The Factual Opinion

Economist Versus Idiot: Your Blood, Their Rover

The World Last Week, In Blurbs

-Michael Sata, who used to be a porter at a London railway station, became the president of Zambia. I'm not sure how this will affect me emotionally the next time I have an opportunity to tip a porter, but at the same time, I do not usually travel with a lot of luggage.

-The Dalai Lama is super positive that he wil live to the age of 90, and he will wait to pick his successor until that point. China's thoughts on the issue are mean.

-Chris Christie still might be a contender for the Republican nomination, even though he keeps saying he would preference is to eat his weight in waffles.

-In keeping with their status as worst state in the entire country, Florida may throw their primary in January, which will do the country no benefit, while ensuring that you will have to hear assholes talk about who they won't be voting for way earlier than usual.

-Although the left wing has not taken control of the French Senate since 1958, all French people are liberal pussies, or at least, that's what my father has always said. If he's right, this is a meaningless change.

-The president of FIFA wrote a letter to the president of Brazil, and everybody got to read it, and it said "FIFA thinks all ya'll are a bunch of fuck ups", and now Brazil is pretty embarrassed.

-Mahmoud Abbas went ahead and applied for full UN membership, and now there's going to be a big vote to find out who Palestine's real friends are.

-Just to be clear, there's still a total civil war going on in Libya. I know that got boring really fast, but it's still happening. However, Eni--an oil company--got up and running again, despite the war thing.

-Berkshire Hathaway bought back some of its own stock, which is basically Warren Buffett's way of saying that he thinks he's awesome. He has a good track record!

-Houses in America keep going up in price, even though the sales figures keep going down. So it's neither a buyer's NOR a seller's market. It's not even a market! It's just a sad, empty place, where everything dies.

-Groupon had to delay their public stock offering for the umpteenth time because they had listed the money they have to pay other people as money they get to keep. How did they just now realize that wasn't okay?

Leaders (the opinion/editorial section of the Economist)

-The cover story--man, that's an ugly cover--is the Economist firing off a public/private message to the world's leaders, reminding them that fixing the global economy (i.e. Greece, i.e. deficits, i.e. Euros) has to take precedence over arguments about...you know, whatever the hell else it is they're talking about. A snoozer, this one, but the part where they look at America and say "yeah, nobody is really sure what the hell they're doing over there right now, but they should probably stop" is pretty great.

-Samsung gets doubled up on in this issue, so this initial leader is more of a blurby synopsis of that longer article. Basically, Samsung have moved from the "pretty successful" phase into their "supreme, God-rebuking" period of money-making. In a bit of a surprise move, they're going to be moving into solar panels, LED lighting, medical devices, biotech drugs and electric car batteries (while bringing $20 billion dollars of investment money with them) all because they realized selling people televisions and LCD screens is, on the long term, pretty boring. (Not joking!) The article gets even deeper cuts in--their cult of personality management style that revolves around legendary bonfire parties, an impossible to explicate ownership lineage hid behind the founding families, Samsung's country controlling tendrils of power that have forced legal pardons--and it's worth taking a look at, even if one's interest is purely prurient.

-Oh, did you hear? Einstein might be wrong! About what? Something. Something about things going faster than the speed of light. In your face, years of study! I got the INTERNET.

-It's really fun for us non-Russians to joke about the awesomeness of Vladimir Putin, because from basically every non-Russian place, the guy is a fucking riot--that hardcore trunk-like muscle carcass that he keeps shirtlessly exposes, all those yeah-i-got-a-facelift smile/snarls, and the most wtf horseback posturing you can find outside of white collar prison therapy sessions--and yet, no, this isn't really funny, is it? Even after years of knowing that he wasn't really going anywhere, full awareness that he told Dmitry Medvedev when he could flush the toilet, after months of assuming he was on the way back to the Presidential seat, now that it's finally happening, the audacity is almost too much to comprehend. This is nasty business, and this essay doesn't hold it's punches.

-Most articles about how "the internet should be free" are written by people who should talk less and bath more, but this one is pretty solid. Basically, it's just a reminder that you're going to have a bunch of new websites (ones with domain names like .xxx) to deal with pretty soon, and it would be best if China wasn't in charge of what you could do with them. It's not an Atari Teenage Riot song, but it wears the title of one with class.

-The closing leader is a report card on David Cameron, who the Economist thinks could do better, specifically at public-sector reform, but that he should also ease up some of his more extreme positions on spending. (They also want him to open a bank? I'm sorry, I'm just not up on Britain's economy these days.) Oh, and they want him to ignore the tabloids! I can agree with that. I'm certain they are poppycock. Tabloids so often are.

Letters (people writing to the Economist)

-All of the letters are wonderful this time, even the one where the guy who works at some hippie college in Berkeley writes in to say "hey, we're super hippie dippie out here in fucking Berkeley, pot smoke feminism equality sandals philosophy", but the best letter is the guy who wrote in to say "hey, I read where you said that dogs were better than cats, and I wanted to let you know I totally agree, because dogs rule/cats drool". People who write letters to say they agree with you are the best people in the world.

United States

-There's already one Keystone pipeline going through Nebraska, but TransCanada is readying their second, the Keystone XL. It's tar sands oil, coming out of Canada, and it's got Nebraskan Republicans teamed up with hardline environmentalists, proving that people can act like human beings with those they disagree with when there's actual shit going down. Bring on the fake alien attack, I say! We could all hug each other once more.

-Without money, the judicial system cannot function, and without the judicial system, where would the US end up? We might soon find out in places like California, Ohio, New York or Georgia. It's impossible to overstate how fundamentally idiotic it is for the current state of judicial bankruptcy to continue, so hey, get ready to be irritated.

-Another Congressional shutdown might be on the way, because hey, that method worked out so well the last time. November 18th is the day you should pummel yourself into a coma if you want to avoid hearing about it--that's when the next big brawl gets rolling again.

-If you only read one article about how the unemployed stats are getting better just because a bunch of unemployed people are no longer being labeled unemployed due to the length of time they've been without work, it probably won't be this one, because every form of news media has published one of these particular articles at least once a week for the last two years. If it is your first one, then hello: where have you been all my life? I have a couch.

-If you want to know why there isn't a National Slavery Museum in Virginia after 18 years of trying, you can start piecing together the story here, but the short answer is that corruption had sex with embezzlement and they had a baby named bankruptcy.

-The population numbers in New Orleans have yet to stabilize, to the point where it's as small as it was in 1910, when it was mostly swampland. Read more about those statistics, and some racism, here.

-The Economist has a firm anti-death penalty take most of the time, and they've the got the dial set for disgust in this article, which is about the recent decision in Texas to take away a prisoner's choice of last meal. I don't want to know people who get erections about taking away last meals. So tiresome.

-Lexington seems a little annoyed that he/she has to deal with the Republican presidential nominee question so early, and his final conclusion--that Democrats would prefer a battle between Obama and Rick Perry over a Romney/Obama contest, because Romney could win--is a bit rushed. Still: it's Lexington, and Lexington is always a pleasure.

The Americas

-How's about a breakdown of Brazil's weird recent history of football based criminality, much of it laced around the run-up to the 2014 World Cup? This is good old bloodless crime, a nice break from massacre based journalism. Thievery!

-Back in 2009, America started pushing Jamaica to extradite a powerful druglord. It wasn't until May 2010 that they finally went after him, and when they did, 73 people died in the process. The murder rate then fell by 40%. This article isn't about that--it's about the resignation a of Jamaican prime minister Bruce Golding, who oversaw the extradition--but man, it really should be, right?

-Chile imports 75% of its energy, sometimes from countries that have to stiff them when they run low themselves. They're running out of publicly acceptable places to put dams, Fukushima chilled their nuclear enthusiasm, and decent subsidies are required to make solar work. And two weeks ago, the power went out for half of the countries population. It was back in a few hours, but the future looks to be getting worse.

Asia

-Here's a dark quote for the history books: "We have no money. All we have are the crazies. So the crazies it is." That's a retired senior Pakistani official explaining why he believes his army will stay in bed with jihadists, no matter what Mike Mullen (and his hands, check this out) has to say about it. The article moves onto a more nuanced look at the Haqqani network, but it's that blunt quote that sticks.

-Japan may turn to Europe for their next jet fighters, now that America has banned the export of the elite F-22. The US bristles at the mere suggestion--Japan has bought fighters exclusively from American companies since 1960--but hey, that's what happens in a free market.

-The battle against the death penalty in Georgia may be out of our news cycle for a bit, but in India, the subject is a fresh one. This time around, it's because of the constant postponement cycle that has seen men languish for decades. (India has hung only one person since 1995, just to give you an indication.)

Middle East and Africa

-While Zambians once formed a single file line for the express purpose of kicking Chinese behind, they've now come to terms with the country, who are now the hungriest consumer of Zambia's chief export. (That would be copper.) Money doesn't just rule everything around, it also messes with one's emotions.

-Surprising everyone by showing up in the middle of the night, the President of Yemen got back home from sleepaway camp just in time to catch some more of the non-stop fighting that threatens to turn into a full scale civil war. This guy, you guys, this guy!

Europe

-The subtitle to this article about French governmental corruption (titled "Bad Smells") describes a "complex party-financing scandal", and I'll double down on that. Part of the reason that more finance people don't go to jail is that it doesn't seem possible to explain what they did wrong in less than 16 paragraphs. Huh?

-Although Charlemagne seems to have a grudging respect for Angela Merkel's steely patience, he/she also wants her (and Germany) to hurry up and and make something happen, as they've decided the wait-and-see game is "weakening growth". They also acknowledge the concerns of an earlier-in-the-issue letter writer, who warned about the tendency talks of panic have towards ensuring its existence. Merkel's always scared this magazine though, one might keep that in mind.

-It's unlikely that Alexei Kudrin rode on a white stallion named Heroism on his way back from Truth and Justice Mountain, but the fact that he responded to Dmitry Medvedev's demand for a retraction or resignation by saying, basically, "shut the fuck up and I'll let you know what I'm going to do when I feel like telling you, bitch" is pretty spectacular. (He resigned.)

Britain

-This is a continuation/expansion of the op/ed on what David Cameron should do to make the Economist happy. The short version of it would be a bunch of cheerleaders spelling out the words quantitative easing, as far as I can tell.

-Never heard of the Richard Scarry rule, check it out: it's never in the governments best interest to attack things that regularly show up in childrens books. Farming, firefighters, etc--it's your ass you're playing with. (The actual article is about how David Cameron is doing exactly that in his attempt to extract cash money from Britain's National Trust.)

-Man, I hope they put this one on the public part of the website: it's Bagehot's take-no-prisoners snarkdown on Ed Miliband. British people hurt fucking feelings, holy christ. "Baby-faced, panda-eyed policy wonk"...man. Cold-blooded. There's a serious article about what a loser they think the guy is as well. Then again, the Economist has always hated everybody in its own government.

International (the weirdo section)

-This is a longer look at the Internet Governance Forum, which was a recently held conference in Nairobi where the world's governmental officials had to share space with activists to discuss the future of the web. There was a large range of discussions at the thing, from who should be in charge of domain names to whether social media is really accomplishing all it claims to. The most interesting aspect is probably the equality with which everyone is allowed space--a Chinese diplomat has the same basic rights as a well-heeled activist. Of course, there's the whole plane-ticket-to-Nairobi bar to clear, but beyond that: freedom!

-The other big dog of the internet--in terms of money, in terms of traffic--is porn, which still controls the horizontal whilst showing you the vertical, no matter how many cam and clip sites show up to give it away. Here's a state of the XXX industry address, Economist style. (Third highest number of comments on their website, by the by. Only shark fin soup and Charlemagne interest the world more!)

Business

-This article on Amazon times out so closely to the Kindle Fire announcement that its hard not to see it as a public relations creation, especially as so much of it is well-known--Amazon is cheaper than most retail stores? who didn't know that?--but this was the first time I read how tiny (3-4%) their actual profit margin was, after investing so heavily in cloud computing. So read that part, I guess?

-Mediasift and Gnip: those are the names of the company who are making a shitload of money copying and pasting what you just said about Muslims on Twitter. So yeah, those awesome gags you're giving away for free? They make 30 grand a month emailing copies of 'em (along with thousands of other comments about what movies TBS is replaying right now) to their many happy customers.

-If you want a job that never goes out of style and always turns a profit (at least, until Jericho falls), start selling shit to rich people. Examples: a whole page worth.

-Global air-traffic management "is stuck in the 1950s", or so this article says. (It makes an excellent case for that being true!) The topic came up in Obama's recent jobs speech as being an area where more work could be had for electronics firms, and it's one environmental types could get behind as well, as better management would mean shorter flights, and shorter flights means less fuel. Still, there's a lot of agreements that have to be made first--what standards, and who watches them, for example--but hey, this might be the "big project" that makes a legacy. (Except for the fact that it isn't that sexy.)

-There's a lot of money in making and selling clothes to people who weigh more than people who don't mind going out in public to buy clothes. Ah, and water: that shit is totally wet.

Finance and Economics

-For those of you well-versed in currency divergence, prepare yourself to find your education duly rewarded: one, two. Neither of these articles made an impact on the pink stuff beneath the bone hat of your trusted associate, and yes, I'm feeling the shame.

-Some things change, some things never will: Buttonwood is the weirdest writer the Economist employs. This time around, he singles out Kate Winslet as the "gotcha" example of overly emotive actors desperate for awards, all for the purposes of making a tenuous "split personality" point about financial markets.

Science and Technology

-Physics gets double duty this time around, with an extensive look at why it's probably not a good idea to abandon America's largest particle accelerator (the Tevatron, which was turned off a little over a week ago), even the LHC has taken over the spotlight. The second, shorter article is about how the founder of Research In Motion (the Blackberry company) spent a quarter of his own personal wealth setting up the world's biggest institute for the study of theoretical physics. That's fucking awesome news.

-There's another place besides film criticism where the stay-at-home thinker remains king, that place is astronomy. Like bird-watching but less active, amateur lookee-loos stare at downloaded pictures, determining whether bright blip #29673922 is something special. For now, computers can't do it as well.

-This article about how we're all one step away from being a "little Hitler" will quench one's thirst for pithy conversation points to bring up at parties, but that's about it. Sometimes I wonder if that's why they get printed in the first place--it's useless information, but you could totally bring it up at an embassy party/corporate function and seem like quite the Renaissance individual.

Books and Arts

-Two Dickens books are coming out, one that focuses on his life up until he turned 26 (that's when he started signing his writings under his actual name) and another that goes cradle to grave. It's a positive review, and the best fact that gets yanked out is the part where Dickens, tired after a long day of writing, splashed himself with water, Rocky montage style, just to get out those final pages.

-In case you haven't heard, Julian Assange bailed on his own autobiography after the ghost writer had finished a first draft, so they went ahead and published it anyway. As the Economist points out, the guy is a bit of an "easy target", but that doesn't mean he isn't sort of interesting. The most jacked up anecdote has to be the part where he meets the biological father who abandoned him, only to see they share the same taste in books. Genes pulling jack moves!

-I don't know if this Grayson Perry guy's art is my thing, but I love the line "Men rationalize their love of aesthetic things under the guise of function." It's so true!

-Not a lot of books get censored by the CIA and still show up on the shelves, or at least, not a lot make that a selling point. Ali Soufan gets to have one, it's Black Banners. He's one of the guys who was in that room and said "that waterboarding shit isn't going to work, so fuck you, i'm out".

-Never read a Robert Harris book in my life, but apparently the explanation of hedge funds in his newest one turned on the lights at the home of the book editor over at Economist Central, so check it out if you've got an allergy to that Kramer guy.

Obituary: Tiger Patudi

-Tiger was a badass cricket player with one eye ("he saw two balls, and he hit the inside one") who inspired his country when they needed it. He was also a prince, the husband of a Bollywood star, and, according to the obit writer, an occasional sulking aristocrat.

-Tucker Stone, 2011

Economist Versus Idiot: The Hordes Of Jericho

No.

Yes. 

The World Last Week:

-One more time, because it never stops being funny: if you're a gay couple looking for a country to legally acknowledge and embrace your marriage, turn your eyes away from American shores, and take a gander at Argentina, formerly known as the number one sleepaway camp for Nazi war criminals.

-Islamic terrorists killed 76 people watching the World Cup in Uganda. It later came out that the people responsible are part of the same bunch of fuckers who use Somalia as a homebase for rape, murder and whatever other horrible things human beings are capable of doing to one another when they live somewhere that doesn't provide an exportable commodity that any of the rich countries want bad enough.

-Now that the news media has decided to include murder in Yemen on the feed, there's another body count to report--four security officers--courtesy of what was probably al-Qaeda.

-After years of dancing around it, the International Criminal Court formally added charges of genocide onto Omar al-Bashir, who was already facing previous charges of war crimes. If you're an al-Bashir fan, don't worry, he's still enjoying the fruits of violently stealing an election back in his built-on-evil palace. (Oh, and if you really are an al-Bashir fan, then you and me aren't ever going to share a banana split. I got me some dealbreakers on friendship, and that's one of 'em.)

-Israel is willing to feel bad about that thing on the flotilla, so why not forgive them for that rap video where they said they were totally happy about it? Dude, they FEEL bad.

-100 people dead after a bombing in Pakistan. Depending on where you've read about this story, you may or may not realize that this is a part of that war in Afghanistan which is actually still going on.

-Also in Afghan news, a member of the Afghan army killed three British soldiers. 

-In ineffectual UN Security Council news, the United Nations managed to condemn the sinking of a South Korean ship (that's 46 dead sailors) without saying the name of the people who sunk it. That country would be North Korea, and the guys who strongarmed the UN (which isn't very hard, if we're being fair) would be China.

-In non-dead-people fights, Fiji and Australia can't stop yelling at each other in public when meetings get cancelled.

-Fidel Castro can still pull some ratings when he shows up on television! Man, that guy is going to outlive everybody. And yet communism still doesn't work! Weird.

-Brazil is going to build a high-speed rail between Sao Paulo and Rio, which is good news for those of you who like it when incredibly hot women with forward thinking ideas about physical intimacy are more easily reachable.

