialness...like she's really smart, or great at track and field? No. In fact, based off what I read in this book, whenever she's in action she nearly fucks everything up. I think she might have a slight talent for throwing sharp little bat-like knife gadgets. Sort of. 

Honestly? I don't get it.

Don't worry - it's been explained to me--after I Didn't Even Ask--that this particular Batgirl was formerly the Spoiler and that the other Batgirl - well - what exactly did happen to her? The way it's depicted in this comic is that she gets upset that Batman is dead, meaning she's got no one to fight for....and no one to live for? Because to me it looks like she takes off her clothes and then jumps off a building. And, like, if you're in your costume and cape and stuff, maybe you're okay to do that. But no costume? And a flying leap? I think that means death. (I did think it was kind of amusing that the only people who take the "death of Batman" seriously are other comic book characters. I've read maybe five Batman comics in my life, heard about maybe five more, and even I know that Batman isn't really dead.)

Anyway, this other, suicidal Batgirl (who is a quitter) leaves, and the new girl is basically a talentless high school girl addicted to danger and the idea of kicking ass. A naive thrill seeker. Does this a comic book super hero make? Is that really all it takes?

And yet, with this girl on the cover, who turns out to be the most interesting character? The one I'd rather read an entire comic book about? Some redhead in a wheelchair. That''s right! Try as I might, I find myself enjoying an appearance by Barbara Gordon. Here's a woman Batgirl can learn from. Based off the last page, that seems to be the the story this issue was setting up. Tell you what: call me when they get past all the bullshit and Barbara becomes the center of the story. For now, I'm a little busy.

(Don't worry about calling me. I don't think I'll remember any of these character's names when I wake up in the morning.)

-Nina Stone, 2009

  

Comments

[LurkerWithout]

Well the lead was nearly tortured to death a while back (in fact she was killed but then they decided that it was a big fake out) and her dad's a minor Bat-villain. Plus the whole teen pregnancy thing way back when. So naive probably shouldn't be how the character is. But then everything about the new book sounds so..bland and average that I've no interest in picking it up. And I like Steph's character...

[seth hurley]

Is it too soon to put in a request for Nina's new column "I Didn't Even Ask"?

a behind the scenes look at the Factual household as Tucker tries to explain who is David Morse, how Jack Bauer just killed a guy from Robocop & Larry Hama's subtle differences between Scarlett, Cover Girl, and Lady Jay.

[Sean Witzke]

I Didn't Ask deserves a pulitzer prize.

[Nina]

AW, man. That's HILARIOUS!

[Kenny Cather]

Yes, I agree! I want to read weekly installments of I Didn't Even Ask as well!

I tried reading the comic bubbles with bolded words a long time ago and it was...painfully silly. I think that was one of the reasons I stopped reading superheroes.

[Gary Dunaier]

". . . . . the new girl is basically a talentless high school girl addicted to danger and the idea of kicking ass. A naive thrill seeker. Does this a comic book super hero make? Is that really all it takes?"

Two words: Kick Ass.

[david brothers]

I Didn't Even Ask made me both late for work and laugh out loud. Awesome.

[Sharif]

I'm offended that this girl has ruined perfectly good fetish wear by unstitching the mouth.

[Holly]

"it's been explained to me--after I Didn't Even Ask"

I laughed so hard at this my husband (who shall remain nameless) asked me what was so funny. I recognized this worthy-of-capital-letters phenomenon immediately as I am also something of a comics widow; I've had many such things Explained To Me.

[edc]

the reason she's batgirl is because its time a bat character was human. and no, you opinion is not factual, putting emphasis on words with bold type is good. or apparently you have forgotten batman year one.

[LurkerWithout]

Is it edc? I think you may want to actually do as she asks and read it aloud...

"its time a bat character was human"

As opposed to all the alien and monkey bat characters there have been over the years...

"forgotten batman year one"

Its pretty likely Nina has never read Batman: Year One I think. I have though and wonder what the hell you're talking about?

[eia]

Hey,

Sadly I can't argue with your criticisms of the new Batgirl. What I can say is that I like all of the weaknesses you don't like. I think I prefer the character as Spoiler, the persona she invented, but I like that she's not perfect and she's excited about the job instead of focused on her inner pain.

Barbara on the other hand, I don't like right now. There's the fact that she's gotten so hardcorrrrrrr that she's randomly beating people. She's miserable, she's angry, she has no direction, just angst. I love Babs, but this is not the Babs I want to see. I kind of hope that New Batgirl's fun and excitement infect her.

I'm 100% behind your dislike of the previous Batgirls moves and characterization, though.

[modestroad]

Barbara didn't beat random people. Random people wanted to have some fun with the girl in the wheelchair or else they could had sit somewhere. Instead they went straight to her.

And I think she was the best written character in the book. She's angry, she's miserable and you know what? She has every right to be! Just because she's in the wheelchair for years that doesn't mean that she can't be angry with her condition.

Movies/books doesn't show that, but the five steps of grieve? Yeah, they can come back again. Ask any chronic patient you want.

As for Steph, well, she doesn't have what it takes to be Batgirl and I don't mean the kicking ass thing.

[Dale Barclough]

You should really check out the hell you've unleashed in the Batgirl forum of the DC boards. Look for this thread:
"A Female Comic Fan Who Had Never Read Any Batgirl B4 Picked up Batgirl #1"

These people are insane.
As a casual reader, I'd love it if you went over there and spelled out exactly what you meant, if only just to shut up one side of the loony bin.

[Nina]

Dale, wow,I had no idea! Here's a little more info for the folks over there:
When I was writing this review and wanted to comment on the "red-head in the wheelchair" (as I called her in my mind), I had to flip back to the beginning of the issue where she and some other woman were watching a version of Murder Ball, and the one woman clearly uses the red-head's name, for all of us who are new to the series. I've seen enough Batman movies to know who Commissioner Gordon is, and so I put two and two together.

I had no idea that she was formerly Batgirl - the last page lead me to believe, though, that there was more to her. A lot more. And I found myself more intrigued to know about her, than to know what happens to Stephanie. Whether or not Barbara Gordon is, was or will be Batgirl makes no difference to me. But I definitely enjoyed her character.

[Lugh]

It's actually really, really interesting to read reviews of superhero comics by a casual fan. Hey, would you call yourself any sort of fan, or would just "reader" suffice? This big superhero ENTHUSIAST finds the idea refreshing.

It's not some sort of threat and the idea that it might be just causes me to roll my eyes.

[Giselle]

@Gary Dunaier

Kick-Ass is the first "superhero" in his world. Yes, he has no skills, but he really had no one to look up to besides comic book characters.

Stephanie Brown is in a world where mere humans like Bruce and Cassandra are skilled enough to wear a Bat symbol. Stephanie is not. Damian could beat her up, she has no outstanding skill to be Batgirl (physical or intellectual).