Television of the Weak: The Human Dilemma

This week, it's Dollhouse & The Bad Girls Club

Dollhouse: "The Hollow Man" by Matthew J. Brady

Well, as series finales go, this one certainly could have been worse. And hell, Joss Whedon and team will get a chance to top it next week, with a flash-forward capper along the lines of the first season's finale. But this one was a bit of a disappointment, if only because it trudged the road of mediocrity, neither wowing with awesomeness or stunning with stupidity. It had potential to hew toward the latter path, with the last installment's revelation that the evil mastermind behind the Rossum Corporation was Boyd, who was probably the most empathetic and well-rounded character, always questioning the morality of his actions and caring for those in his charge. But nope, that was all a front! He's actually a scheming evil genius! That's kind of a hilariously ridiculous twist, and one that doesn't make much sense, but at least Harry Lennix gets to have fun with it, and he and the writers do their best to make it plausible, with him pretending to help his ostensible buddies plot the downfall of Rossum while only occasionally grinning maliciously behind their backs, then, after he's found out, making a speech about how the reason he kept them all alive is because they're family, since the easy explanation for things is that he's crazy. He does get a good shot off at Paul, calling him the "one relative that you can live without" and wondering what the others saw in him. Me and you both, buddy; Agent Helo was certainly one of the show's weak points.

Aside from the nonsensical revelations and plot contortions, there's a kind of low-scale attack on Rossum by the good guys; some really cheap-looking sets that look like the budget was low so the show was filmed in the hallways of a local office building, with a couple banks of electronic-looking equipment to prop up in the background; another chance for Enver Gjokaj to play the Topher character; Amy Acker popping up again as a version of Boyd's second-in-command, which gives her a chance to have a terribly-shot fight with Eliza Dushku (seriously, it's like something out of a Michael Bay movie; the low budgets strike again?); and a run-from-the-explosion ending that simply cuts to Echo standing on the street, fine. It might be the expected end of the show, but it's another example of the rushed nature of the end of the series, hurrying to get to the endpoint without making us care. And then it cuts to ten years in the future, where all our heroes travails have been for naught, since the predicted "thoughtpocalypse" came to pass anyway. Hopefully, this means the creators were saving the money shots for the real finale. "Epitaph One" is still probably the best episode of the show's run, and its sequel will hopefully bring its promise, and that of the show itself, to the rightful end. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I'm pulling for it to blow me away regardless. I'd say "Don't let me down, Whedon", but at this point, it doesn't really matter either way. Instead, I'll throw out a pleadingly optimistic thumbs-up and get my crying towel ready just in case.

The Bad Girls Club: "Bad Break" by Tucker Stone

Following last week's all-yelling dual fight episode by beginning the morning after--with everyone still angry albeit hungover--this hour of the Bad Girls Club opens with the girls sneering and snarking at one another as they excitedly pile into the confessionals to give their own take on the evening before. In response to Natalie's early morning graffiti (she wrote "Jealous Bitch" all over the furniture and walls in Kate's bedroom) Kate explains herself to a hypothetical Natalie like this:

Kate: Like, I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous of your long ass face, your fifty pounds of make-up, the fact that you have a boyfriend that you cheat on every other day...good try sweetheart, but it's going to take a lot more than that to piss me off.

Amber actually covers the situation with a funnier observation: "At least write it in sharpie." Natalie inexplicably used a dry-erase marker to write "Jealous Bitch", which Kate easily removes by rubbing the words lightly with her finger.

The girls are planning a trip to a local lesbian bar the next evening, and seeing how uncomfortable Amber is with the trip, Natalie informs the girls that "It's box-eating time". She then goes and gets her first Brazilian wax. Amber, struggling to explain her feelings in a way that won't come across as homophobic to the audience or cast members, eventually says that she doesn't believe in "the whole bisexual thing. For somebody to be that confused, they must really suck internally."

A Quick Break For An Angel

Angel is a man that Kendra picked up when the girls went speed dating. He's inserted in the episode as filler--it's hard to tell exactly when he is supposed to be hanging out at the house, since the girls are pretty clear about when they're going to the lesbian bar, and that trip causes the drama that cycles through the last half-hour. But Angel scenes keep showing up, and while they're in order, it's hard to tell when they happened.

1st Time He Shows Up: Angel and Kendra start to fool around in the backyard, and then a bunch of the girls come outside and purposely interrupt the making out. Annie takes off all her clothes and swims around in the pool, they throw sex toys at Angel, he eventually leaves.

(The inflatable toy pictured above has a hole in its rear.)

2nd Time He Shows Up: The girls go to a sports bar called "Big Wangs", Angel meets them, sits with Kendra. She asks him if he's going to pay for her food, he mumbles and acts weird. They pat each other a bunch, kiss some, all the while, Natalie keeps making faces at him. He then leaves without throwing in to pay for his chicken wings, sticking Kendra with the bill.

3rd Time He Shows Up, Sort of: When Natalie finds out that Angel stuck Kendra with the bill, she explains to Kendra that she should bail out on the guy, because there's no good reason to be with a cheapskate. Then she asks if Kendra knows when NFL players get their paychecks deposited. They both already know, and discuss how much NFL players get paid and how free they are with their money. Kendra plays a song/poem/thing that Angel has sung into the answering machine, they both laugh at him for being so weird and strange, and then Natalie calls and dumps him while Kendra laughs.