-Barack Obama dug Jacob Lew up and named him budget director. The last time Lew left the job, America had a $236 billion dollar surplus! (Then we went to war with two other countries and fucked our economy into getting that disease Val Kilmer had in Tombstone.)

-That New Orleans story. You know that one? Jesus Christ.

-The Economist doesn't seem very interested in the 12 Russian spies story, but then again, I've always been suspicious about their feelings towards espionage.

-Nicolas Sarkozy held a press conference to say he ain't no bribe-taker. Does anybody over the age of 12 still believe those kinds of statements?

-It's kind of interesting how France can be considered the epitomy of liberal thought by a huge portion of the American populace while "overwhelmingly" voting to make it illegal for its female citizens to wear Islamic veils. It's almost like believing and making blanket statements about what other people do might not always be backed up by easily findable factual evidence!

-I care as much about what happens to Roman Polanski as I do about any super-rich celebrity who escapes criminal charges by flying all over of the fucking world like he's the Catch Me If You Can guy.

-China let Google get up and running again. They came to an agreement, which probably means that Google figured out a way to let the Chinese government have access to everybody's email.

-I can't be the only person who feels creeped out everytime they hear news about the "Oneworld alliance" between airlines, can I? That's a conspiracy nut's migraine if I've ever seen one.

Leaders:

-As the census taking draws to a close, many other countries (as in, nearly all of them) are looking forward to shutting it down for good. Besides being ineffectual, it's also redundant, what with all those Orwellian computer records they have nowadays. (Hell, Google could probably whip up a better American census by tomorrow morning if there was any money in it.) Of course, "nearly all" leaves somebody out of the equation, and that somebody is, of course, the USA, who have it in the Constitution for some arcane reasons that boring people can tell you all about. (By the way, remember this percentage: 0.7 %. That's the amount of people in Britain who claim to be Jedi Knights.)

-God knows how many times the phrase "Diet of worms" has been used to describe problems in the Japanese parliament, but when something is gross, it really never loses its sting. And yes, there really is a new party called "Your Party" which managed to eke out some seats in the last election. That'll be a fun one to scream at rallies. If you're aching for another article where the Economist takes shots at the Japanese government for being old, then here you go.

-How far you go with the Economist's argument about how the European banking authorities should handle their upcoming "stress tests" depends wholly on whether you agree with their perception of the way America handled their own versions of the same. 

-Let's you and me talk about global monetary policy and inflation rates all night long, you sexy thing. I'll rub you with oils, you'll turn your head and mutter "America's recovery faces the headwind of expiring fiscal stimulus at a time when underlying inflation has already slipped to around 1%", and as you're saying that, a probing finger will catch tenderly along the taco of my ass, and I'll know, and you'll know, that we're meant for each other. I love you so much.

-The cover and initial leader on change-by-death Middle East stuff is just priming the pump reading, only interesting if you find it necessary to read the same thing three times, in various degrees of quality. The op/ed that serves as starter is pretty meager, although there's some solid sarcasm to be found regarding an old man who will die soon. ("Plenty more where he came from" is a phrase that always comes out of nowhere.)

-And here it is, the second article on the way the Saudi succession has operated and will probably operate in the future, when old Mumbling Joe finally meets the mortal reward we all face, i.e. a fresh dump in the pants and a ten penny nail full of formaldehyde in the jugular. Man, that's a weird sentence. He seems like an okay dude, maybe that's why American presidents always kiss him on his old man face. Shit, there's another one! Rusty, me.

Letters

-Most of the letters are from the heads of organizations that the Economist criticized in previous issues, but the real disappointment is to be found in the bold heading that says "The threat of the internet". You see a heading like that, and you get all excited--maybe this is it! Maybe this is the one where some elderly person is going to tell some really creepy story about how she used to build thoughts and facts out of the weavings her mule helped her imagine-ate, and that story will have parallels in a classic "computers are cruel mind puddles" conclusion!

But then you read it and it's just somebody in Switzerland saying something neutral (no joke!) and another guy who makes a Jerry Seinfeld style joke about Microsoft that was probably edited to remove the "Am I right? You know what I'm saying?" conclusion.

United States

-Here's your requisite Democrat/Republicans fighting article, this one focusing on the OUTRAGE over Obama giving Donald Berwick the job of heading up the Centres for Medicare & Medicaid Services. Hey, wait a second! That's CENTERS for Medicare & Medicaid! Now, don't get it twisted: I'm aware that the British prefer their spelling, but when you're using the actual name of an organization, you have to use that organization's preferred spelling, even if it causes you to spill your tea and grab your monocle! (PS: this article is the same as these Republican/Democrat fight articles always are, meaning your current political beliefs will determine what you get out of it, so hey, why not skip it and think about kissing for a little bit? I think about kissing at least five minutes of everyday, and it always makes me feel warm inside.)

-Man, I just gotta quote this sentence from the first paragraph of this article about California's current attempt to legalize marijuana by way of taxation.

"Oaksterdam University in Oakland is today unique in the world as a sort of Aristotelian lyceum in the study of all aspects--horticultural, scientific, historical--of the weed."

If the hideous, unconscionable carnage that America's consumption of marijuana has wrought throughout Mexico weren't enough to make me feel pleasantly superior about not smoking weed anymore, that sentence (and the paragraph I ganked it from) would do the trick quite nicely. But then I remember the oil and electricity I waste, and I'm torn: who aren't I fucking over?

-Looks like the Economist can dick around and write about George Steinbrenner with the best of them. Here's a cute trick, I learned it from reading Gay Talese and Studs Terkel: you can write one of these "he represented New York better than you, fuckface" articles about absolutely anyone, including a part-time garbage man, it just depends on whether you're willing to go outside for a little while. Or you can just google shit and write about Steinbrenner. Your call!

-The Economist doesn't preen around and say "told ya", but if you remember their gay marraige issue, you can feel it behind the curtains of this article about how much quieter the fight over gay-rights has become on the "we must protect marriage" front. Worth remembering: sometimes you don't have to prove the other side wrong, you just have to distract them with something they care about more than they do other people's sex lives. Easiest way to do that? Take away their job and evict them from their house.

-This story about an Iranian who might be a genius conman, or might just be lying in an attempt to save his life, or might just be crazy? Yeah, it's got too many "might bes" in it, but that might be the point? Like, you could clean it up and argue a specific interpretation, one that works for a cable news program, but doing so would require you to ignore a bunch of shit. Like facts.

-Lexington turns in one of those--oh, I should mention that this is new Lexington, by the way. He/she changed again, I'm guessing the last one didn't work out due to propensity for sucking? New kid seems strangely familiar, maybe its the return of the once and future? Maybe it's an algorithm. Anyway, this is one of those cutesy columns that reads like it follows the journalistic philosophy of the Nation, wherein you write an article proposing something that would make common sense, but you do so as if common sense mattered anymore, and you do this as obnoxiously as possible. It's a little naive and back-patty, but that's probably the point? It's about "greatness".

The Americas

-Although Brazil has laws in place that prevent the country from giving financial aid to other governments, they're backflipping their way into becoming one of the key aid-giving countries in the world. Sometimes, they're doing it for their own benefit, with attempts to convince upcoming nations to eventually purchase ethanol, which Brazil is better than any other country at providing, but for the most part, it just seems like they love peoples and want to spread some smiles. (Too extreme? Probably.)

-Jamaica has the second highest murder rate in the world, while St. Kitts and Nevis have the third. At the risk of sounding callous, the first thing I thought when reading that they're bringing in the pros from dover (in the form of foreign police chiefs) was that I hope they show up on a military helicopter dressed like Arnold's team from Predator. Also: since when did I care about being callous?

-Hey, guess who is still doing illegal shit and pissing people off? Hugo Chavez is, that's who! (Technically, it's only illegal if you remember the laws that existed prior to him wiping them out of existence, whiteboard style.)

-Carlos Menem is a snake in the grass! Go catch him!

Asia

-Nobody talks that much about Julia Gillard, which is sort of depressing/awesome. She doesn't have kids, she doesn't give a shit about religion, is unmarried (with a four year boyfriend), and she's the prime minister of Australia. On one hand, it's awesome that this isn't a bigger sexist hype deal outside of Australia, and on the other hand, it's sort of depressing how her name never comes up when they do those "can woman, you know, do shit?" articles. Maybe her politics are all fucked up or something, like she thinks cat-eating gives you night vision.

-It would be a lot easier to get behind the UN's nasty tiff with Sri Lanka (over last year's brutal, and justly named, war crimes) if it wasn't coming down the same week when the UN bent over backwards to appease North Korea over murdering 46 sailors.

-Keith Colquhoun wrote books, wrote obituaries for the Economist, and wrote about Asia. He seems like the sort of man anybody would have broken their spine to work with, and he passed away.

-Although the current Banyan has now outlasted changes of the guard on some of the other columnists, he/she still reads like the new kid. Obsessively trying to play the neutral card with a take on the upcoming Chinese celebration of the invasion of Tibet, but failing consistently, this is one of those cases where you pine for some of that Lexington blow-hard-ily. Take a stand, Banyan. It is an op/ed, after all.

Middle East and Africa

-France isn't the only country carving out a line against the Muslim facial veil. Syria--yeah, Syria--is going after it as well. There's some pretty active feminist organizations that are a part of it, but the main proponent on the anti-veil side is the Baathist government, who are terming their quieter version of the fight as a battle against Muslim fundamentalism.

-Things are starting to quiet down in Lebanon, so why not get a bunch of people together and convince Thomas Friedman to move back there? He can wander around and irritate people, maybe even take the time to write another book about how much he loves the place so much that you keep expecting to turn the page and see the sentence "and so I married it."

-Jacob Zuma told his people they couldn't blame apartheid for their woes, some of them responded by saying that they weren't sure what that had to do with the country spending so much money building football stadiums they'll probably never use again.

Europe

-Charlemagne doesn't always work for me, but he did this week, boy howdy. (I've never used that phrase before, I'm trying it out.) His column focuses on explaining something that Americans probably don't fully grasp, which is that Europe's tendency towards limiting the work week and lowering the retirement age came not out of laziness or me-me-meism, but from a general belief that these were the goals of a civilized society when they had escaped the basics of food/shelter problems for a large enough group. Throw a hand to the unfortunate, and try to get to a place where most people didn't have to work crazy hours. Take longer vacations. Chill the fuck out. It's a solid piece of wistful writing, even when it smacks of a little bit of blind optimism.

-Italy arrested 320 criminals at once, basically. It's mafia stuff, but that's way too many arrests for a Rolling Stones music montage, so don't expect a movie out of this one.

-German switched their terms of military conscription from nine months to six, leading many to argue that they're heading towards getting rid of it entirely. The article presents compelling arguments on both sides, saying that the costs (both financial and labor) of training new soldiers for such short periods of time is vastly counter-productive, while acknowledging that a lot of their best soldiers are people who wouldn't necessarily have chosen to be there in the first place. After the initial article, there's a short piece about what effect the 9-to-6 change will have on the conscription substitute (you can refuse enlistment and do charity work for the same length of time). This is pretty fascinating. Sorry it doesn't have any dead bodies in it.

Britain

-The Economist's review of the marching/riot season in Belfast is fine, assuming that it's accurate and truthful, but what's more interesting is seeing the Economist go so far in their not-so-subtle criticism of the manner in which the television arm of the news media distorts the facts on the ground for the purpose of entertaining viewing. (There's no excuse for phrasing like "was televisually irresistable", but those sorts of things are not exactly unexpected.) It's not unusual for this publication to criticize its sisters, but the manner in which they do here is--because the writer is clearly operating from a place where you've long accepted this view of television. It's certainly not a unique view--because it's also totally accurate--but the Economist usually plays these sorts of things a lot more professorial. No longer, it seems.

-It's hard enough to keep up with America's health care woes, but if you've got the brainspace and feel like putting it to work, here's a nice long breakdown on what the Brits are looking to do on their end of the doctor spectrum. In a choice slice of Not Selling Me On Taking The Time, they illustrated the article by showing an exhausted doctor rubbing his eye with the palm of his hand. I felt sorry for him, but then I realized he's wearing a super-expensive tie.

-Bagehot is usually a breath of over-the-top fresh air, but this time he's just built himself a pillow fort of things I can't even kind of agree with in theory and then made those things fight each other for sustenance. It's not offensive or stupid, it's just weird and impenetrable. Rule of thumb: if you can dump a quote from Sartre into every single one of your paragraphs and the entire thing still reads exactly the same, you need to try again, later. After you've pulled your head out of your ass and gotten off the internet.

International

-There's a lot of things that have been completely ruined by advancing technology (except sex, sex is still wicked fucking perfect), but the gains have easily outstripped the losses. Still, you can't help but read this article about how the espionage game is losing so much of its luster without tearing up a bit. Someday, you're going to give your son a copy of the Day of the Jackal, which is a perfect book, and he's going to get halfway through it and say "this is ridiculous, so unbelievable" and you won't be allowed to strangle him, because he'll be right.

-Mexico has spent the better part of the last two decades breaking hearts, especially if you can remember the not-that-long-ago time period when the murder rate wasn't approaching collapsed nation status, so finding out how well a new rental bikes for commuters program is going is pretty decent news. (This article is stuck in the hinterlands of the International section because three of the sentences mention other, non-Mexico places.) Unlike every other country where rental bike programs have started, only one bike has been stolen, out of 1200, after 200,000 separate trips. Compared to everywhere else in the world, that's fucking amazing.

-If you're planning on dying, you'll want to take a look at this chart and make sure you live in one of the countries where they handle the Big Sleep really well. If you're not planning on dying, well. You better get started, sister. turn around

Business

-Oh, so there is a business besides newspapers that can't make being online a profitable enterprise: grocery shopping. This article doesn't mention Fresh Direct, focusing instead on UK based ventures, but the basic problems are all the same. (But by not acknowledging Fresh, it does leave you wondering if they're suffering the problems to the same degree as their UK brothers.)

-They roll out these articles about transitional problems in the television industry every couple of weeks. This time, they flavor it by focusing on remote controls and onscreen menus, but it's still the same as it ever was.

-The Economist is the last place one should go for iPhone related articles tied into current events--those stories move far too quickly for weekly installments--but just in case you didn't hear about the antenna screw-ups, here's a breakdown. Points removed for even including the "this is just like Toyota" comparisons some idiots have recently made. Since when does a journalist have to include a head nod to the crazy fringe? (No bones about it: if you're comparing death-causing incompetence to a rushed, shit job on antenna placement, then the guy you're standing next to is wearing a tin-foil hat.)

-Before reading it, I was pretty sure I didn't care about the financial suffering that French gambling casinos are going through, and after reading the article, I was happy to find out that I know myself, which is half of the battle. (I had to look that phrase up, and that made me sad.)

-I still haven't gotten used to Schumpeter, the unknown business columnist. Like Banyan, it seems like the branches were bare on the naming tree, and he/she is opening columns with Village People stories--this just doesn't feel right. (It's actually a pretty decent column on the places where charities do things better than business, but still: the Village People?)

Finance & Economics

-Aw shit, guess who showed up, long after everybody else including my know-nothing neighbor who orders sex the way David Brothers orders Amazon, to admit that banks made more money than they should have over the last few decades? Why, Buttonwood, that's who! This is why you don't get a full page, joker.

-Leave it to the Economist to open an article about Hong Kong by asking whether the institution of a minimum wage will eventually destroy its famed status as free-market wonderland. This is why so many libertarians get called crazy, by the way. Because when you take some of this shit too far, you end up in a place where you're saying "hell, why can't six year olds work in a garment factory? I don't want no gubber-ment telling me how to run my shop."

-Leave it to Matt Taibbi to blaze a trail that all will follow (which is a good thing, because I'd like the Economist to take acid and interview former scumbags while wearing a bear suit), with this article, which is where the Economist breaks down a little bit and starts talking shit about Goldman Sachs. As a reminder, you can never talk too much shit about Goldman Sachs. (Well, you should actually make sure that you talk the most shit about people like Mugabe and other serial killing dictator scumfucks, but Goldman Sachs can totally be your number two.)

Science & Technology

-Oh, if you're into the Terminator film series--which better be a yes, because otherwise you've handicapped your life's capacity for sweet, sweet pleasure--then you'll definitely want to learn more about the just released "Taranis", which is the first in a new line of drone fighters with the capability of fighting back against other drone fighters, and maybe even manned aircraft as well. There's more of these to come, so get ready to discover how little your political differences with others really matter. Fighting the machines: it will unite us all.

-Some scientists got together and did a study and they figured out that wearing five-inch heels causes pain! Does that mean that, up until now, scientists heard the complaints of women with a suspicious ear? After all, they didn't get their proof until a scant few weeks ago. Now, I'm no scientist, but I have spoken to women before, and I'm pretty sure this is a subject that a few of them have brought up. I just figured they were telling the truth! I didn't realize they were running their mouths with a bunch of shit that wasn't backed up by some hard science.

-There's a lot of information here about the changes going on in air conditioning technology, and while most of it will probably take years to trickle down to people like you or your next door neighbors, rest assured, you'll save some money on your electric bill sometime in the future, maybe, as long as you're alive and not fighting robots.

-The first part of this article about the possible evolutionary link between menopause and the rewards of a solid grandmother is interesting, but it's the bottom paragraphs on aphid communities that has what Tupac Shakur once called "the Juice". When you try to invade an aphid community--you need to imagine you're an insect invader for the "you" to work--you're swarmed by a bunch of old aphids, who keep you out and protect the nest. Those swarmers are all old female aphids incapable of having children. In the place where their baby-makers should be, they've got a gut-full of wax, and that's the weapon they use to teach you your fucking place. I dub this story MINDBENDER.

Arts

-The Economist really liked Inception, so much that they said it could be a "rousing Star Wars episode for smart people of all ages."

-It won't hit the US until August, but the Oxford Book of Parodies is already out in Britain. Sounds like a nice piece of charming surprises--I wasn't aware that the poems in Alice In Wonderland are mostly parodies of authors whose fame died with them--but it also sounds like a book whose pleasures are limited to the extremely well-read, especially those with a poetry background. That's too bad. I can't remember the last time I met a poet who had anything remotely approaching the popular definition of a sense of humor, and that's a requirement for enjoying parody.

