Television Of The Weak: Mama Brought Out The Blades, Said "Choose One"

This week, we've got Leverage, Mad Men, Project Runway, The Prisoner & Top Chef: Vegas.

Top Chef: Las Vegas – “Vivre Las Vegas” by Martin Brown

Like most other reality shows with a similar structure—a large group of competitors, in this case 17 people, get whittled down one by one to a few finalists, who then compete for the grand prize/title/VH-1 sociopath—Top Chef’s first four or five episodes tend to concentrate on slowly introducing their characters. As much as we consider reality TV to be the highest form of trivial pop culture, the storytelling behind it, when done well, is staggeringly complex. Not only do you have to follow the story arcs of two to three times as many characters as any scripted drama, but you have to understand the dynamics between the individuals, and, sometimes, the dynamics between smaller groups within the larger groups. Additionally, people on reality shows (the good ones) take a long time to reveal themselves. Scripted writers have the advantage of being able to craft 30-second introductory scenes that tell you everything you need to know about a particular character. Reality TV characters, though some of them attempt to reduce themselves to thirty-second versions of “personalities,” tend to really unfold over a period of time, after we see them under a variety of different circumstances. Even then, for some people on these shows, character development never quite reaches the desired level, and people just end up as oh-that’s-the-guy-with-the-thick-Spanish-accent or oh-that’s-the-girl-with-the-mohawk.

This is why, four episodes into a truly promising season, Top Chef: Las Vegas still feels a little disposable. Reality TV in this format is, secretly, long-form storytelling in the style of Mad Men or The Sopranos—an excruciatingly long build-up to a thorny, nuanced central conflict (between the 8 or 9 distinct chefs who end up making it far in the competition) followed by an amazing climax. At least, that’s the hope. The trouble is that they never know exactly what they’re building toward, or whether the groundwork laid in the first episodes will pay off. A couple of seasons ago, a contestant named Lisa became Top Chef: Chicago’s unexpected runner-up. That season, thinking that Lisa was pure cannon-fodder, didn’t focus on her at all in the first half of the season. So, when she started to become a contender, it was a little jarring and pretty unsatisfying. Most people would probably attribute that to Lisa’s acerbic, volatile personality (and questionable skills), but the truth is that it was bad storytelling. It also just happens to be the nature of the reality TV format—you have to write as you go.

The good news about Top Chef: Las Vegas is that they’ve done everything in their power to ensure that the season will be as compelling as possible. The competition is easily twice-as-strong as it has ever been, and includes not only restaurant owners and accomplished chefs, but an actual James Beard award nominee in Kevin, who has won two of the first eight challenges. Right up there with him are Jennifer, a tough-but-delicate head chef from Philly, and two brothers, Michael and Bryan. Each of those three has also snagged a quarter of the wins. The five chefs eliminated so far, have had little discernable dimension to their personalities (unfortunately, as “Vivre Las Vegas” liked to keep bringing up, four of them were women), except for maybe Hector, who got severely browbeaten by the judges for frying a motherfucking steak in the very first challenge. Las Vegas as a setting is ripe with possibility, and the producers have already begun using it to up the stakes of the Quickfire challenges—one was for $15,000; one was for elimination. All in all, it’s been a promising start, but one that—almost by nature—still leaves us without a clear idea of who to root for.

Leverage - "The Ice Man Job" by David Brothers

Last week, Leverage switched up its formula with a gang made up of evil twins. This week? We get another big change, as Hardison and his Best Worst British Accent takes center stage as the gang tries to get some revenge for a diamond robbery that left an innocent man injured and under (figurative and literal) fire. (Sophie outright asks him at one point what accent that's supposed to be, if that's any clue as to how great his accent is.)

Sophie is MIA in this one, leaving Parker to play the seductive grifter and bait for the client. The same Parker that stabbed a guy in the chest with a fork when he got too close a while back. It goes off surprisingly well, as does the confidence game itself. The fish is on the hook, everything is going well, and then Hardison goes and gets kidnapped.

The intra-gang conflict this time around is that Hardison is just a wee bit full of himself. He brags about his skills, he pisses Elliott off enough that Elliott swears not to rescue him if the heist goes wrong, and claims credit for a few heists Parker while he's convincing the mark that he can be trusted. Ever heard of The Ice Man, mate? No? Well, he's only the greatest bloody thief in the history of thievin', ain't he? What're you, mental? Is that it?

Hardison plays the big shot a little too well, basically, and like all big shots, he ends up biting off more than he can chew. This time, he bites off a largely-mute Russian gang. He's got to show off his heist skills by breaking into an impenetrable vault (easy for Parker), subdue a security guard (easy for Elliott), and convince a bunch of Russian thugs that he's not a liar (easy for Sophie).

