My Wife: Finally Got Her Mitts On The King

So.....apparently it's slim pickings at the Comic Book Store this week?

Wait - that doesn't look anything like the comic book store!

Anyhow.....what I've got here is this comic book from 1983, called Galactus, The Origin. Here's the cover:

True that. The title, I mean. This is an origin story indeed. This is a comic that not only covers some back story, it spans "millenia" to do so. Pretty intense, if you ask me.

I'm gonna be completely honest with my reactions to this book here. First things first, it's printed on the old newsprint pages....and I just hate those. I'm sorry that I do. But seriously? I HATE them. The reasons are all tied up in childhood memories and doctors' offices and silly putty, various things that I barely understand myself, and couldn't explain if I was under orders. I just despise the way they look and I hate the way they feel. It's like looking at an old faded decal-iron-on tshirt. I find the coloring on newsprint unappealing...but more than anything, it's that texture the pages have. Uch. No, not "ugh". Uch! Ucccchhhhhh. Something about the texture rubs me the absolute wrong way.

How far does the hate go?

I don't touch the pages while I read them. I lay it down on a desk and only touch it to turn the pages. See? I know how weird that sounds. I'm only writing it here becuase I was told that was just too unusual to keep to myself. "You gotta write that down, that's fucking weird", were the exact words.

So yes, obviously, this was kind of a miserable experience for me, one that I just tried to get through as fast as I could. I didn't really pause to take in the art, because, you know, I just don't like the way it looks on this kind of page. And, unfortunately, that means that I finally got a chance to read a Kirby comic for the first time and I barely looked at the art. I'm ashamed to say it, but it's true. I'll look at his art in a collected edition or something and get back to you on that. Just know now that this was not an "oooooh, look at Kirby's art!" experience for me.

So ANYHOW, I suffered through it. For you? Sure, let's go with that. I went through this for you. So, speaking of old, color-bleeding, news print-y pages.....on the very first page of the book there's a frame of Galactus, above his name in giant red letters (the Title, of course), and he's, like, inside a ship that I guess is supposed to be transparent-ish glass. So, he's kind of blurry. Well, something about the way the colors have bled, or faded perhaps, makes Galactus look like a giant bear in a blue suit. Like an Ameri-Bear or something (don't look that up - I just made it up). Red head, red boots, blue suit, red paws. (Seriously - you can barely make out the hands). And so, of course I was like, "SWEET!!!  Galactus is a BEAR in a space suit!!!" 

He's totally not a bear in a space suit. How disappointing. Wouldn't that be an awesome comic? Like Teddy Ruxpin as super hero in outer space? Perhaps I'll just have to write a song about that guy.

So yeah. First disappointment - no bear! But then I start reading and the story is fun. It's really clever, this Taa world. I love the "thought-spheres" that are flying around. That idea, alone, made for a whole slew of really cool drawings. Taa sounds like a great place, and is spoken of with such love and passion that one, such as I, does get a little invested. So, there I am, kinda hooked. And everything is going fine. But now and then...as I'm reading what turns out to be a long, long, long narration (although, at least a lot of the action in this book IS drawn) I get "taken out" by a few things:

1. Exclamation Points
I'm a girl who likes to read with, uh, feeling. Yeah...when I was in the 2nd grade they thought I was a slow reader (a.k.a. unable to read, that's what "slow" means at that age) and so I was put into the special group that worked on the Phonics worksheets. But I aced 'em all and a year later was in the Gifted Program, so....way to go public school! But I digress. The reason for my slow reading is...I read with feeling. I express myself inside my head. It's true! My brain is like an opera! All the words get a part. Sometimes they get each other pregnant! So, as I'm reading this comic I started to notice how my heart is racing a little bit and I'm feeling a little stressed. And the reason is because every single sentence ends with an exclamation point! So, in my head, my voice is getting higher and higher pitched! Louder and louder! To maintain and accelerate the level of EXCITEMENT!!!  

I mean, dear Lord....I need a spa day just from typing those last 4 lines. It's too much! It is too much.

And so, I started losing my interest in the story because suddenly I'm obsessed with the story's punctuation. But somewhere along the line, they must have used a period or two, or possibly a question mark, because I started to calm down. And then suddenly, I'm taken out again. By this:

2. ILLOLL
ILLOLL is a name in the story. And you must type it in all caps otherwise it looks like this: Illoll. Yeah - what?!?!?  I'd read ahead and then just go back and look at the name and say it out loud. Say it with me: ILLOLL. Why is it so attractive to me... and then I realize that inside that lovely little name is the internet's favorite acronym, LOL. And now, I'm trying to read ahead, but all I can think of is possible words to put to the name/acronym ILLOLL:

I Love Laughing Out Loud, Loudy
I Laughed Loudly Out Loud Loudly
I, Like, Laughed Out Loud, LOL
Insane Laughter Laughed Out Loud Loudly
I Love Lucy or Loretta Lynn?

See what happened? You know you want to come up with a few of your own. Don't lie to me. I can see your face, liar. Don't LIE

So again, that died out.....and then the last thing that kinda took me away again were story related....is Taa II a spaceship or a planet? Wasn't the original Taa a planet? And wha....Glactus has to eat people to have energy? Are you trying to tell me that he destroys so that he can have the power to create? Ease up, bucko..  

I guess that's about it. I mean, except that I neglected to mention how much I loved seeing an ad for Bubble Yum.

I apologize for nothing.

-Nina Stone, 2012

Comments

[Kevin]

"He's totally not a bear in a space suit."
Here, then, are bears in spacesuits:
http://www.creasedcomics.com/art/classics-bears.jpg
http://creasedcomics.com/archive/bearstranuats.jpg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dyu7yevZRGw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7ELbHtgaoc

[Blorg Fleebo]

An Isaac Asimov science fiction novel about sentient LOLs.

That must've been what was going through Kirby's mind.

Kirby from Kirby's Dreamland I mean, not Jack Kirby.

[Zeke]

Was actually a fun read.