-The problems with a surplus of choice are pretty well documented by theorists and anecdotal handymen, so it's probably going to be Renata Salecl's point of view that decides whether her book on the subject is worth reading. Too bad that the Economist so neatly fails to present a decent explanation of what that point of view is in the course of reviewing her book. After all, who wants to get suckered into another 224 pager that results in a conclusion that dictatorships and a government sponsored limitation of options are the best result for the beleaguered shopper, lost in the sea of confusion that comes with trying to pick out the hand soap that bests completes them?

 Obituary: Beryl Bainbridge

-A writer, one whose work I don't know. She smoked Camel Lights, lots of them, and she always carried a bone-handled carving knife whenever she took a walk. Those are things I can respect, they're charming and interesting, as is the description of how she worked. "Her protagonists were now mostly men facing dreadful deaths"--that's a killer. The rest of this memorial is good: lost, poignant, perfect.

-Tucker Stone, 2010

Disclaimer: most of these links will not work, as the Economist keeps a lot of its work behind a pay wall after a certain length of time.

Economist Versus Idiot: Your Prize Is A Tight Fit

The World Last Week

-Despite an absence of support of a million and one self-important Americans on Twitter, Iran went ahead with trying to have a revolution. On top of the death and demonstrations, the clerics in power saw their own disagreements made public knowledge.

-Concerns about how a dude got explosives on a plane saw Barack Obama empowering a task force of investigation. Their initial report was turned in within the hour, as their initial report consisted of a hamburger wrapper with the word "EASILY" written in Sharpie black.

-Nigeria banned open-air preaching, a group of Muslims went ahead anyway, cops got involved, and 38 people died.

-After seeing how well UN sanctions have worked in Cuba and Iraq, the United Nations threw that card down for one more rodeo, this time in Eritrea. (Eritrea has been helping out some of the local militias in Somalia, a country that the UN has a long history of talking-lots-of-shit-about.)

-While South Korea may have beaten Japan, France & America in the race to see who gets to build four nuclear reactors in the United Arab Emirates, word has it that the French "didn't really care that much in the first place" and "wouldn't have built it anyway, because you guys are all a bunch of assholes."

-In an attempt to maintain a sense of open dialog with the American public and its leaders, some members of the US government voted in favor of a health care reform bill over the Christmas holidays, a time period when Americans are well known for paying attention to things happening outside of their living room.

-Besides health care, the US Treasury promised to help out Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac with whatever they needed, like, forever, whatever you two want, you got it, you want the fillings in my grandmother's teeth? Hand me the pliers and a shovel, that is no trouble whatsoever, I will dig her up and yank them out of her skull, I am your boyfriend for life. This wasn't the only Mae/Mac story of the week, as the Wall Street Journal also pointed out that Fannie & Freddie had done a bang-up job of lying about a huge portion of the subprime loans they had on the books.

-Although 2009 was supposed to be the year we stopped hearing about Columbia's FARC guerrillas, they popped right back up again and killed a governor.

-Also in "this is still horrible" news: during a government raid in Mexico, a soldier and a drug-trafficker died. Right after the soldier's funeral, the drug gang came for revenge, killing four of the guy's relatives, including his mother. The war in drugs: it's not just about putting African Americans in jail for overly long sentences in numbers disproportionate to how many of them there are in the country, it's also totally about a soldier's mother being murdered by the same people who killed him, right after she buries her him.

-Argentina, the same country that opened its shores to escaped Nazi war criminals back in the good old days, became the location for the first gay marriage in Latin America. Nothing smarts like getting morally outpaced by the chosen retirement home of genocidal bags of shit.

-Croatian voters gave the middle finger to the current ruling party in the first round of their presidential election.

-Basel came back with tougher banking regulations than bankers expected, but "came back" just means they published a consultation document. So it's not a rule yet. It's a wish list.

-China executed a British man for heroin smuggling, making it the # 1 country for the eventual reboot of the Midnight Express franchise.

-India arrested a Pakistani American for involvement in the Mumbai terror attacks, realized that they might need to tighten up their tourist visa rules due to his travel history, did so, and people complained about it.

-An 84 year old man had a four way--that's three woman and him--and some television station showed pictures of it on the air. Since he was a governor of an Indian state, he had to resign. And even though everybody was really disappointed in him, there were quite a few people who turned to their buddy at the bar and quietly said "shit, a four way?"

Leaders

-The cover feature of the Economist's post-holiday issue: it's a put-something-in-the-can article. It's not time-sensitive for the same reason that the magazine is a good 40 pages shorter than usual, but that doesn't make it bad. Actually, there's nothing negative to be said about it all--it's a terse shakedown of the current status of women in the workplace, complete with the positive (women are set to cross the 50% threshold in a few months) and the negative (women are disproportionately absent from the top jobs, don't make enough money, mothers are roundly fucked over, part of the statistics are due to the fact that men are losing their jobs at a higher rate). Skirting past social/feminist analysis for the most part, reserving most of the ire for the treatment of mothers, it's an educational piece worth checking out. There's a later article, a longer one, about coping with this development. I tried to read it, but it was really hard to imagine a way in which it would affect me personally. So I gave up and thought about how scary it would be to have a period for a couple of hours. It would be scary!

-Besides those two, there's an actual "let's all have an argument, as long as your wife cooks the pies" piece, this one a column about successful women in business like Dong Mingzhua, who responds to questions about how women can be successful in the workplace by saying awesome shit like "I never miss. I never admit mistakes and I am always correct". The column is a general attack on some of the theories of "new feminism", and while the tone seems to be overly dismissive to the point of inaccuracy--it's sort of unbelievable that there's this many companies in the world adopting some of the bonehead shit that the writer argues against--the conclusion is strong. Dong Mingzhua makes a shitload of money for her shareholders, she's really good at her job. As long as she isn't eating babies out of a bucket in the boardroom, there's no reason imaginable why she should be expected to embrace a bunch of gender workshop ideals, ideals she didn't need to get where she is today.

-Columbia won't be holding their presidential election until May 30th, but one of its primary factors--whether or not the current president, Alvaro Uribe, can run for a third term--is to be decided in the next few months. The Economist doesn't want to wait, and they've written what is, essentially, a personal letter telling Uribe to back off and agree to walk away after his second term is up.

-Iran's recent firestorm of violence--firestorm might be an exaggeration--sees another "don't know what's going to happen, sure is crazy anyway, let's call it good news" leader article from the Economist. God bless 'em for trying, but it sure would be nice to have somebody on the ground floor producing more fact-based information than this meandering attempt at turning unknown situations into tarot cards. Op ed can be great, but this is pure speculation.

-Copenhagen's climate change summit wasn't what the optimists had hoped for, but it wasn't as bad as the pessimists expected. The possibility of agreements between the major economic powers and the rising ones saw an uptick, and that's a good thing. The niggling factor remains in what the US Senate decide later this year, how bad China wants to help out, and, of course, whether any of these actions will be quick enough to stave off a disaster that may have already begun.

-It being 2010 and all, the Economist seems to have decided that now is the time to start referring to Japan's "lost decade" as a double header--at some point, they'll just have to ditch the whole "last" thing, which implies a future change, and just start calling Japan's new economy what it is, a bad one. Maybe? But underneath the concern, this little piece is about how Western economies have learned as much as they can from the way Japan tried to deal with its economic crisis, and they're now entering new territory. From here on out, it's try it and see.

Letters

-Most of the letters column is eaten up by people arguing about whether climate change is in crisis, whether carbon taxes are preferable to carbon trading, and it's about as HIGH VOLUME BIG WORDS as those debates always are. Being an Economist letters column doesn't make that much of a difference, it might up the class of the debate, sure, but it's still "you're wrong" versus "no, you're wrong". Then there's some stuff from a union president about how unions are good, some stuff from a Baroness about how British people don't like inherited privilege--wait, a baroness? irony!--and finally, a piece of boring trivia about the history of violin construction. All in all, it's so much the standard letters column that it's almost parody.

United States

-In "what's wrong in Chicago" updates, apparently the city needs help defending itself against Asian carp. And while that sounds...well, it sounds stupid, that doesn't make it any less of a problem. Besides screwing up fisheries and damaging the ecosystem, fixing the problem requires mass poisonings (that aren't working on the carp, but kick ass with everything else), expensive electrical barriers, and a possible overhaul of the sewage system for the entire city. Seriously, Matthew J. Brady: my couch. It's always available. Get out now!

-Americans ain't moving around like they used to move around back when the economy wasn't swimming in the toilet with Chicago's sewage and too many Asian carp. Read all about it!

-If you only plan to read one article about how America's various intelligence agencies bent over and fucked themselves in their own mouths when it came time to save Detroit from a terrorist who lit his pants on fire, than I'm sorry that I was a week late in providing you a link to this one, because I'm certain you would have found it entertaining to know that all that Orange Level, Green Level, no more shampoo bottles bullshit didn't work out so well. Maybe we should just make sure there are quick thinking 23 year olds on every flight from now on? Would that help? Seriously what's it going to take for the fucking twerps at the CIA and FBI and TSA to actually work together, you know, "doing their jobs" and all? Are we going to have to crash a couple of planes into the World Trade...oh, wait, that already happened! Let me know when you crawl out of your asshole, will ya? I've got to put this fist somewhere.

-Hawaii is having a tough time dealing with a collapse in tourism, which is the basis for their economy. Man, I've been to Hawaii. And being homeless and broke does suck. But being homeless and broke in Hawaii? Look, you're thinking it too. Don't lie to me.

The Americas

-Here's a good case for the Economist going a bit too far with the title of an article: "Adapt or Die", subtitled "Reforming Canada's Senate". Immediately, one would think that Canada's Senate chamber is in danger of "dying" in case it doesn't "adapt". And you know what, it totally might be. The article mentions a bunch of different people, notably the prime minister, wanting for the Senate to change. Heck, one group even wants to abolish it! Geez, it must be all kinds of sick! But then you get to the end of the article, and you wonder: hey, what exactly is the problem with the Senate? How should it be reformed? There's a mention of term limits and advisory elections, along with a mention of hoped-for radical changes. Doesn't really work, guys.

Asia

-Waziristan is the area of Pakistan that joins the country to Afghanistan--this article calls it the "hinge", that's pretty much spot-on. It's a tribal area, and the writer of this piece has dubbed it the headquarters of terror, although that's clearly a definition that he (or she, although probably he, since the article involved intimate, on-the-ground discussion with the Taliban, and they're--you know, not into women so much) isn't using that as an official term. It's a good, extensive article about the place, one that touches on a history that hasn't changed a whole lot---there's a quote from over a century ago, when a British viceroy recommended running the "military steamroller" through Waziristan completely, if peace was the goal. Don't expect to fantasize about a vacation home, but don't expect Apocalypse Now, either.  

-An expanded edition of two blurbed stories on the front page, this article about China's recent holiday presents make for interesting reading, but if you ignore the "not since 1950" aspect of China's execution of a European citizen, they aren't that unusual. A dissident who was getting too successful, now incarcarated. A drug smuggler's death sentence, carried out. (Admittedly, Gordon Brown's vocal opposition to the execution does make the case for this one being different, but considering how often China executes prisoners, it wasn't unlikely they'd eventually hit upon a European, and even less surprising that the deceased probably didn't get a fair trial.)

-Steve Coll--who might be this idiot's favorite journalist, although Dexter Filkins is a ten foot tall cyclops who shits fire--wrote a book years ago about how running Pakistan turns people into some paranoid ass motherfuckers. The book is old, and while much of the Pakistani landscape might have changed on the ground, the game hasn't: you gotta have an iron will and a trusty security force if you want to be a top dog on the Silk Road.

Middle East and Africa

-The Eastern African Community is made up of Burundi, Kenya, Rwanda, Tanzania & Uganda. Sometime this summer, it looks like those five countries will start exporting and importing from one another without tariffs, a major step in what the EAC hopes will eventually become an economic revitalization. There's a lot of hoops left, the benefits can't be evenly distributed (Kenya's way ahead of the rest when it comes to manufacturing), but it's still good news for five countries that often find the stuff in short supply.

-Besides providing that Nigerian bomber a home since August, Yemen has seen a hellaciously bloody tribal rebellion, a strong al-Qaeda contingent working to bring about global jihad, and American-intel sponsored bombing raids amongst a populace who may not be interested in Western interference. Sound familiar?

Europe

-Although it's never funny when the Turkish military plots to assassinate a political leader, it's hard not to smirk when a member of the cabal gets busted trying to eat evidence. (Since the story frames it as "tried to eat the piece of paper", the implication is that the hungry man failed--somebody stuck their fingers in his mouth, one assumes?) While some of the plotters may have gotten away with it, most evidence points to this one being a win: it's the first major operation carried out against the military by civilian officials since a 2009 law was passed that allowed military criminals to be tried in civilian court, and some of the leaks may have come from army men breaking rank with the criminals in their midst.

-Want to read an article scolding Angela Merkel for...you know, doing stuff that that the Economist doesn't like? No? No?! It's okay, I find these kinds of articles pretty repetitive as well. I won't think any less of you. Shit, I doubt I could. I've been trying for weeks.

-Okay, that was mean. Here's some good news from the Balkans. Don't get a lot of that, do we?

Britain

-Here's an odd development: Poland accounts for over half of Britain's extraditions to Europe. If you break the law in Poland--even if it's stealing a piglet, a chicken or a cupboard door, and yes, that's three of those extradited people--Poland will track you to the ends of the Earth, as long as you define ends of the Earth to mean Britain. Hell, the British had to set up a bi-weekly plane, long-haired Nicolas Cage style. (I stole that.)

-Britain's justice secretary got a crew together to get started on reforming the British libel laws that have seen the country become the go-go location for rich people to sue the hell out of journalists, writers and scientists, even if both defendant and claimant don't reside in Britain. It's been a long time coming--the last two years have been rife with libel tourism nightmares, as well as the sight of American states hurriedly coming up with ways to protect their residents from the confusing reach of British courts.

 Business

-How much does Nicholas Sarkozy like America? He likes America so much that when he heard about how some Americans like to use France as exhibit A in the whole "socialist wetdream" department, he said to himself, "shit, they're going to need some facts to back that up, or else people are going to think that they're dumb and xenophobic when they start talking at parties". So he went and set up Fonds Strategique d'Investissement, an investment company half owned by the government. FSI exists for one thing--to pump money into French owned businesses, in some cases beating out foreign investors due to FSI's overly friendly terms. National champions, eh? Those never fail.

-One of the more fascinating technological developments that's bubbled up recently has been the addition of cameras to Tasers, designed to record the usage of the devices. (And yes, it's in direct response to the prevalence of Taser horror stories.) But beyond that hopefully helpful change is this, a global network called AXON, a digital video archive of what cops do, all the time. Entire incidents, recorded via the weapons they use. When cops are clean, it makes them more efficent and deserving of praise. When they aren't--well. Goes without saying what happens then. Hopefully.

-After Copenhagen failed to put definitive prices on global emissions, corporations have ended up in the ugly position of having to beg for big investments (or explain ones already made) without any government mandate for those investment's necessity. (Blunter, possibly less accurate: if the government isn't willing to say that emission reduction matters, investors are less likely to take chances on big "green" projects--all imagined carrot of hope, no stick of punishment on the horizon.) Smartly closing the piece with an actual comment from a corporation already involved in energy reduction, the piece ends with a reminder that "policymakers hear a lot from the NGO community and from environmental activists, but not from companies." That, one could assume, better change.

-While America's pay-television is currently going through all the woes that a buttfucked advertising dollar and a surplus of choice provided, the global pace of pay-television has shot up--Latin America, eastern Europe, Japan, Australia--everybody is getting more channels, as many as they want, more than they need, you want an MTV totally set in your backyard that focuses on the way the grass grows, that shit is on the way my friend you do not have to wait much longer. According to the article, the most successful global channels are Discovery & National Geographic, because nobody expects an hour long documentary about lions eating gazelle to be set in a nearby locale. (Whereas everybody gets their own version of American Idol.)

Science and Technology

-Although all the columnists are on vacation with most of the country-based writers, one hopes on a gigantic journalism cruise, the science and tech department are balls out this week. Besides the normal sized section of the various bits they get accused of stealing from old British science magazines--I don't know if that's true, just passing along some gossip, telephone game style--there's this bad boy: three raw text pages about the worldwide usages of cell phones. Or mobiles. Or hand machines. Handys. "Something you carry on around with you". Those are some of the names that residents of the globe use to describe cell phones, and along with the actual usage numbers and corporation name type information, that's the sort of trivia you'll find in the article. It's interesting to find out that Germans reportedly beat the shit out of people who talk on their phones in public, or that the Japanese are cutting down on their talking while ramping up their emailing, but the article focuses on the social stuff (and backs it up anecdotally) so much that the article comes across as one that might have been better served by placing it in the dentist's office copy of Time that it most resembles. But if you're looking to spit out superfluous information of no real factual merit at the next Lion's Club meeting, this'll be your ride right here, Dr. Asshole.

-Here's a charmer for you: "For those unfamiliar with the delightful prairie vole, it is a small rodent found in the grasslands of central North America." Yeah, but it's still a fucking rodent, right? Like--cute it up all you want, voles are farm rats, not as irritating as a weasel or as ugly as nutria, but they're still about ten miles short of a bulldog puppy in the race towards "delightful". Anyways, these little bastards are monogamous, they look after each other, raise their little feces sized worm children together, and scientists are hoping to use the research to extrapolate knowledge about divorce, promiscuity, how to have a successful relationship, et all. Brother, you may be a scientist, but let me cue you in on something: you start telling your spouse that the two of you are going to get along better just as soon as you utilize some of the information you've gleaned from the behavior of a couple of fucking rats, you mine as well wrap your lips around the tailpipe, because you're ten minutes away from a swinging front door.

-This world is split into two groups: people who care about what happens to their shit after they flush the toilet, and people who don't. Choose wisely.

-As a way to combat the ignorance in that last statement, here's a case for scientists being some all around bang up peoples: they figured out something useful to do with dandelions. It involves something with rubber and tires--which the British persist in incorrectly spelling "tyres", because they think they still get to call the shots with the English language--and if it works, people may actually start growing dandelions on purpose. I wonder if that means we can hire children to crawl around on their hands and knees blowing on the things come planting season. I hate it when kids are bored.

