Romancing the Stone: Nobody Should Tell Her Cinderella Was A Mini-Series

This sort of feels like a reluctant booty call. I've got one more issue of The Sword that I'm waiting on, but I know it won't be around for a while. I honestly I didn't feel like reading something else. But I've got this little column I'm committed too. So I figured I'd call on Cindy again.

Cinderella # 6
Written by Chris Roberson
Art by Shawn McManus
Published by Vertigo/DC Comics

You know how it is. I know she's around. I know she's up for a good read. And I know that I've gotten pleasure from her in the past. So, why not?!?

But, know what, Girl? I'm still not that into you. It's not you, it's..wait, I've said all this before. I guess it's me? Maybe I'm being cruel? And that's what dating's all about, right? Trying to find the right fit. By being cruel.

Hey girl. I tried. I didn't mean to come back, but I did.

I know, I know. I must've been a little nostalgic for how it used to be. That first date was pretty great. I found you clever, I found you feisty. And clever! And feisty! I just found all your plays on fairytales so adorable and engaging. I couldn't wait to spend more time with you. So I did.  We've had a number of dates. And then...I skipped one. I just forgot. Totally blew you off. My bad. 

So, I decided to let the past be the past and just swing by, one more time, with issue number 6. I didn't totally know how we ended up with Aladdin captured by your Fairy Godmother. Hey, that's okay. I didn't really need to know how either of you got there. You'd moved on! I'd told you I was leaving once before! (I guess the honest truth is that, um, I didn't care enough to know what had been going on with you.)

And you know, here you are again, Cindy. So clever. So full of piss, just fully stocked with vinegar. Did I mention that you're always so clever, clever, clever? There's your whole Fairy Godmother thing, that Hickory the mouse of Hickory Dickory Dock fame. Oh, look, all sorts of fairy tale connections...they're all here. Being so darn cute that, like, I don't even have to try, do I? You'll just spoon feed me your cleverness and I'll just suck it on down. I don't have to think real hard, I don't even really need to think at all. I don't have to figure anything out or learn anything or have a catharsis. I just read, and maybe every now and then, I'll get to chuckle at all your wit, which I'll never miss, because it's got a neon sign next to it.

You know what? This is so totally boring. This gets old fast. For me, these kinds of comics are supposed to operate as some form of escape. Some kind of "whoop, there goes the day", and I'm lost in story. Yet here I am, reading this. You know what I was thinking about? I was thinking, "Man, I'm so bored. My life is way more exciting than this comic. I think I'll get back to it."

Did you ever date a comedian or class clown type? You think they're the coolest thing ever. So full of charisma, wit, charm--you can't wait to be with them. But after a while, you realize that's all they can be. Everything is a joke. Everything is about getting attention. It's all one note. There's no space or way to connect because, well, they're so busy doing their thing. 

That's how I feel about Cindy now. I actually feel bad about feeling that way. At one time, I was a little in love with her. But quite frankly, now that i've read other comics that truly grab me or make me feel or think about big topics, Cindy seems so shallow. She seems so boring.  

I guess this is my first official break up. "Stone" Cold Break-up. I just can't do this anymore. I shouldn't do this anymore. I'm calling it quits with Cinderella.

-Nina Stone, 2010

Comments

[Nathan]

Good review

also one of my favorite article titles here so far this year

[John Pontoon]

I'm in agreeance with you about this Ciniseries, it's not too good. It's because the writer just ain't no Bill Willingham [the writer of "Fables," whose town from which this Cinderella is.]

I don't know how Mr. Willingham got so good. I used to read [what I think is] his first series, "Elementals," and it wasn't very well written at all, to my recollection. He also drew it, so maybe his focus was diluted. I dunno.

You're right with what you say, I say. That's all I have to say. Please, enjoy this kudo.