So the heist soon turns to a rescue slash infiltration slash pantomime mission, as Elliott and Parker clear the way for Hardison while Nate runs interference and Sophie sips martinis somewhere with an off-screen friend.

What's really surprising about this episode, though, is the lack of the smug "And this is how we did it!" sequence. The escape is pretty clever, and somehow Hardison manages to come out smelling like roses.

Again, the power of Leverage? It's all in the cast and their interactions. The actual story, the heist and all, that's all neat and well planned out, but it's how these characters relate to each other, and by relate I mean quarrel and fight, that makes the show go round.

Mad Men - "The Arrangements" by Sean Witzke

"Jai Alai! In seven years, it'll eclipse baseball."

While any sport that involves a ball that can cave in a man's head is something I can endorse, the center of this episode, which focuses on how Americans could never possibly get into it is kind of toothless. Should have been soccer, that would have been a lot more interesting because it lays out American exceptionalism a lot more blatantly even while this stupid rich kid flushes all his money away. Guess they don't need more than two levels working in this episode, but it's a missed opportunity a mile wide.

Ten minutes in Don Draper shows up, sits next to Jared Harris. Suddenly the show gets interesting, and that's the problem - I don't care about 90% of these characters. Don and Betty Draper, Roger Sterling, Joan Holloway, even Peggy Olsen I care about a little. I cared about Don's hot beatnik girlfriend who disappeared early on. Actually, that element has been missing since season one, that one character who is completely on the other side of the culture as Don but still spends a lot of time with him. The whole advertising angle was originally supposed to foster that art vs. commerce/ culture war front lines thing but I guess they didn't find that very interesting (I DID, GODDAMNIT!). Salvatore Romano - the gay guy - is an incredible stereotype but goddamn if there isn't some true nuance in his character (him in bed with his wife, and the way her face falls as he shows how much he loves his job when he can barely touch her, that's truly good stuff). The rest - they're paper dolls and straw men. The grandpa storyline that's going on right now - it's about the conflict between a generation of WW1 dads and their kids, which isn't something we've seen a lot of in dramatic fiction. But it's an idea, it really doesn't seem like this is a real issue for Don Draper - it's a contrivance. It's the kind of crap they throw in the first half of the season. Draper's going to go through something soul-destroying by the end of the season, but I'm pretty sure that we're not going to get Wire/Shield-style huge moments in the third or fourth episode. Betty Draper isn't going to haul off and have the baby right now this episode and then post-partum depression kill the baby the next episode, and six more of aftermath, or a 16 plot point car pileup. Season 2 didn't really light itself on fire until the last six episodes and that's just how it's going to be - the grandad dies. Who fucking cares? I care about how Betty is going to react but that shit isn't in this episode. The little girl with the lisp yells at her family and the final result is like the kid with the pigtails from the Brady Bunch watching that buddhist monk immolate himself on tv. Its almost a juxtaposition, but the end result doesn't move beyond being ridiculous.

Elsewhere in the episode - Joan Holloway gives Peggy advice, which is an interesting callback to season one, and she's speaking the truth - but it's a driveby. She's also in it for another like, 30 second shot. People don't watch the show for her or anything. Like Joan, all the interesting characters are slighted here - it's all Grandpa and Peggy, with a little bit of Don and Sal thrown in to keep it interesting. Betty is here too - having nothing to do other than smoke even though her dad dies in this episode. The girl from Undeclared meets Peggy to audition (is that the right word?) to be her roomate, and is a total whore. You remember Undeclared? Seth Rogen was on it and Loudon Wainright (I totally met that guy once), and it wasn't very good. Whatever the actress' name is, she wasn't very good either.

At least some of this show is about being a parent/the current generation and not being able to understand or predict the actions of their children/the coming generation. The Grandpa dying right now is kind of blatant symbolism that this whole thing, this entire world is fucked and about to die or at very least mutate. At least partially because of Don Draper's own attitudes and actions (on the micro scale anyhow). Don Draper is an honest man who lies all the time, Pete Campbell is a scum-sucking money whore. I know this, you know this. They keep telling us anyway. Don is ruthless, though. After he warns the trust fund kid who is going to piss everything away, he gives up and gets ready to bilk him like the rest of them. The difference is that Don gives him an out first.

Project Runway - "Rumble On The Runway" by Nina Stone

I ask you, in a challenge about surf wear, why were there so few bathing suits and ready-to-wear items? Why didn't the judges give the contestants more shit about that? Is it just me, or in past seasons would the judges go on and on about how no one really got the idea of the challenge correct?

