"The Comics Minx"? No. "Romancing the Stone"? NO!

For now, the replacement for the Virgin Read lacks a suitable title. Help would be appreciated.

I don't know about you, but when I finally admitted to myself that I wanted to eventually get married some day, it changed everything. I'd dated plenty and had been in a serious relationship or two without looking for an outcome. I dated because, well, I don't know, it's what we do? I wanted attention? I was bored? Whatever the reason, once I decided that I did want to be married at some point, I started dating with purpose. I didn't really think that I was going to meet Mister Right simply because I decided I was ready. But I figured that one must have to have a lot of bad dates before finding a good one, and I may as well get out there and start racking up the experiences in the hopes that it would get me closer to my-future-husband. (Not that it's all a numbers game. But one needs some experiences to, say, measure up against one another.)

So, here I am. I'm getting serious about finding a comic to commit to. I want to find something that is fun but not shallow, something that is clever and smart without being too full of itself or completely over my head. I want something that I'm going to look forward to reading AND writing about. So, although I'm done aimlessly playing the field, as I stated last week, I still have some focused dating to do.

In my real life when I came to this point, I actually did some internet dating. Again, at the time, no one seemed remotely like "the one." But I decided that the process of really feeling things out could be fun. (It really wasn't that fun, actually. And I ended up meeting my husband through friends.) Nevertheless, I'm going to go towards this with a bit of the same approach, and maybe I'll luck out. This week I read the first issue of four - count 'em, four! - different comics. I am going to recount my "first date" first impressions below. WITH a dating profile. 

Oh yeah.  

Yeah I did. 

I took a look at sleazy ol' Nerve.com's personals! They have a portion that says "Me in 60 seconds" on each person's profile where said person answers a number of telling questions. That is the form I shall use below, and if you want to see the originals, they're scanned in as well. Away we go!

DATE NUMBER ONE

Profile Name: Fables

Headline: Lemme Tell You a Story!

Me in 60 Seconds:

1. The last great book I read:

Tales from Ovid

2. My most humbling moment:

Giving birth to my first spin-off series "Jack Of Fables."

3. Favorite on-screen sex scene:

"La Bete"

4.  If I could be anywhere right now...

I'd be playing D&D in the basement with my buddies or watching Sondheim's "Into The Woods."

5.  Five Items I Can't Live Without:

a. Law & Order  b. Wizard Magazine  c. Magic The Gathering  d. Maxim  e. Cigarettes

6.  Fill in the blank:  ________ is sexy; _______ is sexier.

Imagination is sexy; Creation is sexier.

7.  In my bedroom one will find:

Shelves and shelves of pewter, glass and ceramic figurines from every fairytale and fable you can think of and some you've never heard of! A California King sized bed and one wall painted with a murel of all the Grimm's fairytale characters.

The Date:  We met over coffee. I was immediately charmed by the grittiness of Fables. I wasn't really expecting that. I kind of fell in love with how all the familiar characters have an edge to them. They all seem a little cynical and sort of "over it." I'm not entirely sure what they are over, except that Snow let's us know how overworked and underpaid she and her staff are, and everyone seems to be upset about no longer being in Fabletown. I am intrigued to learn what happened. I also enjoyed the Law & Order sort of feel that this first issue has. And, of course, I found it all very, very clever. Bigby Wolf in the Security Office. Beauty and the Beast having marital problems that begin to re-ignite the old spell and begin to turn the Prince back into a Beast, becuase after 1,000 years even the "spell" of love starts to wane a bit. All of these little twists on the old stories is very entertaining and engaging. All in all? It was a lovely first date. It was mostly what I expected (as I'd had a taste of this sort of thing from reading the first issue of Cinderella), with a little bit of intrigue of "more to come." I left this date entertaining the notion of a second date. I'd like to see how things pan out in the story and wonder if the cleverness will stay entertaining or if it will begin to get annoying.  We shall see.....

 

 DATE NUMBER TWO

Profile Name: Hellboy

Headline: Raising Cain!

1.  The last great book I read:

Vollman's "Europe Central"

2.  My most humbling moment:

Being made into a movie!  Two movies!!

3.  Favorite on-screen sex scene:

"History of Violence"

4.  If I could be anywhere right now:

I'd be at the Bureau of Paranormal Research & Defense. Can't stay away!

5.  Five Items I can't live without:

a. Pancakes!  b. Black Ink  c. Trench Coat  d. Guns  e. Love

6.  Fill in the blank:  _____is sexy; ______ is sexier.

Different is sexy.  Red is sexier.