-The Economist can't resist making fun of the acronym "Portable Lightweight Ubiquitous Gasket", which I think is sort of unfair to me, but if I'm reading this cease and desist letter correctly, I should probably not push my luck. The PLUG works like this, it...shit, it just PLUGS, that's what it does. It's going to take the place of sandbags when a flood comes. Oh wait, it has a brother, he's named "Rapidly Emplaced Protection for Earthen Levees", and that one is...well, make fun of the names if you want, "The Economist", but the names do pretty accurately define what the objects do. Oh, and there's another acronym. Seriously? Yeah, seriously. The other one is called REHAB. Read it here if you want, i'm getting tired.

Books and Arts

-The Economist believes that a good review--hell, a sphincter tightening fireworks show of praise--will guide an audience towards their radio to listen to a "100 15-minute broadcasts". If that wasn't naive enough, the episodes are being produced by the British Museum, and each episode will zero in on one made-by-human item housed within the walls of the cheery old lady. How much does the Economist believe in this journey into the past? They believe in it so much they provide a mailing address for one to write in their own suggestions for the final episode. Ah. The mail. The final refuge of stilted history. Kill it! Kill it dead!

-On less positive fronts, the Economist thought that Richard Reeves' book on the Berlin airlift of the late 40's was about as good as a book could be when it contains no original research and is composed completely out of one's home while using "what a swell buncha folks" as its primary thesis. They also didn't have much patience for the histrionics of Steven Solomon, who wrote a book about water and called it "Water". Apparently Solomon likes to exaggerate how important water was in history, and he doesn't spend enough time talking about how important water is right now. One wonders if maybe books about water are what the great bard once called a zero-sum game. But they did like Madeline Bunting's novel about her dad, because if there's one thing the Economist always falls for, it's memoirs where children lionize the distant parents that spent most of their waking life doing something, everything, anything, just as long as it went down somewhere where their children were not.

Obituary: Oral Roberts

They hold back on criticism as much as they can, but by the end, it's pretty obvious how the Economist felt about Oral Roberts. After plowing through a few of the famous televangelist's success and failures, after acknowledging that yes, this was the guy who sold people his used handkerchiefs via television and promised that their donations would be returned to them multipled, they close with this: "He would rule and reign over the ORU campus until the end of time, when hoodlums and sodomites and disbelievers together would be repaid for laughing at him with everlasting fire." Is that how your best pals are going to talk about you after you kick the bucket?

-Note: Since the last Economist versus Idiot, the magazine has moved much of the magazine's content behind a paywall. If the links no longer work, that's why. Apologies are extended, your understanding is appreciated.

Economist Versus Idiot: Strike Zones

Shit, almost forgot.

The World Last Week

-Canada recently discovered that a whole lot of Gypsies were seeking asylum there after the various problems--otherwise known as racist harrassment--sent them running from the Czech Republic. So Canada responded by making it more difficult for people from the Czech Republic to get into Canada. And for the hell of it, they threw Mexicans on the "get a visa to come here" club.

-12 federal police were found dead in Mexico, apparently killed after a drug boss was arrested. They were tortured first. How you like your drug war, America?

-As if things in Iran weren't already difficult enough, a plane crashed right after taking off from Tehran, and everyone on board died.

-Those Nigerian rebels did the same crazy thing again! Sometime last year, can't remember when, Nigerian rebels attacked and killed some guards and blew up some oil tanks, and then they called a cease fire. Obviously, you see why that's weird--there's something inherently fucked up about killing some people and then saying "just kidding just kidding, cease fire!" But last week, they did it again! The exact same thing! I realize life ain't fair, but c'mon Nigerian rebels. You're cheating.

-A couple of French security officials--and yes, that probably means spies--were kidnapped in Somalia. They were there to advise the only remaining government in the country, but the only remaining government in a failed state controlled by warring jihadist and extremists gangs doesn't ensure much security. They'll go on trial soon, in some kind of kangaroo sharia court.

-South Korean television claims that Kim Jong Il has pancreatic cancer. As always, any hopes of more information on Kim's Eric Clapton worshipping son have gone unrewarded. Come on, journalism. Give me the fatty meat that I crave.

-Now that the United Nations monitors are completely out of the occupied territories in Georgia after accomplishing a sum total of nothing, you can officially say "Russia totally got what it wanted" and nobody can argue with you. (Note: no one is going to talk about this with you.)

-Goldman Sachs turned a crazy huge profit in June, and a whole lot of people with flaming torches met in basements across the world and said "Now?" 

-Hey, the deficit cleared a trillion in the US! Hope that "deficits don't matter" guy was right. Because if he was wrong...well, holy shit. I know how to kill my own food. Do you?

-I don't really know how to kill my own food i am so fucked

-General Motors is going to get rid of roughly 30,000 of its American workforce, bail out of about 3000 dealers, but hey, it is out of bankruptcy. Cheering, I'm sure.

-Microsoft is going to give you free Microsoft Office, so now you'll never have an excuse when someone requests a PowerPoint presentation. Oh, well you can still use the "fucking PowerPoint? You want a Counting Crows album with that as well?"

Leaders

-A variation on an article from a few months ago--that one was a defense of capitalism--this week's cover and major op/ed is an extensive defense/apology for modern economic theory. Due to the Economist's weird position--they were pretty hostile towards the housing bubble, and they've always pushed for smarter financial regulation, but the magazine is still a strong supporter for free markets--the article is a strange hodgepodge of a lot of different ideas, all based around the same general stance one has to take when you talk about Two Live Crew while defending free speech. (You don't like Two Live Crew, but they have to be defended or else you're siding with prissy fascists.)

-Japan will have a general election on August 30th, which gives the Liberal Democratic Party--who have run the contry for years, with only a short break--a scant few weeks to right the ship that may finally go down. The Economist isn't that in love with the party most likely to win, but they, like most of us, are sick and tired of one party running a country for decades.

-Rudyard Kipling once said that if you were wounded in Afghanistan, you should "jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains." The Russians bled and died there for years, thanks in part to America's neverending supply of arms to the local warlords. Now, the Brits are beginning to question whether their commitment should continue. The Economist, who have always liked the Afghan conflict, thinks they should, and as this is an op/ed, don't expect too many strong arguments to the contrary. It's hard to read stuff, and the multiple page briefing doesn't help. Hell, these last four sentences have been hard to read, and I fucking wrote 'em.

-There's a lot of arguments about online gambling this week, and the general argument of the Economist is that the arguments for prohibiting it are based on a government's desire to force its citizens to gamble where they say, when they say--which is not the reason they've given, a science fiction explanation involving being a gambling junkie and having a computer. There's also a background piece on one of the major online gambling sites.

-Because I live in New York, I forget that there are people who believe that the terminally ill should not be allowed to commit suicide. The Economist is a magazine published worldwide, so they have to write for everybody, including people who think cancer patients should be kept alive by all possible means, even when the cancer patient completely disagrees. I think I'd be fired up to debate the subject if I was still in college, but I'm not, and I don't. People's lives are their own, and having seen firsthand the savagery of incurable terminal illness, my contempt for those who believe "in the sanctity of life" has long passed the point where I give a fucking shit about hearing the tired arguments. It's a competition of loathing over here, because I can't stand people who use personal history as a trump card in debates either.

Letters

-Yury Fedotov--he's the Russian ambassador stationed in Britain--wrote in to criticize the Economist's tone of contempt in their consistent criticism towards his country. He wants the Economist to treat his country with "goodwill, mutual respect and an honest understanding of each other's interest." He failed to mention whether or not Russia would meet halfway by doing simple things like not shooting journalists and human rights lawyers down in the fucking streets.

United States

-The Economist never liked Dick Cheney, but they hid it pretty well--if I had the old issues from the last couple of years, I'd quote the moments where it bled out, but they're long gone--and now that he's out of the office, they don't like talking about him at all. He's briefly mentioned in this article about the Democratic scalp-hunt (in the form of a torture inquiry), and his face is the art, but even then, you can just feel the sneer in the lines. Not bad, although the fantasy prosecution of high level officials remains a pipe dream.

-The Economist's prelim coverage of Sotomayor is about as predictable as the subject itself: these are motions, and we are going through them. Unless she has a couple of bodies buried in the flower garden, here's your new Supreme Court justice.

-The "fuck you Senate" regarding the health-care reform bill is pretty funny. They refer to the Pelosi version--which will never pass--as being "so far to the left of American political discourse that even moderate Democrats in the Senate held their noses."

-Educational developments in Alabama--the same state that once put a budget increase to the public so that they could refuse it, which resulted in the firings of entire police and fire departments--usually live somewhere between horrible and mind-bendingly horribly, but this online initiative is fantastic stuff. Hope it catches on.

-As more Latinos go evangelical, so goes American Christianity. It's funny how other parts of the world use America as the example of a degraded, decadent society, when the truth is that it remains the number one most unfriendly place to secular thought in post-industrial civiliazation. No other economic power is as religious as Americans. Is that "50% believe in active guardian angels" number still true?

-Lexington's replacement hasn't really introduced her/himself yet, but if this week's column is any indication, it's going to be an uphill climb. Do you want to hear thinly veiled personal anecdotes about sending the kids to a summer camp for atheists? Sure, it's funny to hear about the pathetic "go prove unicorns don't wander the forests" exercises, but it's not that funny. This is the sort of humor that goes better represented when you know there's a dwarf with a hook in the wings.

The Americas

-Ahh, it must be the water or something, but this slight human-interest piece regarding the successful program started at the Mexico City airport that has hired around 60 disabled workers and put them in meet-the-public type employment put a smile on my face. Besides how good all the employees are at their job--which should come as a shock to no one--it's nice to have a story where a corporation was able to successfully initiate and follow through on a program like this without any government interference or needling whatsoever. This is good works, done correctly.

-Sometimes I get the feeling that the Economist just wants to get all juvenile and point out that Evo Morales looks like a fat chipmunk with a bad haircut--like, 1970's porn haircut. I guess I just did it for them.

Asia

-The Uighur crackdown doesn't get leader status, nor does it get top billing in the Asia section. It also doesn't even get its own article. No, it gets mixed with one about Turkish support for the Uighur cause, and while it's somewhat understandable--there's very little news coming out of that area that isn't suspicious--it's still depressing.

-After you've rescued a child soldier, what next? This article, focusing specifically on Sri Lankan Tigers, can't provide an answer beyond "hard work, own reward, holy shit this is fucking sad". This has to be one of the hardest, most soul-eating jobs on the planet.

Middle East and Africa

-The Economist continues their attempt to acknowledge one of the things that George W. Bush did right by pointing out how little Barack Obama has done to change the current Let-Africa-Fix-Itself policy. It's an interesting gesture, but one that continues the inexcusable policy of consistently dealing with the continent in depth through the lens of how the world's super-powers relate to it. The Economist isn't anywhere near as bad as some, and they write more Africa-focused articles than any American news outlet--but still. By consistently talking about Africa in relation to what other countries have to say about Africa, it undercuts the very notion that Africa is capable of handling itself, as if stories about the various countries are only applicable when a Western voice has chimed in.

-One of America's, China's and former critic Spain's most reliable dictators, Obiang Nguema of Equtorial Guinea looks to have another landslide "victory" on the way. After years of work, the country finally hit the top ten of most-corrupt-countries in the world. He's a charmer, this one.

-Here's your "That's wonderful" article for the week: there will now be a minimum sentence of two years when a man is convicted of "honor" killing in Syria. That term is used when a guy murders a woman who cheated on her husband, or might have cheated on her husband, or hell, just given him lip when he told her not to shred the lettuce. So yeah, two year minimum, if convicted. Which will be hard, since it was a Presidential decree that the judicial system probably won't like, and these crimes barely get reported anyway, much less investigated. Oh, and I saved this for last: the maximum sentence used to be one year.

-Iran: Mir Hosein Mousavi has found a sack of courage that no one expected him to have, and he seems to have decided that, Michael Jackson Distraction or no, he ain't giving up on this election thing yet. On his side, suprisingly, awesomely, are some of the clerics who--you know--actually RUN the country, as well as two former presidents. This may not end well, but the fact that it hasn't ended yet is worth some attention.

-How do other Arab nations feel about Iran, by the way? According to this tiny article that points to a disappointing lack of research, they've stuck to making fun of Ahmadinejad while keeping silent on the serious side of criticism. (As in they aren't about to criticize vote-stealing or theocratic rule, especially since few Arab nations can point to serious relationships with pure democracy.) Still, this article is so incredibly brief, and Middle East affairs are so incredibly complex that the whole piece comes across as a missed opportunity.

Europe

-The first three paragraphs of this article on the violence in Chechnya detail two murders, and both of them are about as bad as you can imagine. After that, the article continues to ratchet up the horrible, and by the end, I doubt there's anybody who won't find the whole thing extremely upsetting. It's the most hopeless story this week, because you'll realize before you finish reading it that absolutely nothing is going to change.

-So if Silvio Berlusconi is such a scumbag, why does Italy keep standing by his side? Simple answer, according to the Econ: because he makes it easy to cheat on your taxes. Cheat like a bandit.

Britain

-The unemployment rate in Britain is pretty nasty, and while it seems to be getting better (maybe), it still looks horrible for the young. That's a pretty standard story, but the Economist finds a way to blame Gordon Brown for it. Surprise!

-Although the swine flu is starting to look a bit scary in Briain, the death count may only top out the way a regular winter flu does, "perhaps a bit worse". That's interesting, but what if there's also a regular winter flu on top of swine flu? Wouldn't that make it double? Also, since it's "regular", why wasn't this question addressed by the people who write the Economist? I should write a smug letter.

I guess these blog entries are just smug letters. Fie on me.

International

-It's another not-bad piece from the International squadron, this one focusing on the rarest of stories: something good happening for the indigenous population of the Arctic. Besides Greenland's successful move into independent territory, the Inuit people have what looks like a bold future ahead of them. Despite being beholden to Denmark's tolerant welfare system, the Inuit have plans to go ahead with exporting the estimated 90 billion gallons of oil (and 47 trillion cubic meters of gas) buried within the ice. Considering that the Inuit have a relatively decent policy of looking after the Earth, their claims of working to take care of the land ring truer than most.

Business

-Face Value, the "look at this person" feature, takes a gander at Faisal Al Suwaidi, a forward thinking type who helped create the raging liquid natural gas market only to face the always dramatic construction problems inherent in doing major Middle East business. This seems a good a time as any to plug a book I haven't mentioned in a while: Steve Coll's The Bin Ladens, which is a tremendously informative book detailing the history of that oh-so-famous family. While the back half of the book is (obviously) dedicated to the study of a certain terrorist, the first half deals with one of the most fascinating aspects of Mid East history: how you go about building massive shit in the desert when you have no roads or construction equipment. It's an excellent piece of work, and a book that I'd dare say would interest just about anyone.

-The changing Japanese corporate culture has been a notable story as of late, making this article, which details the proposed merger between two major drinking firms that much more interesting. Armchair viewers--and yes, I consider myself one--often make the mistake of thinking of major Japanese firms in the same language they think of Westernized "national champions." It's an inaccurate assumption--as the magazine has pointed out before, Japan's corporate culture is built around non-compete nationals who fight all foreigners for the right to share the homeland pie. This merger could begin a race to change that, and it's a welcome change that's been long needed.

-After years of being one of the more irritating arguments to be had, some drug companies have finally broken down and made it possible for expensive diarrhea medication to be released generically in poor countries. (Diarrhea is the leading killer of children in poor countries.)

-Want to do steel business in China? Like, with foreign companies? China has a better idea. How about you just go to jail instead.

-This article about how hospital operators are offering the Obama administration a massive $155 billion in cuts prior to the request is a pretty worthwhile article when it comes to reviewing the discussion that was had, but there's something iffy about it. It just seems a little MSNBC for my taste.

Finance and Economics

-Hey, the Big Mac Index is back. If you've never seen it, it's a chart that lists how much a Big Mac goes for in multiple countries. Theoretically, exchange rates should equalize the price of a Big Mac. Here's a chart that examines how the price fluctuates around the world, with a couple of loose answers as to why that isn't happening.

-While few people want to read articles about accounting standards, they always want to know how something like Enron happens: easy answer to that one was mark-to-market accounting gone insane. (And considering the insanity of honest mark-to-market, you can imagine how fucked up it gets when you're dealing with corrupt sociopaths.) The latest financial crisis wasn't as definitive in its root causes, but accouting standards help (or obscure) the valuation of debt and assets, making articles about them valuable, despite the obtuse boredom they often cause.

Shit, I didn't really sell that very well.

-Buttonwood writes about investors the way some people write about packing their fucking laundry for an extended weekend trip. When's this guy gonna quit?

-Here's your populist fight talk this week: "Are investment banks run for employees or shareholders?" You'll pardon me while I bow out of the discussion, as I can't be bothered to hear why the former have a leg to stand on.

Science and Technology

-Another ball-shriveling criticism of NASA, courtesy of the Economist: Born out of the review requested by Obama's administration earlier this year, America's humiliation at having to depend on Russian spaceships when traveling to the International Space Station, and the growing prospects of independent spaceflight by way of start-up business, this article isn't one likely to please children. Thankfully, children don't read the Economist. They should, though. I fucking hate children. The sadder they get, the fatter my pockets.

-Exxon Mobil hung back when other oil companies started clamoring for "green" energy, but they've finally laid their cards on the table: they're going for the algae dollar. They have some crazy smart scientist, the same dude who led the team that "produced the first genetic sequence of a living organism", and that dude may have come up with a way to deliver reliable energy by way of algae. Usually the science articles are a bit of a snore to read, except for when they make fun of that Tipping Point dude, but this one is pure gravy. (Which might mean it's lacking in reliability.)

-I read this entire article about the search for dark matter, and you can too.

Books and Arts

-Is it a surprise that a lawyer who once dug up his dead wife in the middle of the night so that a sculptor--who he'd brought with him to the graveyard--could immortalize her visage also happened to be one of the architects of the 1789 French Revolution? Naah, not really. The French are completely insane.

