Thunderbolts # 149
Written by Jeff Parker
Art by Declan Shalvey & Frank Martin
Published by Marvel Comics
Marvel and DC make crossover and tie-in comics as if their readers are in a committed relationship with the title, as if the audience will just stick it out no matter how creepy the bedroom sanctions have become. And at one point, that was probably true--you could dress Batman up in a football uniform and readers would still clamber into bed, forcibly ignoring how uncomfortable it felt to have flashlight batteries shoved into their labial matrix. But nowadays--uh uh, sister. I'm not wearing that prom dress until you start holding doors, like you did when we first met.
Superman # 704
Written by G. Willow Wilson
Art by Leandro Oliveira, Walden Wong & Rod Reis
Published by DC Comics
Dope shit here. Turns out Lois Lane has been spending some time thinking (always a mistake, when you're a female comic book character), and it's finally dawned on her that she's spent all of her time on a career and not on baby-making, so now she's all kinds of fucked up, the all-kinds that can only be fixed by having her man tell her he wuvs her. And who is it that's responsible for this terrible trip down sad thoughts highway? Why, the single most influential architect in small-town Indiana, that's who! See, this little tart just happens to run a successful architectural firm in a small town populated by stereotypes and be a mom at the same time! Doesn't that just curl your hair? Why it's enough to make a Cub Scout cross-eyed!
Oh, and make a note somewhere: Superman 704 has the deadest eyes you'll ever find. Every single page has at least one panel (and in almost all cases, that one panel is every panel) depicting the most soulless faces comics can produce. It feels like you're standing in the Barbie aisle after the toystore shut down for the night. And while that's totally understandable--the comic is a fill-in issue, the art had to get pumped out on the express rail--it still ends up winning a prize that nobody would be excited to claim.
Fantastic Four # 584
Written by Jonathan Hickman
Art by Steve Epting & Paul Mounts
Published by Marvel Comics
This is mostly wish-fulfillment cutesy shit, but that's pretty much what you're supposed to do with "Ben Grimm has a human body" stories. That way it hurts so much more when he turns back into a hideous freak, hated by God. There's only two blatant problems with it, the first being that Epting draws Jack Kirby as if the King's body is filling in for an off-Broadway version of Weekend At Bernie's (with Stan Lee taking Andrew McCarthy's AND the Single Guy's spot), and the second being the completely blown opportunity for Johnny Storm to have said something awesome like "you go let that girl read Braille off your flesh penis, Benji".
JLA The 99 # 1
Written by Stuart Moore & Fabian Nicieza
Art by Tom Derenick, Drew Geraci & Allen Passalaqua
Published by DC Comics
The French, Regarding The Cover
Huh. Kind of disrespectful for something like this to be sold in the same hemisphere as Ground Zero. Well, it's like BenRix always says: The shit, for the countries of the shit. Oh look Hawkman has a giant ass growing out of his arm
That's pretty fucked up
Secret Avengers # 6
Written by Ed Brubaker
Art by Mike Deodato
Published by Marvel Comics
Plaster some breasticles on the variant cover, set the info dump portion during a sexxxy massage sesh, it won't change the simple truth that some people are here for Moon Knight and Moon Knight alone. Sure, there's going to be people who might show up to see how Brubaker deals with the lack of a Fu Manchu license, there might even be an uptick courtesy of the curious Shadowland reader, hungry to find out what crybaby Chi calls himself now that he's lost the "Master" that was attached to his "Kung-Fu", but it's the Moon Knight fans who are keeping this sucker alive. Jesus said it on the cross: don't shit on who brung you.
Justice League Generation Lost # 12
Written by Judd Winick
Art by Fernando Dagnino, Raul Fernandez & Hi-Fi
Published by DC Comics
The appeal of this comic, one would surmise, would be the opportunity to continue reading something that people remember fondly, that something being the Justice League International stuff that got rolling in the late 80's. And while some of this is certainly that (the Rocket Red character still has his Yakov Smirnoff accent, and one recent plot featured cutesy 80's shit like a Voltron-ic assembly of Metal Men), the series now seems to be hewing a lot closer to a comic nobody remembers fondly (if they think of it at all), Extreme Justice. Extreme Justice is notable for being completely ignored (you'll notice that few people ever talk about the period of time when Booster Gold's body was kept alive by an armored suit that had the exact visual punch as a stack of microwaves) due to it being corny and horrible: which would make it right at home here, in a story called "The Cold Truth", which is about how long-time wallflower (WAIT FOR IT) Ice is actually responsible for the death of her father and a good portion of her extended family, had totally forgotten about it, and it all came rushing back when her costume got a requisite Superfluous Hardcore Update. Grimy!
The Bulletproof Coffin # 5
Written by David Hine
Art by Shaky Kane
Published by Image Comics
Yeah, so this thing isn't really going anywhere, but at least it looks nice while doing so. After a fashion, that almost seems like part of the point: appearance wise, format wise, publisher wise, Bulletproof sure looks like it's a serialized comic mini-series of the variety that Image occasionally puts out. And in the way Hine keeps presenting the same characters again and again, deepening some of them and violently removing others, it is. But on every other basic level, it's a comic whose value is in direct connection to how interested one is in looking at Shaky Kane drawings of people wearing poorly-fitted super-hero costumes (in the daylight, for the most part) as they go about the business of failing. Lucky day!