The Photo Shoot Break

The Oxygen photo shoot sorely lacks drama. Everyone seems very happy to see Portia, except for Natalie. Natalie is sullen and doesn't speak whenever Portia is nearby, although she occasionally makes faces and rolls her eyes. When she starts talking shit about Portia to Kate, Kate just gets up and walks off to hang out with Portia. They shoot the pictures and the introduction to the show--the pictures went up in New York subways at least three months ago, giving one an answer as to why the show has failed to address the health care bills currently moving through America's legislative and executive branch. Portia then gets in a limo and drives away, and Natalie runs outside and waves and makes more faces. She also yells a little bit, and then returns to the girls, proud that she has showed Portia who is the boss.

The Rest of The Episode, An Exploration of Tolerance

We return to the Amber doesn't-believe-in-bisexuality and Flo wants-a-to-fight show, still in progress. While Flo has yet to find out that Amber believes she "sucks internally", she smells the chum in the water. She picks at Amber a bit, but is easily distracted at the club by a blond. They tease and play with one another a bit, eventually, the blond tells Flo this: "I'd really like to fuck the shit out of you right now. What do you think of that?"

Flo likes that, but the cameras don't show what happened. Instead, they cut to Flo in a confessional, where she rambles directly to the audience, eventually pumping her fist and saying "If you're out there judging me, at least you know you respect me for living my life to the fullest." The irony that Flo's behavior at the lesbian bar towards various women is completely indistinguishable from Kendra's behavior during last weeks episode--the behavior that Flo found so offensive that she felt the need to call Kendra a "fucking whore"--goes unmentioned.

Amber finds the entire evening very uncomfortable. There is a cutaway to a daytime scene, shot at an indeterminate point, where Amber asks Flo what her parents think about her sexuality, and Flo says that they expect her to get married to a man and have children. (She doesn't make clear that she is planning to do this.) She then begins talking about how she is representing for every Albanian woman in the world right now, and then she talks about being a Pisces, or how Amber is a Pisces. After this, the show returns to the girls leaving the bar. In the car on the way back, Flo and Natalie start humping each other. Kendra then makes out with each of the girls separately, including Amber.

Although the girls have returned to the house alone, they are eventually met at the house by "Lawrence" from the NFL, who has a girlfriend. He is there to see Natalie, who has a boyfriend. They go upstairs and get in bed, but not for sex, and only after Lawrence has made fun of Natalie's boyfriend. The other men who arrive at the house are never named, the producers refer to them as "DUDES from Big Wangs".

There's no indication of how much time has passed, but Amber and Flo have started arguing about bisexuality, an argument that catches fire when Amber--for some undisclosed reason--decides to explain to Annie, in explicit detail, how it isn't that she dislikes bisexuality, but that she doesn't believe it exists on a fundamental level. As far as she is concerned, playing around with a member of the opposite sex is fine, but people are either gay or straight, there is no in between. She also keeps punctuating her argument by saying "You either lick the cooter or stick the cooter. Pick a side."

Flo is understandably angry, but the argument quickly deteriorates into screaming, with the two girls roaring various insults and objections into each others face. [The entire time, the "DUDES from Big Wangs" are silently witnessing the entire event, like some kind of meathead-Quaker ceremony.]

Flo is standing right next to the pool. Amber shoves her into the pool. Flo hurts her ankle, bad enough to get a cast from the hospital. After getting out of the pool, Flo says this: "I'm gonna fucking beat the shit ouf of you."

Flo then picks Amber up by her hair and throws her onto the concrete. Amber achieves maximum velocity. The producers finally get involved, there's a quick shot of Flo's ankle--it's bleeding a little--and the girls are separated for the remainder of the night. Flo screams various threats--"I'm going to kill you", "I'm going to cut you up into little pieces", "My fucking ankle", "I'm not a violent person", "I'm going to fucking kill you bitch", etc. Amber sits in the back of one of the SUVs out front and talks to a few of the girls. Eventually, Flo is taken to the emergency room, where she tells the girls angrily, "I can't do nothing! I can't wear high heels for two weeks!" They leave her at the emergency room, and Amber is taken to a hotel.

The next morning, Amber returns and tells the girls that she doesn't want to be in the same house with Flo, and that she is terrified that Flo will hurt her while she sleeps. The girls agree to support whatever decision Amber makes, although Natalie remains silent. Flo calls from the hospital to be picked up. Kendra and Natalie elect to play chauffeur. Annie tells no one that Flo deserved to have her ankle broken.

After picking up Flo--who claims to have "ripped the bone"--Kendra and Natalie tell Flo that she has to fix this one herself if she wants to stay, and they coach her and explain that she has to apologize and take the blame or she will get sent home. Flo is angry--Amber did initiate the physical contact--but by the time she gets to the house, she has worked herself into an emotional state. While Amber is initially forceful about her feelings, telling Flo that she doesn't want to hear an explanation, she just wants Flo to leave, she eventually succumbs. Flo cries, saying, "You know what I went through to get here? And you're sending me home?", "I need to be here", and "I will never drink again!"

As the decision is being made, the soundtrack to an Ingmar Bergman film is played, but when Amber finally makes her decision--to allow Flo to stay--it cuts over to one of those Bourne Identity speed techno songs. Flo graciously thanks her, and then climbs into bed. She turns to Natalie and sneers, repudiating her tears and apology. "I ain't going nowhere."