The Bad Girls Club "I Run LA"
Although "I Run LA" opens the morning after last week's tumultuous house-spanning argument, the only acknowledgement amongst the cast is when Kate questions why Amber felt the need to knock potting soil all over the carpet. Otherwise, the girls just sit around in their underwear and apply make-up, and then a small group heads out for a quick brunch at one of those Los Angeles faux 50's diners they always shoot David Lynch movies in. There, Natalie and Kendra bond over their shared love of stereotypes and prejudgment, with Natalie describing how she's spent the last few hours trying to figure out whether it will be Kendra or Portia who take on the role of "black girl who hates all the other black girls". (Kendra then describes her excitement at being in Los Angeles as being like that of a fairy tale, which seems like an odd editing choice.) Natalie's friend "Marcus" arrives, and while not all of the girls are aware of who he is--he appeared on the "Moesha" television series for multiple years--they seem to be universally impressed by the fact that Natalie has backed up her claims of knowing important people in Los Angeles. Ratcheting up a bit more of leverage--all of which she will exhaust by this episode's close--Natalie then pimps Marcus out to Kendra, and the two are later seen making out in the hot tub.
The night's entertainment consists of a trip to a strip club, and while Portia seems disappointed that the male strippers are across-the-board homosexual, Annie ends up more concerned that the glistening grease pouring off the abdominal muscles of the men will stain her dress. Flo--who will have her name spelled in three different fashions during this episode for no obvious reason--finds an attractive female stripper, and she then spends a good bit of money poking and grabbing the girl in a fashion that makes Amber uncomfortable. Amber then repeats her previous statement regarding lesbianism, although she follows up "I don't want nobody touching my cooter" by explicitly saying that she isn't homophobic. The girls eventually leave the strip club, and while some of them continue the party when they get home, Annie & Katie bond over their shared dislike of loud voices.
Seeing an opportunity to make inroads without having to actually participate, Annie and Natalie head out to pick up some drive-thru, as well as agreeing to pick up cigarettes for Flo. The car ride consists entirely of Natalie making fun of Annie for the way she speaks, the way she holds the steering wheel, and Annie ends up so irritable that she fails to stop and pick up the cigarettes. When Natalie points out a nearby convenience store, Annie claims that she doesn't feel like making a left turn, and then decides that she will excuse her behavior by telling Flo that "she shouldn't be smoking anyway." For some reason, Natalie doesn't make fun of this statement, but it was also late. Maybe she was tired.
When the two return to the house, Natalie immediately tells on Annie, including the whole part of the story where Annie didn't want to make a left turn. Flo--who is drunk--proceeds to overreact and yell at Annie, who eventually starts crying after Flo refuses to accept Annie's repetition of the never-works excuse that "nobody's perfect."
Kendra and Portia attempt to calm Flo down, pointing out that the argument is basically idiotic and unimportant, but they give up after it becomes obvious how much fun Flo is having. In a confessional, Flo talks about how much it pisses her off when people refuse to do tiny, insignificant favors for her. She even uses the popular Bad Girls phrase "we're DONE" to explain her feelings.
The next day, Natalie has decided that she is going to pick on Annie as much as possible, because it is funny to her. Due to Annie's obsessive compulsive habits--eating her daily portion of three organic eggs in a specific diagonal fashion--and weird statements like "I'm going to eat because I don't want my hair to fall out", Annie makes for an incredibly easy target. In separate confessionals, Kate and Kendra both point out that Annie's rejoinders to everyone about "being nice" are smokescreens to conceal a complete fear of conflict. As far as Kate is concerned, Annie is the weakest person in the house, and Natalie will do herself no favors by emotionally kicking the shit out of her. When they go to the club that night, Natalie waits until Annie has found a boy to talk to, and then Natalie goes over and starts rubbing her crotch on the boy until he realizes that talking to Annie is a waste of his time. Although Flo claims this sort of behavior is unacceptable, she and Natalie hang out for hours when the girls return to the house, with Flo taking hundreds of near-porn pictures of Natalie rubbing herself on a pool float. Natalie tells the camera that she can control Flo through sex appeal, but that Flo will never actually get a piece. Or, as she puts it, "It's strictly dick-ly over here."
The next day, the girls decide to have a cleaning day, and while still in the middle of divvying up the chores, Kate goes for a run. When she returns, Natalie is furious with her for leaving, and she proceeds to follow Kate around the house and repeat this in a variety of ways, few of which are understandable. It goes on like this for an extremely long time, and Kendra sums up her feelings by saying "I saw Kate go for a run. It didn't end my life, it didn't ruin my day." While Portia's been depicted in upcoming scenes as being physically aggressive, her reaction to the whole scream-fest is one of bemusement. Although she's capable of sarcasm, her response to the whole thing is a simple "ya'll need to calm the fuck down", delivered with an almost intoxicating level of class. Despite last week's self-designed introduction as the cast member most closely associated with the ghetto, Portia's behavior throughout the entire ordeal serves to make her the one girl in the house who it would be impossible to criticize. In a way, she's so normal that it's confusing why she is even on the show.
Natalie then calls to give her boyfriend shit about how he doesn't answer the phone when she calls. He seems completely uninterested in discussing it with her, nor does he seem to think of her as his girlfriend. He turns down her offer of a plane ticket from New York, and after she begins berating him for a second time, he simply hangs up. At the bar that evening, Natalie drinks too much and starts crying, Kendra drinks too much and starts throwing up, and when Flo and Portia lead them out to the car to head back home, the girls have their first official fight. Kendra keeps screaming and yelling into Natalie's face, eventually Natalie goes to move away, and then she turns and--apparently--slugs Kendra in the face. After that, the rest of the girls keep them apart until they return to the house. (Except for Annie, who does herself no favors by looking around the car and constantly straightening her clothes.)
The girls return to the house, and Kendra is positively gleeful, preening about how Natalie will probably have to go home, while the rest of the girls pretty much fade into the background. Natalie storms all over the house, screaming about how she "runs LA", and that she "ain't going nowhere bitch". Then she calls her brother.
Natalie: These bitches are fucking crazy why would you FUCK with me I RUN LA. I RUN LA.
Natalie's Brother: Why do you keep saying that?
Natalie: I RUN LA
Natalie's Brother: You sound like you're out of control.
Her brother has a point.
Who's the girl in the third picture with the glasses? That's actually kind of a cute picture of her.
Question: Will "Jersey Shore" make this show redundant?
Posted by: Chris Jones | 2009.12.13 at 16:13
That's Annie in the glasses. She's also the girl on the phone in the first picture.
I thought something similar when I heard about Jersey Shore, but I haven't seen it. I kind of doubt it though--as fucked up as the Bad Girls Club gets, they're still basically human beings, whereas that original Jersey Shore special that MTV modeled this new thing after--those guys barely fit the bill. They're subhuman trash, and unless the season ends with all of them getting executed, I think Bad Girls has the lead.
The goal with Bad Girls Club is for them to fight, get drunk, say stupid shit, exploit themselves. The goal with Jersey Shore seems to be all-of-the-above, plus the opportunity to broadcast an actual gang rape.
I could be dead wrong, but it's not something I plan to remedy by experimentation.
Posted by: Tucker Stone | 2009.12.13 at 19:56
God DAMN, is that what happens when you get a ton of plastic surgery, you turn into the woman that Seinfeld dated where bad lighting turns you into a cowboy boot?
Posted by: Chris Jones | 2009.12.13 at 20:48