Teen Titans # 88
Written by JT Krul
Art by Nicola Scott & Doug Hazlewood
Published by DC Comics
Finally, after months of anticipation, readers around the world have gotten the chance to see what JT Krul really has to bring to the table. Up until now, you couldn't really tell what the cat could cook with--sure, there was Rise of Arsenal, but when it comes down to it, Krul hasn't been partnered up with anybody on the art details who you could charitably argue was considered "competent", or when he has been, those individuals only handled a few pages of one of his postmodern masterworks. In a neat stroke of the genius that has seen them win the hearts, minds and open wallets of America's comics readers, DC Comics spent the last couple of years destroying whatever goodwill the Teen Titans had left, and it was all apparently to prepare the ground for our man Krul's arrival, who is getting a chance to start off relatively clean. It's as if the restaurant down the block, the one that used to defecate on pictures of your Bible whenever you asked for a sandwich, decided to hire an all new staff. Sure, they still serve human feces, but now they do it faster, with embroidered napkins.
Incognito Bad Influences # 1
Written by Ed Bruabker
Art by Sean Philips
Published by Icon/Marvel
A new generation is growing up in our midst, a generation actuated by new ideas and new principles. It is serious and enthusiastic for these new ideas and its enthusiasm, even when it is misdirected, is, I believe, in the main sincere. But we are living in a skeptical and, if I may use the phrase, a thought-tormented age: and sometimes I fear that this new generation, educated or hypereducated as it is, will lack qualities of humanity, hospitality, of kindly humor which belonged to an older day.
Detective Comics # 870
Written by David Hine
Art by Scott McDaniel & Andy Owens
Published by DC Comics
Funny thing: if you have Scott McDaniel drawing a comic, that comic can include a massive death toll, and yet it won't seem overly serious or gloomy. Like this, for example. According to the text, nearly two hundred people died in the rioting and fighting that takes up the majority of the comics pages, all of them innocent people and police officers, and while some of those deaths are depicted, it still never seems like that big of a deal. Because...well, let's be honest, it isn't a big deal. When it comes to death, civilians in comics are like Mexicans in real life: nobody can be bothered to care. Happy birthday!
-Tucker Stone, 2010
Oh man. I dug the first three issues of Bulletproof Coffin a lot, but I'm reading them digitally, so I haven't read past that. Maybe the sixth will knock my socks off?
Posted by: david brothers | 2010.11.02 at 00:17
Not sure how an excerpt from Gabriel's speech in The Dead is in anyway applicable to the new issue of Incognito, but I LIKE IT
Posted by: Neill | 2010.11.02 at 00:20
What comes out of an arm-ass anyway? "This gentleman has digested Steve Rude" indeed.
Posted by: Jordan | 2010.11.02 at 00:39
If the only protection against nihilistic indifference is the mild humour provoked by occasional soaring incompetence I weep for the day yet to come when Krul is no longer a rare talent but a benchmark were all is measured. These are the special years.
Posted by: AComment | 2010.11.02 at 09:52
Huh. Totally missed that the new Icognito started up...
Posted by: LurkerWithout | 2010.11.02 at 11:00
Bulletproof Coffin... I don't know. I feel like I give it gold stars just for existing, more than being altogether very good. "Oh, there's a book like THAT again-- gold star to you. *Pat on head*." I'm happy when a new issue comes out and go out of my way to get one, and it's nice to look at, and they make up stuff, and it's nice to see the two kids from Hard Boiled get work, and I sure like that whole genre but...
It's just thin. It's thin soup. But I don't know-- maybe that's just my relentless negativity talking. Internet...
Posted by: Abhay | 2010.11.02 at 20:10
I dunno, I reckon that The Bulletproof Coffin's definitely heading somewhere, though I'm not sure exactly where that might be. Whatever the destination, I'm pretty caught up in the ride, as I blathered on about at length here:
http://mindlessones.com/2010/10/24/etched-headplate/
Bear in mind the fact that I'm an easy mark for this kind of comic, and that there mere thought of new Shaky Kane art makes my pants soggy.
Also, Tucker, man, your review of Incognito is officially the best thing about Incognito so far. Well, that and Sleeper. Your review and Sleeper are the joint best things about Incognito so far.
Posted by: Illogical Volume | 2010.11.03 at 08:55
Seriously though, new Shaky Kane art = I get soggy as a brown paper bag with a leaky carton of orange juice in it.
Also, bananas. Mushy, mushy bananas.
Posted by: Illogical Volume | 2010.11.03 at 09:01
Is the Thing a vampire now? That cover freaks me out, but mostly because I can't figure out what's going on with his left arm.
Posted by: Matthew J. Brady | 2010.11.03 at 13:20
Chad Carter directed me here from the Byrne Board!
great reviews - Chad wishes he was a writer but instead he packs boxes! he's a manly man!
Keep on keeping on Chadster!
Joe
Posted by: Joe Zhang | 2010.11.03 at 17:21
When you're in not good state and have got no money to move out from that point, you will need to receive the business loans. Because it should help you definitely. I take short term loan every single year and feel OK just because of that.
Posted by: BrookeAlford30 | 2011.07.02 at 04:52