Why was Mitchel on this show? I ask you! The first week I thought things just went bad for him and I was rooting for him to get better. The second week I thought, yikes! Maybe just a bit of bad luck? But this week? I mean, he actually said things out loud along the lines of "I know I'm the team captain but I'm hoping he'll carry me." After being in the bottom two for two weeks, wouldn't you feel a little more motivated? Yet he's just joking around and knowing he's totally in trouble. I lost all respect for him, and I barely respected him to begin with. Again, I ask, why was he on this show? HOW did he get on here? He's not even good looking!

Is there so little actually going on this season they have to focus solely on one person? I mean, R'amon won, after an entire episode of bitching and being sure he was going to lose - so yeah, wow, big turn around. But they just focused on him and the other team that was fighting, no one else. Are all the designers just boring people this season?

And what happened to Bluefly.com? Now it's all about Macy's. And no mention of Bluefly. Odd, huh?

Speaking of which - bye-bye TRESemme Hair Salon and hello drugstore Garnier. Who actually uses crappy Garnier hair products? If they go any cheaper next year the sponsor will be "Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific."

And speaking of hair -- who fuckin' sketches hair styles before doing them? Seriously? That was just ridiculous. I mean that was more pretentious than PC on Prep School.

Oh, and who was that old, French Yoda in the judges chair? I felt like he was actually a waiter from craft services and they were like, "Michael Kors broke a nail and can't come in. Come in here, you...do you know anything about fashion?  No? It's fine, just speak in in short phrases and talk about food, no one will know the difference." And the chick from the O.C....what happened to her hair? Is that what happens when you commit to Garnier Hair Products? What the hell happened to all those O.C. girls? They've all gone straight downhill, and that show only went off the air a few years ago.

And finally - does Heidi Klum ever have a bad day? I mean, she's just all sunshine and gorgeousness and I can't help but love her. Neither can my husband. And suddenly, while under her televised influence I'm all like, "you can totally sleep with her if you get the chance, honey. She's dreamy. I want this for you." What?!? But, yeah, I'd watch Heidi do anything. So even if this season of Project Runway turns out to be not-so-great I'll still watch it. I'll watch it for Heidi.

The Prisoner - "Chimes of Big Ben" by Tucker Stone

Yeah, this is more like it. According to the shit that shows up on the Internet, this gets argued as a possible second episode. Fuck that, the Number Six here is a rough, cynical dude who barely cares when a new female gets chucked in front of him like raw meat to a tiger. He doesn't agree to a team up until nearly half-way through the episode, and even when he does, his plan--to build a boat and sail away, Yacht Rock style (god, i love that episode's climax) is one that he doesn't even hide, choosing to openly display it in the Village's arts and crafts fair. It's not that he doesn't try, he does, and when he realizes that he's been jerked around once again in that brilliant final scene, his anger is real. But it's also something McGoohan expertly cuts off, internalizing his rage and disappointment (in himself, because he had once again fallen for yet another damsel in distress) as he returns to his apartment, cage & exile.

It's a good, good episode, my favorite since "The Arrival", and while it carries with it a bit of by-the-numbers behavior--seriously, is every episode going to be about the time Number Six tried to escape and then found out he couldn't trust anybody in the final scene--it's greatest strength comes from the fact that it knows its by-the-numbers. His captors know he'll try to get away, and he does. He knows they'll catch him, and they do. But that's the message he wants to send, that his integrity matters more than the reality of his situation. He can't get away.

But fuck them if he won't at least try.

-Martin Brown, David Brothers, Sean Witzke, Nina & Tucker Stone, 2009

Comments

[Lee]

The Chimes of Big Ben is an especially interesting episode to watch as it is steeped in McGoohans own personal beliefs: McGoohan was offered the role of James Bond before Sean Connery and turned it down because he disagreed with Bonds morality, most specifically his attitudes toward women.

McGoohan was a Catholic family man and I always found The Chimes of Big Ben noteworthy because because it is the only episode of the Prisoner to address love in anyway, and features Number 6 actually kissing a woman, but if you looked very carefully, he actually kisses her off screen... Meaning McGoohan showed fidelity to his wife even in the roles he portrayed.

[Red Scharlach]

seriously, is every episode going to be about the time Number Six tried to escape and then found out he couldn't trust anybody in the final scene

Wait until you see the two episode finale. And some of the "filler" episodes varied on the theme as well.

[seth hurley]

The Prisoner works a lot better if you hear Number Six as Minder Six and the white balloon as Neil Burnside's massive fucking ego.

[Matthew J. Brady]

Dude, Nina totally wants to watch Tucker fuck Heidi Klum.

[Sean Witzke]

I know, right?

[seth hurley]

shit, I want to watch Tucker fuck Heidi Klum so long as it's like a manga porno & he is whited out.