-Former Economist writer and current editor of Wired published a book called Free. Unlike the Long Tail, which he also wrote, the Economist is less impressed with this one. It lacks "an elegant underlying explanation", which is interesting to me, because I thought The Long Tail was a fundamentally childish book. At the same time, it's Wired, which is a magazine on the same intellectual level as fucking Rolling Stone most of the time.

-You'd think that being able to compare and contrast ancient Biblical texts through the internet would bring the day where large groups of people vocalized how incredibly fucking weird the discrepancies are, but apparently that day is so long away as to not be coming. Oh well: we'll always have Xenu.

Obituary: John Bachar

-Maybe it's the fallout from doing these Economist round-ups on an intermittent basis, but I don't have anything thoughtlessly sarcastic to say about Bachar, a free climber who met the end while in the midst of his incredibly dangerous (and hard-to-fathom) hobby. It takes a certain breed of human being to live life the way John did, constantly putting himself in mortal danger for no gain beyond a personal one, and while I can't, and won't, pretend to understand it, I'm glad that the world has people like this. "Marched to a different drummer" comes to mind, but it's not accurate enough. This guy was another type of species entirely: not better, not stronger, not smarter--Just different. And no matter what snowflakes tell us, people are rarely as unique as they think. He was.

Economist Versus Idiot: Shorter Edition, Jammed Into Existence

Last weekend's July 4th threw TFO's schedule off the mark, full Economist coverage returns to Wednesday this coming week.

The World Last Week

-The bailout of American troops from Iraq hit a major milestone, with the withdrawal from the cities purported to have reached conclusion. I'd insert a sarcastic remark about how this story got buried by the death of a celebrity, but I actually wasted a good portion of on-the-clock time watching the fucking thing myself, so I'm part of the problem.

-Gay sex in India is no longer served with a ten year prison sentence. C'mere. Let's celebrate. In India. By fucking.

-When North Korea says they have enough plutonium to make nuclear bombs, we all kind of go "yeah right." But when South Korea says that North Korea has enough plutonium to make nuclear bombs, the response is a little different. (Because South Korea is not run by a crazy liar.)

-No one's quite sure why China held off on a country wide plan to install "web-filtering" software on all new computers in the country, but a smart guess would be that the Chinese government's "web-filtering" software is pretty easy to circumvent. Because it is, because it was made by somebody over 40 and boo-hoo, post-40 something people suck at writing code. They can often do more push-ups though. Trade off!

-The prime minister of Croatia resigned, no notice. He just quit. Maybe he's planning on becoming a celebrity pundit type? Oh wait, Croatia. I was thinking of that governor who looks like Lisa Ann.

-There's a lot of news about Russia in this week's issue, but the one piece that burns the most is this: they banned casinos and gambling houses in huge swaths of the country. What are the bored and angry men going to do with their time now? Like, besides alcoholism. 

-Never really sure how one should feel about a US House vote that comes down to 219 versus 212. Those numbers are so close that they smell like pragmatism. Snarl, pragmatism. Snarl. (It was about the cap-and-trade program.)

-A Gallup poll said that drinking numbers haven't increased since the recession began. Another way to look at that is that people haven't started drinking LESS since Obama took office. I don't know how you dealt with George Bush hating black people, but I was wearing a barrel about seven nights a week.

-Hey, they didn't let Sir Allen Stanford out on bail. That's a smart move. Houston (in jail) versus Antigua (in palatial estate with billions). Which would you have picked?

-A German bank wouldn't loan Porsche $2.5 billion dollars. Shit man, where's the violins? Go get me some violins.

-Mozilla dropped the new Firefox, said it's way faster than it used to be. The same week, Netscape Navigator got arrested for trying to sell stolen copper wire to an electrical firm based out of Detroit. Ugly shit, the past.

Leaders

-It's a huge, Russia focused week. The op-ed that opens the magazine serves as both a laying out of the magazine's opinion on Russia/American relations and a sort of expanded table of contents. (If you read it on the website, it's almost a linkblog.) The Economist has beat these drums of complaint before, but considering the nature of Obama's "reset" policy, it's worth the retread of what's between the two countries. Here's some tidbits on the notoriously under reported superpower: Russia's death rate is double that of countries at its comparable developmental level, it remains the world's largest oil and gas producer, has a nuclear arsenal, and is in the midst of an unsettling backslide into the bad old days of corruption and elitist control. The people are exposed to a near toxic level of nationalistic control, their freedoms encroached upon at an alarming rate, and while their economy is beginning to sink, they remain one of the most powerful countries on Earth. Their relationship with America isn't the best, and the last time Barack Obama came to the country, he was detained by border guards for hours, where he and Senator Dick Lugar were treated as criminals. One wants to believe it can't get worse. Hopefully, by the time you're reading this, that will prove true.

-The Economist doesn't like to dive into America's ugly past interfering in South American elections, so it's not surprising that they don't make a bigger deal out of Barack Obama speaking out against the illegal coup that took Honduran President Manuel Zelaya out of office. To their credit, it isn't a HUGE deal, it's totally possible that America would've condemned it anyway. And although Obama's criticism for the coup is unlikely to change anything about it, it speaks to the better relationship the US know has with South America. Manuel Zelaya was no reliable friend to the US. In the 70's, maybe even later, the accusations that the US had something to do with his ousting would have been fast and furious, and they would probably have been right. For now, Honduras is dealing with Honduras. That's a good thing.

-Regarding the European Union's current pursuit of financial reform: "Europe's ability to distract itself from the substantive issues far outweighs its capacity to resolve them." and "The real chance of meaningful reform to the financial system lies elsewhere." It's important to remember that the Economist actually believes in the European Union. This is how they're talking about the current financial reforms that the EU is bringing to the table. Nothing hurts like the criticism of a pal.

-Although there's a good bit to argue with in this op/ed regarding the relationship between elite private schools that serve as feeders for the top colleges in the world, the conclusion--that government run schools have serious problems--seems inescapable. Education reform--will you ever not be a pain in the ass?

Letters

-David Killam takes one for the grammar squadron, writing in to point out that the Economist forgot to include a verb in the run-on sentence that opened a previous article. He's right, of course. But you'll need a conviction for child molestation on your record before I'll start criticizing run-on sentences. I love me some run-on sentences. 

United States

-Although the Al Franken "won by a nose" story doesn't bring much to the table that you aren't already aware of, it does include a quote from President Obama's congratulatory statement. After welcoming the dude, Obama said that he couldn't wait to work with Franken on "lowering health-care costs and investing in the kind of clean energy jobs and industries that will help America lead in the 21st century." That's how you do it right, boys and girls: smile, shake hands and say "Here's what you'll be doing for me, radio bitch."

-You don't have to go far to find an article that boils down to "how you gonna pay for this stuff, Alfie", where Alfie is Obama, and "stuff" means health care, new energy technology, financial regulation, infrastructure investment, pies, moon, sky. And by "don't have to go far", I mean, like. Right here. Here's one.

-One of the weirdest parts of the various stimulus programs has been how little of the money in those massive buckets has been spent--this article only focuses on the "green energy" portion, but it's a good take on the subject, and a bit preferable to the histrionic fire squirting out of that Reason website. Getting specific about the problems with energy spending helps to point to the larger problem of having a shitload of money for industries almost completely unprepared to accept it. Nice.

-A Supreme Court decision came down on the New Haven firefighters case, and it gets a full article. In case you live on the moon, you already know why--it's a case that Sonia Sotomayor was involved in prior to her nomination to join the Court. At this point, there isn't much to add, other than that the case is over, and the Court disagreed with Sotomayor.

-If you take the federal governments unemployment money, you have to take the federal governments new rules regarding it. So a few states have refused, thinking that the money won't last as long as the Fed claims it will, and they'll be stuck with rules they didn't create. It's like a whole new Civil War, except it's about math. And the Economist calls the article "mo money, mo problems".

-Historic Event, News Nerds! Lexington is fucking done man, she/he is DONE. 13 years of writing these columns, 13 years of living in the US, and homeboy/girl is on his/her way back to the belly of the UK beast, this cat is FINITO, and this is his goodbye. I won't spoil it, except to say that he compares himself to Alexis de Tocqueville. Sort of.

The Americas

-Ecuador's plan is to sell bonds based off the impact of carbon emissions if they were to exploit the estimated 846 million barrels of oil in the ITT area of the Yasuni national park. In other words, you pay them, they won't take out the oil out of that area (oil is extracted from another site nearby, and will soon be extracted from a second one as well.) They'll leave it--and the native tribes living nearby--alone. If the government reneges on its promises in the future and does start drilling in the ITT area, they'll pay the bondholders back, "with interest".

Takers?

-The story that the Economist has been predicting for at least a year is finally here, with the Kirchners getting a swift teeth kick to the referendum they had claimed as their own. If you trust the Economist implicitly, you saw this story coming. If you don't, you probably did anyway: so did everybody else. (Except the Kirchners.)

Asia

-Biggest Muslim-majority democratic election on the way. We're in the Asia section, so I'm betting you know this one....no? It's okay, it always slips my mind too. Here's a hint: the woman who didn't win (although she used to have the job) has the first name "Megawati". That's a great name. Here's her Facebook page, by the way. Don't consider this an endorsement or anything, i'm not near educated enough to have a horse in the race. I just think her Facebook page is funny.

-While those stories about universal ID cards almost always lend themselves to Orwellian comparisons--in the case of the UK's aborted project, they are pretty apt--the case made for the one in India is pretty strong. There are roughly 100 million "invisible" people in the country, and the proposed card could help them receive the government benefits that are currently denied them. Nanden Nilekani--one of the smartest men in the country--has taken the reins.

-Wanna go to a Thai prison? Move there, start blogging about the royal family. It doesn't need to be true, it doesn't need to be reporting, it just needs to be mean. Repeat until incarcerated.

Middle East and Africa

-While Ahmadinejad has officially won Iran's election, and the protests in the street are now going to be policed as heavily as anything else the Iranian clerics don't like, the black mark on the region and its unelected rulers is a bad one. Up until June, the world could extend a token respect for Iran's middling democracy. It now appears that the curtain has been pulled on that comfortable lie.

-AIDS in Africa isn't a story that ever goes away, although reporting about it certainly does. This piece on the Sudan--an area where 27.5% of the country's imams (a trusted authority to the population) believe that mosquitoes can transmit the virus--tries to focus on the brighter spot of an active AIDS-support group, but it can't fight the numbers. They're terrifying.

-One the world's most frightening places got worse last week, with beheadings in Somalia apparently topping out at 6, all at the hands of militant fanatics. The victims were accused of collaboration with the only government Somalia has left. The small African peacekeeping force was incapable of protecting them. The world, it seems, has made its choice. Somalia will be left to burn to a cinder, and the people within it will be left to rape, murder, and extermination.

China, never an enemy of Robert Mugabe, has decided to place some stock in Morgan Tsvangirai as well. The stock is $950 million in loans, an amount vastly beyond the $500 million he was able to find throughout his recent tour of the Western world. Nice job, rest of the world.

Europe

-They actually arrest people for hip-hop lyrics in France? That's kinda stormtrooper-y. Well, don't let that little factoid stop you from reading about how France is beating the world with hip-hop, a judgment the Economist makes based off a couple of "world championships" in turntable and breakdancing competitions. Does Ghostface or the RZA judge these world championships? Because if neither of those dudes are involved, the trophies are suspect.

-Another year, another fight between the European Union and Russia/Ukraine over gas prices. This one is playing out differently--because as the Economist points out, "timing is everything." Pretty easy to say "no thanks" to high gas prices when it's summer. We'll see you in the winter, when this one gets rolling again.

-In Kosovo, it's really easy to be a journalist. You just have to repeat whatever the government says. If you want to make things hard on yourself, try "reporting" or "criticizing" the government. That's an express train to all kinds of problems.

-Charlemagne tried to write a column this week, but his hands kept getting blocked by the thighs of Sweden, because his mouth was buried in their short and curlies. Like, Sweden is pretty great for a lot of people, like Swedes, I totally agree, but how hard is it to be great when your taxes are that high? You can give everybody health care and a fucking mansion on Swedish taxes.

International

-These blog posts usually go pretty hard on the international section, and I'd argue that it's deserved--it's the most inconsistent part of the magazine, and it's an obvious dump ground for failed leader pieces. This week is different though--one article, a numbers-heavy theoretical examination of the current state of food supplies following what was called "the food crisis" of 2007-09. It's not a horror show of statistics, there's a lot of solid thought in it, and it's as good as any article in the magazine. Probably better.

Business

-The article is subtitled "Customers are working for companies free of charge, and they like it." The argument is that when you choose to use a computer to place an order, or talk to a robot when you call customer service, you're handling the work that some human being could be doing while on staff. Which is true, I guess. I just wonder how many people "like it."

-Ikea has been trying to make the whole Russia thing work for a long time. Now? They've suspended their investment in the country due to corruption. That's right kids: Ikea just gave up. I don't know why I find that surprising--as far as I can remember, there aren't any Ikea commercials based around "we don't give up" philosophies--but I did. So there.

Finance and Economics

-This brief acknowledgment of the 150 year sentence dropped on Madoff doesn't contain any new information. But I was watching that Enron doc from a few years ago, the one that opens with Tom Waits--man, I hope they do one of those on Bernie. That was a good flick.

Science and Technology

-The sheep of Scotland are getting smaller. I hate to be the one to tell you, but it's a biological fact. Sheep in Scotland? Getting smaller.

-Remember how they powered the Back To The Future car with garbage, and we were all "man science fiction is fucking crazy"? And then they started running some cars on vegetable oil and we were all like "weird dude, that's weird as hell"? Well, now they're going to use chicken feathers to make fuel tanks. I bet that would have blown your mind back like when they made that movie about Michael Keaton doing his mom.

-While the world might seem to get bigger through facebook and twitter and...hey, assholes on blogs! It's actually not, because most people send emails to people in the same city. Hey, I know you're different. You've got friends in Tangiers and China, you're unique, bucking the curve. Anyway, it's ruining the spreading of baby names. (This is a weird article.)

Books and Arts

-James Ensor's art hasn't seen a show like the current one at MOMA in 30 years, and while the Economist is kind of rough on it and there's no nice way to spin a statement like, "...only one canvas feels truly fresh." I completely dis-a-fucking-gree. See it. It's exceptional, and--fuck man, 30 years! That means "rare opportunity."

Obituary: Michael Jackson

The best reason in the world to get married is because it means you've finally found somebody who is legally obligated to pretend to care when you have a fucking cold, wants to talk about "the craziest dream i've ever had", or because you want someone to give a shit about what you have to say regarding the death of a celebrity. Because everybody else? They don't care. It isn't because they're an asshole, either. No. You are. Take that shit to the bank.

Economist Versus Idiot: And Let's Hope This Is The Last Time The Economist Dicks Around With Marvel's Press Releases

Last couple of weeks have been a bit heavy on the old sanctinomy express, that was never the point. So let's take a load off and wallow in our joy at the Economist's coverage of the resurrection of Captain America. And no, their Michael Jackson coverage starts next issue. Oh, and if you're ghoulishly looking for the blood, it's in the Asia section this week. Otherwise, I think The Americas was the light fantastic.

The World Last Week

-There's a bronze plaque when you enter the Factual's home office that says "Remember! Shark News Is Best News!" So I'll just point you to the Economist's blurb, where its revealed that about 30% of the world's various shark species are operating under threat of extinction. Don't mess this up, people. Democracy, racial equality, a 70 foot tall statue of Michael and Farrah holding a plastic cleaning towel--we can have those whenever we want. If we lose sharks? Tears, apathy and death. That'll be next.

-The American Department of Agriculture was able to ride almost pure Democratic support for supervisory control of America's farmers. The blurb doesn't mention it in greater detail, but yes, this also means that the Department of Agriculture now gets to build yet another regulatory committee. And you know how good regulatory committees have worked out over the last decade, don't you?

-America and Kyrgyzstan came to some kind of agreement that will allow America to continue using the Manas air base. I'd imagine there's a bigger article on this coming, after the Economist gets a chance to do a Google search and, you know, "write" one.

-The Economist may or may not cover the interesting Wikipedia aspects surrounding David Rohde, the New York Times journalist who escaped with an Afghan reporter after spending seven months as prisoners of the Taliban, but that's why you have Reason magazine. Bang up shit, this one.

-The American navy is following a North Korea ship around that might be carrying weapons to the Burmese military junta. Thing is, they can only search the ship if the North Koreans agree to pull over and let them. Tough one to gauge here--rule of law is vaguely on North Korea's side, but the weapons, if they are exist, will be used to kill innocent people. (That last part isn't in doubt, by the way.) Time to whip out the textbooks, Huffington Post! You gotcherself a seeryous discussion to be having.

-The FARC keeps killing people, despite it supposedly being on the way out of Colombia for the entirety of the last two years. This is the first time FARC stuff has been mentioned without the Economist mentioning it's downhill status--did something change? Nah, probably just the blurb format.

-Hey, the United States and Venezuela reinstated their respective ambassadors! That whole shaking hands thing with Chavez worked. Ahh, this will go south in another couple of months.

-They caught another Serbian war criminal, this one the former prime minister of Kosovo. Try not to take thirty years to charge these guys the way you did with the Khmer Rouge, okay?

-Hey! Greenland is FREE! Greenland isn't run by Denmark! That's a big story, right? Hell yes it is! I hope they make a Braveheart movie about Greenland really soon.

-How many of those new iPhones sold over the course of a weekend? Over one million. In your face, Palm thing no one wants! IN YOUR FACE APPLE STYLE

Leaders

The facts that open the Economist's op-ed on America's health-care system hit pretty hard, and they do well to make the case for one of the ugliest covers in recent memory. While a lot of Americans already know how bone-jarringly stupid the current health-care system for their country is, reading about the specifics--how much they pay as compared to other rich countries (a huge amount more), the confusingly high infant mortality and life-expentency rates when compared against other OECD countries--reminds one of the hard-to-fathom disconnect between what makes sense (working towards a better system) and the reality (the historical failure of any American administration to follow through with the mildest repair possible). Take a look at this one, but don't expect a lot of new information. If that's what you're craving, there's an extensive(and much better) briefing buried in the back of the magazine on the exact same subject, shorn of the chiding. 