7.  In my bedroom one will find.....

Not much. Just a single bed, a night stand with a lamp and alarm clock, and a closet. A closet full of guns.

The Date:  I was excited for this date. I've met Hellboy on various occasions before. I've been intrigued to know more; to get the full story. And excited to start at the beginning.  

In all honesty, though, I was a little disappointed. I was expecting a little more backstory as to where Hellboy came from and, like, what the deal is with him. I guess it just doesn't all come in this issue. I like that the stage is set for magical/paranormal happenings. But you know, there's those damn frogs again! I read about them in BPRD and didn't really understand what was happening there, and here they are again! I know, I know. In actuality, here they are for the first time. But still....something about Hellboy just leaned a little too far into the gloom for me. I may give it one more shot...but I don't think I'm ready to commit to this one for the long haul. But like I said, a second date can't hurt.

 

DATE NUMBER THREE

Profile Name:  Cinderella

Headline:  Princess Charming

1.  The last great book I read:

"Confessions of an Ugly Step Sister" by Gregory Maguire

2. My Most Humbling Moment:

My first issue getting a great review on "Ain't It Cool News".

3.  Favorite Sex Scene:

Any sex scene from any James Bond movie.

4.  If I could be anywhere right now...

Um, Fabletown, of course!

5.  Five Items I can't live without:

a. Irony  b.  Fairy Tales  c. Martial Arts  d. Magic  e. Schtick 

6.  Fill in the blanks _____ are sexy; ________ is sexier.

Boobs are sexy; Boobs and a pair of long legs that kick ass are sexier

7.  In my bedroom one will find

Four poster bed. The International Collection of Fairy Tales. DVD collection of every single episode of Alias and Buffy The Vampire Slayer. A stack of porn mags next to the bed. 

The Date: Okay, in a way this is a second date. But I didn't realize the first date was really a first date. So....please allow me to continue. ;) You know, I like this series. Something about it is a little more polished than Fables, to me. And while that makes sense because Cinderella comes along after an entire long run of Fables and Jack of Fables, there's something that's definitely a little more fun and upbeat about Cinderella than Fables. It's got all the same cleverness to it, but it's not gritty. It's sort of sexy and fun. Maybe it's because of all that blonde hair and boobage. (Hey, am I sort of being sexist here?) Well, you all know that I dig Buffy The Vampire Slayer. The show, that is. Definitely NOT the comic. It's always fun to see a girl be all pretty and into her looks and still totally able to kick ass. I mean, the whole opening scene alone, being a memory of when she learned how when unarmed it's easy to kick some ass and take the armed one's weapon? That was awesome. This one really has a little bit of everything I've been looking for. Can it keep it up? Or is this comic simply on it's best behavior right now? And after a few dates will it start to get lazy and will its true nature start to come out? I guess only time will tell.

 

DATE NUMBER FOUR

Profile Name:  The Sword

Headlline:  "Let me stand next to your FIRE!!"

1.  The last great book I read:

"The Comfort of Strangers" by Ian McEwan

2.  My most humbling moment:

????

3.  Favorite sex scene:

Storytelling, between Vi and her teacher.

4.  If I could be anywhere right now:  

On the planet Kryptonite or back in Medieval Times. Or in a combination of both. Drunk.

5.  Five Items I can't live without:

a.  The SWORD.  of course!   b. Art  c. Black panels  d. FIRE  e. Drama!

6.  Fill in the blank:  _____ is sexy; ______is sexier

Love is sexy; Fierce Devotion is sexier.

7.  In my bedroom one will find:

Art Books, sketch pad, Bed with red satin sheets and industrial furniture.

The Date: I did not have any expectations. I had no idea what to expect. If I judged from the first few pages, I expected some slow introduction of a possible superhero-to-be girl. Art school chick. I thought i'd like it. But oh my god. All of the sudden this book just grabbed me. The violence! The tension! The Drama! I was hooked. It all happened so fast. Before I knew it I was at the end of the issue and, oh, I just didn't want to stop!! It took everything I had in me to say no and go home. Well, not exactly no. Just not yet. I left the encounter a little shaken. 

Is this it? Is this the one? It all came on so fast and so quickly. I mean, it feels right but I want to be mature about this. I mean, can this sort of feeling really be sustained? Can it last? Or will it just burn quickly and die? Will it be tumultuous and all consuming? And of course, those are bad things when it's a relationship. But when it's a comic book? 

This could be good.