-Lot of stuff about Germany this week, the first being this Dear Abbey style advice list for one of the most powerful women in the world. I think I'll leave it at that, just because I'm curious to know if you know who it is without peeking. (Oprah doesn't count, as she leads a mob.) After the leader, there's a four pager on m'lady, and it covers...well, everything, really. But for some reason the Economist blurbed the article in the table of contents page with the somewhat creepy "Why is she so popular?" question, which sounds sort of like...well. Like creepy. It sounds creepy, doesn't it?

-Will Greek complaints destroy the worldwide loan system for great art amongst museums? The Economist is fretting it will. I'm fretting about the use of the word fretting. Am I wearing an apron?

-Hey, here's the business focused version of boring articles about social networking! (Hint: this focuses on LinkedIn, which is a site designed so that people can irritate everyone in their address book.)

-The Economist beats the "Hey America, quit retiring at 67 you lazy so-and-so" drum about every six months, and here it is again. All the arguments are the same as ever, which means that all the counter-arguments are probably the same too. Considering that they backed theirs up with a 14-page section on aging this week, you might even find yourself bowled over to agreement. Fight that feeling! Fight it with your fingers!

Letters

-Hey, some dude from California was in the Peace Corps in Zambia, and he wants to tell you all about why that qualifies his advice on "high-tech development solutions" to malaria. Because god knows, it really is a choice between bednets and technology, but only one. Anybody who thinks that the world should pursue both options to fight malaria is a total idiot. Just ask this guy. He was in the Peace Corps.

United States

-The Economist's opening piece in the United States section is centered around some poll results showing that American workers aren't fighting wage cuts and unpaid leave the way they normally would, and they've found plenty of evidence that this is the case. As they point out, most employees seem to be willing to accept the nut-knuckle on the short term--how long those feelings will last is another question entirely.

-Of course, there's the people who don't have jobs at all, and while the Economist seems a little overly proud of their willingness to send their American correspondent down to a Maryland soup kitchen (ahhh, local color), this article about the welfare rolls and how they're bearing up under the increase in unemployment isn't completely worthless. It's just completely sad.

-While it would be wonderful to say that the Economist's article on the resurrection of a fictional comic book character was written with all the necessary sarcasm required to tolerate its existence in a publication that usually tries to avoid completely useless information designed solely to make money for an entertainment complex that carries itself with an insufferable air of "just some fans doing what they love, what's a stock certificate, dopey me-dopes-a-lot", that isn't the case. Here's your British version of a newspaper shitting on its reputation.

-Here's a controversy for you: the Supreme Court may have started down the road to repeal a portion of 1965's Voting Rights Act. Designed to deal with some of the South's ugliest behaviors, wherein black Americans were kept from the ballot box through a variety of hideous practices, there's an emergency provision that's been consistently extended since its original expiration date in 1970. The provision took power away from electoral districts with a discrimination history, leaving it up to the federal Justice Department whenever they want to make minor changes in electoral rule. (The Economist uses moving the polling place as an example.) As the Economist reports, no one argues that this type of federal oversight was unnecessary in the sixties, because hey, it totally fucking was, because Whitey Sucked Daily back then. But now? The Supreme Court doesn't seem to think so. The NAACP does. Fight!

-Lexington dedicates his "howl in the whirlwind" column to criticizing Obama's deference to his old pals on Capitol Hill. The column isn't that far off base, but I'd rather just quote this part and let you decide on your own: "The House is dominated by veteran liberals, who are far to the left of the electorate, and the Senate is full of prima donnas." Tell me how you really feel.

The Americas

-If you read about the 18% decrease in the production of coca in some American publications, you might have been led to believe that was a big deal story. That's because some American publications--as well as at least one local New York television news program--failed to mention that last year, the production of coca went up 27%. That's what's called "pulling a fast one".

-The Economist doesn't hold back on their criticism of Antonio Maria Costa, the head guy over at the UN's Office on Drugs and Crime. In fact, they go further in their criticism than they have towards any single individual since they blatantly said "it would be fine if Mugabe was killed" and "Resign, Rumsfeld". For that alone, this blurb is worth reading. They don't write angry often.

-Over the past year, anytime you read an article about how Hugo Chavez isn't happy with some company/individual/corporation that he thinks isn't towing the line, you end up reading another article, usually in less than a month, where he's taken over, shut down or made illegal whatever company/individual/corporation the previous article was about. In other words, get ready to say goodbye to Globalvision, one of the few critical media outlets left in Venezuela.

Asia

-After playing things a little bit close to the vest, the Economist comes down pretty critically on the current relationship between the Indian government and the Maoist guerilla movements. Although this months death count isn't very high, this article doesn't paint a very attractive picture of where it could be headed. It also doesn't have a very optimistic view of the methods in which the police or the politicians are dealing with the situation. Saucy!

-While the eyes of the world turn to newer horrors, the Burmese military junta has opened up a new offensive front against one of the few groups of people left in the country who refuse to bow down and take it. The Karen militia aren't the cleanest organization in the world--they aren't fascist murderers though--but the thousands of innocent civilians who are fleeing for their lives are pure victims. Thailand seems to be the main country willing to stand up in support right now, (unless talking about it counts now) although that might change if they have to deal with more refugees. (Which they will, and Thailand has been shit with refugees for thirty years running.)

-China doesn't want the Chinese to look at porn. You're going to lose this one, guys. Porn beats everything. Steal all the American computer code you want. Porn wins, every time.

-Shakeel Ahmed Ahangar's pregnant wife and teenage sister were raped, murdered and dumped in a nearby river. The incident has spawned anti-Indian-rule riots throughout Kashmir, mostly due to the pathetic (and offensive) level of response from the police, who originally claimed the two women had drowned. Because yeah, a double rape and murder looks just like drowning. Whoever said that should be shot in the fucking mouth.

Middle East and Africa

-Not sure if we're still going to rely on this short piece on the Iranian conflict, as it's already a bit dated. The Economist, as well as Iran's ruling clerics, were surprised to see Mousavi so willing to stand in opposition to an unusually vocal Ayatollah. That's good and bad news, obviously: the strongest criticism of Iran right now has been vested in the worrisome nature of what too many termed "revolution", despite the revolution being confined to the lessor status of who Iran's president is supposed to be, as opposed to the unelected and hard to deal with theocracy that runs Iran and stole the election. When the Iranian people flooded the streets for Mousavi, that could be labeled a protest that respected the theocracy. When they went out again, after the real rulers of the country--the unelected clerics--told them not to, that label no longer applied, making them fodder for whatever violence the clerics wanted to wreak upon them. Where it goes next, where it goes now? We'll have to wait and see. Considering how rapidly Iran is incarcerating journalists (it numbered 40 last week), that's going to get increasingly difficult.

-Although the stories of increasing suicide attacks in Iraq have gone mentioned on a consistent basis, the Economist has seemed strangely removed from looking at them in detail. While they finally check in with an actual article--as opposed to weeks of blurb-age--it seems a bit distant, making me wonder whether they've pulled their coverage back for some other reason.

-Did you know Somalia was begging for help? They are. They're getting none.

Europe

-While some will complain, ad nauseum, about the specific advantages of living in countries with stronger welfare ranks and better health care, here's a reminder of what some of the fabled lands of Europe can't offer, that the US can: giving a shit about higher education. If you still want to move your kids to Germany because of the shorter work week or the longer maternity leave after reading this article about the pathetic state of Germany's universities, you obviously care less about your children then you claim. And I'm thinking of somebody specific.

-Yes, Sarkozy did call the burqa "a sign of subjugation...of debasement". He did say it was "not welcome on French territory." But did you know he was backed up by a prominent French female Muslim? Neither did I.

After last week's questionable article on Berlusconi--which spawned a letter of defense from the Italian government--it's back to the old "he's a fucking pervert" hidden under classy languge. The problem with these kind of articles is pretty simple--when it hits on somebody the Economist likes, as it did with Eliot Spitzer, they pull the old "we don't care about who he fucks, neither should you." And yet, when it hits on somebody they don't--like Berlusconi--they can't help but tart it up. That's fine, sure. I got no love for Berlusconi either. But then again? I'm not a journalist writing for the Economist. You kind of hope they'll be the bigger guy.

Britain

-Last week's Economist contained a brief mention of what had happened in Ulster, where over a 100 Romanian immigrants were attacked and harrassed out of their homes, and eventually, by their own choice, back to Romania. Of course, "own choice" ignores a simple, disgusting fact: they had to go, because no one saw fit to stand in the way of the racist white men who threatened to kill them if they chose to stay. Here's the rest of that horrible, horrible story.

-Here's one for you Britain, it comes from America: tax-increment financing. That's when you pick a location, borrow a shitload of money to build basic infrastructure, and use the future property taxes (which will hopefully be higher) to pay back the loan. If you've ever been down South, now you know why they never turn that old abandoned grocery store into a shopping center, and choose instead to build a new one down the road. Get it?

-I'm pretty much bored with jokes about bad British teeth, and so is the Economist, and so, according to this article, are the British themselves. At the same time, I watched the F-Word about three hours ago and this one table of young Cockneys had some of the nastiest shit I've ever seen hanging where a grin should be. Ah, Personal Anecdotes: is there no fact you will not ruin?

-"Mr. Blair is not likely to say, 'Ok guys, you got me--I did it out of lust for glory and infatuation with George Bush.'" That's Bagehot on the inquiry into the war in Iraq. Bagehot beats life, again.

International

-The section this week has two articles, both of which seem to have been pulled from the "this might work, run it" file. The first is...about poor people who travel to escape environmental degradation. Awesome, that's a real charmer. Thanks! The second one is....about the World Bank realizing it might need to worry about the environment. I'm sorry, when did the World Bank get so awesome at being the World Bank that it was time for it to add a fucking hobby? I don't think I missed an issue. Did something happen?

Business

-Like a lot of people, I've got a secret clique at my office where my little coffee trio talks about which interns we hate, why we hate them, and question how in the fuck they got the gig in the first place. Then we beg one another to go to the girl who picks the interns and tell her to stop shoving her head up her ass when she interviews interns, because there's no way that this is the best available out of the 40-plus she interviews every few months. Seriously, that one dude couldn't cut paper in a straight fucking line with the use of a paper cutter that is on a goddamn track.

Kind of lost the plot for a second. Anyway, if you have those sorts of conversations via your work email, watch out. Some company has developed a technique to ruin the fun.

-Problems in the Formula One racing world, and while it's an interesting enough article, I have to say: I don't really get Formula One racing. I liked that Cronenberg flick, but that was about funny car racing. And it had the Enter The Dragon dude in it. He's awesome. You ever see this? Best business monologue ever. Seriously, watch that one. Good times. It's about prop 13. Oh man, I just stopped while typing to watch it again. "Crouch bunnies". Man that's good.

-Although LinkenIn is absurdly disturbing to me on a personal level, you can't help but read an article about the Freemasons without thinking "anything that would destroy these archaic networks of drunken white men is a good thing." Bring on the bandwidth, I say. It's time to euthanize the "old boy networks".

Finance and Economics

-While Americans may have started purchasing stuff again, the Economist is curious if the emerging economies of Asia are going to take a more serious dive into the fray as well. Whether they do or not, the feeling in this article is that they should, and it's an interesting reason why. Not because it would "save the economy", but because the Asians that supply the products for Western consumers, while subsidizing the economies of the West with undervalued currency, should be enjoying the fruits of their very real labor. It's a novel take from the publication.

-Money market funds finally ended up not doing well, and the magazine thinks that has opened the door to the sort of regulation they believe it's always needed. Lot of regulation talk for a free market magazine lately. 

-While the numbers of people who will willingly dump a home loan remain low, they skyrocket when neighbors (or friends) make the decision. While one questions whether the term "unethical" should be brought to the table, maybe the Economist is just a bunch of Kant-ian categorical types. Go figure. I thought we were all agreed about fucking over the man at every opportunity.

-The Economist could have found a not-featuring-Uma picture for their brief look at the charitable work of two hedge funds, but they picked one with her in it anyway. (She's engaged to Arpad Busson, who runs one of the mentioned hedge funds.) She doesn't get mentioned in the article though, so don't go looking for gossip.

Science and Technology

-Sometimes science hurts children, and not in the way you're thinking, gross-out boy. No, sometimes science takes a look at the method used to determine the sizes of dinosaurs and goes about the business of ruining one of the best moments of a young childs life: when they fantasized about gigantic lizards. Thank god Calvin isn't here to see this. Don't read this one unless you're, like...mature or something. It made me really sad, that's all I'm saying.

-Here's a solution to a very specific problem: how do you get informed medical consent from the mentally impaired? Answer: you use Second Life. Nothing irritates more then when something you have a patented loathing for becomes useful in a real world fashion.

-Although common sense might dictate the belief that humans started hoarding food stuffs on an immediate basis, history tells us they didn't. Why they started doing so though remains to be figured out, but the trek may have gotten a jumpstart, courtesy of an archaeological site in Jordan. Ah, Jordan. I knew you were useful for something beyond serving as the host for Michael Bay's technological masturbation festival. That movie was so fucking horrible.

-Tired of being depressed? The old cynic's advice is to expect failure. Turns out that's scientifically accurate as well! This is great stuff here, and taken in conjunction with the recent story about how useless self-help books are, the Economist is proving itself to be the best gadfly that pop psychology has ever had to deal with. Considering a big part of pop psychology and self help is to ignore "the news" because "it's always depressing", god knows if the information will find purchase.

Books and Arts

-From Werner Herzog's book, Conquest of the Useless. "At the market I ate a piece of grilled monkey. It looked like a human child."

Books by Werner Herzog don't need reviews. They just need to be bought.

-As far as the Economist is concerned, the "ideal book about the financial crisis" has yet to be written, and they list their complaints with five books in one review. It's like a capsule bullet mash-up, except it's about financial literature. And they already picked their ideal book about two months ago, when they praised Vincent Cable's The Storm. So yeah, this article has some problems.

-Greece has built a home for its statues, and they've issued a demand for their return. (The statues are the property of the British Museum.) Although this article's main opinion got touched on in the opening "Leaders" section, it gets more background information here. 

-Although Atom Egoyan's Ararat wasn't a big favorite for...well, anyone, if I remember correctly, I always liked it. That might have been because I ended up watching it with a theater full of elderly Armenians, an experience that, while remarkable, isn't one I'd like to repeat. But the film was haunting, and it sounds like Rebel Land might be just the book to sit down and draw out the intensely controversial (and upsetting) story all over again.

Obituary: Ralf Dahrendorf

-If Ralf Dahrendorf had died just a few days later, he would've been the guy that went ignored in place of Surprise! You KNOW! for next week's issue. Unlike certain other individuals--whassup, Gunter Grass?--Dahrendorf was willing to put his own ass in jail for protesting the Nazis back in his youthful days, and he sounds like he took that integrity with him throughout his life, which consisted of being a pretty argumentative dude. His appreciation for socialism is a bit too much for the Economist, but there's a clear level of awe on display here. Ralf was a man who lived a life of the mind, and acted in accordance as much as opportunity allowed. 80 isn't a good argument for "too soon", but it's fine for a "he'll be missed." Hope there's more like him.

Economist Versus Idiot: Neil Young Lyrics Don't Apply, But Thanks For Playing

Pretty depressing one this week, although there was a nice spot of good news out of China.

The World Last Week

-While we hit the "hundreds of people dying in the Sudan" thing last week, let's hit it again up top: still happening, no one doing anything. Now they might have to though--a bunch of Sudanese gunmen ripped off a United Nations convoy trying to take food and medical aid to the people the gunmen haven't gotten around to killing yet. The body count on this one is not slowing down, it's accelerating.

-India wants to get its troops out of Kashmir, although things there are still too treachorous for an official time table.

-While the world looks elsewhere, Pakistan is gearing up for a full scale launch against the Pakistani Taliban.

-The mother-in-law of the president of Indonesia was sentenced to four and a half years in the clink for approving bribes to other politicians. That's messed up, sure, but if she actually does go to jail, that's kind of badass on the part of the president for letting her go down. I can't think of a single American president who would sit back and let his mother-in-law go to jail, except maybe Lincoln. That son of a bitch had a spine of metal.

-North Korea claims they're going to kill us all, but that's not really "news" anymore. Irritating as fuck, though.

-Britain got all pissy that the US sent some former Guantanamo Bay prisoners to Bermuda, and the Economist makes a sarcastic joke about it.

-Russia told the UN to get the hell out of Abkhazia. Yeah, that's in Georgia. Remember that war? One year anniversary in two more months.

-Northern Ireland was worried that people thought they had stopped being a scary place, so they harrassed and attacked a bunch of gypsies until 100 Romanians had to flee for their lives. Hey. Northern Ireland. Fucking Quit It.

-Jose Padilla is suing John Yoo for one dollar. This case should really be bigger news, I don't care how sick people might be of thinking about it.

-Myspace fired a bunch of people. Here's a hint as to why: Myspace was really ugly.

-British Airways asked if anybody on staff wanted to work for free, due to the economy. I tried this trick at the grocery store and nearly got arrested for vagrancy.

-Blu-ray discs didn't fix the gaping hole caused by people realizing that not buying DVDs was a good way to save money when the economy started tanking.

Leaders (Iran)

-Okay, the Economist also wrote about Israel, Argentina, financial regulation, the Japanese economy and fund management. But we all know the big story.

-The opening leader is a simple, direct essay regarding Iran, and it leads well into their extensive (and dated) briefing article. Both point to the still breathing merit in news articles written less then a day after the news happens. The salient point, the one that should probably be mentioned more often, is this: "Iran is not a democracy, but its system, which combines unelected religious authority with a subordinate elected civilian one, was designed to give people a chance to let off steam from time to time within carefully set electoral limits." It's all well and good to talk about the ballot box, and it's incredibly moving to see so many in the streets. That doesn't mean the people in the streets are out there protesting the Ayatollah--not yet, at least. What's happened in Iran last week, what continues now--that's a big enough deal on honest terms alone. Pretending that it's something more--like a fullscale rejection of theocracy--is irresponsible, ignorant, and, worst of all, unhelpful. Being excited is one thing, and it's understandable. Rewriting the story wholesale to match up with hopes helps no one.