This could be really, really good!

 

The outcome:

I have to say, in fairness, I'd be interested in a second date with all of these gems. But I still have some other brand new comics to meet, so I think I should only pursue a second date with two of them. At the moment I think it'll be Cinderella and The Sword. But I'm not promising that. I want to see which stories I actually start to wonder about in my free time. Which ones I start to crave. Stay tuned for more first dates next week though, as I narrow down my search for my one true comic love.

-Nina Stone, 2009

Comments

[Sharif]

What about "Blood on the Sheets?"

[Chris Mautner]

"I've got a date ... with comics!!!!"

Perhaps not.

[Lugh]

Try the Hellboy short story collections, like The Chained Coffin and Other Stories and The Right Hand of Doom.

[Matthew J. Brady]

This is awesome. Bonus points for the Todd Solondz reference.

[Kenny Cather]

Nina,

This was one of the most creative and engaging reviews I've ever read about anything from anyone ever. This is also why I never want to be a writer - I can't compete with something like this, it's just *too* good.

I think with comic series and finding ones we like, most comic fans date casually (to use your excellent analogy). We read an issue or two, kinda like it, and then keep up with it more out of not hating it than actually loving it. That's how I used to approach comic reading, anyway, for the first, I dunno, 10 years or so.

Now, I try to stick to books by creators who usually write stuff I greatly enjoy. It's not until I read this article did I think - what's truly grabbed me in the past few years? Ganges, Achewood, Dash Shaw's Body World, Sinfest, and Acme Novelty Library come to mind.

I dunno - I think what you're looking for, a lot of us take for granted. Like how much I love the books done by Kevin Huizenga (Ganges). When he has new material out, I drop everything and run as fast as I can to go buy it. There's not much I feel *that* passionately about. And until I read this review, that never really occurred to me.

I say stick with The Sword while you explore other books. Nothing's saying you have to be monogamous with comics, you know! ^_^

[Darius Smith]

"Comix Books"? "Nina Stone vs The Comix"?

[Jacob]

Nah, you gotta give a title that goes with the theme of online dating or finding a date. Maybe "Playing the Field" or something? I'm sure someone more creative can help you.

Anyway, very entertaining column.

[afdumin]

But...what about "Beasts of Burden"?

http://www.factualopinion.com/the_factual_opinion/2009/09/beasts_of_burden_1.html

[Jacob]

This isn't the only column she's doing. Maybe she'll get to Beasts of Burden later.

[Amy]

I loved everything about this review! Where's the kudos button? I want to press it!

[Tim O'Neil]

The best comic book you will ever read is the one you never open.

[seth hurley]

Only if it has Nina's Cinderella dating form as the cover.

[david brothers]

Wow, it seriously took me until now to go "Oh! That's what Romancing the Stone means!"

[Sandy]

This was wonderful! More!

[Bill Reed]

I dunno, I kind of love "Romancing the Stone." It works on so many levels! Like... two.

[TimCallahan]

I vote "Romancing the Stone" too, because of Bill's persuasive powers and because it sets you up for the later rejection of the comic with a hilarious "Jewel of Denial" post.

Also, this was pretty great.

[Kenny Cather]

Oh wow.... Tim's "Jewel of Denial" joke totally sold me! I'm all in for "Romancing the Stone!"

[Abhay]

"Romancing the Stone" made me laugh, but I love that movie. My favorite part is when they meet the guy who's a big Joan Wilder fan.

[Bill Reed]

Jewel of Denial? I hate to reward a pun, but that's brilliant.

[John Pontoon]

The Sword is most best. I'm kinda bummed you're not going with the "whore" thing in the title, but I guess it does have kinda pejorative connotations, and, hey, not everyone is Italian.

[MarkAndrew]

Yeah, Okay, that was fucking awesome.

[Gort]

If you're not a virgin anymore, how about Romancing The Bone? Heh.

[Darius Smith]

"Nina Stone vs The Comix Boox!"

[plok]

Speed Hating!

[Mory Buckman]

That was fun. I like how you're making a whole game out of comics-reading. No matter who.. I mean, which one you end up sticking with, it'll be entertaining for us to read.

[Marty]

The Serial Deflowering

[supra shoes]

Man is a god or a devil to his neighbour.

[Generic Cialis]

Hola,
Ha hecho un trabajo muy bueno. Hay muchas personas en busca de eso ahora van a encontrar suficientes fuentes por tus consejos.
espera para obtener más consejos acerca de que

[careprost]

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