-The Economist's review of Obama's "wait and see" approach to Iran's election includes one point that's worth repetition: if and when Obama comes out with "full-throated or even material support" for Mir Hosein Mousavi, (beyond the recent stuff, yes) that might work as an immediate motivation for some Iranians to step away from the man. The tendency towards seeing female Mousavi supporters and the physically battered (and dead) protesters as if they are also pro-Americans is purely self-centered identification: some might be, sure. But they aren't in the streets because they're interested in Iran being more like America. They're interested in Iran being their own country, where their vote counts. If a bunch of random Americans were to fly in to stand along side them, some will back away entirely. The easiest thing in the world for the tide to turn would be for America to make it easy to label Mousavi as being, as the Economist puts it, a "stooge of the Great Satan." His support is strong, but not widespread enough to fight that label at the same time he fights the Revolutionary Guard. And here's the thing: that's exactly what Ayatollah Khameni wants--to be able to point to Mousavi and say, "Look. An Agent of the West." 

-The other big story is, yes, Twitter. As the Economist sees it, neither Twitter nor CNN won, although CNN was fucking useless for days. Instead, the praise here goes to the justly deserved Andrew Sullivan, the unfairly maligned Robert Mackey, and some person who I refuse to acknowledge out of contempt for the website which employs him.

Letters

-There was never a hard rule instituted that it was going to be snarkdown with the letters, it just went that way. And yes, there's a good one here--some lady in Washington DC wishing she lived in Columbia because she saw somebody get mugged, the sort of letter that makes you want to crawl around gurgling warm piss because, hey, this is a human being who can vote and stuff, have kids, and yet, and yet, and yet: fucking idiot, she's a fucking idiot. 

But then you read Chris Lowsley's anecdote letter, about how he went to pick up a copy of The Economist in the Shanghai airport during the first week of June, looking to read about the 20th anniversary of Tianmen Square. And guess what? By hand, someone had removed the pages. From every copy. He even got a 5% refund, just to see if he could. That's a good story.

United States

-We'll have to see if that train crash changes things, but as it stands right now, there's no real answer as to where the money for the new $500 billion transport bill recently presented by the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee. Is it needed? Yes. But when's the last time we got excited about infrastructure in the US?

-Lots of people putting chickens in their backyard, which is nice, unless you peel back the surface and see what this really means: dirty hippies, living near you and your children.

-New York's school system has benefitted from letting Michael Bloomberg run it with his iron fist, or so they say. But the deadline to relinquish control is fast approaching, and Albany wants New York to remember that Bloombergs don't last forever.

-Guess what? Those church surveys that said more people are going to church because of the economic crisis? Not true. In fact, the only real spikes have been after the Cuban Missile crisis and 9/11, and neither of those were permanent spikes.

-Lexington gives a cheesy look at how well Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama get along, and while he's top notch with the information, there's something pretty naive about his surprise. Hopefully he's just faking, but c'mon--high-level politicians getting along out of necessity? That's news now?

The Americas

-Although 28 government officials were arrested last month in a decently-planned Mexican raid, none of those arrested have been charged yet, and it looks like that was the plan all along--bring them in, figure out why afterwards. Few believe that those arrested--prosecutors, ten mayors, a judge, etc--are innocent babes, they're all probably in the pocket of a large drug operation. But without decent evidence, they may go free. Which would kind of miss the point.

-Canada doesn't want to make radioactive isotopes for medical use anymore, which is good, because they were doing a shitty job of filling orders. But the kicker here is that the minister responsible for the state-owned atomic-energy company was caught on tape talking about how it would be really great for her if she could solve the "sexy" isotope crisis. While that's opportunistic and somewhat offensive to the cancer patients who rely on the isotope-powered therapy, i'm more curious as to why she used the word "sexy" in the first place. That's just weird.

Asia

-Australia's had a flare up of anti-Indian violence lately, and Kevin Rudd doesn't seem to be taken it seriously enough for the prime minister of India. Admittedly, the article isn't descriptive enough for one not to lend credence to the Australian explanation--that race is less a factor than urban crime rate--but common sense dictates that, when the prime minister of India steps up and calls the attacks racially motivated, one's relationship with one of the most populous countries on the planet might be better served than to respond by saying "you're wrong, dude."

-I didn't know this was the week that I was going to find out about the progress made in gay rights for homosexuals in China, but it is. You're not going to be mistaking Shanghai for Fire Island anytime soon, but still: progress for homosexuality in fucking China? That's good news.

-Of course, then China gives you the bad news: snail-fever, which is probably able to claim some fatalities because nobody takes a disease called "snail-fever" seriously. Take this one seriously though--and be thankful you don't have to deal with snails that "tunnels through human skin, invades the bloodstream, and lays eggs." Gross as hell, this one. (And the article is titled "Hello Again, God of Plague".)

-Kazakhstan may have allowed more press freedom in recent years, but that doesn't mean that reading about Kazakshtan has gotten much easier--case in point, this article about the recent wave of arrests, almost all of which are amongst the elite. (That's unusual.) With little to go on, the Economist has to play it safe, the "That is ludicrous" response to Stalin's purge comparisons notwithstanding. Here's some information, they say. Interpreting it--that's going to take some time.

-Banyan gives you the North Korea ruler breakdown, and get ready: it's intense, and totally necessary reading. This is the kid who takes over for Kim Jong Il when he goes the way of all flesh. He's 26 years old. We don't know shit else.

Middle East and Africa

-Things in Kenya that happen on a regular basis, according to the Economist: lynching people over petty crimes, lynching people who try to soapbox about their rights on city streets, and--seriously? Okay. Uh, witch hunts. Like, yeah, Crucible style witch hunts, where people chase down and kill old women. For being witches. This is a short one, but it'll stick with you. Vomit.

-Here's the way things have been going for Morgan Tsvangirai: he visits a country, everybody tells him how courageous he is (because he is courageous, a big ole swinging dick of bravery) and then they tell him to head on home without any financial help. That sort of makes sense--Zimbabwe is so corrupt when it comes to aid that the best way to ensure helping the country is to get the money directly into the hands of the population, bypassing the government entirely--but it doesn't change the growing sense that the world is content to sit back and watch Robert Mugabe continue to drive that country into the ground even further than it already is. If Tsvangirai ends up dying a hero, it won't be because the world wasn't aware of him in advance. Nobody twitters about Morgan Tsvangirai now. But if something doesn't change, they will.

-Binyamin Netanyahu had to break down the rhetoric a little, and he actually seems willing to accept a two-state solution. His terms are currently unacceptable to Palestine, pretty far short of what the US wants--but this is Israel we're talking about. It's still a big story.

Europe

-Considering that the Economist has been sued by Silvio Berlusconi (something they don't try to hide), and that Berlusconi recently referred to a Financial Times piece about him as being "bad and dishonest journalism", you probably want to take this article with a grain of salt. At the same time, there's not much room to defend Berlusconi--the guy hates journalism, he always has, and he's done everything one can do, short of some steampunk incarcerations for reporters, to shut them down. Still, this article has to deal out so many specific admissions of possible bias--the Financial Times is a part-owner of the Economist--that it might be better if it was coming from a different publication. (Good luck finding a clean one though. Berlusconi really does hate everybody in this particular field.) Oh, and the girl in the picture is 18, and Berlusconi is a big fan of her. Hint. Involves money. 18 year old girl. In the picture. Hinting.

-One thing France seems to get away with, which is so far beyond me that I even feel somewhat uncomfortable criticizing it, is the way that France keeps dipping their fingers into all their old African colonies. This article points to what Nicolas Sarkozy is doing to get out of that business, but still: why are we still talking about this, France? Get your paws off countries that aren't yours.

-Russia is going to make up its own NATO, which they're calling the Collective Security Treaty Organization, as an alternative to messing with the World Trade Organization. It probably won't work, which could save us learning new acronyms to protest against on trips to Seattle, because at least half the countries involved kind of hate Russia. Or they're the types of countries that like to play the US and the EU against Russia. Wait, that does make it sound like NATO.

-It's always a pleasure to see people pick the same fights for the 900th time, especially when it involves anti-government conspiracies and the threat of violent coups. Don't go changing, Turkey!

Britain

-Did you know that there was going to be an inquiry into British involvement in Iraq? No, I mean again. This is the fifth one. Yeah, lucky number five! It's going to be private, run by a crew that includes a Winston Churchill-focused historian! I bet when they get around to number six or seven, that's when they'll get Russel Brand involved.

-Sometimes politics fight preference, as is the case presented here, with this article about the growing disgust some Brits have for the license fee that goes to the BBC. (The fee hits any home in Britian that has a broadcast-receiving television.) Part of the reason I like the BBC is because of the money they have, because that money allows them to make shows that others couldn't afford (not the reality stuff, that can be done anywhere). And yet--people shouldn't be paying for a television network unless they want to. Luxury problem debate time! You bring the ladyfingers.

-And then there's the other times when Bill Hicks definition of Britain as being "a socialist's wet dream" seems spot on, like when there's a debate about a new tax to pay for high-speed internet. Sure, it's "for everyone", and it would probably benefit them, but what's next? A tax to pay so everybody can have high speed computers? Where does Britain end, and personal choice begin?

International

-There was a meet and talk about dumping the dollar greet between India, Russia, China and Brazil recently. They actually do refer to these meetings as "BRIC" meetings, and I know what you're thinking: I'm thinking it too. Which country whose name starts with a K could join up and make this thing legal? Kazakhstan is a possibility in crazy magic world. Maybe Kentucky could secede. I haven't heard good news out of Kentucky in years.

-You can't really call this particular blurb of horrible information "buried", but after reading about the simple numbers of what has happened to the world's poorest since the advent of the economic crisis, it's hard to swallow it not being as a big a news story as the latest developments in America's attempts to run car companies. Simple, brutal facts: 50 million pregnant women with anaemia, an expected climb of 200,000 to 400,000 in dead children every year, a rise of four million in the already horrifying 121 million underweight children. 

We lose jobs. They lose more. 

Business

-As far as the Economist is concerned, perennial economic whipping country Japan doesn't get to make progress, they get to be patted on the head while everybody sneers and says "Not enough, but thanks for playing." Is the Japanese corporate setup a stupid one? Of course it is. But it's one that's been in place for a long time, it worked extraordinarily well for them, and the fact that they're fixing some of its problems--shutting down unprofitable subsidiaries, pursuing a real diversity with investment--is worth a bit more credit than this article, and this particular publication, seems willing to give.

-Saab was purchased by the Koenigsegg company, which has 45 employees and makes less than 20 cars a year. (The starting cost for one of those cars is 1.2 million dollars.) That's a weird business model, made even weirder by their purchasing a brand that's been throttled into the ground for the last twenty years.

-There's a really nice soap opera piece about some backroom crazy at the house of one of the richest Arab businessmen in the world, one that would take more space than you'll tolerate for me to shrinkwrap. But if you got a hankering for mysteries, this article is a good start.

-Part of the reason people read the Economist is because they can count on the Economist not to waste a line of print on Jon & Kate Plus Eight, which is a show about how America deserves to be attacked by terrorists on a 24 hour basis until all of us are dead, dead, dead. Let me be the first to offer you a shoulder, brothers and sisters: that day is no longer.

-Here's a specificly focused blurb article on the way in which Marcegaglia, a steel company in Italy, has been granting extended vacations to employees (with pay) in exchange for promises that the employees will "make it up" by not taking overtime pay when things get busy again. It's interesting enough that the Economist should have just written it straight, but they introduce and title it like it's a some kind of widespread idea a lot of other companies are a part of. Not exactly, dude.

Finance and Economics

-If you're interested, here's a link to the US federal government's "white paper" on financial regulation. It's straight to a pdf and it takes some time to download. If, after looking at it, you want to know what the Economist thinks, go to this link for their take on it. Here's some alternatives, all of which seem to be really popular right now.

1) Misquote, misremember, and outright lie about its contents.

2) Memorize one or two things in it that you don't agree with, talk about those ad nauseam.

3) Cynically smirk and say "it's going to be totally different when the legislative branch gets done with it, so everybody should chill out."

No matter what, make sure that you mention how much you "love politics" when talking about it, that way people know how serious you are.

-How long did it take for an American private-equity firm to hightail it out of China after realizing that the playing field was about as level as that spike floor in the old Flash Gordon movie? Five years.

-They invited, Christina Romer, the chairwoman of Barack Obama's Council of Economic Advisors to write an article, which she totally did, one where she drew parallels to the Great Depression, argued against the relatively accepted argument that the Depression was ended by World War II, and basically said "trust me, I'm really good at this stuff." She's a pretty well-known scholar of the Depression and one of the policy-makers involved with current American economic planning, which makes this article a worthy, intelligent read. But it's also propaganda. And while propaganda can, sometimes, be just as accurate as anything else...it's still fucking propaganda.

-It would be pretty interesting if the bankruptcy of Six Flags--OMG didn't you hear?--was the straw that broke the camel of irresponsible credit-default swaps, but considering how difficult it is to grasp ahold of the complex equation of what (probably) happened with Six Flags, that won't happen. (Financial regulation still requires a mob complaint, and mobs need a simple premise for the torch-lighting ceremony.) Pointedly, it could be boiled down to "bankruptcy [being] more attractive than solvency" to lenders, but even that requires some further explanation. Like, further than me. C'mon now.

Science and Technology

-Although this article is entirely focused on some people who are working with sound to make black holes on a desk--yes, and now you want to read it, don't you--my favorite part is where they open by talking about the Large Hadron Collider, which costs a bunch of countries billions of dollars, broke after a week of use, and hasn't been fixed yet. Remember that rap video? Looks pretty dumb now.

-They might start using a plasma torch to deal with tooth infections, and since that could be a relatively painless process when compared to the current one, a lot of people will probably be very happy to hear about that. My dentist is my abusive father, and I don't anticipate him making the upgrade, so I remain nonplussed.

-If you look more like your dad, your dad subconsciously loves and treats you better. That's what science proved this week. (Kind of.)

Books and Arts

-Liberty in the Age of Terror sounds like a must read, even when you just focus solely on the simple, concise idea that author A.C. Grayling puts forth regarding the "if you don't break the law, you have nothing to fear from the ever-expanding powers of the government to spy on absolutely anyone for imagined reasons" attitude. As Grayling puts it, that mentality stems from the belief that the government's interest "will always be benign". It speaks to a mindset where the individual can place faith in governments that lie about the reasons for war, governments that fail to protect and care for their own soldiers, governments that torture the innocent--governments that pad their expense account to build a moat. It's the mentality of the fool, the ignorant, and the damned.

-Hey, a book about roads!

-Hey, a book about quitting a high-paying government job due to ethics! RARE.

-Due to the job that I spend my non-blog time at, I've had to pay way more attention to Art fucking Basel than I did to the food/sleep equation during the run-up to the show, and now that it's over, I could give two fucking shits about reading about it. Is Art Basel a big deal for a lot of really fantastic people? Sure is. But if the entire place burned to a cinder, the world would lose a lot of septic trash alongside the tragic destruction of the masterpieces and lovely folk as well. And if you think you disagree with that statement, than guess what? You don't know a fucking thing about Art Basel.

-This Thursday, at a theater near you, maybe: Helen Mirren as Phedre, live. How can a play be live in a theater near you, regardless of where you are, maybe? Because it's going down Wrestlemania style.

Obituary: Omar Bongo

-Fantastic piece of writing here--gotta say, the obituaries are really stepping it up as of late. Omar Bongo had been the president of Gabon since 1967, a forty two year period in which he used the entire country as his personal bank, giving himself a life few in Africa could realistically imagine. (If you don't have the internet or a television in certain parts of Africa, you could conceivably live your entire life without any knowledge of Genera Hypercolor and Spencer Pratt, lucky devil.) At the same time, I'll acknowledge the same depressing fact that this obit closes with: Gabon's history isn't covered in the sort of horrible degradation and terror that other Central African countries are. That's not to excuse Bongo's sociopathic selfishness. But you can't really call him a monster. Sure knows how to pose for a photograph, too.

Economist Versus Idiot: 140 Characters Tattooed Across Your Face

This installment includes a litany of horrors, the worst of which can be found in the Asia section. Wednesday publications of the Economist Versus Idiot columns is an experiment, and here's hoping it works. Apologies for the long wait.

The World Last Week

-Forty-four children died--that's an "at least forty-four" by the way--when a warehouse next door to a day care center caught on fire. The day-care center had one working exit and no windows. That was in Mexico, the same week that twenty people--eighteen "drug gangsters" and two soldiers--died in an Acapulco shooting war. I don't know if these stories were covered on Twitter or not, you'll have to let me know.

-Italy paid "reparations" to Libya last year, so this year they got a visit from Muammar Qadafi. I wonder if that was part of the deal? I don't know about you, but if I had given Libya money, I would expect a promise that I didn't have to put up Qaddafi for the night. Dude's a creep.

-Here's another story that Captain America's resurrection kept off the front page, haw haw--after two months of violent protests, twenty four policemen and nine Indians died in the jungles of Peru. The Indians have been blocking roads and oil pipelines due to their belief that the Peruvian government is ignoring their right of control over their traditional lands.

-Eighteen people died after a suicide-bomber blew up Pakistan's biggest international hotel. Two of the people were UN workers, and the government of Pakistan has already blamed the Taliban. (They're probably right.)

-Oh, and those American journalists that North Korea arrested have been sentenced to twelve years of hard labor in whatever North Korea calls its gulags. (What's Korean for "hellish place no sane person can think about without wetting themselves"?)

-Althought Syria says they don't have a secret nuclear program, the IAEA found more traces of uranium, for which there is no explanation. I'm sure this story will end fantastically.

-The President of Gabon died. He's been in power since 1967. That's going to be a weird shift.

-Some island you've never heard of called Palau agreed to take on 17 Chinese Muslims who had just been released from Guantanamo Bay. The odd thing about this is that China had demanded they be returned to China--doubtfully a place they would have wanted--and Palau was the country that stood up to them.

-The Supreme Court said it wouldn't hear the appeals of the various pension funds that serve as Chrysler's senior creditors, which was a necessary step for Chrysler to continue with the whole "Fiat is so crazy that they are actually choosing to buy Chrylser, isn't that Crazy" thing.

-The guy who used to run AT&T is entering the manufacturing business for the first time--he'll be taking over General Motors. He actually was quoted as saying he'll "learn about cars." Ha ha ha, you dick. 

Oh, speaking of General Motors, I loved this line from one of the guys at Reason magazine:

"[President Obama] can imagine a world in which the internal combustion engine is obsolete but not one in which General Motors is."

Oh, ZING of the day, that one.

Leaders

-This week isn't likely to be one of those issues where a lot of people check out the Economist based on hilarious or controversial covers--"Debt" may be a zany topic when they do it on the news and whip out the old neon signs and cowbells, but "Debt" and this particular newspaper means some Financial Reading 101. The opening op-ed isn't that too tough though, and it's pointed towards a pretty simple--though Completely Improbable--solution. The Economist wants the world's governments to pay down their deficits when their economies get stronger. Scratch that, they want the world's governments to promise to do that. We'll see how that turns out. As the piece notes, the US is interested in bringing back the relatively succefful deficit-controls that saved America before--but they haven't done it yet. Wants and promises are nice. Action though? Hell of a lot nicer.

-The Economist is still tired of writing the name "Gordon Brown", but even they're willing to admit that an un-elected successor limping his or her way towards the next election wouldn't be preferable. That's not a wholesale reversal of previous op-eds or anything, guys.

-The European Parliamentary elections made two cases, one that's for sure, one that you better hope is only true for now. The first one is that nobody really cares about voting in the European Parliamentary elections. The second one is that liberals and the center left really fucking suck at getting their ass to the polls, and that hardcore right-wingers and xenophobic racist nutjobs don't. Good job, Greenpeace. You sat on your ass and drank chai tea, and now the European Parliament has given wacked-out bigots some actual fucking power.

-There's a whole lot about the Amazon this week--besides this opening op-ed, there's two briefings about deforestation and the violent Peruvian protests over oil and land rights. It's a lot to take in, but it's worth it for gem like facts like this: due to the haphazard and poorly set up way that farmers can claim land, it's acutually beneficial for farmers to clear trees and destroy the rain forest, because they can use fines from the Brazilian environmental agency to prove the land belongs to them. Don't think that was intended, ladies and germs.

-Here's a Sri Lankan follow-up--the current president is describing the war in pre-Biblical analogies and "relishing" the population's desire to treat and call him a warrior-king, a ship of relief supplies for Tamil refugees was turned away despite the government's own admission that the ship had no "dangerous intentions" and the government ministers have started rounding up any journalists critical of the type of war they just fought. Sorry, that last sentence should say "any living journalists". They aren't even going to put this in World History classes, you realize that? That's how little the world cares about these people. Why don't you put change the color scheme on your Youtube page to show your solidarity with the memory of their dead children? That'll teach 'em!

Letters

-Everybody seems to have a decent little cross to nail themselves upon in this week's letter column, and my personal favorite for Most Cantankerous is split between the guy who writes in to say "Hey, if you're going to criticize Myanmar, let's Really Fucking Take It To 'Em" and the guy who writes in to say that bankers have no permissible claim on the word "innovation" as their industry hasn't produced any useful developments that can't be filed in the "shuck and jive" category.

United States

According to the Economist, the method with which Democrats use to argue away the National Debt--oh, they added another number to that "debt clock" that nobody cares about--is a three-parter: First they say that the complainers are hypocrites who should've spoke up when Bush was spending like mad. The second tactic, which is sort of like the first, is to just say the name "George Bush" over and over again, the same way a five-year-old repeats "Why" or "Are we there yet" or "I bet you wish you'd pulled out". The third is to say that the deficit is a short-term necessity. The article goes on from there, but that's its general point. That deficits are bad. Thanks?

-Hey, they're going to do the Census again! It's funny how so many people can get a job doing Census work, but those jobs are created mostly because so few people send that little form in. (In the defense of people who don't send in the form, the government seems to barely know where anybody is unless they need you to pay taxes.)

-Next time you hear some city slicker complain about medical insurance, tell them what you read in this article about rural health care in Kentucky. It might end the friendship, but hey, fuck friends. You've got an internet connection.

-Nice look at the way the "three strikes" criminal law works (or doesn't) in California, check it out. Here's a taste: some guy got a life sentence in 1995 for shoplifting a pair of socks. In 1981, when he was a teenager, he'd assisted in a couple of armed robberies. 

-It's been a few weeks since the Econ first name-checked the Supreme Court case "Caperton versus Massey", but that's just because we had to wait for the Nine to drop the hammer. They did, five to four against Brent Benjamin, the West Virginia judge who received three million dollars for his election fund from a guy named Massey, and then decided that three million dollars wasn't a bias concern when Massey showed up in his court with a fifty million dollar claim leveled at him for an unrelated business matter. The Supreme Court were all like no, I don't think so dog. You were tots biased, SUPREME COURT STYLE.

-Being a product of the American public school system, excepting a short stint on a foreign Army base where the rules were more harshly enforced, I can tell you this: I am not offended at all by Lexington's argument that the children of America are pretty fucking lazy, and that laziness isn't preparing them for the future work they'll have to do. I'm a bit jaded though--I hate children, especially American children, and even more so, white American children. Who are fat. And talk about video games. And myself.

The Americas

-Nice big article about the economy of Brazil. Damn it, you come right back here. This is good for you! It's like medicine, but with numbers and graphs.

-Of course, if you're just looking for Wacky Human Interest stories, you can't go wrong with a story that uses the tale of Abousfian Abdelrazik--he's the Canadian/Sudanese dude who has been living in the lobby of the Canadian embassy for the last year--as the intro to a story about how Canada's government doesn't really care what happens to its citizens when they leave the country. Even if they just want to come home without, you know, being shot and stuff.

-Columbian wastepickers have now been classified as "entrepreneurs", and this story goes into detail about why that's a good thing for them. The Western tendency towards getting upset about these sorts of jobs might want to pull back a bit--none of these wastepickers sound like they dislike their jobs in the slightest. I'm sure there's some really sensitive white girl from North Carolina who has some choice words though.

Asia

-American and Chinese climate-change officials met in Beijing recently for more of the old "you guys are really dirty" "but you were dirtier first" games, and I'm starting to think--hey, what if all that climate-change stuff is like, for real, you know? Like what if skyrocketing Chinese carbon emissions are actually so bad that we all do end up Mad Max-ing it? And when we die, as a wise old sage once said, what if it turns out that all that heaven and hell stuff is real? That would suck.

-In February 2008, Cambodia outlawed prostitution in hopes of pleasing the American stae department. It worked, and three months later Cambodia was removed from the human-trafficking "watch-list." For some reason--laziness or insanity--the Cambodian police proceeded to declare some kind of psychotic war on the prostitutes they captured, using a "rehabilitation center" as a fucked up torture house, where multiple women died from the daily rapes and beatings. (And it didn't matter if one of the prostitutes happened to have four-year-old with her at the time. Just chuck the kid in a cell.) The prostitutes that were able to escape arrest began hiding out in karoake bars and the streets, effectively handicapping the successful AIDS prevention programs initiated by the governments health-care workers. All of this was supposed to have stopped, and the "rehab" center had been shut down.

And then in late May of this year, it re-opened, and the process began all over again. And it's happening right now.

Middle East and Africa

-Last month in the Sudan, a group of heavily armed Nuer attacked a small village called Torkej. Torkej is basically a camp, with little more than women, children and cattle. When the Nuer were finished spraying the camp with bullets and shooting women in their beds, 71 people were dead. To save bullets, they drove children into the river to drown them. Besides the 71, 57 were wounded. That's the sort of thing that is happening on an ever-frequent basis in the area soon to become the new country of South Sudan.

-Oh, Iran would go here, wouldn't it? But no, the election hadn't gone down until after this issue hit the stands, so there was no way for the Economist to prepare for what happened. (If you go back a few issues, you'll see that they've been wondering how much of a struggle Ahmadinejad would have with Mousavi, but that's about it.) You can see more of their current take at the website, and I'll leave you to it. For what it's worth, it's very nice to see the interest that the Iranian election and riots has spawned in America--while it's easy to criticize the over-the-top blogging and twittering right now, especially after those same individuals almost universally ignored Sri Lanka, Georgia, Zimbabwe and the variety of horrors that continues in Myanmar, among others...it's still attention on a place that needs and deserves it, and that's a good thing. The problem--because there is one--is that the bloggers and twitter types fail to recognize that They Are Not The Story. Is the Western media having trouble getting the story out, both due to Iranian media blackouts, intimidation, and a basic lack of Western spinal columns?

Sure they are. But that doesn't make people who re-tweet youtube videos of beatings important. The story is what matters. Not the confirmation bias of children. Right now, we're sitting around watching two things happen--one of them, the story of Iran, matters. The other one--about the brave kids in Brooklyn who are updating their Facebook status with statements about how "important" this all is--that's not a story. That's meaningless shit, and it obscures the point. Information matters. The audience doesn't.

-By using the law set forth in the Alien Tort Claims Act of 1789--a law designed to combat the skull and crossbones type of piracy--a court case was brought against oil giant Shell stemming from the death of an environmentalist, who was executed by the Nigerian military over made-up charges related to his activism regarding Shell's activities in the Niger Delta. Shell just settled the case last week, dealing out 15.5 million. That's--well. That's that, I guess. In case you're wondering about what happened to the Nigerian General who presided over the execution, some Indian newspaper I know nothing about claims he had a heart attack after having an orgy with four women.

-Just a quick update: Israeli Binyamin Netanyahu is totally thinking about not building more settlements after talking to Obama about it. He's building settlements while thinking about it, but seriously: it's on his mind, like, a lot.

Europe

-After the fourteen page special report on the Euro, a tremendous collection of dry, unwelcoming prose if I've ever seen one, it's a non-stop dive into the European Parliamentary election results. As was expected, turn-out was a record low--unless you happened to be a right-wing anti-immigration border-line Nazi. In that case, you had no problem goose-stepping your fascist ass over to the polling place while all the liberal, forward thinking types sat around...doing what, I wonder. Not voting. There's probably more truth than the Economist wants to admit to the idea that the European Parliament is somewhat ineffectual. But that doesn't change the simple fact, which is that a whole bunch of people sat around while all the nutjobs got their shit together and won elections. Charlemagne throws out some ideas on why people don't care, and his climax is one of the most correct things of all time: "When experiments fail repeatedly, it is time to try something else." 

Britain

-Oh, and here's the two British National Party leaders that won European Parliamentary seats: Nick Griffin and Andrew Brons. Here's some choice shit from this fuckface: Islam is a "wicked, vicious faith" and the only reason that the BNP didn't win do well in London is because Labour activists were "ferrying Africans who can't even speak English" in to vote against them. Let's be clear about something, Idiot style: You want to be a fucking dipshit racist, you go right ahead and be one, that's your right. Nick Griffin isn't the problem. The problem is the people in Britain who aren't racists numbskulls. Because it was their job to get off their fucking ass and vote against this piece of wet shit. Instead, they laid back in the cut, and they better hope the European Parliament is as useless as the cynics say--otherwise, Britain just decided it was okay to be represented by two bigoted sacks of trash. Smooth fucking move, that one.

-Want to know why the Economist thinks Gordon Brown is still in power?

Yeah, I'm getting a little tired of hearing them talk about it too. Read enough about Cambodia, you do kind of get to the point where you look at Gordon Brown and say "Hey, this guy doesn't rape children, right? He's okay then." Bagehot's take on the same subject is a little funnier, so credit for that.

-No one was ever convicted in a criminal court for the Omagh bombing that killled 29 and wounded 220, but some of the familes have finally won some kind of justice in civil court. This one is kind of heartbreaking, so fair warning.

International

-The Economist actually grades Ban Ki-moon's performance as the UN secretary general so far. That's the kind of silly absurdity I can get behind, especially when it's couched within a crash course on what the UN has been doing for the last few months.

-The Economist read secret documents regarding business transactions involving a business that isn't actually supposed to be operating yet. If that doesn't interest you, check this out: the prime minister of Papua New Guinea is having to carry out a review due to these documents. Oh, it's about tearing down old-growth forests too, if you still haven't checked. 

Kind of irritating how I wrote that last one, right? Like it doesn't make any sense? That's in reference to the article, which is clearly about something really important, but seems to think that playing games with prose and delivery is more fun than delivering the fucking information.

Business

-The Economist barely ever pays attention to Apple's big tech extravaganzas, but they would have if Apple had released their supposedly game-changing "tablet" computer. As the Economist sees it--as well as anybody else with a brain--the change isn't coming, it's already here. Nobody cares about their OS anymore, and computers have gotten as fast as is necessary for most consumers. Now, it's about the internet, cloud computing, and portability. Everything else can go screw. Get ready for the blood of corporations to hit the floor.

-I didn't realize that Palm had retooled pretty much everything about their company and their products, but they did, and they have a new phone out. Something tells me that it must not be that big of a deal, because God knows nobody shuts up when they get a new iPhone application, and I'm hearing about Palm developments for the first time in a week-old magazine.

-Hey, India decided that 2009 was the time to get sub prime mortgages! That's really stupid!

-It's kind of funny that Ford didn't take government money and will probably go out of business because of it. I mean, you have to forget about the people who will lose their jobs for it to be funny, but still. Maybe ironic is a better word, but I don't know what ironic means.

-Since the Economist likes the new rules on executive pay, I'll make the snap judgment that a lot of other people don't. I'm ambivalent, but that's just because I'm exhausted from feeling superior to people who rely on social networks for their "news".

Finance and Economics

-Although ten banks have already paid off the money they were loaned under the Troubled Asset Relief Program--by the way, Economist, you don't get to determine the spelling of "program" in that acronym--it's questionable whether or not the "stress testing" that allowed them to raise the necessary capital to make those repayments possible. Although it was the results of the tests that opened the funding doors, the tests were based off a worst case unemployment rate that's already looking to be not "worst case" enough. On top of that, some people are claiming--with good reason--that the data provided by the banks may not have been wholly accurate. Surprise!

-Buttonwood's column this week is a nice little dive into the state of hedge-funds, an industry that can occasionally find a lot of success during wildly fluctuating markets. Wait, I don't know why I used the word "nice." It's just a dive. Take a snorkel.

-Jesus, that was a bad joke.

-Although I don't fully comprehend this little article about sovereign credit-default swaps, it is interesting to find out that a corporation has more leeway than a country when they enter a "credit event"--that means default, pretty much. Corporations have a grace period before they have to pay out, but countries are stuck the second they cross the line.

Science and Technology

-Oh shit, this story is on the way to Real Deal status: The Power of Positive Thinking, Dale Carnegie, The Secret--it's all bullshit son. "Given that many readers of self-help books that encourage positive self-statements are likely to suffer from low self-esteem, [the books] may be worse than useless." The only thing I love more than watching sad people hate their own game is watching sad people try and fail to feel better about themselves. Science says: they be fucked-for-life.

-You know, this article about how storing wine in a box is better for the wine's taste could also include scientific proof that storing wine in a box will give you the power to win the lottery and fly like a Spitfire, and the entire world would still join me in saying "its fucking boxed wine."

-Some Chinese scientists better hope they got great patent protection, because if some Chinese scientists have really come up with a way to prevent windshield fog, that shit is going to be standard issue in less than a year.

-The opener article is about long-range solar powered airplanes, and while it sounds like the technology has a good long way to go before it becomes useful in any real fashion--planning for "every morning" to be in sunshine sounds more than a bit difficult--it's got a Wright Brothers crazy that I kind of like.

Books and Arts

-There's a lot of love here for the "Pen and Parchment" show at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and this is one of those rare times when a gallery show is actually important enough that the expense of traveling to it is worth looking into. A good portion of the work shown will eventually be returned to monasteries and other impossible-to-visit galleries, and it's insane to think that the sort of perfect borrowing storm this show is the result of will happen again. Besides all of that "opportunity of a lifetime" stuff, the Economist goes so far as to wonder whether the show itself will change the way drawing is regarded in the history books. This one is nerdy, yes: but it's that big deal kind of nerdy.

-If you want to get right to the heart of being able to criticize rational market enthusiasts like Milton Friedman without going off into the "the Chicago school drank the blood of virgins" type of argument, it sure sounds like you could do a hell of a lot worse than reading The Myth fo the Rational Market. As an alternative? Head, in the sand, Air America on the iPod. I'm all about choices.

-There's a realllllly complimentary review of Brian Nelson's The Silence and the Scorpion book detailing the story of 2002's Venezuelan coup that saw Chavez out of office, back in office, and more than a few dead bodies. The exoneration of the United States seems questionable--can one book really do that?--but it's probably worth reading anyway. At the same time, the Economist has never been a fan of Chavez, and the complete lack of criticism for the book in this review is questionable. Chavez is a fucking liar, sure. But the Economist saying "Those who truly care about human rights"? That doesn't track.

-Books like Velvet Glove, Iron Fist: A History of Anti-Smoking sound interesting in concept, but it's a concept that seems best served by a really good magazine article. I think I'll stick with the review, which includes enough trivia to pass the time: the first being that Agatha Christie "apologized for not smoking", and the second being that anti-smoing activists apparently demonized the scientists who first proved the connection between smoking and death when the guy refused to prop up the bad science behind second-hand smoke related illness.

-One can't tell by reading this review of Harold Varmus' autobiography whether he's an insufferable dick on a personal level, but god I hope so. If this Nobel prize winning doctor/poet, polticial scientist, cancer researcher, former NIH director and current co-chair of the Council of Adivsoers on Sciene and Technology for Barack Obama is a nice guy, than I might just have to start believing in ANGELS.

Obituary: Danny La Rue

As an exercise, this obituary is pretty impressive. It seems to be entirely written in a subjective third person, with very few sentences missing a "him", "her", "he", "she". While the word "drag" shows up, "queen" does not, and the line that contains the former is this "she could never be...just a man in drag". Impressive, respectful, but there's something else going on here as well--and that's that the Economist seems to know very little about the internal life of Daniel Carroll, or Danny La Rue. His thoughts might be put down somewhere else, although that seems unlikely. After all, anyone who performed for fifty years without missing a show while never allowing anyone to witness the preparation for the La Rue costuming doesn't sound like a person who allowed a microphone into their private life. For her, everything seems to have been on stage. That's probably the legacy that Danny would have wanted.

See ya next time.